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 Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 3:02 pm
STILL NEED HELP WITH ATTACK!!!
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 9:13 pm
SUP BRO I HEARD YOU LIKE CAPS SO I PUT THIS IN ALL CAPS HOPE THATS OKAY.
YOU ONLY GET THREE ATTACKS SO I DON'T GET THIS WHOLE SHIZ ABOUT YOU GIVING YOUR DUDE OFFENSIVE AND DEFENSIVE AS YOU ONLY GET THREE. NOT THREE FOR EACH. EVEN SO I'LL CRIT ALL SIX, BUT, PICK IF YOU WANT A SENSHI TO BE OFFENSIVE OR DEFENSIVE. YOU GET ONE OR THE OTHER.
OFFENSIVE:
1A: PRETTY COOL, ALL I WOULD SAY IS THAT IS CAN HURT DION AS WELL GIVEN THAT MOST SENSHI'S FIRST ATTACKS DO SO.
1B: OVER POWERED AND FAULTY. THE SECOND ATTACK SHOULD BE A POWER UP OF THE FIRST, NOT A BRAND NEW ATTACK.
2: WAY OVER POWERED. ALSO, HOW DOES THIS TIE INTO AGRICULTURE?
DEFENSIVE:
1: GOOD START, BUT AGAIN, VINES ISN'T REALLY AGRICULTURE. MAYBE HAVE SOMETHING LIKE A BUNCH OF MAGICAL CORN STALKS GROW OR SOMETHING TO MAKE A BARRIER. FLIMSY, WEAK, AND ONLY CAN BLOCK ONE WEAK ATTACK.
1B: CORN HUSK SHIELD? MAKE A SHIELD OF PLANTS, NOT JUST VINES. MAYBE THE SHIELD IS OF VEGGIES THAT CAN BE BROKEN OR ROT OVER TIME.
2: UH, NOT SEEING THIS WORKING AS ITS OVER POWERED. MAYBE MAKE A SUIT OF PLANT MATTER THAT CAN TAKE THE IMPACT OF ON HIGH POWERED ATTACK AND BE MOBILE.
SO WHAT I SEE IS MOSTLY A LACK OF WHAT YOU WANT TO DEFINE AS AGRICULTURE. IT'S A BROAD SUBJECT. YOU ALSO SEEM TO BE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT BATTLE LAST A LONG TIME AND LOTS OF ATTACKS ARE THROWN AROUND. IN REALITY BATTLES ARE MAYBE A MINUTE OR TWO, AND FEW ATTACKS ARE MADE, (USUALLY ONLY ONE). MY BIGGEST ADVICE:
1-PICK OFFENSE OR DEFENSE, YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH
2- PROPERLY IDENTIFY WHAT YOU WHAT TO DEFINE AS AGRICULTURE. GROWING, FARMING, LIVESTOCK, ECT.
3- MAKES ATTACKS REALISTIC IN TERMS OF POWER AND TIME LIMITS.
PS: Stop bumping you quest in this begging manner. It grates on people's nerves and makes them not want to leave critiques. Post in the main thread and offer critiques for critiques. Make friends in thread. Really, bumping your quest just aggravates people. Good luck though.
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:38 am
thanks. i will pretty much put him as an u/c for the while. thanks anyway!
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 5:15 pm
Ok. i finnaly finished coming up with new attacks, so all i need is to change & add a few flaws. Thanks Vamp! smile
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Posted: Sat May 01, 2010 4:46 pm
Ouf. I finnaly finished every thing i needed to reedo. So now you can crit again!
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Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 3:56 pm
Man, would love a crit right now...
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Posted: Sun May 30, 2010 12:15 am
First, there are A LOT of spelling and grammatical errors in this - please look over the thread and fix these? Urimian Origin:Somewhere in the Great Plain region of Kansas (he won't tell where he was born, apparently very embarrasing). Since Origin is not part of the typical form, why include it the information on it is not said? Also, you seem to have removed the Age part of the form in place for Origin. Adding Origin is fine, but still list the age please. Quote: Planting-Well isn't it obvious???Of course he likes planting!!! After his potty training and sixth birthday, he started helping his parents with planting, plowing, weeding etc. At first, his parents did reverse psychology on him to do some work (i know this might seem cruel, but they started with simple tasks, like weeding), then, he started to like it, and now he has a garden in his backyard. He plants vegetables and mostly likes planting flax. He likes flax because it was the first thing he ever planted. Why is it obvious that he likes planting? Was he potty trained at age six? Cause the way its written seems to imply that. Why did his parents use reverse psychology on him? How? Quote: Skating-After he moved, his parents gave him his first skateboard. He started to skate on it in his parking lot. He fell every time he stepped on it. After his 30th fall, he was ready to give up. But then he saw a girl skateboarding. He tought ''Wow, if she can do it with such grace, then i can do it too!''. After, he surfed on Youtube for How to Skateboard. At about 4:00 PM, he decided to have a brake and watch TV. His brother was already watching Tom & Jerry, he switched the channel and there was Tony Hawks Doing kickflips. Since this day, he idolizes Tony and Ryan. Now, he skates very great! I'm confused. What do all the details have to do with him skating great? It doesn't say how he practiced to get better. Did he just miraculously learn after seeing Tony Hawks on TV? How often does he skate? Does he skate as a means of transportation or just for fun? Does he do tricks? Quote: Cooking-A few weeks after he planted vegetables in his garden, it was Thanksgiving, and he grew a HUMONGOUS Pumpkin, so he made it into a HUMONGOUS pumpkin pie. He entered it in the Thanksgiving cooking competition and won a blue ribon. Just the sense of accomplishment and actually making something, makes him loving cooking. He ONLY cooks from the things from his garden(except sugar, spices etc.). He cooks mostly cakes, cookies and his special Ramen. Virtues: Quote: Truthful- He is a horrible liar! Back at Kansas, he entered at his school play of Maiden of Balloons and ended up being a tree! His lines where: ''Maiden, you can't fly to your beloved with 30 balloons.It's to dangerous and risky!'', instead, he said ''Katey, you can't run to your house with your new running shoes! It's to mudy and watery. ''. So, when his mom asks : Does this dress make my but look big? or something like that, he says something neutral, like : Maybe, Sometimes, and I don't know, are his favourite neutral expressions. I'm confused again - is he lying to his mother? Saying "maybe" or "I don't know" don't seem like very truthful answers. Answering neutrally isn't the same as answering truthfully. Which was does he answer? Quote: Helpful- He helps a lot around the house! The house is so tidy, that you can see your own reflection on the walls and floor's ! He ussually helps people who gets bullied, any animal that is helpless. He can do any quirky things, except foot rubs and massages (Ironic, isn't it?). What do you mean he can do quirky things? Why is it ironic that he can't do foot rubs and massages? What other ways is he helpful? Right now this seems to be more "Does his Chores" which isn't as much as a virtue as it is fulfilling an expectation. Quote: Ticking time bomb of Backfire....- Everything ( almost ) he does backfires. Like, for example; Foot ball YEAH!!!! Wait, uh oh.'' feels head'' I forgot my helmet. Ahhhhh '' gets run over by other tryouts and ends up in infirmary with black eye '' ow... Or (When powered up) ; In the name of the Prince and the power invested in me by Dionysus, I command you to HALT you bad seed! '' shining glow in background '' Take this '' throws seeds '' Ennemy: Why you little, take this ''attacks'' Ow. ow. stop that. ow. woah woah woah... AAAAHHHHH '' falls from roof ''. Don't expect me to make a flashback in his past about this. He was born with this. When he started crying, an old woman entered and told him it was to loud then slaped him, again! What? I have no idea what is being said here, I'm sorry. Does he just fail a lot? This flaw seems to be written like a story or something - describe the flaw and how it affects him. And why would an old woman slap a baby? This makes no sense. Quote: Obnoxious- Well, lets just say that he sometimes annoy people in his surroundings. He got this habit when he was 4. He ate too much sugar and nearly put fire on the house, his mom asked: ''DO you have something to say for yourself ?'', he said : ''It' not like i was gonna destroy the whole universe.''. Ever since, he is very completely obnoxious!!! I'm confused here again. He nearly set his house on fire and that makes him obnoxious? How is he obnoxious? Quote: I miss you, i miss your smile~(*note too self, rename this): He hates moving. REALLY! Most people see the positives in moving, while couldn't see any positives! Thats why he doesn't plant flowers. He knows that it would wither sometime. When he was forced to move, he will stay in an isolated state where none of his hobbies/virtues shows. Flaws neither. It will only dissapear if he makes a friend or 2. What? Does he hate moving from town to town? I understand how someone could hate that, but its not really a flaw. Also, how would this play out if he was a character? If he moved, he'd be out of Destiny City and out of the relevant universe, no?
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Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 2:46 pm
OK, i fixed everything. And added some attack possibility.
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