Hellsing Farce: a mock roleplay

[battosai matt]

*walks into the bar*.....uhhh did something happen  

[HayatoGokuderaOfTheStorm]

(Pardon My language im playing as jan valentine)
Jan walks in the bar "who do i have to skull f*ck to get an Motherf*cking Can of Red Bull?!" Jan Said Playfully  

[Bishop Enrico Maxwell]

"Karaoke?! I declare we--hic---sing "God Save the--hic---Queen"!" Integra shouted obnoxiously hitting the table with her fists.

"Oh, do shut up...let's sing a religious song!" Maxwell declared raising his arms.

"Go jump off a bloody--hic--cliff, you--hic--swine!" Integra snapped. "'ey! Why the 'ell is that bloodly Valentine--hic--brother person here? WALTER! Get the 'ell over here and--hic--take care of 'em..." With that, her voice finally died as she passed out on the ground.

"Drunk sow," Maxwell scoffed lightly kicking Integra with his foot.  

[Kimmichi]

The bartender hurried and rushed a can of Red Bull to Jan trying not to make eye contact. "Here you are, sir." Pip was chatting up a few random ladies in the back of the bar when he was interrupted by a loud thud.

"What the 'ell?" He spun around to see none other than the Lady Sir Integra herself sprawled out on the floor of the bar, bottle still in hand. "What happened?!" He turned to Maxwell who only sneered him a 'the eff are you asking me for' look. Pip looked back at Integra. "What do we do with her?"

Schrodinger perked up. "I say we just lay her on top of vone of ze tables! Vouldn't zat be funni-- I mean.... more comfortable zat vay!"

Pip heartily patted Schro on his shoulder. "Now zat's a fine idea, lad! OK boys, let's get a' liftin'! I'll grab her feet. Maxwell, you get her under her arms and help me hoist her up!"  

[HayatoGokuderaOfTheStorm]

Jan downs the redbull and says i burned to death then this old DB revived me and ever since i have been killing random people and devouring their blood.  

[HayatoGokuderaOfTheStorm]

(screw it im no good at being an assh0le like jan so ill just observe)  

[battosai matt]

uh oh thats right i didnt chosse a character......uhh LOOK BEHIND U A 3 HEADED MONKEY*runs out the door*  

[Wyvern683]

The Major just sits and enjoys the show. Suddenly, the door swings open to reveal a second Major!
Major#2: IMPOSTER!!!!
He rips a mask off of the first Major's head to reveal it was really Incognito in disguise!  

[Wyvern683]

Incognito: I would have gotten away with it, too if it wasn't for you meddling kids and your dog!

Major: Ve don't have a dog. Ve have a cat.
*Points to Schrodinger*

Incognito grumbles off and leaves. The major then sits down and orders a drink, then watches the beautiful chaos before him.