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Tags: Songwriting, Writing, Stories, Role playing, Poetry 

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fallenangel_Asha
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:05 am


Fox Demoness Nizuki
You Knew
Relates to/Inspired by Hiei and Yukina from Yu Yu Hakusho


Ooooohhh, I am loving you girl!!!! Big time. Great job.
PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:10 am


I did it that way so it makes the reader think about what Im talking about.
zoje972
Midnight

First off, for some of these longer poems I'm deleting everything except the title (so you know who I'm replying to), I'm just trying to save space. smile
Zoje, great job girl. My favorite part: Those single word lines thrown in: Midnight. It's great. The short lines make the poem move really fast, but everytime you come to that midnight it's like grinding to a screeching halt.
Sometimes I'm interested. Did you do it on purpose or did it just work out that way?

fallenangel_Asha
Vice Captain


fallenangel_Asha
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:13 am


xXHis-Dark-GoddessXx
Human are so short lived,
Human’s are so weak,
To stay silent is always wise,
But with you I choose to speak,
We suddenly are cast,
Into a dark and foreign sea,
You cry out in fear of it,
Yet only cling tighter to me,
We’re so lost in it all,
We don’t see the bad,
You give yourself up,
Give me all you had,
I take it all from you,
I steal your life away,
Damning you to be with me,
Hiding from the light of day,
We live an endless night,
It was all I had to give,
Now we’re both together,
With a equal time to live.

Once again, great poem. I love how it moves, I love your words...beautiful. I just want to say one thing. You don't need a comma at the end of every line. In fact, I think some lines in your poem would be better suited with nothing and others with a period. Don't forget that when you read a poem you only pause when you come to a punctuation mark. I don't think you want your readers pausing at the end of each line like that, it messes up the flow a little bit. But once again, beautiful work. Keep writing, I can't wait to read your next one.
PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 5:43 pm


Alice Never Got to Wonderland

You’ve got the fire in your eyes
You’ve got the burning in your soul
and just like your name is Alice
You’re falling down the rabbit hole
And there’s no cushion at the bottom
no way to break your fall
As you get closer to rock bottom
into the night forever call
You don’t know just where you’re going
No Cheshire cat to lead your way
No silky smooth voice
As his smile begins to fade
Tweedle Dee and tweedle dumb
Have never helped you down your path
But I guess that’s what you can expect
from the whiskey and the flask
Your life is just a mess
And you’re always so very late
as the Caterpillar picks you up
for yet another Smokey date
But you choose this path yourself
you ate the mushroom and grew so small
now you feel alone inside this city
Inside these walls that stand so tall
But unlike Your counter parts fairy tale
The red queen is your fame
Her silver cards that Hurt so well
release her from your veins
In the land of make believe
You can escape at last
But in this world where you now live
You can’t Undo your past.

Nujunuju1


Nujunuju1

PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 5:45 pm


The Butterfly

In a world that's painted black
a butterfly with burden on it's back
flutters bravely through the day
as his life is wasting away,
away on friend who never knew
he only wished to see sky's of blue
they never saw, they never knew

His friend, the bird, making music an art
always stealing the lady bugs' hearts.
How the butterfly wished he could be
perched upon such a lovely tree.
though the bird is his friend, he feels unworthy
to sit beside that little birdie
forever sad and melancholy.

To his brother now, the dragonfly.
How ever fast and sleek, yet sly.
He bites whom ever he gets near
and still the butterfly envies his spiteful jeers.
Though the dragonfly is angry, he's still his brother
And the butter fly would never ask for another.
In caring sadness he is smothered.

His thoughts are turned to his sister,
the ever popular caterpillar.
Forever loved by all who know,
though her heart is cold as snow.
As sad and burdened as he were.
He still cared and always protected her.
His anger, for her, he deters.

The love of his life enters his mind,
the cutest black spider who seems so kind.
Though the butterfly shows it's burning passion,
it's always shrugged off in an unwanting fashion.
So the butterfly floats toward the sky,
lifted by her beautiful lies.
Now, in loving anguish, he cries.

Through all his life and all his pain
the butterfly knows there is always gain.
So in a world that's painted black
the butterfly with burden on it's back
flutters off into the night
as in his soul fades the light.
locked forever in eternal fight.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:42 am


Some of the darkest poetry ive seen is in this forum, bravo. twisted

Zycope
Vice Captain


fallenangel_Asha
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 10:00 am


Nujunuju1
Alice Never Got to Wonderland

YAY! I commented on this same poem in another writing guild! I love this poem! I am so glad you are here. Maybe I'll start posting my poems now.
Anyways, once again. The metaphorical use of Alice in Wonderland to symbolize the downward spiralling of life...beautiful, just beautiful. I really can't put into words how wonderful this work is or how much it really means to me. It is truly an artwork and the imagery contained within it is astounding. Thank you.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 1:45 pm


Waking Up One Morning

I wake up one morning
Same old things
go through my head
Get showered, Get dressed
Get up, Open your eyes
But on this particualr day
something else
flows into my thought stream
It is a question
and a simple one at that
Why?
The question is strange
and I stop to process
why It even crossed my mind
Why? it repeated
Why do you have to get up?
Why should I get a shower?
Why should I open my eyes?
Whats the point?
What will all of it matter in the end?
It wont.
Whats going to happen if you become rich and famous?
Your grandchildren may live the high life
living off your hard work.
They wont even have to lift a finger
to make something of themselves.
So whats the point?
Ill tell you what the point is.
There is only one.
To live your life the way you want to.
Live your life, go on do it.
There is a point,
you just gotta figure
out what yours is
So if you wake up
and this goes through your head
You already know the answer.

zoje972
Captain

4,900 Points
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  • Forum Sophomore 300
  • Citizen 200

Nujunuju1

PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2009 4:09 pm


Zycope
Some of the darkest poetry ive seen is in this forum, bravo. twisted
My poetry? If so, don't get alarmed OR excited... I do also write Love poems.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 3:28 pm


They needed a peace, they all knew that.
So they sat in a room and thought.
It didn’t take long to find a solution.
It was music they needed, what the world sought!

The pianist grinned and cracked his knuckles.
He sat down and started to play.
His fingers flowed in beautiful chorus.
His soul poured out by music that day.

The violinist hesitated half a second
He closed his eyes and moved his bow.
Trusting his hands and ears for sound
He matched the pianist’s song, so slow.

Then up stood a girl, starting to dance.
She swayed her hips and moved her hands.
In time with the music, she swirled around.
She danced a dance as timeless as the sands.

Awoken by the music, some started to hear.
In they came from far, and from near.
They brought with them, something to join.
Instuments and tunes of their own design.

A flutist peeked in at the wondrous sight.
She took her place at the violin’s side.
And started a melody, soft and sweet.
At this, the dancer’s feet started to glide.

A guitarist stood agape at the door.
The girl beckoned him in with a wave.
He grinned and set the guitar case on the floor.
Joining the music, the small enclave.

Their music was bright, strong and clear.
The dancer danced with harmonic beauty.
A sense of peace was spread throughout.
It seeped through walls, and through the world, ending wars and cruelty.

Naeshira


xXHis-Dark-GoddessXx

PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 6:52 pm


Nujunuju1
Alice Never Got to Wonderland

You’ve got the fire in your eyes
You’ve got the burning in your soul
and just like your name is Alice
You’re falling down the rabbit hole
And there’s no cushion at the bottom
no way to break your fall
As you get closer to rock bottom
into the night forever call
You don’t know just where you’re going
No Cheshire cat to lead your way
No silky smooth voice
As his smile begins to fade
Tweedle Dee and tweedle dumb
Have never helped you down your path
But I guess that’s what you can expect
from the whiskey and the flask
Your life is just a mess
And you’re always so very late
as the Caterpillar picks you up
for yet another Smokey date
But you choose this path yourself
you ate the mushroom and grew so small
now you feel alone inside this city
Inside these walls that stand so tall
But unlike Your counter parts fairy tale
The red queen is your fame
Her silver cards that Hurt so well
release her from your veins
In the land of make believe
You can escape at last
But in this world where you now live
You can’t Undo your past.


Wow. That is GREAT!!! It was genius. I love it.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 6:54 pm


Nujunuju1
The Butterfly

In a world that's painted black
a butterfly with burden on it's back
flutters bravely through the day
as his life is wasting away,
away on friend who never knew
he only wished to see sky's of blue
they never saw, they never knew

His friend, the bird, making music an art
always stealing the lady bugs' hearts.
How the butterfly wished he could be
perched upon such a lovely tree.
though the bird is his friend, he feels unworthy
to sit beside that little birdie
forever sad and melancholy.

To his brother now, the dragonfly.
How ever fast and sleek, yet sly.
He bites whom ever he gets near
and still the butterfly envies his spiteful jeers.
Though the dragonfly is angry, he's still his brother
And the butter fly would never ask for another.
In caring sadness he is smothered.

His thoughts are turned to his sister,
the ever popular caterpillar.
Forever loved by all who know,
though her heart is cold as snow.
As sad and burdened as he were.
He still cared and always protected her.
His anger, for her, he deters.

The love of his life enters his mind,
the cutest black spider who seems so kind.
Though the butterfly shows it's burning passion,
it's always shrugged off in an unwanting fashion.
So the butterfly floats toward the sky,
lifted by her beautiful lies.
Now, in loving anguish, he cries.

Through all his life and all his pain
the butterfly knows there is always gain.
So in a world that's painted black
the butterfly with burden on it's back
flutters off into the night
as in his soul fades the light.
locked forever in eternal fight.


wow. You're really good. I love your medaphors for things. You're wording is great. I love your poems.

xXHis-Dark-GoddessXx


Nujunuju1

PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 11:25 pm


Thank you all. smile
PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 11:42 am


wow that was gret Asha 3nodding

zoje972
Captain

4,900 Points
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Forum Sophomore 300
  • Citizen 200
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Poetry Forum

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