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Xahmen rolled 2 20-sided dice:
1, 2
Total: 3 (2-40)
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 Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 8:49 pm
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Xahmen rolled 2 20-sided dice:
10, 4
Total: 14 (2-40)
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Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 8:52 pm
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Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 9:14 pm
The one named randumbness's eyes flickered open, and the first thing that he acknowledged in his drug-addled mind was the slow spinning of the ceiling fan above him, and the straps around his wrists.
"You shouldn't have told everyone that you were quitting. You should have just left, and let that be that" the quiet, but unmistakable voice of Xiporah whispered from the corner to his left.
He turned his head just in time to see the hatchet swing into his face, and as it split him from brow to lip the last thought in his brain was a simple why?
Three hours later Xiporah left the back-room, her carving tools wrapped in blood-soaked towel.
She sighed and glanced back through the open door at the hacked out shell that lay splayed on the bed. Tomorrow she would start the long and arduous process of converting that lifeless husk into one of her precious mule-puppets.
Tonight though, tonight she would sleep.
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Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 9:47 pm
nine-inch-asian Surveillance
It was another one of those nights. Clone sat camouflaged among his favorite bushes, studying, again for the millionth time, Keely's charming expression as she blasted bitches on TF2. He loved these bushes most because it gave him just the right angle to really see the intensity of Keely's beautiful snarl of victory. Her hair looked nice tonight. He could almost smell it.
He's been content with this... surveillance (His friends would say this was some form of stalking...but Clone insists it's merely surveying.) However, man has a tendency to yearn for even the most unattainable. As Keely screeched happily in the midst of gunfire, her phone rang. "Hello? ...ORLYNOW? Asians really DO fly? I gotta see this." And with a dash, she was gone.
Clone's first reaction was one of extreme morbid depression. But as he was just about to end it right then and there, a new thought dawned on him and his lips curved into a grin. Within an instant, he was in Keely's room, blundering through all her underwearz and closetz.
The closet. It was normal at first glance but upon opening it, Clone stumbled backwards in surprise. Within was a lifesize model of him...all painstakingly shaped with salami. And upon even closer inspection, millions of strands of hair...real hair...HIS hair was plastered in perfect waves upon the mannequins head. That wasn't the end of it. Strewn around his salami twin were a compilation of his own face, pictures, mostly blurred and obscure. There were vials labeled "sweat" "drool" and "period blood". The horrors were too much to even describe.
"What the hell is this? I mean I'm flattered and all but..." A resounding creak filled the room that made Clone jump in fright. "EEEEP" He squealed. Keely stood in the doorway, not looking the least bit surprised.
"So you've finally come at last. I've been trying to lure you in for months," She said. Clone just started in dumbfounded and horrorstricken. He liked to be the "surveyor", not the "surveyed".
"But Keely... how did you... when did you..."
"Since the very beginning. It was obsession at first sight. Of course I couldn't let on to any of this....until now."
"Okay yeah I think I'm going now. I hear it's taco night at--" Whack.
When Clone woke up he was stretched across Keely's bed. Any other time, this would have been heaven. But what luck. He wasn't tied down so as swiftly as possible, he went to stand... only to find Keely hiding just behind him.
"Going somewhere?"
"Uhno. Not at all."
"Well we can't take any chances." Keely, to Clone's surprise, had surprising amounts of brute force. In a second he was tied spread eagle along the bed posts. She began position bricks between his ankles before pulling out a sledgehammer from underneath her bed.
Clone trembled and whimper, "Keel...keely what are you DOING?"
She was too engrossed with the ceremony of it all. With a big swing of her hammer, she struck, Stephen King's Misery style. "Oh nothing. Nothing at all."
After a couple more pictures of Clone's face full of anguish even in his blacked out state, Keely peacefully returned to TF2.
True story.
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Aniconda rolled 2 12-sided dice:
12, 1
Total: 13 (2-24)
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 8:45 pm
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 10:22 pm
Public Enemies: The Story of Zett and Ethan Episode One Note: I was bored when I wrote this and it's stretching out longer than I imagined. ._.'' It's gonna be continued in a next installment.
Zett was completely elated to find the long sprawling stretch of monotonous dessert road interrupted by a single gas station. Ethan was even more elated though he did not show it.
"I told you to use the bathroom before we left. I'm surprised you haven't peed in my car yet," He said. Zett just retorted, "You're not my father. Besides, you wouldn't let me just pee on that cactus. Cacti need refreshments too." There was no more conversation as Ethan pulled the car to a stop, mostly because Zett launched himself out the door and into the convenience store where the bathroom waited for him.
Ethan filled up the tank and ambled into the store. He needed a box of corn-pops very badly. As he browsed isle from isle, he had the overwhelming sense that he was being watched, but being awesome as he was, he kept a cool demeanor and continued with his shopping.
He approached the register where a rather queer looking man stood, shaking in his own shoes. His eyes grew wider as Ethan approached closer and closer. As Ethan was about to take his last step, the man exclaimed, "WAIT! Don't move!"
"....?"
"Just...stay right where you are! I'm warning you."
"Look, I just want to buy these corn pops okay?" Ethan took the step. The man gasped in fear. As Ethan reached into his pocket to pull out his money, the man practically burst into desperate tears.
"PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I HAVE A FAMILY. JUST TAKE WHAT YOU WANT AND LEAVE!"
"...Whut?"
"GO. JUST GO! TAKE MY MONEY!"
"...Okay. Thanks." And with that, Ethan walked out with an armful of corn pops, Zett following close behind. Now, if they had observed the surroundings, they would have noticed the fairly prominent sign upon the man's register, a wanted ad for escaped convicts by the name of Bthan and Zell who, by pure coincidence looked strikingly like the duo. And little did they know as they were setting off on the road again, the man was already dialing 911 and relating the brutal and twisted robbery that had just occured in his very own gas station.
"Why do YOU always get to drive?" Zett asked from the passengers seat.
"Because the last time you drove, we almost ended up in a ditch when you hit that ENORMOUS--WEE WOO WEE WOO." A cop car flashed its sirens behind them and Ethan pulled to the side. The copper approached cautiously with his gun prominently displayed.
"What seems to be the problem, officer?" Ethan asked.
"Listen. Don't give me any lip. You know what you did. NOW GET OUT OF THE CAR AND PUT YOUR HANDS UP!"
Zett began, "Excuse me but I'm not quit under--"
"SHUT UP AND DO WHAT I SAY YOU BASTARDS" The cop interrupted, sweat beginning to form on his upper lip. Slowly, the two stepped out of the car, hands raised and confused.
This time, Ethan began, "If this is about the cornpops, he told me--"
"I SAID NO LIP. Now I'm going to give you one more chance. Tell me. Where's the goods?"
"Oh it's right here in the back seat actually..." Zett said and opened the back seat. In that instance, numerous things happened. First, as if in slow motion the cop screamed 'NO!' and pulled out his pistol. Next, Zett exclaimed, 'Whoops' as the cornpops spilled to the pavement. Third, Ethan screamed 'NO!' as his cornpops went to waste. Then finally, the cop lunged forward, gun in hand only to slip on the cereal and, instead of shooting either criminal, shot himself. There was deafening silence.
"... eek " said Ethan and Zett. The cop crawled away, blood gushing out his chest and contacted headquarters. "*blood squirt* It was HORRIBLE. I didn't even see it coming. They... they just came at me like beasts. BEASTS. Please... stop them... no matter what it takes." And with that, the cop died in a puddle of blood.
"So anyway. Let's go to Steak and Shake." Ethan looked mournfully at the fallen corn pops before they set off once again.
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:05 am
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Xahmen rolled 4 20-sided dice:
9, 12, 2, 5
Total: 28 (4-80)
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:06 am
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 12:05 pm
Addy groaned as she pulled the car into the rest stop, her head hurt like Hell, and her feet were sore from having no cruise control and driving for seven hours while the rest of the group slept in the backseat. The sun began to crest over the horizon as it set.
It had been a long night, and for the majority of it Addy had no company, save for the light snoring of Felin in the passenger seat and Keely's random leg kicks from directly behind her; it didn't help that Clone was constantly farting in his sleep, either.
"Hey, who wants to drive?" Addy called back over her shoulder to the mass of huddled sleeping figures.
Clone mumbled something and turned his head away from Keely's shoulder, who promptly sneezed.
"I'll drive, let me get out" Felin grumbled as he undid his seat belt, "Where are we?"
"We're in Key Largo, we've got another three hours before we get there" Addy replied, she undid her seatbelt and opened the door, swinging her cramped legs out of the car "You missed the Jesus car".
Felin chuckled and yawned, he got out of the small Nissan and crossed the front, doing a little spin by Addy when she gave him the keys.
"Alright, I just go South, right?" Felin asked, double checking.
"Yeah, just turn left out here and keep going" said Addy, closing her eyes and nestling her head against the window, and before Felin could respond she was asleep.
The rest of the trip was uneventful, the snoring and occasional fart kept Felin company as he continued the voyage to the most southern tip in the U.S.
THEN A TANKER TRUCK HIT THE CAR.
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Xiporah rolled 3 20-sided dice:
19, 16, 6
Total: 41 (3-60)
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 4:20 pm
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Xiporah rolled 2 20-sided dice:
8, 20
Total: 28 (2-40)
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 4:22 pm
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 4:25 pm
Sonnenblume nine-inch-asian She was too engrossed with the ceremony of it all. With a big swing of her hammer, she struck, True story.  The hammer is her p***s.
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 4:49 pm
An awkward story about Marshie and Zett Having Sex
Marshie and Zett laid in bed together, Zett playing a game and Marshie reading a book. Marshie looked over once or twice at her beloved, who was engrossed in his game.
"Mother ********!" Zett grumbled as he died. He huffed and finally noticed Marshie was looking at him.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Nothing," Marshie said and went back to her book. Zett rolled his eyes. The infamous 'nothing' answer always precluded some form of drama.
"Marsh, what's wrong?" He asked again in an aggrieved tone. Marshie looked up at him, as if to gauge his willingness to step onto the marital argument battlefield. She dog eared the page and closed her book.
"It would seem that lately, we haven't been making love as often," Marshie said in a quiet voice. The soft tone was deceptive though, as it always was with her.
"Babe, you were ragging last week, and before that you had the flu," Zett said. Marshie shook her head.
"I'm not talking about these past few weeks. Something is off. It used to be I could scarcely climb into bed before you were pawing at my nightclothes and panting in my ear. Now all you do is play that game. It's been that way for months now," she muttered the last part.
"It's so much fun though," Zett pouted. Marshie pouted as well.
"Better than yumyums from your wife?" She asked in a small voice.
Zett looked between his wife and the game screen, which had CONTINUE? in a blood splattered font. He looked back at his wife and smirked.
"Ahhhh. I get it. You're looking for a bit of the old in out, aren't you, ya dirty girl?" Zett purred as he moved closer to her. Marshie's breath caught in her throat and her eyes glazed instantly with passion as she nibbled on her lower lip and nodded.
"Mmmhmm," she whimpered as he nibbled delicately on her ear, and let out a breathless sigh as his mouth nibbled down her jaw line and eventually to her mouth.
Suddenly, he was on her, thrusting madly. She started to breath quickly and almost squealed with pleasure before his body tensed and went very still on top of her breathing heavily.
"Are you serious?" Marshie asked.
"Oh baby. That was excellent! You're right. We should do this more often. I hope you enjoyed it," he said sincerely and pecked her cheek and rolled off her.
Marshie just laid there with her mouth agape as her husband flipped off the TV, made a quiet sound of effort before farting and sighing contently.
"Good night angel. I love you! Don't fluff the covers," he said, pride clearly beaming in his voice as he fell asleep.
Marshie stared for a second before turning off the light and settling in.
Back to the usual, I suppose, she thought as Zett farted and giggled inbetween snores.
THE END.
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 6:46 pm
WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE, XIPPY.
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