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 Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:04 pm
cheerios18 the part where you guys were talking about med problems was cool, I study that a little, maybe you guys can help me out a little, k I'm trusting you here so take me seriously. This is hard to say because of the very thing im about to tell you. I have what I believe to be acute paranoia. But I don't have the guts to tell anybody 'cept on the internet of coarse where no one can institutionalize me. And I think I have other things too but I don' know what they are. one time i had an episode and I'd like to know what really happened, here is a journal I wrote the day after it happened... It happened last night at about two in the morning, I had just watched butterfly effect and all of a sudden I woke up and I honestly believed that I was the main character in the story. I was freaking out about changing the future, I woke up with a fever and shaking. My thoughts where going bazerk, and I thought all the characters where real, I didn't feel like I was being watched anymore I just thought I was in the movie. Anyway I couldn't get back to sleep and time was skipping and I kept getting hotter and hotter, I completely forgot that I was myself, in stead I was the main character in the movie. So at about four I got angry for some reason I and picked up my cat and threw him out of the room, still getting hotter and hotter, I than remembered who I was and where I was. So I tried to keep my perspective as myself but I couldn't. Whenever I closed my eye's there I was in the movie again. So I went down stairs and turned the tv on. finally I got to sleep, but even now at 5 in the evening the next day, I can't get the movie out of my head. Ever been to a psychiatrist? I don't mean this to be condescending; I think it would genuinely help. And they aren't going to lock you up over something like being paranoid. You'd only get locked up if you were deemed a danger to yourself or others.
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Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 9:02 pm
cheerios18 the part where you guys were talking about med problems was cool, I study that a little, maybe you guys can help me out a little, k I'm trusting you here so take me seriously. This is hard to say because of the very thing im about to tell you. I have what I believe to be acute paranoia. But I don't have the guts to tell anybody 'cept on the internet of coarse where no one can institutionalize me. And I think I have other things too but I don' know what they are. one time i had an episode and I'd like to know what really happened, here is a journal I wrote the day after it happened... It happened last night at about two in the morning, I had just watched butterfly effect and all of a sudden I woke up and I honestly believed that I was the main character in the story. I was freaking out about changing the future, I woke up with a fever and shaking. My thoughts where going bazerk, and I thought all the characters where real, I didn't feel like I was being watched anymore I just thought I was in the movie. Anyway I couldn't get back to sleep and time was skipping and I kept getting hotter and hotter, I completely forgot that I was myself, instead I was the main character in the movie. So at about four I got angry for some reason I and picked up my cat and threw him out of the room, still getting hotter and hotter, I than remembered who I was and where I was. So I tried to keep my perspective as myself but I couldn't. Whenever I closed my eye's there I was in the movie again. So I went down stairs and turned the tv on. finally I got to sleep, but even now at 5 in the evening the next day, I can't get the movie out of my head. Yeah, I'm going with Obscurus on this one. If it interferes with your daily life, you should look into seeing someone. They're not going to lock you up because you're paranoid. And usually it takes quite a bit of convincing to make them think you're a danger to yourself or others. Generally, you have to either try to or successfully kill someone or yourself. I mean, my therapist knows I tried to strangle my best friend (and some other guy when I was in high school), and I'm still here. And that episode you had sounds like paranoia with delusions, possibly an anxiety attack. Let me ask you a question. Do you ever get periods of catatonia? Meaning, do you have times where you feel unable to speak, move, and function normally? Or are you usually just paranoid about normal-ish things, like people lying to you or your lover cheating on you?
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:29 pm
After what you guys said I'm sure they will lock me up <:L
no periods of catatonia, and of coarse I feel the usual stuff where I think someone might just stab my with something if i turn my back on them. But it's like an actual person watching me. Usually an older guy cause I have father issues, but I all ready figured that one out. But they just watch me, like ******** cameras. I put clay in every ceiling corner to "cover" up the cameras that I know aren't there.
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:48 pm
I'm happy to say I'm a pretty healthy person. : | Though, after reading other member's posts I'm a little shocked by how much struggling some of you go through.
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 4:43 pm
Zurine I'm happy to say I'm a pretty healthy person. : | Though, after reading other member's posts I'm a little shocked by how much struggling some of you go through. Hahahaha same. I dont mean to be a d**k but, here it goes... I seriously doubt mental issues, and if they do exsist, i kind of look down on people whop have them. I believe most are just the product of people wanting them perferd to there actual existence.
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 5:41 pm
I hate people who say "yeah I'm crazy." When they are just hyper ******** idiots. It hurts because it's real to me. It's real when I change my clothes and my brain keeps telling me their is a guy standing right behind me watching my every move. How would you feel if some guy watched you undress, take a shower, go to the bathroom. stare
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 8:02 pm
cheerios18 I hate people who say "yeah I'm crazy." When they are just hyper ******** idiots. It hurts because it's real to me. It's real when I change my clothes and my brain keeps telling me their is a guy standing right behind me watching my every move. How would you feel if some guy watched you undress, take a shower, go to the bathroom. stare I DO have an idea. I mean this is by A LONG SHOT, but it might help. Do you know what a servitor is? To sum it up, all ideas on everything comprehensible are in your head. That means an infinite amount of creatures are inside your head. If you can pick one, any one of them. If you fill this creature with markings of say a guardian, some one who will protect you forever and for always. You can make him into a magickal being. So lets say there is a man who is always watching you. Think of some one say a solider, or blond haired knight. Picture him wearing symbols that represent your ownership of him. Picture him as a loyal man who will fight for you. Picture him always with you, to your right or behind you. (left is more villainous for me. For some reason) Talk to him, make sure you all think he there unless you dont want him to be there, in that case say wait here and do you business. Once you have that, make him stronger by constantely picturing him stronger, talking to him, and telling him to do things. Once you think hes strong enough, as in you can always picture him there. Have him kill the man, tell him to find him and destroy him, to vanquish him so no land may be his home. Whether this is psychological or magickal, he will die. Your making a being that can think for itself but wills till follow your programming as long as you make him loyal. Befriend him, hes your personal guardian and servitor smile
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 9:01 am
BaNaNa_blend Zurine I'm happy to say I'm a pretty healthy person. : | Though, after reading other member's posts I'm a little shocked by how much struggling some of you go through. Hahahaha same. I dont mean to be a d**k but, here it goes... I seriously doubt mental issues, and if they do exsist, i kind of look down on people whop have them. I believe most are just the product of people wanting them perferd to there actual existence. ...Really? You think a servitor is more likely to be the cause of paranoia than...you know...paranoia? What, do you think autism is fake, too? Just because you can't see it and point a finger at it doesn't mean it's not real. I don't want to be depressed and anxious. I'd ******** give anything to be able to live a normal life. I can't even interact with people normally and I've lost countless friends because they simply can't deal with it. I have to keep it from people I love because I know it will hurt them to know. I wish I could see you in real life so you could look me straight in the eyes and tell me it's not real. I wish it wasn't. But it is.
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 9:06 am
DrasBrisingr BaNaNa_blend Zurine I'm happy to say I'm a pretty healthy person. : | Though, after reading other member's posts I'm a little shocked by how much struggling some of you go through. Hahahaha same. I dont mean to be a d**k but, here it goes... I seriously doubt mental issues, and if they do exsist, i kind of look down on people whop have them. I believe most are just the product of people wanting them perferd to there actual existence. ...Really? You think a servitor is more likely to be the cause of paranoia than...you know...paranoia? What, do you think autism is fake, too? Just because you can't see it and point a finger at it doesn't mean it's not real. I don't want to be depressed and anxious. I'd ******** give anything to be able to live a normal life. I can't even interact with people normally and I've lost countless friends because they simply can't deal with it. I have to keep it from people I love because I know it will hurt them to know. I wish I could see you in real life so you could look me straight in the eyes and tell me it's not real. I wish it wasn't. But it is. no, the idea is makeing a servitor will help her stop the paranoia. Or at least give her some peace of mind.
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 9:13 am
cheerios18 After what you guys said I'm sure they will lock me up <:L no periods of catatonia, and of coarse I feel the usual stuff where I think someone might just stab my with something if i turn my back on them. But it's like an actual person watching me. Usually an older guy cause I have father issues, but I all ready figured that one out. But they just watch me, like ******** cameras. I put clay in every ceiling corner to "cover" up the cameras that I know aren't there. Yeah...well that's good. I'm no doctor, but if you had catatonia, I'd suspect schizophrenia. And really, I'm sure they won't lock you up. If all you do is put clay in the corners of every ceiling, that's very obviously not harmful to yourself or others. I go through periods of paranoia, too. They're not as severe as yours, but I worry about the cameras, people following me while I'm driving, and even whether what I'm seeing is real (ie, whether the stoplight is really green or if something's just making me see green so that I get t-boned in the middle of the intersection). Sometimes I think God is trying to kill me. Which is strange, because I don't believe he can do that (my "God " isn't exactly the Christian God). A psychiatrist might be able to help you. I know it'll take a long time to build his or her trust, but it can happen. Find one (preferably female) who is young-ish (30s-early 40s) and who you feel is more like a friend than a doctor. She might be able to give you tips and techniques to live with these feelings and, if she deems necessary, some anti-anxiety medication to help with the feelings. I hate suggesting medication, but I'm on an antidepressant right now (have been since February) and it does help. If I miss a few days of it, it's like a plane crash. It makes things just bearable enough to go to school, work, and do fun stuff.
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 9:14 am
DrasBrisingr BaNaNa_blend Zurine I'm happy to say I'm a pretty healthy person. : | Though, after reading other member's posts I'm a little shocked by how much struggling some of you go through. Hahahaha same. I dont mean to be a d**k but, here it goes... I seriously doubt mental issues, and if they do exsist, i kind of look down on people whop have them. I believe most are just the product of people wanting them perferd to there actual existence. ...Really? You think a servitor is more likely to be the cause of paranoia than...you know...paranoia? What, do you think autism is fake, too? Just because you can't see it and point a finger at it doesn't mean it's not real. I don't want to be depressed and anxious. I'd ******** give anything to be able to live a normal life. I can't even interact with people normally and I've lost countless friends because they simply can't deal with it. I have to keep it from people I love because I know it will hurt them to know. I wish I could see you in real life so you could look me straight in the eyes and tell me it's not real. I wish it wasn't. But it is. I said most, most of the time its the belief in them that creates them. In your instance, you sound like you have a legitimate problem and I wish I could help you the same way I can cheerios. If you say had Dissociative identity disorder, a servitor might help. See I kinda believe magick to be half psychological. At least with servitors, and I have herd some cool cases of people saving there sanity by makeing them.
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 10:44 am
I don't really want to kill them, I spouse so <:L they only last about 3 or 4 weeks the bad stuff and than I get some piece, but after that another one just pops up into my mind. The Joker was one of them from the dark night, I was really tripping the first night of him. I pulled out a knife and was about to kill my dad in his sleep, but I couldn't do it cause I knew I would have to kill my older brother too, and that would make my mom sad.
Also I looked into schizo and if you have the gene it is most likely to appear when your around 18, so I've got 4 years left at least ^_^,
I shall try the guardian thing, but isn't that just like putting a face onto your spirit guide?
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 10:48 am
cheerios18 I don't really want to kill them, I spouse so <:L they only last about 3 or 4 weeks the bad stuff and than I get some piece, but after that another one just pops up into my mind. The Joker was one of them from the dark night, I was really tripping the first night of him. I pulled out a knife and was about to kill my dad in his sleep, but I couldn't do it cause I knew I would have to kill my older brother too, and that would make my mom sad. Also I looked into schizo and if you have the gene it is most likely to appear when your around 18, so I've got 4 years left at least ^_^, I shall try the guardian thing, but isn't that just like putting a face onto your spirit guide? A spirit guide is a servitor, at least thats what some including myself think. Your just calling for them to come to you, instead of you coming to them. You just want some one who will guard you, and prevent you from killing any one.
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:30 pm
cheerios18 I hate people who say "yeah I'm crazy." When they are just hyper ******** idiots. It hurts because it's real to me. It's real when I change my clothes and my brain keeps telling me their is a guy standing right behind me watching my every move. How would you feel if some guy watched you undress, take a shower, go to the bathroom. stare allready happens. and i'm paranoid beyond beliefe. i know how you feel. honestly, i do. anyway. thing i do is jsut yell "Get away from me and get out of this room! NOW." thats what i do if i'm in a room for more than a few hours.
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Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 6:44 pm
So-chan 15 cheerios18 I hate people who say "yeah I'm crazy." When they are just hyper ******** idiots. It hurts because it's real to me. It's real when I change my clothes and my brain keeps telling me their is a guy standing right behind me watching my every move. How would you feel if some guy watched you undress, take a shower, go to the bathroom. stare allready happens. and i'm paranoid beyond beliefe. i know how you feel. honestly, i do. anyway. thing i do is jsut yell "Get away from me and get out of this room! NOW." thats what i do if i'm in a room for more than a few hours. That's actually really great. I think it's a good way to deal with it. If you can confront your issues and even yell at them, that's awesome. People might look at you like you're retarded, but they'll forget about it sooner or later. All that matters is that it makes you feel better. Cheerios, you might want to try something like this.
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