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Today's Topic: Stereotypes In Anime and Games









: Hana Says....

I am getting seriously sick and tired of reading through some of these shitty profiles I keep seeing all over the place. 'Oh, she's an AAANNNGEEEELL, and she has WWWWIIINNNNGGGSSS, and she can do this and that and everything else, but OHWAITAMINUTE she can't get herself out of a siduation because she can't stop cooing like a ******** dove. 'Ooooh, ooohh? Ooohhh!' What the hell are you; a pokemon!? People, do you know what I'm talking about? These long-haired rectangular eyed 'moe's and their male counterparts, equiped with a huge unweildy sword to boot. Whoever came up with this idiotic system of spikey haired dipshits and doe-eyed damsels needs to go eat a feces-covered pistol. Where on earth did they GET these ideas! Ok, yeah, early medieval romance and japanese fairy-tales; so what. IT'S THE ******** 21ST CENTURY! Slice off your top-knot and get on with the times!

For those who HAVEN'T seen an episode of anime or crawled out from under their artic rock for the last 20 years, I'll give you a run-down, complete with pictures for those that can't focus on anything for more then 30 seconds because it DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO LOOK AT! How horrible for you, you walking talking evolutionary throw-back.





The Rash Hero
Canon Example: Final Fantasy 7's Cloud Strife
Typical Appearance:



At the moment, most of you all out there are saying to yourself 'OMFG WHERE HAVE I SEEN THIS BEFORE'. I have your answer, and it's as virulent as ebola. It's ******** everywhere. These people can be seen coming form a mile away; with huge swords strapped to their backs because they can't hold it with both normally scrawny arms. Their pants are poofy because they hold a hidden ability, which I like to call 'anti-gravity legs'. Each pant leg holds enough air to counter-balance both the weight of the sword, all the hairgel plastered on their head, and the dead birds that accidentally impaled themselves on the hair spikes. It's also why they seem to float and only 'click' when they walk. They never look you in the eye unless they're trying to preserve their masculinity, and they go out of their way to show off their big shiny sword in an attempt to get you not to stare at lack of junk in the crotch of their pants. Over-compensation? Oh yes, but never worth it. These people are usually found picking at food in smoky bars, vacantly staring at their plates as their under-used brains attempt to formulate what bad pun to spout that will make them look more bad-a** next. Rash Heroes are young, dumb, and loaded with bad plot devices and crindge-worthy lines. In series, they always end up with the most defenseless, useless character of them all (male or female), and always ending up as the most abused character in all fanfictions. These are exclusively men, because women, apparently in these stereotypical pieces, do not have the ability to grow muscles.








The Gentle Coo-er
Canon Example: Bleach's Orohime
Typical Appearance:



Most of you are going; 'Awwwww'. Don't, or I'll slap you silly. These creatures are to be pitied, but not envied. So named because the most often uttered sound is 'uuuhhh', 'aaaaahh', or 'oooohh', these huge-eyed butterballs of slender hyper-feminine idealism don't have a useful bone in their body. Oh sure, they're usually cast in the role of healer or magic user (usually having to do with nature or water), something supposedly useful, but do they ever do anything? That's right, ladies and gents; they don't. Oh, but don't blame them, it's not their fault. Every single female that is made into this creature immediately loses all higher brain functions! Like a stoned and horny college boy faced with someone's hot mom, they can be lead anywhere you please like pale sheep whose legs go up to their armpits. Their physical dimenstions also limit movement. They cannot survive on their own, and must be led around by someone else. If they aren't carried or given some sort of assistance at incresed speeds, their spines would break under the strain of having to carry their monstrous heads and breasts. This explains their odd habit of tripping at the worst possible moment. Their physical disabilities also include the following:

+ The inability to wear anything except heels, boots, or otherwise on their toes due to malformations of their tiny feet

+ The inability to bend or move their arms when running, causing their wrists to flap heedlessly in the wind. They must be held upright at the torso at all times
+ The inability to breath through their nose through years of careful breeding to shrink the nose to a small dot

+ Constricted bloodflow, thanks to a neck whose width measures out in centimeters

+ Mis-alignment of the hips, causing them to balloon in size while the muscular strength holding the femurs to the hips dwindles to almost nothing. This causes their legs to fall open at every possible opprotunity, as well as explain why they are incapable of running faster then whatever is chasing them

+ Unbelievably small ribcages that constrict the lungs, causing fainting at any possible moment

Gentle Coo-ers tend to be paired with males only canon-wise, who show enough physical strength to be able to support the weight of their gigantic heads when they lean on them, and can be paired with EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in fanfictions. Do not pity them, for in what little brain they still have, they actually wish for death to claim them.








The Wild Woman
Canon Example: Legend of Zelda's 'Shiek'
Typical Appearance:




These ladies seem to be the male response to the women's sufferage movement. If you think that a sufferage movement is kinky sex play, go drown yourself in acid. Anyway, these women are supposed to appeal to the tom-boy in the female population. They're usually 'sporty', 'sassy', athletic, and supposedly can take care of themselves. They usually carry a weapon of some kind or black magic, and occasionally bring some decent abilities to the table. So it seems, to counter-act any burgening buds of bad-a**-ery, the male artists of the industry make sure to rob them of any sort of usefulness by the middle of the season or manga line. They're usually dressed in black, have narrow eyes and sharp features, and expose as much skin as humanly possible without being naked. They show off their skills for just one or two scenes (if they're lucky, an episode or two) before being replaced by the Gentle Coo-er as being the most influencial female role. These females tend to have scarred pasts and stare endlessly at walls or at ceilings until someone comforts them. Wait ten minutes. Rinse. Repeat. These females are ALWAYS to be dominated, subdued, and/or paired with a male by the end of the series, regardless of who said male is, sometimes all three in the case of a darker series. More often then not, they are just as exploited and sexually abused as their cooing counterparts in canon as well as fanfiction, though they tend to be targeted more by the real filth of humanity for pairings.







The Silent Type
Canon Example: Kingdom Hearts II's 'Riku'
Typical Appearance:




Oooohh, take a look at this! Suddenly, opinions have shifted in my favor. All of a sudden, the 'bishonen' has appeared, and every straight female has started drooling all over themselves like Ronald McDonald presented with a salad bar. These long haired slender bits of androgyny lurk in the shadows of just about every anime out there; remaining quiet and merely staring at everything with the same neutral, deadpan expression. They are the emos, the smart men, the nerds; the supposed brains of the outfit because the Rash Hero is too busy checking his pants to see if the Enzyte has kicked in yet and the Gentle Coo-er is too busy trying to drown herself. They are famous for their profound statements, the famous '...'. That's right people, these are people who become sexually appealing by saying nothing. They tend to clash with the Rash Hero over just about everything, and that reason is simple. While both being male, the Rash Hero has the innate ability to suck Testosterone from everyone around him to feed his constantly expanding muscles, causing the Silent Man to drift closer and closer to growing a uterus. Noticing his pectorals being replaced by breasts and Italian super-model agencies giving him a loving eye, he struggles against the Rash Hero in an attempt to regain the manliness the Rash Hero stole unknowingly. They'll fight over just about anything, and it's because of that bickering that thousands of fanfictions will pair the Silent Hero with the person that is causing him to become hairless.







The Backstabber
Canon Example: Bleach's Aizen, FF7's Sephiroth, Naruto's Orochimaru, Berserk's Griffith (*STABSTABSTAB* YOU ******** YOU MADE ME CRY YOU SON OF A b***h!)
Typical Appearance:



(Note: It is incredibly difficult to find a picture for a Backstabber, because they come in all shapes and sizes)


Oh oh, I just stepped upon a touchy subject. These are the BAD GUYS, but they're not really BAD GUYS. They're good guys, just MISUNDERSTOOD. No! They're NOT MISUNDERSTOOD. These unadulterated bits of dying salmon fecal-spawn slopped into a somewhat human shape drive me to my ******** limits. Their commonly good looks hide a twisted persona so vile that most people, even newcomers to a genre, can see them coming from the first time they appear on the screen or page. These people are truly twisted in every form of their pathetic lives, and more often then not use others for their own gains. Some of these creeps defy the imagination is how decrepit or despicable their actions, but they all have the same characteristics. Namely...

1. They can't dress to save their ******** lives.
Incredibly warped fashion senses have already been discussed in this topic, but these freaks have not only lowered the bar; they've buried the bar 12 feet under with their sanity, any non-androgynous feature left on their pasty bodies, and all the little boys they've touched (I'm looking at YOU, Orochimaru). If they're trying to look intimidating, they fail miserably. Instead, hilarity ensues. They're addicted to Genghis Kahn-esc shoulder pads, funky ropes in all the dumbest places (Take a look at Sasuke's pretty purple a**-bow and you'll see my point), helmets with strangely phallic appendages, and draping robes that BEG to be tripped over. Tell me, Mr. Homicidal Maniac, is that VELVET in your bride-sized cape train?! The cathedral's that way, you prissy-a** seagull dropping.

2. They talk WAY TOO DAMN MUCH.
I'll give them this much. Some of them have some truly bad-a** ways of dealing with the protagonist and his motley crew of cooing airheads and muscle walls. Sephiroth can be positively terrifying in his various re-creations (ever fought him in KH2? DON'T. SWEET JESUS, I spent half the time running like a sissy and screaming at the top of my lungs), and his operatic theme songs make homages to end-times and make the core of one's body shiver in fright (or, in my case, maniacle laughter). Orochimaru had his moments as well pre-time skip as well, what, with the melting skin and the snakes coming out of his mouth and whatnot. Barely-veiled homosexual imagery aside, both he and Sephiroth have one thing in common. THEY CAN'T SHUT THEIR GOD DAMN MOUTHS. It's an exercise in frustration, repetition, and wrist-cutting despair! It's like listening to a parrot whose vocal cords have been replaced with a phlem-covered V10 engine. Spoken in the same raspy baritone, it's the same lines over and over; 'Soon I will-'s, and 'WAHAHAHA's, and 'The world will be mine's, and other pieces of gold. Wait, that's not gold, it's fools gold; worthless, disappointing, and EVERYWHERE! It's like the screen-writers vomited on themselves after a night of binging on Monsters and lounge Jazz. Most of their lines can be recycled from one game or series to the other, but let's not. If it takes you 45 minutes to stop spouting the same garbage about how powerful you/your army/your muscle-bound son/your ego-p***s are, god damn it, get the duct tape. I see enough pointless d**k-waving in the real world; I don't need to see you pulling the same crap on my fantasy world, thanks.

3. TOO MANY FAN-GIRLS.

This is where I start to get green and look for things to smash. Fanboys and Fangirls are the BANE of any anime, with their pointless simpering, whining, drooling, and unbelievably territorial acts. We all know that if they aren't urinating on a tree to mark their dominance over 'their bishe', they're making the rest of us jam screwdrivers into our eye-sockets to rid ourselves of the horrible MSPaint nightmare composed of broken dreams and failure. I'm so sorry dears, that image will never leave your memory, no matter how much ocular fluid you spill. But in the case of the Backstabber, they have a very special sort of fan. When I say special, I mean remedial school sort of special. These people are usually the rejects of the rejects, haphazardly stumbling through their lives on the fringes of the nerd populous in a haze induced by having too many braincells devoted to something that doesn't exist; flailing their arms, hooting at demons like an owl on LSD, and firing imaginary arrows to find Sesshomaru another jewel shard. It's these sorts of people that are the fans of the Backstabber, and will defend their chosen retarded traitor to the death in the face of logic, common sense, or anything smacking of normality. I should know. I had one of these fools follow me all through the academy, grabbing at my a** at every opportunity and slobbering on himself as he threw his boomerang at invisible creatures to save the princess. These people don't seem to realize that these people are the true scum of the earth, which leads me to my last point...

4. They're selfish traitors.

I don't care what you say. The very reason why they're called 'Backstabbers' in the first place should be as obvious as their hippie-hair and irritating monolaugs. There are very VERY few things I hate more on this earth than traitorous bastards (that being rapists, tyrants, extreme chauvinists, religious fundamentalists that are violent or oppressive towards others, and, worst of all, child molesters), and those things are usually made of pure unadulterated evil solidified into anthropomorphic beings. They represent a group of individuals willing to betray everything they care about, or even love, for the sake of power, pleasure, money, or something similarly selfish. These pieces of s**t usually don't have a decent motive for their crime either! I would accept betraying someone if it meant saving someone they loved (betraying a commander for the sake of their family/friends), or betraying their country for the sake of saving another from a tyrrant (as I did), but there is RARELY a decent justification for their actions. Most of them would happily use the bodies of their loved ones and those that trust them with their lives to make a gory stairway to power. They are doomed to float somewhere between two societies, accepted nor loved by either. For that, they almost ALWAYS get their comeuppance. And the ULTIMATE offender that I have ever witnessed is this man.



ROT IN HELL, GRIFFITH!!

(FINALLY FINISHED THIS. GAH.)