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 Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 9:48 am
((continuation of my last joke))
Chris: Cheer up dad, it's not like EVERYTHING you ruin is popular.
Lois: Yeah, it's not like CSI New York is the highest rated show on TV.
(Flashback, Peter is walking and eating a hotdog, just shows above the belt close up though)
Peter: Eeeew! He got an onion in the relish! (spits the onion out) Aaah, my hair itches. (stops and itches scalp, shedding hair)
(The scene zooms out to show Peter in the middle of a crime scene. The detectives and cops guarding it give him a dirty look)
Peter: What?
(end flashback)
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Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2006 9:15 pm
Brian: This is more disturbing than Full House
*Cutaway to Full House*
Joey: (with Mr. Woodchuck) Hello, do you have wood?
Danny: Yes Joey. I do have wood. Now make love to me before I tell another corny joke.
Danny and Joey start making out as Michelle walks in.
Michelle: You're in big trouble, mister.
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Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 9:26 am
This just kinda came to me...
(Peter)I haven't been more confused since I tried out for Dead or Alive 3
(flashback, Peter just won, the normal Winner in big letters are on the screen, and a subtitle is at the bottom. It reads 'Heh heh, you just got your a** whooped by a Griffin!')
(Peter, looking down at subtitle) How the hell do you say THAT in Japanese?
(end flashback)
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Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 8:59 pm
Lois: Kids, go to bed so Santa can bring you your presents while you're asleep.
Chris: I don't like Santa. He tried to make you leave Dad.
Chris sees Lois making out with Peter in a Santa suit.
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Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 4:55 pm
Garthimar Here's one Peter- I haven't felt this stupid since that time I was outriddled. (flashback sequence in cave) Peter- What's in my pocket? Gollum- That's not fair! Give us three guesses. Peter- Alright but only three. Gollum- Is it wallet? Peter- Nope Gollum- Tissue? Peter- Wrong again. Sheesh you suck at guessing. Peter puts his hands in his pockets. Gollum- Hands? Peter looks down. Peter- Oh crap you're right. peter got skinny thats a joke even though i no it was an epsode
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Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 5:04 pm
(Peter grabs Stewie and yanks him upstairs after he has completely peed all over the family dinner, on each of the doors is a sign with someone's name on it.)
Peter: You see this writing? You know what it means? Hospitality. And you can't piss on hospitality, I WON'T ALLOW IT!
(Peter puts Stewie in his bed and begins fiddling around with his belt.)
Stewie: What are you doing?
Peter: Guess what I'm doing Stewie? I'm tying my belt up one notch so I don't feel hunger pains. Just how the rest of your family will have to do likewise. Okay Stewie you want to get rough with me? Trying to get your way by going on a hunger strike? Well I'm fine with that, but when I was your age I really did suffer from hunger so I've had more practice then you. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Peter slams the door on the way out.)
Stewie: Oooookaaaaayyyy....
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Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 5:18 pm
(Peter goes to the hospital and makes an appointment, he is then told to sit down. Herbert the old man walks in dressed as a clown and talks to the nurse at the front desk.)
Herbert: Excuse me, I'm here to entertain all the sick children in the cancer ward.
(The nurse just sits there and files her nails.)
Nurse: Just go down that hallway and take a left and then a right, you can't miss it.
Herbert: Don't worry, I won't.
(He smiles as he walks off.)
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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 9:02 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 12:33 am
Ok, i've got one.
~*~
Brian: Come on Peter cheer up...
Peter: No! This sucks worst than when i was being harassed by Juelz Santana...
( Scene cuts to Peter cautiously walking down the street with Juelz following him)
Juelz: * Whistle Song*
Peter: *Picks up rock* Leave me alone! * Throws and Juelz falls*
HA!
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 5:17 pm
Peter: This is even weirder than when i beat Xemnas.
( Sora and Riku are on the dark island )
Sora: I'm glad that i'm with you.
Riku: Me too.
( Peter walks in ): Are you guys gay?
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 5:25 pm
Peter: This is more embarassing than when i was with that half-demon.
( InuYasha's standing in a field swing Tetsuiaga around and Peter walks in with a sword )
InuYasha: What do you want?
Peter: Yeah, uh , hi. What is up with your sword?
InuYasha: What do you mean?
Peter: You know, why is it so big?
InuYasha: Well, um,... I have a small p***s.
Peter: Well, you know, don't give it away. I mean i'm nothing spectacular but i don't carry around that thing!
That one was kinda dumb.
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:50 am
Lois: Peter, I don't think you're responsible enough to chauffer that limousine.
Brian: Yeah, remember the time you parked the car through the living room?
(A flashback shows Brian sitting on the couch watching a TV program until suddenly a car with Peter inside rams its way through the living room.)
Peter: Hey, whats the couch doing in the garage?
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Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 5:18 pm
Peter: This is worse then the time I pissed off Dracula.
Dracula has Peter cornered, Peter reaches into his shirt and grabs a 4-leaf clover and holds it up.
Dracula: What the hell is this? Do I look like a leprechaun? I demand a little respect around here! Come on! I am freaking Dracula! I am insulted! This is just too much! What the hell people! What the Hell? Is it so hard for you humans to find a F******* cross????
Dracula turns into a bat and flies away.
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Posted: Sat Jul 08, 2006 9:37 am
Peter: This is even stranger than the time Eric Freeman went on a killing spree.
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Posted: Sat Jul 08, 2006 11:10 pm
Garthimar Peter: This is even stranger than the time Eric Freeman went on a killing spree. ..........
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