|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:11 pm
Sorry fen tc's was funnier. To me anyway
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:12 pm
*takes a bow* thank you I'll be here all week.
Nice tc! lol
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:13 pm
Fenrir Graveheart I bet a good joke will breathe some life into this place... Alright once upon a time (its one of those long story jokes) there was a hunter named John. Now, John loved to hunt, but because of a shoulder injury he couldn't aim the gun very well. It was for this reason that John kept a pet parrot on his shoulder, as the extra weight let him aim. Anyways one day John was hunting in the woods when he saw this great big buck. John thanked God for blessing him with this kill and aimed his rifle at the buck. He fired, but missed and the buck ran away. "BULL s**t!" he shouted, and the parrot on his shoulder said, "Braawk, BULL s**t!" Disappointed, John went back to his truck and started driving back to down along a dusty country road. Suddenly a great big bird flew over his truck and took a dump right on his windshield and then landed on a nearby branch. Well John stopped his truck on the spot, got out, and aimed his rifle at the bird. He shot, but missed and the bird flew away. "GOD!" he shouted, and the parrot on his should chirped "Braawk, God!" Anyways John got back in his truck and took off down the dusty country road. He kept going until he saw a great big bull standing in the middle of the road. John beeped his horn, shouted at it, pushed it, but it wouldn't move. "Oh man, what am I going to do he won't move, he won't budge." he said to himself. Then an idea popped into his head and he said, "I know! I'll stick a stick up his a**, he'll move!" and the parrot on his shoulder chirped, "Bwaark stick a stick up his a**, he'll move!" Finally John made it back into town, and realized at that moment that it was Sunday and about time for church to start. Well, John hadn't been to church for a long time, and with his recent bad luck he decided to attend. As soon as he got in the preacher greeted him with open arms and a large smile, saying things like "Oh John you're back! Bless the heavens. Oh John you shouldn't miss a church session ever again. If you do that you'll go to heaven and obtain love, peace, and eternal salvation forevermore! Suddenly the parrot on John's shoulder chirped, "Bwaark BULL s**t!" Everyone in church gasped and the preacher's face instantly grew red. "Who told you that!?" he shouted at the parrot, who pleasantly responded, "Bwaark, GOD!" The preacher fainted and all of the people in church rushed to his side, shouting "Oh no, the preacher won't move, he won't budge!" The parrot chirped again, "Bwaark, stick a stick up his a**, he'll move!" This made me laugh my a** off xD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:14 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:16 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:18 pm
Fenrir Graveheart *takes a bow* thank you I'll be here all week. Nice tc! lol
lol same to you *coughs* my last one!
A priest is in his monastery and he decides he should go see his people in the town below as he hasn't left the monastery in over 20 years. When he gets to the town he is amazed by all of the changes though there's one thing he can't quite understand. There were scantily clad woman standing on the corners of the streets, and they said things like "Hey hun 20 bucks for some head" well of course the preacher didn't know what they were talking about and went back to the monastery. The first person he ran into was the head nun who he immediately began telling about all the changes in the town. After he finished he looked at her and said. "You know the only thing I dont get is head! What is it?" The Head nun looked at him with a smile and said "Oh its 20 dollars just like in town!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:23 pm
There were four people sitting in a train compartment: an old lady who was knitting, a young woman who was reading a book, a lecturer who was talking about his research, and his young student whom he was taking to a conference, and who was listening to his lecturer and taking down notes.
This situation continued for quite a while. The old lady knitting, the young woman reading, the lecturer talking away, and the student listening.
Then the train went into a tunnel, and the compartment was plunged into darkness. No-one could see anything. Suddenly there came the sound of a loud kiss, followed by a hearty slap. As the train came out of the tunnel, eveyone was in the same position as they had been before.
Now the old lady thought that she knew what had happened. Good for her, she thought, that young man has just kissed the girl, and she slapped him.
The young woman thought that she knew what had happened. How funny, she thought, the young man tried to kiss me, kissed the old woman by mistake, and she gave him a slap.
The lecturer thought that he knew what had happened. It's not fair, he thought, my student kissed that girl, and she slapped me by mistake.
But only the student really knew what had gone on. Under the cover of the darkness, he had loudly kissed the back of his hand, then slapped his lecturer and got away with it.
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:29 pm
hello im back!! LOVELY BONES WAS SO AWSOME!!! any ways watz up pplz?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:30 pm
claru gardeford There were four people sitting in a train compartment: an old lady who was knitting, a young woman who was reading a book, a lecturer who was talking about his research, and his young student whom he was taking to a conference, and who was listening to his lecturer and taking down notes. This situation continued for quite a while. The old lady knitting, the young woman reading, the lecturer talking away, and the student listening. Then the train went into a tunnel, and the compartment was plunged into darkness. No-one could see anything. Suddenly there came the sound of a loud kiss, followed by a hearty slap. As the train came out of the tunnel, eveyone was in the same position as they had been before. Now the old lady thought that she knew what had happened. Good for her, she thought, that young man has just kissed the girl, and she slapped him. The young woman thought that she knew what had happened. How funny, she thought, the young man tried to kiss me, kissed the old woman by mistake, and she gave him a slap. The lecturer thought that he knew what had happened. It's not fair, he thought, my student kissed that girl, and she slapped me by mistake. But only the student really knew what had gone on. Under the cover of the darkness, he had loudly kissed the back of his hand, then slapped his lecturer and got away with it. A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!" YES!!!51 DAYS!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:34 pm
I would die if this happened to me xd
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's
birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful
consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right
note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom
and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of
panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got
the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the
contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart
with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of
wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for
your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons,
but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.
"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me
the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were
hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really
smart.
"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to
see you again.
"When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them
away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love.
"P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur
showing."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:34 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:38 pm
There was a p***s a cucumber and a pickle standing next to each other on the beach. The cucumber started it off.
"My life sucks Whenever I get big fat and juicy people cut me up and out me into salads"
The pickle sighs "You're lucky whenever I get big fat and juicy people put me in a bottle of viniger, water, and salt for months on end..."
The p***s shakes it head "God I wish I had your guy's life's.... Whenever I get big fat and juicy people throw a plastic bag over my head throw me in a dark room and beat my head up against the wall until I throw up all over myself and pass out....."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:46 pm
*grabs a prayer of the refugee amv before fen gets it!* YES!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:49 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:51 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
