1. Neptune's Flask: SUCCESS The Flask of Neptune, said to contain between it the most terrible storm, one that could destroy the world. So one would think it to be the most secure object in the world....Finding the flask hidden inside an eel's home at the bottom of the oceon is hardly the most effective security system, specially one that was easy lured and bribed with a couple of hot dogs.
2. A dull gold Ring: FAILURE Hobbits. Are. Vicious. And their dwarf husbands just sit back and laugh while a poor misguided thief gets the living lights beaten out of them!
3. The Six Kingdom Crown: FAILURE It would had been easier to dismantle and stolen the Tower of Pimps rather then going after the Mad King and his precious Crown. Now I am sitting in a hole wtih a cow named Edgar, trying to dig my way out with a freaking spoon.
4. Crystal Horseshoes: FAILURE This might had been a better idea if the horseshoes hadn't been attached to Sleipnir....Or Loki wasn't so protective of his offspring. I still trying to convince Hel to let me continuo my journey.
5. Wounded Soldier's Casque: SUCCESS Exchanged a cursed gold piece for the helm. The ghost seemed happy and I have the item. It's very comfy.
6. Unseelie Iron Necklace: FAILURE On one hand, I am currently wearing the iron necklace, on the other, I am in a fae jail for the next four hundreth years....which is about four hours in the phonyland realm. ...welp, I hope I make it home.
7. Aphrodite's Idol : SUCCESS Found idol in the middle of an amazon lake. Amazonian tribe next to water very friendly. Not so friendly when they see you with idol. Butt spear wound still hurts.
8. Death's Blue Marble: SUCCESS Death sucks at playing marbles. Also not gettting anywhere near sharp objects for the next few years, just in case
9. A Stack of Silver Feathers: SUCCESS Stayed at a nice pub for a week while a blacksmith made several silver feathers, stole them the day before comission was due. Amaze that I am still alive.
10. The Heart of the Oceon: FAILURE Spent months tracking down cruise sinking survivals, found out that the necklace is lost to the oceon floor. Wept for hours.
"My dear lady, my journey was long and arduous, and I found myself failing as much as succeeding, but most of all, let me tell you how i conquer Death....In a match of marbles.
Now, my dear, I am sure you understand that to attract death, you must be do some very drastic things....such as let yourself be caught by the unseelie faeking's guards. While iron harms them, it barely affects a petty little mortal like myself, so i suffer from their long lives, and their easily distracted whims.
When I neared death's door, they came, and while I am hardly witty and well spoken, I manage to croon a challenge. I was surprise when cards were not the name of the game, but silly little marbles. I have to admit that I would had perfer cards, a game that relays on the luck and chance of shuffling, rather then gravity's treacherous whims.
Needless to say, dying man hardly get a choice, and quiet frankly better then a game of riddles. I gather all of my kindergarten experience....and miraculously won.
At which point, death drop me off in middle of a damn ocean."
Tristam Lockhart
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Big Wife
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Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2014 7:20 pm
"Well, my dear..."
As I’d said before, once long ago, the sea is a harsh mistress. Harsher than the moon, even, but some have navigated her well. I wanted to give you gifts that proved both sides of the sea; her iron and her silk. I knew that the only method of procurement worthy of you would be an ocean voyage, whereupon I would encounter the majesty of the sea and the magic of those who have learned to work with her.
My voyage began with an attempt to purchase most of the tea in China; a fool’s errand, really. “For all the tea in China” is a metaphor used to express worth, and so I thought perhaps playing upon that might draw your attention- but nearly all the tea in China is a white elephant of a gift and I failed to acquire it anyways. What would you have done with that much tea? I then delved the depths in search of the remains of the last Leviathan- but when I saw that mythical beastie playing with her children, how could I have intervened? The sea does not just tear asunder; she nurtures as well, and sometimes we forget that. I could not bear to harm these gentle giants, and so I moved on.
For my next gift, I consulted another sea witch. Perhaps she would have another term for herself, but in these stories, all island witches are sea witches, and darling Medea was certainly an island girl. A wise one, Medea- prone to wrath when betrayed, of course, but what witch isn’t? Medea’s advice led me to a fleece. Not a golden fleece, for while that object is beautiful, its value comes from the fact that it is useless. What witch would want an object with no other use? Impressive beauty only gets you so far- it’s what you do with that beauty that counts, and there’s nothing to be done with a golden fleece except to look at it. This one is plainer, true- but it’s also warm and soft. It gets cold in the ocean at night, doesn’t it? I’m certain it does.
The next two gifts, though not in order- I’ll tell you of my fight with pirates later- are from two sisters. Scylla and Charybdis. They’re called monsters, but when you look closely, what looked like a horrible creature turns out to be simply a force of nature. Certainly worthy of respect, but of fear? I think not. Scylla is but a rocky shoal, and so I plucked a volcanic stone from her as I passed by. Charybdis, though- even if her teeth aren’t real, her raging heart still is. Whirlpools and maelstroms know all there is to know about the sea. They learn this as they rip ships apart for the treasure and knowledge within. But what doesn’t a whirlpool know? Calm. Sometimes the sea stops her fury and rests, and so I brought for you calm water, crystal clear.
Some monsters, however, are monsters, and the sea serpent I fought for you was one of these. I barely escaped unsinged, and captured some of the monster’s fiery breath for you. Fire is like the sea in many ways- unpredictable at times, and can help us as well as hurt us. Fire is often beautiful; I hope you find it so.
And this wouldn’t be a sea story had I not fought pirates. You know, some of the most successful pirates of all time were ladies. Women at sea are often depicted as sirens, temptresses, or wicked enchantresses- but we all have to get by, don’t we? And the egos of sailors can be fragile- “She bewitched me!” is less hurtful to the pride than “She outsmarted me!” But I sought out these lady pirates to see what lessons I could learn and perhaps share.
What I learned is that when a woman gets the nickname “Sadie the Goat,” it is next to impossible to borrow her favorite spyglass. She headbutted me, as she does most of her victims, then took everything out of my pockets. I was lucky to escape with my life- or perhaps I wasn’t, since the next buccaneer I encountered was the great lady Ching Shih, the greatest pirate perhaps of all time. I was press-ganged into her crew for several months and only got away from her when she marooned me and the other miserable cabin staff in a fit of rage. I certainly didn’t manage to get anything from her, not even a bit of the silken rope she uses to hoist her sails. Then I tangled with a pair of more familiar lasses- Anne Bonny and Mary Read, a pair of ferocious friends who had no use for cowards or anybody less ruthless than they. I first attempted to swipe Anne Bonny’s bonny bunny, an adorable creature with the pinkest nose you’ve ever seen, to play on the idea of the rabbit in magic. Rabbits, as you know, are often used in transformation- at least, in stage magic, and this is where I went wrong. Creatures like you don't deal in illusion- you deal in the real and the effects of your creations are more than just a little prestidigitation. To give you a rabbit would be insulting, for you are no mere mountebank who hides behind trickery. You’re precisely what you are- there is no veil other than the ones we put in place ourselves to convince ourselves we’re safe.
What I did take from my encounter from Bonny and Read was a lead- a treasure map of sorts. A library card. As it turns out, there’s a limit to how flagrant pirates play with the law, and Miss Read did love her letters. She was fluent in French and English, you know- and so I tracked down the last book Mary Read read. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope it takes you as far away as you want to go.
Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2014 7:54 pm
"As you wish..."
(Death's Marble, Silver Feathers, and The Wounded Soldier's Casque)
Tristam Lockhart
Shameless Werewolf
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Big Wife
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Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2014 8:52 pm
"As you wish..."
For your gift, my friend, I made you… a potion of sorts. It’s not for drinking, though. It’s for bathing- you know, bathe in the moonlight and turn three times widdershins and your problem is gone. Only you and I both know you don’t need to turn three times widdershins- that just helps make the problem seem easier to deal with. You have to believe in the magic of the real, after all. Anyways. Calm water to soothe you and comfort you. The rough stone from Scylla will smooth your hooves. The fleece- see it there? Will dry and warm you. Wrap up in it when you’re done and perhaps lie by the fire- there’s more to go around. The firelight in this room certainly isn’t the last of it. You can doze, if you like; or if not, here’s Mary Read’s tale, to take you away.
For Christmas, I give you the gift of relaxation. It's a hard enough time around the holidays already, and it can’t be easy being you- it’s not easy being anybody, really. I give you the bounty of a calmed sea using treasures I fought to win.
(Crafting materials used: Mary Read's last-read book, a stone from Scylla, calm water, a normal fleece, sea serpent's fiery breath Extra materials used: bergamot bath oil (to decorate the water)... and does the bathtub count?
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