Men Are Just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans
take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be
President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a
water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you
the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas
station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop
and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress/$5000. Tux rental/$100. People never
stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional
well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister,
or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff
a bout tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open
all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be
your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are
more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are
unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its
original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only
have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides
your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all
seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your
nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in
25 minutes.
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