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1st time: April 26, 2006--my partner and fiance of the last almost 4 years told me she didn't want to be with me anymore; that although she loved me, and wanted to be with my someday, then wasn't it, she wasn't able to be in a relationship. 5 months later she was dating someone. I've been in another relationship for the last 2 years, and am still not over my ex.

2nd time: December 7, 2008--I ignored a phone call from my dad to get a little more sleep. When I listened to the voicemail 15 minutes later, it was my uncle, crying, begging me to call home. My father picked up and just repeated over and over that my younger brother was dead. He'd died during the night & was found by my father that morning. He would have been 25 on Christmas Eve.

the second time, i was in, i want to say, third grade. my mother pulled me from class and tld me that my shi-tzu had died. i was devastated. i didnt go to school for 2 days. when i got her there was something wrong with her hind legs, they were under-developed or something. i had to lie her on her back and exercise her back legs every day and eventually she got to where she could run around with me when we went outside. she was my very first pet, we'd had dogs all my life, but they were all outside dogs and they played rough so i did little more than pat them on the head and keep moving. it still makes me sad and i suspect foul play, though it has never been confirmed.

So apparantly not only am I a slut, whore, and skank, but now I am the cause of her miscarriage and don't deserve kids of my own. I'm also apparantly an annoying stalker.

I should probably answer my own question.

My world shattered, and has never been completely whole again, after I witnessed a person being punished for something they did not do.

1st grade, recess, early winter. One of my fellow students was on a swing. Another student told them to get off. They didn't. That other student and his friends went to the recess monitor and said that the 1st child had kicked him from the swing. This was a lie. The majority testimony corroborated it tho. The swinging student was placed in "the square" a 3' x 3' chalk box that students being punished had to stand in while everyone else took recess. I over-heard the monitor telling the student in the square he was bad and should be ashamed. Both for what he did and for lying. Sounds silly really, but that moment destroyed my previous faith in the way the world worked, justice, and authority. Other events were far worse in my life, but I was prepared for them because I already was aware that those in power are neither fair nor omniscient. This I was unprepared for.
Mayhaps the part that made it so destructive for me was when I reported the incident at home, my family for the most part shrugged and said that sort of thing happened as tho it were not only expected, but also accepted on a tacit level.

You did.

why gonk

Where?