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Calvin J. Ishidate
Army
Bus
Arrival

Private Calvin, age 19, wife, one child, child age 1. Private Calvin had awaken around 5 o'clock. He was always an early bird. He sat up in his bed and stretched then got out and went to take a shower. 3 minutes passed and he was already dressed and ready to go. He brushed his teeth and brushed his hair a little as well. He was clean. It was going to take him about 2 hours to get to the Army grounds. Before he went downstairs he walked over to the other side of the bed and kissed his wife's cheek, then walked out and shut the door quietly. He thought about going over to his son's room, but started to have second thoughts, he would wake up in an instant and wouldn't go to sleep for a while. He decided to write him a little note about where he was going and that he'd be thinking about him and everything too. He walked downstairs into the kitchen and fixed himself up a small bowl of cereal and placed the little note on the table where his son usually sat. Once he had finished that, he washed the bowl, dried it and put it away. He grabbed his duffel bag and walked over to the bus stop. He waited for 10 minutes then bus had finally came. As he got on her put in 50 cents for the bus fair and took a window seat towards the middle of the bus. Lucky for him it was too early for most people around where he lives to take the bus. The bus made at least 26 stops within the 6th hour of the day. No surprise to Calvin though. He saw a few people get on, some business men, some construction workers, a few women, some social workers and a child here and there. I wasn't too bad, the bus ride, he didn't really get bothered by anyone or any kids for that matter. It was a quiet bus ride. The men were reading the news papers, looking on their phones and looking thought their brief cases, while the women were tending to the children when needed, reading some magazines and putting on make-up. Another half hour passed and Private Calvin was almost at the Army grounds, he could hardly wait. He looked around the bus for a rather long minute and noticed it was extremely clean. That was a huge surprise to him, the buses were never this clean, they would always have some sort of trash or residua somewhere on it. But not this time. He smiled and nodded as he looked over to the bus driver, he knew he probably had nothing to do with it, but he admired and respected him for it anyways. Private Calvin just stared out his window the rest of the time. He saw some mountains, building, construction sites, people walking around, cars, drivers, workers, lakes, some beaches, and a ocean view once or twice maybe. Once the bus had finally stopped, it was his time to get off. He grabbed his duffel bag, threw it over his shoulder and got up out of his seat, then made his way down the bus aisle. Before he got off he turned to the bus driver. "Thank you for a wonderful trip. Have a nice day.." He said in a soft tone, smiling a little at the driver. The bus driver had a small smile on his face once he turned. Private Calvin walked down the bus steps and walked forward so the bus driver could close the door with ease. He looked around and took it all in. This is my new home for now... He thought to himself. I wonder where that instructor could be? He thought to himself as he looked around. He started walking towards the buildings of the Army grounds.

Mkayz :3 But unfortunetly if he replies or reviews it tonight. I wont be able to get on until tomorrow. Thank you though 3nodding

Roleplay Name Mitsuki ((or Mitsu-chan))
Branch- Unit Army
Location Bus
Objective Arrival

Mitsuki stared out the window, watching as the scenary passed by. She guessed correctly, there wasn't too much scenary out here. She sighed and looked around the bus, observing the other random people who joined her on this bus ride to wherever she was going. Her eyes narrowed, now getting irritated that the bus ride was so long." Tch....I should've brought my music along with me... Luckily, the campground for the training camp she was riding the bus to came into view, and her excitement stirred in her stomach. She liked to work, it made her life have excitement and less boring than it was back at home.
The campground came into closer view, the bus soon slowing down as they passed through the gates. The bus driver soon drove the bus to a complete stop, allowing all the people who were joining her in this camp to grab their bags and depart. Mitsuki quickly grabbed her duffel bag and a smaller purple colored backpack that was full of her most precious objects she always carried around with her. She was the last one to depart from the bus before the bus driver closed the doors and drove off, leaving them in the sweltering heat.

((Well, your post was great. Very good spelling, grammar, and sentence structure. You basically have the basic writing skills own; also your details and literary allusions are very nice. You also included a large amount of internal thought proccess.

As far as controlling the bus is concerned, you were given the option to decide when or if you got off, but not where; which did you fine on. As dark Light, pointed out, however, you did control the bus Driver, making them smile after you talked to them and having them open up the door. Why not necessarily a big deal in and of itself, if you were roleplay, say, observing a 10,000 Ninjas coming out of nowhere, it would be a big problem.

So, becuase of that, and becuase no-one else has responded yet, rather than making up your own character and responding to their actions, you should just keep internal thought proccesses, in arrival. It's very hard and complicated to roleplay when your given basically nothing, but that's part of the point of this exercise.

Which of course, controlling a bus Driver to smile and controlling 10,000 Ninjas are different, but given the injustice of the concept of the event (even though magnitude determines the problem) I've decided to just rule out being allowed to do that all together (like outlawing killing rather than murder).

Of course, this is a concept that is vaguely mentioned in the AMP, but, seen a lot in recruits. Over-all your writing was wonderful, and, if you don't try to roleplay other people, and detail other's responses rather than making up responses (a very fine line between these two, so it's rough) then you pass! blaugh





But, I think that you should remake your post. Mostly becuase you included a great deal of other people doing things. As an over-all synospis, you speed hacked. You took a shower, brushed your teeth, got dressed in 3 minutes, You kissed your wife, got up out of bed, ate breakfast, wrote your son a note, made breakfast for your son, make breakfast and ate it, completely did all you dishes, walked to the bus Stop- which you carefully noted taking 10 minutes, paid your dues on the bus, rode on a bus that apparently hundreds got on, saw a sight seeing tour, thank the bus driver and then arrived on the base and got off. You also mentioned the time it took you to get there, roughly two hours, rather directly.

You also controlled a lot of people's actions. For instance, you included a crap ton of buissness men getting on the bus, while this was purely a military bus, meaning that you wouldn't see other people on the bus that weren't going to your military camp. As well, you controlled the number of stops it had and where it went, which is wrong in and of itself and was specifically listed that your not allowed to do that. You made up a bunch of scenery, which is not allowed (you basically shaped the world to how you saw fit) and did a crap ton of other things in a very short amount of time.

While I realize it was all "Observation", you observed things that had never actually occurred, meaning that you controlled your environment when none of this actually happened.

So, if you would please read the AMP, remove your previous problems, and focus on internal thought proccessing, then I'm sure you would do great!))

Katana Drifers
Army
Bus
Arrival

Katana stared blankly through the window,sitting alone on the bench.Just half an hour ago he was having his breakfast with his father,and he knew that will be his last breakfast with him.No more nice papa,now only the beginning of his independent,hard life.He seemed not to notice the tiring 18-hours journey nor the activities around him.He only know his arrival to the Army Base Camp when the bus driver shook his shoulder.
"We've arrived,soldier."The bus driver told him.He just nodded,talking was not his nature,especially when there's a sad occasions.The driver patted his shoulder,a sad,sympathical smile on his lips.Katana walked over the steps,and stood,looking puzzled."Welcome,soldier."A greeting heard from his left,and he saw a Drill Sergeant addressing him.He know,his military day had begun.With a determined steps,he moved through the gate,and his figure dissapeared in the dark hallway.

((Overall you had decent grammar, sentence structure, and alright spelling. Your writing is decent enough for you pass.


But unfortunately your content is very flawed mhmm. First of all, you goddmodded, by both controlling the bus driver, such as what he said, and secondly by controlling the Drill Sergeant- which is essentially me, essentially you tried to control me.

So you tried to control my character and the Bus Driver- and the Bus driver is also presumably me, or whomever your Drill sergeant is. Please read the AMP, and then make another post applying the basic concepts to your post. ))

((lol, I know, I'm just pointing it out so you can know. 3nodding

This is why we do basic training, so you can get accustomed to military style roleplaying. Just read most of the AMP, and I'm sure you'll be fine! blaugh ))