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Elen_Gilthoniel Vice Captain
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 Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 2:41 pm
Hello. Your character is interesting but there are a few problems you will need to fix before she is approved. Her abilities are very strong. You will need to add limitations to her ability to seduce men, or at least acknowledge that not all men will be susceptible to her seduction ability since it's not fair to say all male characters are automatically completely vulnerable to this power.. If she is "extraordinarily strong" (above what one would expect of someone her size) that should be listed in her skills. Being able to stop all things from hitting her will not be allowed, as that is godmodding. =( You will need to add some limitations as how this works to keep her from being invulnerable. Also, taking medication and being tired by using abilities are not flaws. Being tired out by using power is completely normal and something that happens to ALL characters. Taking medication is just....not a flaw. Being scared of the dark is also not a flaw. It's an inconvenience at best. You will need to give her some real flaws before she can be approved. Please check the Mary Sue 101 thread Here for advice on creating abilities and flaws for your character. =3 When you've made the appropriate changes, please quote me to let me know. ^^
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:10 pm
Ah i thought some flaws to her powers could be interpreted threw my text I guess thats just to me xD but, anyway thanks for pointing out my mistakes. Is this better. I will add more flaws when I think of some.
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Elen_Gilthoniel Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:17 pm
mudgirl2222 Ah i thought some flaws to her powers could be interpreted threw my text I guess thats just to me xD but, anyway thanks for pointing out my mistakes. Is this better. I will add more flaws when I think of some. It's better, but I will wait to approve until have a couple more real flaws since being clumsy is really only a borderline type flaw because it's often played up as being kind of cute and silly. =)
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:36 pm
StrawberryZ0mbie mudgirl2222 Ah i thought some flaws to her powers could be interpreted threw my text I guess thats just to me xD but, anyway thanks for pointing out my mistakes. Is this better. I will add more flaws when I think of some. It's better, but I will wait to approve until have a couple more real flaws since being clumsy is really only a borderline type flaw because it's often played up as being kind of cute and silly. =) Is this better? Ive never been good at making flaws haha if not could you give me abfew suggestions?
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Elen_Gilthoniel Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:54 pm
mudgirl2222 StrawberryZ0mbie mudgirl2222 Ah i thought some flaws to her powers could be interpreted threw my text I guess thats just to me xD but, anyway thanks for pointing out my mistakes. Is this better. I will add more flaws when I think of some. It's better, but I will wait to approve until have a couple more real flaws since being clumsy is really only a borderline type flaw because it's often played up as being kind of cute and silly. =) Is this better? Ive never been good at making flaws haha if not could you give me abfew suggestions? Well, I like to encourage people to come up with their own flaws. Being cold is not a flaw (which I think you realized since you admitted this on the profile). The problem with flaws like greasy hair is that they're sort of like pseudo-flaws. Technically, yeah, having greasy hair is kind of gross. But how often is the fact that she has greasy hair going to really affect her? By way of example, my character Angela has a bad temper and a tendency to be sarcastic. The result is that some other characters don't actually like her. Her flaws affect how I RP her, impact her personality and interactions with others, and it affects how other characters respond to her. I could have tried to list things like "has eczema on her back" or "has small boobs" as flaws because they are, technically, imperfections. But those aren't going to really have any impact on the character. Try to steer away from things that aren't going to matter as much like what her hair is like. Or cliche flaws that *everyone* tries to have -- like being bad at house work, or being clumsy. Even having a "couple of scars" is not a big deal since they don't seem to be disfiguring at all. I have small scars on my face--one above my eyebrow where I fell as a child, and one on my cheek. They're small and don't impact my appearance at all. I also have two slightly larger scars on my right arm. Again--not flaws since they aren't remotely disfiguring. Unless it's a scar that genuinely mars her appearance, it shouldn't be considered a flaw, really. View the flaws as something your character has to learn to overcome--not just something to tack on so you can fill the profile requirement. I know I'm being picky with the flaws but you have a character with exceptional skills--force fields, enhanced strength, seduction, as well as mechanical appendages. In order to be balanced, I'm just going to have to insist that she does have at least three real flaws--not semi-flaws. =) I hope you understand, and I appreciate you trying so hard. <3
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:25 pm
better? Im trying to think of some more xD flaws are harder than they hsd been for me before, im deffinetly using flaws more like these!
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:29 pm
 Character Information:
Student Name: Cheeva Catkin
Species: Human
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Appearance description:
Short at just 5’3”, Cheeva is heavily scarred across her face and body due to an accident as a child. Her lip is dragged up in a perpetual sneer, thanks to the proud-flesh on her face on the right side of her face. She is sightless, due to the same accident. The damage to her right eye was so significant that it was removed, so Cheeva wears an eyepatch to cover the wound. Her other eye is milky white. While she tends toward dark, covering clothing, she always wears a small caplet made from cat skins. Boast a shock of white hair that she keeps short.
Personality:
Cold, spiteful and snarky, Cheeva rarely has a kind word to say to anyone, that isn’t laced with sarcasm. Drawling and aloof, she really doesn’t care if she steps on any toes – literally and figuratively. To the very few people, though, that she considers friends, she can be protective and almost mothering, in her own special drawling way.
Bio:
A year ago, Cheeva was involved in a horrific car accident that took the lives of her parents and left her blind and scarred. She was taken in by her aunt; a cold, aloof woman, who raised her in her ilk. Her injuries still pain her at times, especially in the early mornings and evenings, and the weakness caused by them often holds her back from many activities, and tends to cause her to lash out at others.
Skills and Abilities:
She is able to turn into a cat courtesy of the caplet she wears. However, she can only change into a cat if she is wearing the caplet, and can pull the hood over her head. Others can force her into cat form, by flipping the hood up, themselves. If one finds the seam of the caplet on the forehead of her cat form, they can also force her back into human form – though this is a largely more difficult task due to the claws.
She was a skilled dancer before her accident. She still can “flaunt” this talent with the right partner to help lead her.
Character Flaws:
Cold and derisive of those around her
Spiteful and holds a grudge (one wrong turn deserves another)
Snarky and sarcastic
Short tempered
Horrifically scarred face and body that, on bad days, can prevent her range of movement and does affect her facial expressions
Completely blind
Is deathly afraid of water and drowning
Hypocritical
Sexual Orientation:
Straight
Status:
Single
Likes: (at least 3)
- Has a perchance for cats
- Loves fish
- Bantering with someone
- The colour red (not that she can see it anymore)
- Lying out in the sun
- Dancing and music
Dislikes: (at least 3)
- Water (barely consents to a shower)
- Birds (though the cat form finds them tasty)
- Simpering
- People of weak character
- Stereotypes (unless she’s using them)
Extra Information:
Is somewhat nervous about coming to the school, as she’s unsure how she will cope without being able to see. This is well hidden, naturally, under a goodly layer of snark and snarling.
Guys, this character is from my novel so I do ask that I don’t see any pseudo versions of her popping up anywhere. All art of Cheeva is fan art graciously gifted to me by fans and it is their property. Again, I ask that I don’t see her art popping up anywhere. Thank you heart Art of Cheeva on this profile courtesy of FluffyBubbleFish, a fan from PI.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:42 pm
That's really neat!
Welcome to Rosentale Academy!
For the time being, she can stay in the Topaz Dorm, but as a heads up, we'll be moving the active members around and doing a clean up of the inactive members so she might be moved. ^^
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:48 pm
xLieselotte That's really neat!
Welcome to Rosentale Academy!
For the time being, she can stay in the Topaz Dorm, but as a heads up, we'll be moving the active members around and doing a clean up of the inactive members so she might be moved. ^^
Not a problem at all, thank you for letting me know. ^^
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 5:10 pm
mudgirl2222 better? Im trying to think of some more xD flaws are harder than they hsd been for me before, im deffinetly using flaws more like these!
And I'll help guide you the rest of the way there. Rather than using physical flaws, it'd be a good idea to think about personality traits when coming up with character flaws. We all know that nobody's perfect. So when you think about flaws, you need to think about what it is about your character that other characters wouldn't like. You have to think about all the different types of people. Sometimes the happy people don't like the same person that the serious people like or vice versa right?
So when you know what kind of people wouldn't like your character, you need to think about what it is they don't like about your character.
It's more meaningful when your character eventually starts to over come these flaws and it helps great character development. Seeing that kind of character development makes it fun to RP with your character.
So here are some flaws you can consider.
- Distrustful: won't trust people easily and will be suspicious of actions out of kindness.
- Emotionless: doesn't care for people's emotions and will only be ruled by logic. That means, she won't stop and help people when they need it.
- Pessimistic: Always has a bad outlook on life and always shoots down optimism.
- Judgemental: Judges people for their imperfections and it affects the way the character treats others.
- Solemn: Way too serious and rarely lightens up.
Now these are just examples of character flaws. You can use them if you like, but you need to remember them as you RP with other characters. If you think you can make some flaws up on your own by these examples go for it! I hope it helps! ^^
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 5:39 pm
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 6:04 pm
Yay! Good work! Thank you for being patient with us!
She's been accepted. She'll be staying at the Emerald Dorm for now, but it might change since we might move some people around due to inactive people. But I'll let you know if that happens. ^^
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 6:12 pm
Yay! Thanks! And thanks for the help!
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 6:11 am
[[Because bring him into this RP amused Strawberry and I nearly as much as Cheeva xd ]]  Character Information:
Student Name: Laklas Oretto
Species: Human
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Appearance description: Fairly tall at just over 6 foot, Laklas has long black hair he generally keeps tied back during school hours. He has a small chemical burn scar on his chin, that is partly covered by stubble - his vague attempts at growing a goatee. Tends to dress fairly laxly, tending to leave his shirts gaping little more than necessary. Swarthy skinned and tends to smirk a lot.
Personality: A serial flirt, Laklas often doesn't realise he's even flirting. He is never really serious in his flirting and rarely ever pursues a relationship, after he has "won" his target over. Teasing, irreverent and easily bored, he tends to skate through life on his (assumed) good looks. Chivalrous, but he tends to use it as a way to flirt. He is generally good humoured and slow to anger.
Bio: Born to a relatively normal family, Laklas had everything he needed (but not necessarily everything he wanted XD) as a child. Growing up in an equestrian family, he developed a love for horses and riding that nearly matched his desire to be a doctor, like his mother. Though a touch spoiled, Laklas likes to think of himself as a well-adjusted, average teen.
Skills and Abilities:
A skilled rider
Has a slightly advanced knowledge of first aid
Character Flaws:
Flirtatious
Irreverent
Teasing/a tease
Egotistical
Proud
Overly self-confident
Prone to drinking
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Status: Single
Likes: (at least 3)
- Flirting
- Horses and riding
- A good drink
- Girls
- A good joke
Dislikes: (at least 3)
- Clingy people
- Butterflies (for you, Strawberry wink )
- People who take themselves too seriously
- Early mornings
Again, guys, this is a character from my novel and, as such, I really hope not to see him used without my permission ,in any capacity. Similarly, all art is created by my fans, so I would also appreciate it not being used in any capacity.
Thanks heart
Art of Laklas, in the post, by StrawberryZombie heart
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Elen_Gilthoniel Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 8:12 am
Oh you... emotion_awesome Angela's been needing a punching bag... He's approved, and will stay in Obsidian dorm (*coughwithsethriancough*). Also... *shaves that scraggly peach fuzz* >=D
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