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 Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 7:01 am
Suicidesoldier#1 Azn_Akoni808 Suicidesoldier#1 Azn_Akoni808 Kekoa S. Paliluhi
Army
Bus
Arrival
Kekoa deeply stared down into the pages of his book as the bus came to a stop. He was at the climatic battle of the story where the samurai entered the Meji Castle getting ready to fight and die an honorable death as any natural soldier would. In little distraught since he probably knew he would never finish the best part, he closed his book at looked out the window. He gazed in awe as he saw the facilities around the Fort. He stepped off and looked around, many Drill Sargeants and recruits all moving with a purpose. He thought to himself " Very extraordinary... this should be fun... and I will get to meet new people."
He grabbed his stuff and waited upon orders of a Drill Sargeant. ((Good spelling, good grammar, good sentence structure, but you broke the AMP. You assumed that there were a ton of drill sergeants everywhere, which is against the AMP. Although doing so doesn't really give any harm, assuming drill sergeants, you could, unfortunately, assume that a million B-2 Bombers come out of nowhere and bomb a target. Due to the fine line in determining the difference between something unwanted, and something wanted in roleplay using this strategy, it is disallowed all together. So, fix up your amp infractions and you should be good! blaugh )) ((Your so keen on meeting the drill instructor aren't you? Oh well.))
Drill Sergeant
Military D.I's
Bus
ArrivalThe DI glared at the new recruits, Kekoa S. Paliluhi n, a menacing glow of hate pouring out of his body. The recruit's first display of action had been hellish, disgraceful, and down right putrid, but the DI fully capable of molding this hunk of clay and s**t into something useful, and that didn't smell so bad.. "ATTENTION! Recruit, forward march. Get in a line; alphabetically by height- I want to see entirely what you are capable of! Present your name, height, and weight recruits! Refer to yourself as 'this soldier' and not as 'I' as well. The drill sergeant barked and spat as he spoke, a blue vein trembling in the upper right corner of his forehead, almost like it was about ready to explode and gush torrents of blood all over the new recruit, mercilessly. The red hot intensity of a thousand burnings stars gleamed in his eyes, as the slaughter he was about to ensue heightened his level of excitement.
Army
Bus
Arrival
Kekoa quickly fell into the line and snapped to attention. He trained himself for the thousand yard stare that every soldier must perform at the position attention. He was fresh out of high school, a JROTC cadet of some sort, but none the less he was trained somewhat in a military fashion. He called out "Drill Sargeant this soldier's name is Kekoa Sun Quan Paliluhi, this soldier is 5'7" tall and this soldier weighs 143 pounds or 65 kilograms Drill Sargeant!" He sounded off remembering what he was taught in high school.
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 12:39 pm
Azn_Akoni808 Kekoa S. Paliluhi
Army
Bus
Arrival
Kekoa quickly fell into the line and snapped to attention. He trained himself for the thousand yard stare that every soldier must perform at the position attention. He was fresh out of high school, a JROTC cadet of some sort, but none the less he was trained somewhat in a military fashion. He called out "Drill Sargeant this soldier's name is Kekoa Sun Quan Paliluhi, this soldier is 5'7" tall and this soldier weighs 143 pounds or 65 kilograms Drill Sargeant!" He sounded off remembering what he was taught in high school.
Drill Sergeant
Military D.I's
Bus
ArrivalThe DI gave a quick up and down at the filth spewed out before him. These worthless hunks of clay were left in gruesome, grotesque oblong shapes scattered across the field, their husks and hulls just as pitiful as the mindless entities that resided inside of them. "Really? I didn't know that they stacked s**t that high. You're a heavy piece of s**t aren't you? The Smell is in order. Why don't you go and get in line with all the other pieces of s**t. As for your next order, I want all of you to remain in line, alphabetically by height and- god damn it are you gay soldier?" The drill sergeant had been pacing back and forward, and he barked and spat as he spoke, a blue vein trembling in the upper right corner of his forehead, almost like it was about ready to explode and gush torrents of blood all over the new recruits, mercilessly.
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:38 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 Azn_Akoni808 Kekoa S. Paliluhi
Army
Bus
Arrival
Kekoa quickly fell into the line and snapped to attention. He trained himself for the thousand yard stare that every soldier must perform at the position attention. He was fresh out of high school, a JROTC cadet of some sort, but none the less he was trained somewhat in a military fashion. He called out "Drill Sargeant this soldier's name is Kekoa Sun Quan Paliluhi, this soldier is 5'7" tall and this soldier weighs 143 pounds or 65 kilograms Drill Sargeant!" He sounded off remembering what he was taught in high school.
Drill Sergeant
Military D.I's
Bus
ArrivalThe DI gave a quick up and down at the filth spewed out before him. These worthless hunks of clay were left in gruesome, grotesque oblong shapes scattered across the field, their husks and hulls just as pitiful as the mindless entities that resided inside of them. "Really? I didn't know that they stacked s**t that high. You're a heavy piece of s**t aren't you? The Smell is in order. Why don't you go and get in line with all the other pieces of s**t. As for your next order, I want all of you to remain in line, alphabetically by height and- god damn it are you gay soldier?" The drill sergeant had been pacing back and forward, and he barked and spat as he spoke, a blue vein trembling in the upper right corner of his forehead, almost like it was about ready to explode and gush torrents of blood all over the new recruits, mercilessly.
Army
Bus
Arrival
Kekoa took none of the insults personally. He did as he was told, to stand in line alphabetically. He minded no attention to the other noises around him and focused on the task at hand, which was stand in line.
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Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:16 pm
Private Gregory Fitz
Marines
On a bus
Arrival
Gregory Fitz sat at the back of the bus on its way to boot camp. He didn't look around or move or talk to anyone. He simply stared out his window, watching the rocky ground pass him by. It irritated Greg that he had been sitting there for that long. It irritated him further that he was with close to thirty other people, none of which he knew. He could tell that they were already making judgments about who he was and what he was doing there. He didn't care about them, he didn't care about who they were and if they got in his way he would show them that he didn't care. Running his hand over his prickly shaved head Greg finally pulled his eyes from his seat to see an attractive blonde cadet sitting across from him. He didn't realize that she had been there the entire time and he smiled at her. She responded as he would've, giving a dirty look and then looking away. Erasing the smile from his face Greg looked out the window again and watched as the bus pulled in-between a fenced in area. He noticed that the guards who were standing at the gates looked about as angry as he felt. The rest of the group on the bus did as well now that he thought about it. The military wasn't an experience that he really wanted to participate in. He had no desire to die. He did however have a desire to gain a sense of unity, or clarity and of identity. He had a desire to escape his old life and the only way he could do that was by running away. His mother of course didn't approve of his new decision. She didn't approve of much that he did. Greg felt that this was the first good decision he had made, and as such he was going to see it through. Finally the bus came to a stop and the doors opened. He watched as all the recruits stood and one after the other made their way outside of the bus, finally he was able to move and move he did. Walking from his seat down the aisle to the door he stepped out and lined up. It was standard procedure he knew that.
Now where is that instructor Greg wondered to himself
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 11:09 am
Seth
Marines - Assassination Department (further info is classified)
Bus - Last Row
Unknown
Seth,an elite assassin,was given a mission to go back to the recruitment department and seek out a spy that the government had believed to be one of the most wanted. Listening to the Drill Sergeant scream at the new recruit began to give Seth a flashback of his previous assignment. Blood, Gore, Torture, Bullets passing by and the horror of watching close friends get ripped to peices. "Hmph, they'll hire anyone with a strong voice now n' days" he said under his breath. Seth liked to keep an overview of his surroundings and create a perimeter, so sitting in a corner seat all the way in the back of the bus seemed like the best solution. After a couple of hours, Seth grew bored; not because he was by himself or because the Drill Sergeant was still rambling on about rules and restrictions, but because he noticed that things never changed on what people said or did. No one could ever replace the few close friends he losed but Seth sort of expected someone to sit next to him and start of conversation, but it seemed that pratically everyone on the bus was terrified of him. So he began to ponder about himself...."Lets see, i have a trench coat that practically covers most of my face. I have a gunblade on each side but their fairly large so i guess that can be seen as threatening....and almost breaking a cadets arm wasn't the best introduction neither--- What am I worrying about? The mission is of top prio-" Seth suddenly noticed that the Drill Sergeant was walking to the back of the bus. "Oh great, now what....this guy is lucky that i'm not gonna break my cover and show him who he's gonna talk too...thats if he's even going to yell at me" Seth said under his breath again.
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:02 pm
Assassin VIII Seth
Marines - Assassination Department (further info is classified)
Bus - Last Row
UnknownSeth,an elite assassin,was given a mission to go back to the recruitment department and seek out a spy that the government had believed to be one of the most wanted. Listening to the Drill Sergeant scream at the new recruit began to give Seth a flashback of his previous assignment. Blood, Gore, Torture, Bullets passing by and the horror of watching close friends get ripped to peices. "Hmph, they'll hire anyone with a strong voice now n' days" he said under his breath. Seth liked to keep an overview of his surroundings and create a perimeter, so sitting in a corner seat all the way in the back of the bus seemed like the best solution. After a couple of hours, Seth grew bored; not because he was by himself or because the Drill Sergeant was still rambling on about rules and restrictions, but because he noticed that things never changed on what people said or did. No one could ever replace the few close friends he losed but Seth sort of expected someone to sit next to him and start of conversation, but it seemed that pratically everyone on the bus was terrified of him. So he began to ponder about himself...."Lets see, i have a trench coat that practically covers most of my face. I have a gunblade on each side but their fairly large so i guess that can be seen as threatening....and almost breaking a cadets arm wasn't the best introduction neither--- What am I worrying about? The mission is of top prio-" Seth suddenly noticed that the Drill Sergeant was walking to the back of the bus. "Oh great, now what....this guy is lucky that i'm not gonna break my cover and show him who he's gonna talk too...thats if he's even going to yell at me" Seth said under his breath again. ((lol. Very nice grammar and sentence structure. Decent spelling. Over-all your writing is very nice, and fine. The problem, oddly enough, is with your story. Your a normal recruit, not a super ninja assassin- at least not yet. As well, you don't need to be upset at the Drill Sergeant, all that proves is how easily upset you get. So, great writing skills! Just try writing as a normal recruit. As that's your character atm. xp ))
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:58 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 Assassin VIII Seth
Marines - Assassination Department (further info is classified)
Bus - Last Row
UnknownSeth,an elite assassin,was given a mission to go back to the recruitment department and seek out a spy that the government had believed to be one of the most wanted. Listening to the Drill Sergeant scream at the new recruit began to give Seth a flashback of his previous assignment. Blood, Gore, Torture, Bullets passing by and the horror of watching close friends get ripped to peices. "Hmph, they'll hire anyone with a strong voice now n' days" he said under his breath. Seth liked to keep an overview of his surroundings and create a perimeter, so sitting in a corner seat all the way in the back of the bus seemed like the best solution. After a couple of hours, Seth grew bored; not because he was by himself or because the Drill Sergeant was still rambling on about rules and restrictions, but because he noticed that things never changed on what people said or did. No one could ever replace the few close friends he losed but Seth sort of expected someone to sit next to him and start of conversation, but it seemed that pratically everyone on the bus was terrified of him. So he began to ponder about himself...."Lets see, i have a trench coat that practically covers most of my face. I have a gunblade on each side but their fairly large so i guess that can be seen as threatening....and almost breaking a cadets arm wasn't the best introduction neither--- What am I worrying about? The mission is of top prio-" Seth suddenly noticed that the Drill Sergeant was walking to the back of the bus. "Oh great, now what....this guy is lucky that i'm not gonna break my cover and show him who he's gonna talk too...thats if he's even going to yell at me" Seth said under his breath again. ((lol. Very nice grammar and sentence structure. Decent spelling. Over-all your writing is very nice, and fine. The problem, oddly enough, is with your story. Your a normal recruit, not a super ninja assassin- at least not yet. As well, you don't need to be upset at the Drill Sergeant, all that proves is how easily upset you get. So, great writing skills! Just try writing as a normal recruit. As that's your character atm. xp )) ((but notice the plot twist. And the character needs a personality ya know. Plus who doesnt get upset at drill segeants? lol im not really a ninja assassin, just a government issued assassin which gives me an incline to RP better,so its not like my character has done anything better than the rest yet =P
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:14 pm
Friar Thomas Private Gregory Fitz
Marines
On a bus
Arrival
Gregory Fitz sat at the back of the bus on its way to boot camp. He didn't look around or move or talk to anyone. He simply stared out his window, watching the rocky ground pass him by. It irritated Greg that he had been sitting there for that long. It irritated him further that he was with close to thirty other people, none of which he knew. He could tell that they were already making judgments about who he was and what he was doing there. He didn't care about them, he didn't care about who they were and if they got in his way he would show them that he didn't care. Running his hand over his prickly shaved head Greg finally pulled his eyes from his seat to see an attractive blonde cadet sitting across from him. He didn't realize that she had been there the entire time and he smiled at her. She responded as he would've, giving a dirty look and then looking away. Erasing the smile from his face Greg looked out the window again and watched as the bus pulled in-between a fenced in area. He noticed that the guards who were standing at the gates looked about as angry as he felt. The rest of the group on the bus did as well now that he thought about it. The military wasn't an experience that he really wanted to participate in. He had no desire to die. He did however have a desire to gain a sense of unity, or clarity and of identity. He had a desire to escape his old life and the only way he could do that was by running away. His mother of course didn't approve of his new decision. She didn't approve of much that he did. Greg felt that this was the first good decision he had made, and as such he was going to see it through. Finally the bus came to a stop and the doors opened. He watched as all the recruits stood and one after the other made their way outside of the bus, finally he was able to move and move he did. Walking from his seat down the aisle to the door he stepped out and lined up. It was standard procedure he knew that.
Now where is that instructor Greg wondered to himself ((Very nice spelling, sentence structure, grammar, and the like. You write very well, and everything seemed to flow well. You had a clear beginning, middle, and end which was nice, you hit on several key important topics (to your character) and very effectively portrayed your character (including references to the ways your character thought, like with his mother and what he though of other people and whatnot. Your motivations and your personality are also clear, which is very nice; you explicitly detailed your character in a story using narration and the like, which is very nice. But to be completely honest; although this doesn't reflect your writing skills... your character... or more or less your content... makes me want to gag. Very good job though! biggrin ))
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 5:33 pm
Assassin VIII Suicidesoldier#1 Assassin VIII Seth
Marines - Assassination Department (further info is classified)
Bus - Last Row
UnknownSeth,an elite assassin,was given a mission to go back to the recruitment department and seek out a spy that the government had believed to be one of the most wanted. Listening to the Drill Sergeant scream at the new recruit began to give Seth a flashback of his previous assignment. Blood, Gore, Torture, Bullets passing by and the horror of watching close friends get ripped to peices. "Hmph, they'll hire anyone with a strong voice now n' days" he said under his breath. Seth liked to keep an overview of his surroundings and create a perimeter, so sitting in a corner seat all the way in the back of the bus seemed like the best solution. After a couple of hours, Seth grew bored; not because he was by himself or because the Drill Sergeant was still rambling on about rules and restrictions, but because he noticed that things never changed on what people said or did. No one could ever replace the few close friends he losed but Seth sort of expected someone to sit next to him and start of conversation, but it seemed that pratically everyone on the bus was terrified of him. So he began to ponder about himself...."Lets see, i have a trench coat that practically covers most of my face. I have a gunblade on each side but their fairly large so i guess that can be seen as threatening....and almost breaking a cadets arm wasn't the best introduction neither--- What am I worrying about? The mission is of top prio-" Seth suddenly noticed that the Drill Sergeant was walking to the back of the bus. "Oh great, now what....this guy is lucky that i'm not gonna break my cover and show him who he's gonna talk too...thats if he's even going to yell at me" Seth said under his breath again. ((lol. Very nice grammar and sentence structure. Decent spelling. Over-all your writing is very nice, and fine. The problem, oddly enough, is with your story. Your a normal recruit, not a super ninja assassin- at least not yet. As well, you don't need to be upset at the Drill Sergeant, all that proves is how easily upset you get. So, great writing skills! Just try writing as a normal recruit. As that's your character atm. xp )) ((but notice the plot twist. And the character needs a personality ya know. Plus who doesnt get upset at drill segeants? lol im not really a ninja assassin, just a government issued assassin which gives me an incline to RP better,so its not like my character has done anything better than the rest yet =P ((Yeah, it's alright. I'd say it's almost good enough to pass. As long as you don't always come into every room being a super awesome assassin- you have to use your super awesome roleplaying skills to win sometimes. 3nodding ))
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 5:34 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 Friar Thomas Private Gregory Fitz
Marines
On a bus
Arrival
Gregory Fitz sat at the back of the bus on its way to boot camp. He didn't look around or move or talk to anyone. He simply stared out his window, watching the rocky ground pass him by. It irritated Greg that he had been sitting there for that long. It irritated him further that he was with close to thirty other people, none of which he knew. He could tell that they were already making judgments about who he was and what he was doing there. He didn't care about them, he didn't care about who they were and if they got in his way he would show them that he didn't care. Running his hand over his prickly shaved head Greg finally pulled his eyes from his seat to see an attractive blonde cadet sitting across from him. He didn't realize that she had been there the entire time and he smiled at her. She responded as he would've, giving a dirty look and then looking away. Erasing the smile from his face Greg looked out the window again and watched as the bus pulled in-between a fenced in area. He noticed that the guards who were standing at the gates looked about as angry as he felt. The rest of the group on the bus did as well now that he thought about it. The military wasn't an experience that he really wanted to participate in. He had no desire to die. He did however have a desire to gain a sense of unity, or clarity and of identity. He had a desire to escape his old life and the only way he could do that was by running away. His mother of course didn't approve of his new decision. She didn't approve of much that he did. Greg felt that this was the first good decision he had made, and as such he was going to see it through. Finally the bus came to a stop and the doors opened. He watched as all the recruits stood and one after the other made their way outside of the bus, finally he was able to move and move he did. Walking from his seat down the aisle to the door he stepped out and lined up. It was standard procedure he knew that.
Now where is that instructor Greg wondered to himself ((Very nice spelling, sentence structure, grammar, and the like. You write very well, and everything seemed to flow well. You had a clear beginning, middle, and end which was nice, you hit on several key important topics (to your character) and very effectively portrayed your character (including references to the ways your character thought, like with his mother and what he though of other people and whatnot. Your motivations and your personality are also clear, which is very nice; you explicitly detailed your character in a story using narration and the like, which is very nice. But to be completely honest; although this doesn't reflect your writing skills... your character... or more or less your content... makes me want to gag. Very good job though! biggrin )) (( so does that mean I pass? lol))
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 5:48 pm
Friar Thomas Suicidesoldier#1 Friar Thomas Private Gregory Fitz
Marines
On a bus
Arrival
Gregory Fitz sat at the back of the bus on its way to boot camp. He didn't look around or move or talk to anyone. He simply stared out his window, watching the rocky ground pass him by. It irritated Greg that he had been sitting there for that long. It irritated him further that he was with close to thirty other people, none of which he knew. He could tell that they were already making judgments about who he was and what he was doing there. He didn't care about them, he didn't care about who they were and if they got in his way he would show them that he didn't care. Running his hand over his prickly shaved head Greg finally pulled his eyes from his seat to see an attractive blonde cadet sitting across from him. He didn't realize that she had been there the entire time and he smiled at her. She responded as he would've, giving a dirty look and then looking away. Erasing the smile from his face Greg looked out the window again and watched as the bus pulled in-between a fenced in area. He noticed that the guards who were standing at the gates looked about as angry as he felt. The rest of the group on the bus did as well now that he thought about it. The military wasn't an experience that he really wanted to participate in. He had no desire to die. He did however have a desire to gain a sense of unity, or clarity and of identity. He had a desire to escape his old life and the only way he could do that was by running away. His mother of course didn't approve of his new decision. She didn't approve of much that he did. Greg felt that this was the first good decision he had made, and as such he was going to see it through. Finally the bus came to a stop and the doors opened. He watched as all the recruits stood and one after the other made their way outside of the bus, finally he was able to move and move he did. Walking from his seat down the aisle to the door he stepped out and lined up. It was standard procedure he knew that.
Now where is that instructor Greg wondered to himself ((Very nice spelling, sentence structure, grammar, and the like. You write very well, and everything seemed to flow well. You had a clear beginning, middle, and end which was nice, you hit on several key important topics (to your character) and very effectively portrayed your character (including references to the ways your character thought, like with his mother and what he though of other people and whatnot. Your motivations and your personality are also clear, which is very nice; you explicitly detailed your character in a story using narration and the like, which is very nice. But to be completely honest; although this doesn't reflect your writing skills... your character... or more or less your content... makes me want to gag. Very good job though! biggrin )) (( so does that mean I pass? lol)) ((lol, yes. blaugh Although in rl EVERYONE IN A FREAKING BUS isn't going to look at you or judge you; as a matter of fact, probably, no one will notice you or even care that you're there, if they do notice you. And a lot more stereotypical hollywood bullshit portrayed to people in movies portrayed by you. eek But yes, you passed! blaugh ))
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 11:32 pm
Daemon Roco
Army
Bus
Arrival
Daemon Roco leaned back in his seat on the bus, one leg crossed sideways. He had to stare out his window; if he didn't, the rocking of the bus would set off his motion sickness. Vomiting on an already unpleasant ride wasn't his idea of a good first impression. It made him look weak, and looking weak was easily highest on the list of Daemon's pet peeves. He'd signed up for service just to avoid that perception. "No one's stronger than our men in service," the advertisements read. That's one hell of a message for someone who'd been picked on throughout his childhood. The chance, the opportunity, the remote possibility to not be the whipping boy- he'd do it for free. Those kind of thoughts got him to the recruitment center, on this bus, and now to his destiny. With a slight screech, the bus stopped at its destination- boot camp. Basic's not gonna be a breeze, Daemon thought, but I'll be damned if I'll give up here. He stepped off the bus, ready to face his Drill Instructor, silently preparing for the stereotypical instructor of Hollywood fame.
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Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:01 am
Suicidesoldier#1 Assassin VIII Suicidesoldier#1 Assassin VIII Seth
Marines - Assassination Department (further info is classified)
Bus - Last Row
UnknownSeth,an elite assassin,was given a mission to go back to the recruitment department and seek out a spy that the government had believed to be one of the most wanted. Listening to the Drill Sergeant scream at the new recruit began to give Seth a flashback of his previous assignment. Blood, Gore, Torture, Bullets passing by and the horror of watching close friends get ripped to peices. "Hmph, they'll hire anyone with a strong voice now n' days" he said under his breath. Seth liked to keep an overview of his surroundings and create a perimeter, so sitting in a corner seat all the way in the back of the bus seemed like the best solution. After a couple of hours, Seth grew bored; not because he was by himself or because the Drill Sergeant was still rambling on about rules and restrictions, but because he noticed that things never changed on what people said or did. No one could ever replace the few close friends he losed but Seth sort of expected someone to sit next to him and start of conversation, but it seemed that pratically everyone on the bus was terrified of him. So he began to ponder about himself...."Lets see, i have a trench coat that practically covers most of my face. I have a gunblade on each side but their fairly large so i guess that can be seen as threatening....and almost breaking a cadets arm wasn't the best introduction neither--- What am I worrying about? The mission is of top prio-" Seth suddenly noticed that the Drill Sergeant was walking to the back of the bus. "Oh great, now what....this guy is lucky that i'm not gonna break my cover and show him who he's gonna talk too...thats if he's even going to yell at me" Seth said under his breath again. ((lol. Very nice grammar and sentence structure. Decent spelling. Over-all your writing is very nice, and fine. The problem, oddly enough, is with your story. Your a normal recruit, not a super ninja assassin- at least not yet. As well, you don't need to be upset at the Drill Sergeant, all that proves is how easily upset you get. So, great writing skills! Just try writing as a normal recruit. As that's your character atm. xp )) ((but notice the plot twist. And the character needs a personality ya know. Plus who doesnt get upset at drill segeants? lol im not really a ninja assassin, just a government issued assassin which gives me an incline to RP better,so its not like my character has done anything better than the rest yet =P ((Yeah, it's alright. I'd say it's almost good enough to pass. As long as you don't always come into every room being a super awesome assassin- you have to use your super awesome roleplaying skills to win sometimes. 3nodding )) ((actually,im setting the mood and tone so I wont be the best. No is ya know. And everyone's a critic eh? >=3 lol So do I pass and continue on? This becomes a real drag cuz i have to do this Basic trainning for all these military guilds,lol They should create a profile of what I've done and let me get my rank from their. I guess that would explain "super awsome assassin" for ya? lol i'll just stay as is. My character will stay undercover anyhow.......... but uhhh........IM READY FOR COMBAT DRILL SERGEANT! lol)) Seth watches the D.I. steadily move to the back of the bus and awaits the Drill Sergeants order. Seth suddenly feels bus come to a full stop...
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Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 10:20 am
Suicidesoldier#1 Friar Thomas Suicidesoldier#1 Friar Thomas Private Gregory Fitz
Marines
On a bus
Arrival
Gregory Fitz sat at the back of the bus on its way to boot camp. He didn't look around or move or talk to anyone. He simply stared out his window, watching the rocky ground pass him by. It irritated Greg that he had been sitting there for that long. It irritated him further that he was with close to thirty other people, none of which he knew. He could tell that they were already making judgments about who he was and what he was doing there. He didn't care about them, he didn't care about who they were and if they got in his way he would show them that he didn't care. Running his hand over his prickly shaved head Greg finally pulled his eyes from his seat to see an attractive blonde cadet sitting across from him. He didn't realize that she had been there the entire time and he smiled at her. She responded as he would've, giving a dirty look and then looking away. Erasing the smile from his face Greg looked out the window again and watched as the bus pulled in-between a fenced in area. He noticed that the guards who were standing at the gates looked about as angry as he felt. The rest of the group on the bus did as well now that he thought about it. The military wasn't an experience that he really wanted to participate in. He had no desire to die. He did however have a desire to gain a sense of unity, or clarity and of identity. He had a desire to escape his old life and the only way he could do that was by running away. His mother of course didn't approve of his new decision. She didn't approve of much that he did. Greg felt that this was the first good decision he had made, and as such he was going to see it through. Finally the bus came to a stop and the doors opened. He watched as all the recruits stood and one after the other made their way outside of the bus, finally he was able to move and move he did. Walking from his seat down the aisle to the door he stepped out and lined up. It was standard procedure he knew that.
Now where is that instructor Greg wondered to himself ((Very nice spelling, sentence structure, grammar, and the like. You write very well, and everything seemed to flow well. You had a clear beginning, middle, and end which was nice, you hit on several key important topics (to your character) and very effectively portrayed your character (including references to the ways your character thought, like with his mother and what he though of other people and whatnot. Your motivations and your personality are also clear, which is very nice; you explicitly detailed your character in a story using narration and the like, which is very nice. But to be completely honest; although this doesn't reflect your writing skills... your character... or more or less your content... makes me want to gag. Very good job though! biggrin )) (( so does that mean I pass? lol)) ((lol, yes. blaugh Although in rl EVERYONE IN A FREAKING BUS isn't going to look at you or judge you; as a matter of fact, probably, no one will notice you or even care that you're there, if they do notice you. And a lot more stereotypical hollywood bullshit portrayed to people in movies portrayed by you. eek But yes, you passed! blaugh )) ((Cool... but now that the marines aren't a branch would I be infantry?))
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Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 2:01 pm
-HD Zantetsai- Daemon Roco
Army
Bus
ArrivalDaemon Roco leaned back in his seat on the bus, one leg crossed sideways. He had to stare out his window; if he didn't, the rocking of the bus would set off his motion sickness. Vomiting on an already unpleasant ride wasn't his idea of a good first impression. It made him look weak, and looking weak was easily highest on the list of Daemon's pet peeves. He'd signed up for service just to avoid that perception. "No one's stronger than our men in service," the advertisements read. That's one hell of a message for someone who'd been picked on throughout his childhood. The chance, the opportunity, the remote possibility to not be the whipping boy- he'd do it for free. Those kind of thoughts got him to the recruitment center, on this bus, and now to his destiny. With a slight screech, the bus stopped at its destination- boot camp. Basic's not gonna be a breeze, Daemon thought, but I'll be damned if I'll give up here. He stepped off the bus, ready to face his Drill Instructor, silently preparing for the stereotypical instructor of Hollywood fame. Colonel Roy M. Archer Air force; Interim D.I. Marshaling Grounds Drilling duties. Roy would give staunch unfeeling looks to the new arrivals shipped in... He would then look down to a list of the new Recruits before handing it off to First Lieutenant Riza H. Archer, His (younger) twin sister... He then looked to the men before he shouted out, "All right you greenhorns, Line up into straight groups of 5 Persons across and 5 Persons Vertically! Now move!". He would wait and watch as the Recruits moved.
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