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 Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:18 pm
Dear Alice,
Thank you! Actually, if I'm not mistaken I've seen him before. He IS cute. <3 I'll head right over.
Do you think he likes love-ropes?
Gratefully yours,
He-swings-both-ways
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:20 pm
Dear He-Swings-Both-Ways:
Almost certainly! :3 Be sure to compliment him on his wrists. He loves that. Oh, and give him a smack on the bum. And give his friend, Mal, a smack on the bum too. His is better anyway.
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:21 pm
Dear Alice,
After watching them for a while, I've discovered that my brother has a certain dislike for my fiance.
I've been given several long lectures about my betrothal, and my brother tends to avoid my fiance whenever he pays a visit.
And yet I am unsure whether it is dislike, or something else. I think that the first could be very problematic in the future. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Wishing They Could Get Along
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:24 pm
Dear Wishing-They-Could-Get-Along:
First, steal their socks. Mail them to me. You know the drill.
Then steal their shirts. Don't mail those to me. Give them a wash. A possible reason for your brother's avoidance could be because your fiance stinks.
Finally, lock them in a Shame Corner together. Don't be disturbed by any noises that emerge from the Shame Corner.
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:28 pm
Dear Alice,
Regarding your response about the Shame Corner, I am sorry to inform you that the case you have mentioned is within the boundaries of an establishment I run, and that said Shame Corner is a one-person-only room.
You may advise that, instead of the Shame Corner, they may rent a back room instead.
Adoringly,
T.C.P.
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:33 pm
Dear T.C.P.:
Thank you for your insight. You're completely correct. I should have told them to rent a backroom. This is, of course, on the basis that they do not have a Shame Corner of their own. Wishing did not mention whether or not there is a Shame Corner on her premises. I assumed that there was.
If anyone requires a Shame Corner, however, I strongly encourage them to check out the private rooms available at The Charming Penguin. They have damn good whiskey too, just in case anyone needs some motivation. :3
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 3:44 pm
Dear Alice,
I think I must be going mad. I have memories of being a dragon, but I'm clearly, definitely, depressingly human. What can I do?
Sincerely,
Missing Flight
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Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 4:06 pm
Dear Missing Flight:
I strongly suggest laying off the shrooms, alcoholic beverages, and whatever you're smoking.
Sincerely,
Alice
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Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 11:17 pm
Dear Alice,
I'm trying to avoid someone.. but he's following me around and leading my brother after me as well. How do I lose a big green griffon and my brother before they catch up and make me go home?
Sincerely, Running-From-Home
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Posted: Sat May 19, 2007 9:08 pm
Dear Alice,
I've been trying to find my male gryph a perfect mate, but he has only been chasing after male gryphs. Should I be concerned about this? I don't see how or why he is chasing after others of his own gender.
Sincerely,
Arisella
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Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 9:09 am
<"Alice" pulls a piece of paper out of the envelope only to a page filled with illegible scrawl that looks as though a griffon was trying to write on it.>
!()#(*%&#)$*@)*$)(*^)#)@(*@)&)(^T*$)*@)*?
!(*@)#*%)(&@)(*@)(*$)(*^)(#*)(@*#()*%&!
!)(@#*$)(&%)(#@*)@)(!*#)(*%)(@#)(*!)#(%&#...
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Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 11:21 am
..::sneaks into "Alice's" office, looks through letters, and begins to write::..
Dear Runny,
Is your brother leading the griffin to you, or is the griffin leading your brother to you? Or is the griffin your brother? If so, perhaps you ought to go home and have a nice chat with your parents about the fact that there are some twisted branches in your family tree. Perhaps that's why your griffin is green, which is hardly a color which tends to occur in nature in either birds of prey or cats.
In terms of advice, dye the griffin's feathers so that your brother (or was it the griffin?) will stop following it because it will be a different color.
Or send it a free subscription to PlayGriffin to keep it otherwise occupied.
"Alice"
..::fully expects to be mauled for breaking and entering, not to mention interfering with the post service::..
..::Feylin's Note::..
When the prince of ferrets returns, or if anyone objects, I'll be quite happy to delete this post.
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:41 am
..::not having been mauled, the sneak thief continues::..
Dear Carisella,
There seems to be a grave problem here. Depending on whether you are right or left wing (ha ha) you may believe differently, but it is possible that your boy-griffin is gay and trying to tell you politely that he likes boy-griffins, and not girl-griffins. On the other hand, it is possible that your eyesight is failing you and your girl-griffin is not gay, and trying to tell you politely that she likes boy-griffins and not girl-griffins.
As to whether this ought to concern you, no, not overly so. It really depends on how you feel about gays and poor eyesight. If such matters concern you, then, yes, you ought to be concerned.
I will raise a third point: have you considered that your griffin may be undergoing a Sexy Squad initiation, or that something of great value to your griffin may have been stolen and he seeks only to discover the culprit? Is said griffin missing any pretty pebbles or interestingly shaped leaves?
In any event, please let me know how everything turns out.
"Alice"
..::the sneak thief rises and leaves via the window, satisfied with a job well done::..
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 1:13 pm
Malikztiah Ankhere Dear Alice,
I'm trying to avoid someone.. but he's following me around and leading my brother after me as well. How do I lose a big green griffon and my brother before they catch up and make me go home?
Sincerely, Running-From-Home
Dear Running:
Get a boyfriend who looks like he eats screws every morning for breakfast before moving onto nails. Kiss him in public. Often.
In my experience, that makes everyone avoid you.
Sincerely,
Alice
P.S.: Look into your family history. Not because you need to check if you're part gryphon, but look for possibly blackmail. Actually, being secrely part gryphon WOULD be good blackmail... hmm... damn my insistence that writers use fake names.
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 1:16 pm
ice_demon_20 Dear Alice, I've been trying to find my male gryph a perfect mate, but he has only been chasing after male gryphs. Should I be concerned about this? I don't see how or why he is chasing after others of his own gender. Sincerely, Arisella
Dear Arisella:
Now that you mention it, I have the perfect girlfriend for you! She's fun, she's adorable, and she has great big huge b... wait... what's that? You don't want to be set up with someone you've never met before?
I'm sure your gryphon doesn't either.
Never get involved with a gryphon's love life. Trust me. I tried it once and my shoes were filled with gryphon vomit for weeks.
And it's impossible to remove gryphon-vomit stench from shoes.
Sincerely,
Alice
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