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 Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:14 pm
She shook her head and would not look at him. "Your words are empty, stallion." She turned her head away, gazing into the distance. "You, who claim to understand mares and what they want so well.... you understand nothing of what I believe, or how I feel about myself." Which apparently was true. For though she made light of such things generally, never expecting anything from the stallions who sought her out, the way she saw herself was not through their eyes. At least, not as they thought they saw her.
No, she saw herself as they must, down deep. She was something to be used, to be appreciated, and then to be left behind. "If you yourself, who love all things about all mares, cannot see beyond my body...," she trailed off and shook her head, bowing it so that forelock fell completely across her face to mask her eyes. "No, there is no worth in me besides my body. If there had been, surely by now someone would have made me believe it." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "But no... there is no reason to believe it myself, when all those eyes behold me as nothing much beyond a convenience for the time being."
There was a moment of silence before hre head came up again, and she stepped further away from him. She spoke brusquely, still avoiding his gaze. "Even you, dear boy, see me as a thing to be enjoyed in the here and now, only to be forgotten until the next time the urge strikes you to find pleasure in my 'company' again." Very quiet emphasis on the word company, a self-mocking for the deception she agreed to play, each and every time.
She turned and finally met his eyes. "If you do not believe love exists, even with all your warm charms and sweet words, then what hope can I hold for myself, in a world that sees me as a commodity?"
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:29 pm
Smiling wryly, Guilian gave Luca a shrug. "Truly, Chica? I understand as much as I am capable of understanding, but when it comes to the concept of romantic love, it is the equivalent of asking a fish about flight. If you are drawing assumptions based on the opinions of a stallion who has nothing to even THINK of the topic at hand, then I pity you even more. I don't beleive that there is one individual out there for us each to enjoy exclusively, but that doesn't mean I can't believe in friendships, other relationships, or be otherwise optimistic."
Looking squarely at Luca, Guilian's expression was rather calm considering the circumstances. "Just because I don't always wish to sleep with you doesn't mean I don't enjoy your company, Chica, nor does it mean that I would 'brush you off'. That you would think that is rather chagrinning, but perhaps not surprising."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:44 pm
Her ears pinned all the way back to her head. "I do not speak of romantic love at all. You stallions are all the same. You think with one part of your anatomy and you think that is all there is to it. No wonder you don't believe in real love, if you think it is romantic."
She was truly worked up now. She should never have opened up to him, and she regretted it bitterly now. A fool she was indeed. She bared her teeth at him and sidled away. "Not surprising indeed." She sidled further away, one eye rolling as if he were a predator. "Nevermind then. I will take my ridiculous ideas and sexy body elsewhere and not trouble you. I never asked for anything from you, save perhaps a little fun." She backed up a step, eyes still wild.
"You asked me what was wrong. You asked questions about what I believed, and why I didn't believe in myself." She shook her head. "But in all that, you have no real comfort to offer, and I am sorry that I shared such private, PERSONAL things with you. Things you have no way of comprehending." The tears came now, dripping steadily down her jaw. "I should have known never to speak to a stallion about how I felt. About what I needed."
She pinned him with a sudden tightly focused look. "I knew how you believed, but I also trusted. You merely prove what I've learned before, Guilian. That I am nothing worth caring for. Merely used." She spun as if to gallop off in a rush, but paused. "Don't worry yourself about me. Give me time to harden my heart and not care again. I'm sure you will find me willing and shallow again, as I'm sure you would prefer it." Her last words were murmured, not meant for his ears. "As you all do."
It was with that she moved off, her gait strained but highly collected, a mockery of her usual grace, but the only way she could contain herself, keep it all locked inside. Letting it out never did any good. Ever.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:54 pm
Watching Luca walk off, one brow arched up slowly into a perfect expression of 'alrighty then.' He wasn't exactly sure where all of that hostility had come from, but it was there and evident, because...
Because? He couldn't say. Maybe it was truly worries about her future, maybe it was concern about her present; maybe she felt incomlplete. That was something mares worried about, right? Still, he wasn't going to even try and fathom her logic.
She didn't care about romantic love? Then what was she worrying about? She could just find a good female friend to keep her company in old age and she'd be fine.
Still, he knew better than to try and follow female logic these days. Hadn't Izusa taught him that much? He'd accomplished what he'd set out to do, at any rate; anything beyond that was too much. Anymore of this was definitely too much. He needed to get some actual peace...
Time to go see what Ariston was up to.
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