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| What are you? |
| Invisible. |
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52% |
[ 9 ] |
| Exiled royalty. |
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29% |
[ 5 ] |
| A partially-disembowled corpse. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| A poll whore. |
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17% |
[ 3 ] |
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| Total Votes : 17 |
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 Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:55 pm
Perhaps you wonder why, in the section where I'm supposed to be writing about myself, I have listed my favorite authors, favorite movies, and am starting on my favorite manga and plan to add more such things?
This is because I am poor at describing myself, for I view myself through prejudiced eyes, but by listing those things which appeal to me, those things which I love, I may grant those who read it a glimpse into what sort of person I am. After all, it is no great feat to determine something of a person's character based on their interests.
So, rather than tell you silly things, like that my real name is Bethany and that I have two cats and belong to too many extracurricular clubs, I have opted to share things about myself which are truly useful if one hopes to gain insight into my being. I doubt anyone does, but there might be someone out there who's interestd. Maybe.
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:57 am
..::statement of emo-ness and regret::..
From the time I was three years old, I danced. I would learn any kind of dance available to me, from ballet to liturgical, though I always loved ballet, modern, and jazz the best and hated tap.
My freshman year of high school, I suffered an identity crisis of sorts. I wanted so much to be able to be with my friends. I felt them pulling away from me because I was never around, because I was always at dance class. By that time, I was going to school about forty hours a week, and dancing about twenty hours a week.
I loved to dance, but I missed my friends. I couldn't stand to be constantly alone, and it felt like I was, because my friends at the Studio were gone, too. Caitlin had graduated, Kaitlin had moved to Ohio, and Kristina had quit dancing. I knew that at the end of the year, Brett would graduate, as would the Ashleys and Tinya.
So I started skipping dance classes. First the classes I didn't particularly like anyway, tap and character and partnering, though I had finally reached a level where I could take partnering classes. I was incredibly self-conscious about my weight, and for a dancer I was obese (I'm even heavier now, though), and so I hated partnering class, because I was always afraid I would be paired with Brett and he would realize how fat I was. Even being paired with one of the other guys terrified me, because I was afraid he would talk with Brett and mention how heavy I was.
And the thing was, the friends I wanted to become closer to once more, they had no time for me. They had written me off. I don't blame them now. After all, when they had made overtures, I had always replied that I had dance class, and I had made it abundantly clear that dance was more important to me than friendship. So once more I was alone, and I was miserable dancing because I was alone there, too.
What's worse, I had started to feel shooting pains in my lower back, and sometimes my right hip would pop out of its socket and nothing I could do would make it return to its proper place. It frightened me dreadfully, because dance is all about having complete control over one's body. A dancer becomes great because she can direct her body to obey her every whim, no matter how impossible the action may seem. That I could no longer control my own body, something over which I had always had perfect control, was like a waking nightmare. And it kept getting worse.
Meanwhile, I did make other friends. I fell in with the intellectual otakus at my school. I felt, particularly with Court, that I might have found kindred people in that group. We were very, very alike. It was such a blessing, I thought, to have a friend like her, who hadn't known me before high school, and who didn't know me as a dancer, only as a peer with similar interests and a common knowledge of esoterica.
A trip to Broadway for my birthday just after the school year ended made it impossible for me to hide the fact that I was working wounded from my mum anymore. It's hard to hide the fact that putting on a pair of socks is an ordeal when you're sharing a hotel room with someone, and even harder to hide when your hip pops during the last scene of Rent, rendering you incapable of standing or walking for nearly fifteen minutes - the fifteen minutes in which the theatre is emptying.
My concerned mother took me to a doctor when we got home, where I went through a long series of x-rays, MRIs, and other fun let's-look-inside-the-body examinations. My fourth and fifth lumbar vertebrae are sitting directly on top of one another. I hadn't just herniated the disc. I had pulverized it.
The doctor said he had never seen such a severe case, and he had no idea how I even managed to function. He said that I shouldn't be able to move, and that the sort of pain this sort of injury caused should have been debilitating. I told him that I was a dancer, and that dancers are atheletes. We work through pain until we don't feel it anymore. He said that the injury could have occurred at any time in the last five years, so there was no way of knowing how it had happened, really. He told me that if I wanted to continue to walk, I had to give up dancing and any other activity which might exacerbate my condition.
I wanted to keep walking. I like being mobile. To be paralyzed, wheelchair-bound is one of my personal nightmares. So I agreed to give up dance, since I had been on that path anyway in my quest for friendship and acceptance. The thing is, I had already discovered that friendship wasn't worth it, and that while dance made me terribly unhappy, I loved it more than I could ever want to have friends, and that when I was actually dancing I was happier than any human being could make me. I wanted to go back already, and the fact that dance was now forbidden to me made the loss that much harder.
I wonder, sometimes, if I hadn't been injured, if I had the option of returning to dance whenever I wished, if I would want to go back. But I do. I still do, and I'm a senior in high school now. I think I will always want to dance more than anything else. I've never felt as beautiful as when I was dancing, nor as happy, even though I spent most of my time feeling fat, ugly, and depressed.
I have friends, but we're not close, really. I'm even friends with the people I thought had abandoned me freshman year. Even with them, though, we aren't close. Everything's been said between us, and I've never quite forgiven them for freshman year, and I think they know it. Court is the only otaku I still count among my friends, and we aren't close. Our priorities are different, and it makes it difficult for us to find time to spend together, and often we brush each other off without thinking about it. I know that in my case it hurts when she does it to me, and I regret doing it later when I do it to her, but neither of us stops doing it altogether
So what's the final word? Will I go emo and slash my wrists? No. I'm past that point. I look ahead, to college, and I hope that there I can completely forget the person I am, and the person I have been, and become someone else entirely. Someone else whose children will never, ever dance.
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 5:01 pm
..::statement of satisfaction::..
I have completed all of my homework, presided over a bookcart drill team rehearsal, walked on the beach with a Japanese exchange student, and shaved my legs all in one day. I think that I deserve a gold star.
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Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 1:01 pm
..::statement of great importance::..
Okay, from this point on, here is what is going on with my characters:
Everything written in The Eyrie holds until the post where Silence meets the dragon Yssriyyash. From that point, it changes thus:
Trill led Silence to a cave where Yssriyyash was studying a cursed tome with the intent of breaking the curse, and Silence, understandably surprised, gasped, distracting the dragon from what he was doing. This lapse in his concentration allowed the tome's curse to take effect, forcing Yssriyyash into a human form and stealing Silence's hearing. Trill was remarkably unscathed. After that, Yssriyyash fled in shame, not sticking around to see what had happened to the human who had intruded upon his work, and Silence returned to the Eyrie in shock. And then the story follows similar lines once more, with Patience, Valour, and Courage working with Silence to help her cope without her sense of hearing. It changes again. Yssriyyash returned to the Eyrie, seeking the girl who had distracted him, hoping if he found her and re-created the conditions of his experiment in reverse he would be restored to his draconian state. When that failed, he left once more in disgust. Follow the posts as written for a time, with Patience teaching Silence to expand her perceptions and read people, since as a healer and physician he knows how to do these things, and scratch the bit where Yssriyyash gives Silence the ability to read minds. From there, everything is the same, except that Yssriyyash arrives just in time to rescue Silence in a human form and helps her escape. Later that night, she will meet with and bid farewell to Patience, and then she and Yssriyyash, who is calling himself Goren, will set off at a walk with Trill away from the Eyrie.
With regards to the other RPs and posts I made with Meshach or Goren or Yssriyyash, assume that he is human, not a shape-shifted dragon, and he killed Sere. She didn't die of fright, though that is what he told Silence anyway. They also did not fly mostly, since Trill could not carry two people, but Silence was still flying on Trill's back and did fall, breaking her arm.
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