Journal Entry -- 001
Dear gods above I think I'm going to break.
I hate him. I hate that lovely little Phlegm. He's so perfect and self-righteous and...gods I shouldn't hate him but I do.
Lior...oh gods above Lior...I can hardly see the page I'm writing on, heaven knows that it's never been my strong suit, writing, save to write up idiotic poetry and simpering tokens of love and affection.
Never meant them.
Never meant them till I wrote them for him.
He was mine...I was his...that's the way that things were meant to be, weren't they? We could have taken on the world and won, I guess I believed that, that we could break all the rules and walk through the fire...and in the end there would be just us.
Apparently we can't even survive three weeks.
In helping a friend, I have lost...perhaps lost more than I care to think about at this point in time.
He's just...heartbreakingly gorgeous...sweet and playful and...just about everything I'd ever wanted in a bedmate and companion.
I made the mistake of thinking that he would be able to seek me out. Apparently he...tried and failed. He thought I had left him for another. So he moved on...forgot about me...refused to hurt for me...and I met him again today with an adorable little Phlegm on his arm.
Can't tell me to my face...not until I appear before him. Not until I confronted him. I know...I looked angry...but I just want to break, I have broken perhaps, and I'm not sure if I can pick up the pieces.
So long, Zethyr, you're not good enough. And if I'm not good enough to get him back then perhaps...perhaps I shouldn't care anymore. My life was nothing but idiocy and meaningless bedroom romps before now anyway...
None of those people want me back either.
I've had someone that love me for who I was.
I don't think I can ever cease to love him.
Forgive me, Lior, I'm not sure how I can continue to care about anything without you. You became the one thing I looked to.
Gods how I've missed you...your touch, your smile...seeing your eyes light up when you're happy.
I'm waiting for your answer, Li-Love...I'm still waiting.
--Zethyr
