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 Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:20 am
Lucius thought for a moment on how to properly phrase his question, then let it fly. "How do you feel about me, how do you feel for me, and why?" He asked, not looking at her, but instead focused on the forest ahead, his mind wondering what her reply would be.
"Also, as to why, what part of it is the most important in being a factor to the first two parts of the question?" He was curious as to her feelings about him and for him, and he knew whatever the answer was, he was ready to accept them.
Acting on them however, would have to wait, because he wasn't quite ready for that kind of step.
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:36 am
Kethara stop walking looking down at the ground as she through it over in her head about his question. Looking up she smiles "When I'm with you Luc I feel like I have a reason to be here. I could face anything knowing that in the end I could turn to you and your simple smile, or just hearing your voice would make everything going wrong seem right." pausing she looks up at the sky looking at the stars.
"I don't feel lost when I'm near you, like the millions stars above us. I feel whole and I can find my way." looking back at him she gives him a weak smile "I know I scare you, these feelings I have for you scare me more then I am willing to show anyone. It hit me hard at how much I just wanted to be with you, to be the girl you want to be with." looking away from him she bites her bottom lip.
"Love is something I don't understand, but if this is what it is then that is how I feel for you. I want to be in your life Luc, I just don't want to lose you by saying or doing something wrong. As far as important, your important, its why I'm making myself learn to be patient and not just try to get what I want. I want you to be comfortable with me and be able to come to me when your ready, I'll wait no matter what." she pauses her wings fluttering behind her. She just open the doors she knew to getting shot down, she left herself open and that scare her.
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 1:11 am
Lucius chuckled, "All this for little old me, I'm flattered," He shook his headly slowly as he turned on his heel to face her, bowing his head slightly. "I am honored actually, more than flattered."
"To say that I don't have feelings for you would be a lie Kethara, I honestly do like you, and I think that like is growing into something more than just a smiple feeling of friendship, of comradeship. I don't think you have anything to fear of another girl coming along to steal my heart, mainly because I probably won't meet any," Probably a terrible thing to say, but Lucius was going to be honest today.
"I'm not sure I can say without feeling guilty later that I'm in love with you Ara, it would be a lot easier if I could, I'll grant that, but it's not where I'm at right now. My parents were right about that, I'm really too young to know what love actually is, I might be twitterpated, I might be sprung on you, but all I could be is childishly infatuated, and I don't want to risk breaking your heart later by making promises to you know when I'm not ready."
Lucius had spent a good deal of time reading about love, definitons, stories, things like that. He had discovered in himself, that he lacked a lot of the resolve of many of the men in the stories and a lot of the base things in the defintions. He still felt like he needed his space, he wasn't ready to settle down with a girl yet, his parents had been right, and he was realizing that now. He wanted to explore!
While he had to admit, some of that explortation wanted to be in the differences between boy-people and girl-people, and he wouldn't mind exploring those differences with Kethara, he also knew that he did not want to jeapordize the ONLY friendship he had right now, with someone that was not a family member. He realized that he did care about Kethara enough to not want to use her just to further his own thrist for knowledge, or to silence his screaming horemones.
"Give me some time, and I'll probably be head over heels for you Kethara, I just need... Time I guess, to figure out what love really is, I wish I could say that what you said applies to me, but it doesn't yet, and I realized that a few days ago as I thought it over. I care for you, but right now, I know that I don't love you. Not like that, not yet." He smiled at her. "That could change though, it could change tomorrow, or next week, or in a second, I don't know when, I don't know how. But it could. If I figured anything out while I did my soul searching, it's that emotions are fickle creatures at best, they move in ways that I can never quite figure out. If anything, I want to say that I don't want to hold you down, and that, if a guy comes along to sweep you off your feet, and you find him to be a better guy than me, go for it, I don't want to hold you back from an opertunity like that. Sure, I'll probably regret it later in life, but you'll be happy, and I know that if you're happy, then I will be."
That said he waited, his smile still on his face. What he'd said were his feelings, he had to be honest with her, he felt he owed her that much. "I'm sorry Ara, I really don't want to hurt you, and the best way I can do that is to be honest with you, and not let you live a lie with me." Bowing his head, his smile too on a more subdued state, to be honest, he'd not like saying that, because he knew it was going to hurt her anyway, but better a little hurt now and a lot of fixing later, then a lot of hurt later and no fixing ever.
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 1:31 am
Kethara closes her eyes swallowing alittle as she took all what he had to say in. She understood alot of what he had said about going and exploring, she knew he was right about it even if she didn't want to admit to it.
Looking up she gives him a small smile before nodding her head "I understand where you are coming from Luc. If I was in your shoe I know I would be probably saying the same thing." looking back down at the ground she laughs alittle just to hide the confusion inside her as well as the sadness. She didn't want to go exploring, but she didn't want to block Lucius either from having his chance.
Looking back up she kept her hands behind her back, mostly just so she didn't do anything foolish.
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 1:45 am
"Are you sure?" Lucius asked her, tilting his head. "Cause I'm not sure you're being honest with me." He held out his hand to her. "Come here," He spoke gently, his voice not angry, but holding a tone that he didn't quite believe her.
"We're friends, and I know you're upset. So come give me a hug."
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 2:03 am
Kethara looks up at him biting her lip before she reach out placing her hand in his only to give it a gentle squeeze. Taking a step towards him she looks away shaking her head "I'm not really this weak, I don't know why I feel like this. I'm so scared that I'm gonna lose you when it comes to everything. I'll give you all the time you need, but I know I won't fall for another or want to be around another Lucius. I just can't see myself doing that." she didn't step any closer to him. She wouldn't, she knew he said it was okay for a hug, but she didn't want to chance anything at this point.
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Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 11:34 am
Lucius closed the gap and gave Kethara a hug. "I said give me a hug!" He said as he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight. "I'm sorry I'm hurting you, but this is the way things have to be right now..." When he pulled away he watched her.
"Let's just see where the future leads."
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Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 4:07 pm
Shaking her head she attempts to laughs but fails at it "Your not the one hurting me Luc. I'm hurting myself, I understand this is how it has to be. I just am having to make myself wait." looking down she rubs at her eyes slightly before she looks up at him giving him a small nods.
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Posted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 7:33 pm
Lucius nodded slowly, "I wish I could say I knew it was hard, but for me, it's, just, well..." He sighed and turned, slowly starting to walk again. "When I figured this all out, I realized that it's just not time yet for me, I really do like you Kethara, I really, really do."
He turned his head and smiled at her weakly. "I just... Need a lot more time..."
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Posted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 10:06 pm
Kethara watches him giving him a weak smile as she nods "I know Luc. I'm willing to wait for when you are ready. Just thought you should know." she didn't move from the spot she was at, she just gazed at the ground.
She shouldn't be taking this so hard, but she was. Taking a few deep breaths she looks up at Luc her face was blank except for her eyes. Walking up to him she nods "Come on you should keep going. I don't want you to get into anymore trouble."
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Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 12:20 am
Lucius laughed weakly, "It's no big deal, I can always say I got lost or sidetracked in the forest, it happens from time to time," He lied. He already knew he was going to catch hell, he'd left late and he was going to be even later, but for some reason he just didn't care, he already knew that he was going to have to take what came to him, so he wasn't sweating it and taking things slow.
"So uhm, how are things?"
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Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 12:33 am
Kethara arches a brow for a moment before smliing alittle, Luc seem to always keep her on her toe. Lifting her arms above her head she shrugs "Nothing much going on, I stay up on the mountain observing the pae'il. I come down at night to play with the little Naiad. Her name is Nerinda from what I could gather. Really sweet and such a sweetie, she full of life." turning she walks backward looking at Lucius.
She was relaxing slowly, but she refuse to allow herself to get close to Lucius.
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Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 12:37 am
Lucius nodded his head slowly, his eyes traveling over Kethara as he was thinking. He was swearing at his hormones, as they were making him very edgy for some reason. He knew why of course, because the more he was around Kethara, the more and more they started to stream into his bloodstream, and the more and more he wanted to explore certain differences in male and females.
He really was trying his best to keep his eyes from wandering, but his hormones were doing a good job at keeping his mind very unfocused, which in turned irriated him, which of course increased his adrenline, which of course then mixed with the other hormones in his system just making things all that much WORSE.
He just wanted to scream.
He was trying to smile and nod at the right moments but it was TOUGH.
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Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 12:46 am
Kethara glances over her shoulder only to make sure she doesn't trip over anything before looking back at Lucius. Pushing her hair back over her shoulder she continues "I saw Nienna a few times. It seems Cabel living with her now. She so happy, which is good. She deserves to be happy." turning around she only stops for a moment to bend over to pick a rock up.
Swaying her hips alittle as she straighten back up she tosses the rock into the air before catching it in the palm of her hand. Looking over her shoulder back at Lucius she chuckles "Been swimming alot lately at night to. Its the only time I know I won't be watched."
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Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 12:51 am
Noticing movements he hadn't before, and hearing her talk about swimming was forcing images to come to his mind unbidden. Well, only half unbidden. He swallowed weakly as he felt his mouth completely dry up.
This was SO not fair!
But then again life never was.
He chuckled and smiled, nodding his head. "Yeah, being watched while swiming would be kinda weird," He admitted sheepishly, trying to get his mind focused on things OTHER than Kethara, because he knew right now that his thoughts were purely of a nature that would only lead them to trouble. He wasn't sure he loved her, but he knew he liked her body.
Which wouldn't be fair to her if it turned out later that he didn't really love her at all.
His dad had been right, girls were TROUBLE. He didn't move any faster, but he wasn't going to dawdle home now like he'd orgionally planned. He kept his pace steady, after all, the sooner they parted ways and he could focus his mind and calm himself down and examine these thoughts in greater detail, the better. Since after all, there was no point in doing something he would regret later.
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