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I like it! It's a very nifty idea and you've laid everything out all pretty like. <3

The only think I want to comment on is her powers. The two that I'm looking at are her "vanishing trick" and invisibility. I've looked at your info on the Dybbuk but I don't see anything that ties these abilities to her past life or even to her past species. I know she's a ghostee-type so she can't be touched and all that (THAT makes sense) but the invisibility and vanishing trick just sounds like you ripped off Fantastic Four's Invisible Girl. It also sounds like you're giving her a reason to get naked in the middle of an RP to play on the drama affects of this. If you're going to do invisibility then make her see-through, but not invisible. That, to me, makes more sense.

And you get the shortest critique I've written recently. xD

Sheep- Thank you. I do get what you're saying with the invisability, but I figure it does tie into how she's kind of ephemeral looking. See-through is actually an idea I like a lot, so thanks for that! I need to revise that ability, anyways, to try to fit it into the mythbase. I feel like I'm pulling her powers out of my butt because, seriously, beyond posession, Dybbuks are total wimps. And I had to dull down the posession before I even started to avoid being godmody. But eh, it was bound to happen.

Junyi- My dybbuk rather fancies Lemon Pie.

Stuff to do:

1. Upload the art I've gotten and post it

2. revise stuff?

Yikes... I want to rewrite this to make it sound better and a little bit more constructive in terms of suggestions on how to do things, but I'm getting a nasty look from my mom right now, so I've gotta scram. I apologize in advance if it sounds harsh in some way, and I'll be back later to try and suggest other approaches, if you're interested. :3 For now, this is what I've written so far. I hope it can help!



I'm a bit thrown for a loop here with her history. I figure that I shouldn't take it so literally, but... the paragraph with the Roman-times Heaven being a modern bueraucracy really stopped me dead in my tracks. I get that you wanted to work some humor into it, but it comes off as... frivilous? Unserious, for sure. It's hard to take the whole history seriously, because it's hard to tell what should be believed in the timeline and what you'll be taking into the continuity with her, and what you just wanted to throw in there for entertainment's sake.

That said. You might want to make sure that the views you're writing up here collaborate with the other version(s?) of Heaven already active in the Fa'e continuity. Other Fa'e- such as the three or so angels we have, for starters- are strongly connected to Heaven, and what their Guardians have in mind for any expression of the place might be different than how you're portraying it here.

The other thing that confuses me. None of the sites you link to describe a Dybbuk as a demon. This is kind of a key point, here; there are very specific connotations which come with a creature being a demon, and you even gave her an ability based on the fact that she was. However, it seems more likely that she ought to be considered a spirit, and that she might be able to see spirits (spiritual demons included). Otherwise, what you seem to be saying is that the angels not only disallowed her from going to Heaven for getting raped, murdered, and someone else burning her body and something valuable that happened to be on it, but then turned her into a demon for it. o_o; Which is just ouch, harsh.

Well, I know that Mik, for example, has Hebrew characters incorporated in to his appearence. So there's definitely a connection that's been established between his Christian mythbase and any potential Jewish one. What might be interesting is to say that each person has their own interpretation of Heaven, and they'll all see it through different eyes- though, no matter what route you end up going, you might just want to throw it up as a "proposition" and leave the details to be determined later, if/when the time comes that you need to work things out with the other Heaven-based characters.

That's actually pretty interesting. surprised I wonder what would happen if Deenah started looking out for others? Would she become an Ibbur, or would it negate her mythbase altogether? That could be a fun path to think about, maybe for Human....

I think so, yes. x3 It's definitely an interesting character and situation, could be a lot of fun to see how things would play out.