His eyes and his hair are a matching shade of brown. – What shade? Light? Dark? How come all the guys these days are skinny-but-not-sickly and really tall? His physical appearance could use more fleshing out-- I still can't see him. What does his face look like? The shape of his eyes? The texture and thickness and length of his hair?
Limp is overdone, and the scars need explanation, though I’m sure they were later on. Does he actually have a cauliflower ear, or is the mention just for effect? “Califlowering” isn’t technically a verb, so it’s hard to tell.
Almost all guys prefer functionality over aesthetics. Wait, you never mentioned scars on his legs, but now he has them? Those would go under physical description too. Wow, looks like he’s trying to rival Oz and Aislinn all in one shot.
Allright. Introverted and shy I understand. Low self-esteem I understand, though it’s becoming more and more cliché—it’d be more interesting to see him self-deprecating about more specific things. I know I personally couldn’t care less about my appearance, but I’m incredibly self-deprecating about my work. This includes what other people think about it, and myself being incredibly judgmental of it. Not that I’m suggesting you do that, because then you’d have to go the entire self-perfectionist route, but it’s an example.
If you want to stick with general self-consciousness, you might want to do some research into either nervous disorders or depression. I hate to suggest that, because it’s overdone, but the way that you’re describing him makes him seem that he would have something like that going on. ONLY use it if you intend to roleplay the condition properly, though. Don’t just slap a label on him.
If that’s not a route you want to go (and bravo for you if it’s not) then slap in some real, solid explanation as to why his self-consciousness and shyness hasn’t effected him that deeply. There must be –something- he thinks he’s good enough at to keep him somewhat positive. I understand that he’s tough, but –why-?
Also, I’d like to see a little more development. Exactly how does he come off as a jerk when he’s talking to people he doesn’t know? Is it just because he refers to them by last name (unlikely)? Or does he have a tendency to get nervous and say the wrong things? We have a lot of both introverts and extroverts on the island, so make yours interesting. Give reasons for him.
As far as his interest in animals…well, we already have several animal-experts on the island. Brian, Aislinn, Greer, for three. I’d suggest a specialty if nothing else. I know it’s difficult to come up with more original interests, but I’d like to see them. Video games, painting, and drums are all very cliché. Unless you get more specific. Really, the only artist I can think of that’s on the island is Marshall, and he’s a comic book guy. Painting might be an interesting avenue to pursue.
What happened in his life before he graduated? Who were his parents? How did they effect his life? Are they the reason he was introverted? Were they demanding, and that’s why he’s self-conscious? Were they strict and that’s why he’s introverted? Family life and childhood history often explains a lot of personality.
Have you done any research about being a zookeeper? At least for the first few years (which I’m assuming he’s still in, as he’s only twenty) he’d be scooping poop. Probably in the more harmless animal arenas, or with the animals not present in the arena. I’m not 100% on how long this would take as –I’ve- not done research into it, but you might want to if you’re focused on him having a zookeeper job, which really doesn’t make that much sense. There are other options for him if he likes animals, you know—pet stores, the humane society, etc.
…okay, so apparently he had this huge, life-changing accident…but we don’t know what it was. The accident thing is getting really cliché right now, and it seems unlikely. I don’t think that at 20 he’d really be around animals that would hurt him often, and if he was, he’d probably be supervised. Particularly as he was fresh out of high school when he started. If he was a college graduate and had studied animals in depth, he might be able to move up a bit more easily.
Which reminds me—how was his schooling? You didn’t really mention it much, and you leave me wondering whether he was smart or stupid, and why he didn’t go to college. It’s required, these days, to get a decent job, and nearly everyone at least tries unless they have a good reason not to (My brother didn’t, but he has tourettes and ADHD and both of those make school hell for him) .
I’m only doing this because, well, ARMADILLO. xD. Well, that’s not the only reason. I like to help questors, and you caught my eye with the Armadillo deal. I hope you take some of this into account and weave a more solid character with it. You’ve got an interesting beginning, but he needs a lot of fleshing out.
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