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 Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 10:53 am
"Tai this isn’t fair, I don't understand."
*Pushing himself closer to her the red coated male pushed his forehead along hers, so that the tip of his nose lightly graced her snout.*
"Don’t cry... Please."
* He stood still and held himself to her, his heart racing. A soft pant passed him as he did his best to control himself.. he had to. Tai was not his and he was not in any place to tell her to leave her mate.*
"What is going on? Are you feeling this way out of pity Tai?... It’s alright, I know you have a mate and family.. I can live with that- I can... but this, Tai- what is going on? I can’t read you- you know that..."
*With a soft sigh the male let himself rest against her for a moment, taking in everything that had just happened. What did this all mean...?*
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:10 am
Taima sniffled as she pressed herself against him in return. It felt good to be sitting like this with him, but when she thought of Damu she felt terribly ashamed. But this... it just felt so good to be leaning against him and to feel his warmth, to feel him against her and just feel safe next to him.
She tried to hide her face in his fur as well, but she didn't do so well with that, being as she had to talk to him and she couldn't be heard clearly if her face was hidden amongst his fur. So she pulled her face away so that she could look at him.
"No, it's not pity. I love you, Tristan!" she cried, pulling away from him and putting a foot between him and her. "I just... I don't know."
She hung her head low, her tail curling about her form as she sat back down. She had a mate and a family! He knew, she knew, and this just wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be happening. How could she do something like this? It was just so unlike her.
"I.. have a family... but.. I love... what?" She still couldn't seem to grasp all of this. It was simply too much.
"...What am I doing?"
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:32 am
"Tai..."
*Eyeing her down softly Tristan moved himself back and sat. His black paws rested before him and his tail curved to his side- This was a lot to take in and it could easily damage the both of them. His ears pinned backwards as softly lowered his gaze to the ground.*
"I don’t know what you are doing Tai.. I don’t. I cared for you and.. still do but you seem so unsure with yourself right now. You’re a new mother- your feelings could be scrambled-- You have a mate!"
*He had to keep reminding himself of this too. She had a mate and pups, she had a family. If anything right now he was trying to make himself push her away. He needed to, to protect her and himself. Did she really mean it...?*
"How many pups do you have...?"
*Pushing everything else aside Tristan blurted out, his eyed narrowing along her form. He had always thought of having a family, one with her at one point in time but here the tables had turned and everything seemed to be out of place. They needed to fix things-- they needed to... How this would end he didn't really know.*
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:43 am
Taima glanced up at her friend, the one she felt so confused towards. She loved him, she now knew, but she also loved Damu. Was that even possible? She knew she couldn't have both of them, but could she really love them both? What was going to happen if Damu found out about all of this? Would he leave her? Shaking her head and forcing herself not to think of that, she merely listened to Tristan.
Her ears fell back slowly as she realized that he was pushing her away. It was for the better, and she knew that deep down, but on the surface she didn't want to recognize that.
"Tristan... why are you pushing me away?" she asked, her voice squeaking slightly as she rose to her paws, her legs trembling.
Shaking her head again, she quickly turned away and bolted away from him, going some place else, anywhere else. She needed to get away from here, to think and just sort everything out. But where would she go? She barely knew anything outside of these lands. But she didn't care. She just ran, on and away.
Eventually she wound up at a river, the smooth water trickling over the rocks silently. Standing on the bank, the moss-colored female looked down and into the water, into her reflection. What she saw was not herself, but some distorted thing of who she used to be. She shut her eyes and just stood there.
It was all too confusing.
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 12:08 pm
"Tai... I..---"
*Before he had time to actually tell her what he was feeling she darted off without a goodbye. Tai had done this once before, a long time ago.. With a frown the male quickly pushed himself to his paws and swiftly took after her. His forepaws branched out before him as he dashed into the woods; his body jolting from side to side. He wouldn’t let her run this time, they had to settle this once and for all. Panting softly the red coated male pressed on until he came to the river.
Here he had first met Tai- with a deep sigh he slowly moved himself to the river’s edge, moving his neck down as he lapped up some water. What was he to do, should he just disappear and leave- act like it never happened? No, that wouldn’t be right. Tai had to work things out with him, even if it killed him.
Slowly he moved himself up from his drink and eyed over at the female wolf. She seemed dazed and confused- she acted it too. What made her say all of this to him now, after so long? What was going on? With a low trot he moved himself closer to her, his paws stopping just a few feet away.*
"Tai, don’t run away from me. Don’t push this aside- I only push you because you have a mate and family- I don’t want you to get hurt because of me."
*He paused for a moment before continuing.*
"We need to talk Tai."
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 12:18 pm
To his words, Taima only shook her head. She didn't want to talk, she didn't want to do anything. All she wanted to do was make things better and for her to just be gone from both of their lives. She had hurt Tristan once already, and now, by doing all of this, she was hurting Damu. She didn't deserve anything. She didn't deserve the care and affection of the two males.
"No, Tristan," she said softly, opening her eyes and looking down at her relfection again. She saw nothing different than the first time, and it pained her.
"I don't deserve it. I've hurt you both. I should just leave and let you two live on your lives. I should never have done any of this. Everyone back home was right. I'm not good for anything. All I do is cause trouble."
Raising slowly to her paws, she glanced over at him for a moment. There was a deep pain in her eyes, but it was a pain that she had caused for herself, and she didn't know how to fix it. All she knew was how to run away. And so that's what she would do. Moving slowly, she waded across the river and began walking away from him, her head hanging low.
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 12:33 pm
*That was it, Tristan couldn’t take it any longer, and her self pity and poor self image drove him mad. Snarling he quickly moved himself at her; his forepaws pushing at her as he did his best to pin her to the ground with out harming her. This was not an attack against her- no… this was his way of making her listen to him. Pulling her to the water the male held his paws over her, his teeth flashing as he let a soft growl pass his chest. That sound slowly became nothing more then a cry, a soft whimper as he eyed down at her. His paws, covered by the shallow water held strong- he was not going to let her run. She needed to stay.*
"Don’t you dare... Tai, after everything you and I have been through- we can fix this. I know that you feel ashamed.. I know but nothing will be better until you step up and take control of the problem. Talk to me, for the love of god don’t leave me again... I just need to talk."
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 12:44 pm
Taima continued walking with her head low until the male snarled at her and pinned her to the ground, afterwards dragging her to the water. She knew that he wasn't going to harm her, he never could, but it still scared her. Whining to herself, her tail tucked between her legs and pressed against her belly as her ears folded back and pressed firmly against her skull.
"Tristan... please, you're scaring me," she whined quietly. As he stood over her, she did her best to press herself against the ground, make herself as small as possible. He really was scaring her. He had snarled at her...
"Please.. Tristan..." She squirmed slightly as she lay under him. This didn't feel right. Why was he being so forceful?
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:07 pm
"Stop running away from me. You and I have been through this before- I will not kill myself again over this- not again Tai. You just told me you loved me and then you run away- what the hell am I to do? You think this is easy on me... I don’t want to be this way to you but you leave me with few options. Stop it, please."
*Moving himself off of her the red coated male stood still; his bleu eyes laced with a soft watery glaze. He was sick of playing this game, he was sick of feeling so small when he thought of her. If she wouldn’t try to help work things out he wouldn’t bother trying to reason. Within the back of his head he knew he would lose her again and that is why he acted upon things the way he did. She just came back into his life after being gone for so long and with the words he had longed to hear.. But everything seemed to be replaying it’s self. He could leave now and never see her again, she could go back home to her family and act as if this never happened.*
"You never told him about me did you? You didn’t. I spent weeks trying to find you before but I never could… I was trying to be happy for myself, for you and your life, but now I can’t seem to grasp why I am still here."
*His body softly moved backwards, his paws pushing in and out of the waters as he did this.*
"Tai, I never wanted this to happen to you, I was going to let myself forget you... Like you had done to me."
*Even if what he spoke wasn’t true to the point- this was how he felt and he would make sure she knew it.*
"But here you are back again and with such strong words.. don’t you think I will let you leave and walk out of my life again with out a goodbye. This isn’t fair. You love him- you love me. You can’t have both... it’s selfish. I should be able to tell you to go home and leave me alone- but it’s hard when I do care about you."
*He stopped, his tail pulling along side his hind legs as he let a soft sigh pass him. This hurt deeper then before- but it had to be done.*
"I don’t think you are bad Tai, nothing you have ever done has ever made me dislike or think ill of you but when you run I can’t stand it. Talk to me this time or I walk. I won’t stand here and let you leave again."
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:25 pm
When he moved off of her, she instantly rose to her paws, though her tail remained tucked and her ears were still pressed down against her skull. She knew that he was trying to help her, but for some reason she couldn't find it in herself to talk it out. She had done wrong and so she was leaving their lives, letting them go their own ways and letting them forget about her. She should have never left home.
"No, I never told him," she said softly, very ashamed of herself at this point. "I was trying to find you. But I couldn't go anywhere with... with my pregnant belly." She whined to herself and looked away. He shouldn't have to look at her traitorous face.
Yet when he said that he was going to let himself forget about her like she had, her gaze snapped back to him and she bristled slightly. "I never forgot about you!" she half-growled, staring him straight in the eye. "I could never forget about you. Just because I was unable to go out and find you does not mean that I forgot about you. Do you think I liked leaving you the way I did. I told you, I felt like s**t for it. I thought I was doing us both a favor by finding you but I guess I was wrong. I really should just leave."
She silenced herself for a moment while he talked again. Her gaze drifted away from him as she stood there, legs trembling with fear and anxiousness. She wanted this all to be over, for every bit of this drama to just melt away and for all their lives to be happy.
"I know I can't have both! That's why I'm leaving. You and Damu would both be better off without me. So goodbye."
And so, with the most pained look on her face, she turned away as if to leave.
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:46 pm
"The only time you have ever let me down is now... Tai. Don’t you leave your pups without a mother, they need you."
*That’s all that seemed come out when he went to call for her to come back. He had nothing else in him to give. This wolf was tired and his body ached from all of the running and bickering. Softly the red male moved back, pulling himself from her. He not stand here just to have to see her walk away again. He didn’t mean anything to her- he told himself as he pulled his paws out of the water, his head low. She didn’t care enough to stay and try to fix this- so she didn’t care. He would be the one to walk away.
Pulling himself completely out of the water now he slowly moved back into the forest; his wet paws clotting with dirt. His body moved a bit faster as he took off in the opposite direction of the woods. He would stay out of her way and life- it seemed so much more easy this way. Running.. It was the worst way out. Moving to stand beside a large ever green tree the male panted and moved himself around it once before sitting down under it’s shadow. He would stay here for now… he had no one to go home to after all.*
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 2:13 pm
Those last words of Tristan really got to the female. When he said that she had let him down and that she shouldn't leave her pups motherless, she was really brought around. He was right. Running away would only make her puppies' lives worse. And Damu... what would he think if she left him and their family all alone? It simply wasn't her to abandon wolves like that.
Without even thinking about what she was doing, she instantly took off after him. She followed his scent, followed the water that had dripped from his paws. Eventually she wound up stopped in the middle of some place she had never seen before, looking straight at this large evergreen tree. Blinking, she looked around for a few moments. Looking back at the tree, Taima noticed her friend sitting in the shadows. Her tail gave a slight wag before she trotted over towards him.
"Tristan... I-I'm really sorry. You're right. I... let's talk."
She sat down a few feet away from him, her tail tucked again and her head hanging low in embarassment. She could only hope now that he would accept her after all she'd done.
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 2:30 pm
*He said nothing ay first and acted as if she wasn’t there. His eyes seemed narrow in an out of focus as he sat still. Tai didn’t do anything wrong, Tristan was also keeping things from her. He could tell her things that would make her love him less, and even stop loving him all together.*
"Once you and I stopped speaking I left this place.. I went looking for any kind of attention I could get myself. I told you about my mate before and what happened to her, I told you everything- but things have changed. I went looking for you not to long ago and I ran into a female by the name of Jenna. I don’t know what it was but she made me smile, for the first time in a very long time she made me force myself to be happy- even when I wasn’t. Though I have hardly know her at all... she has helped me feel better about myself and what I went through... with you, with me."
*He stopped for a moment to reword himself.*
"I don’t have a mate Tai, but I would like to have one. I would like to have a family some day too. You and I go back, back to when I needed you as much as you needed me. Friends in the blink of an eye... maybe that is why you feel this way now. You miss my friendship. You aren’t doing your mate wrong because I will not let you make a wrong turn with this. Unless I know that it’s what you want and need, I will not say it back to you. I will not let my feelings for you shine any longer. I can see that all it does is drive you mad.. And myself- Heh.. When I saw your son I wanted to rip your mate apart... I felt so much envy swell up within me, it killed me to think: “Hey that could have been my son.”, you know? Tai you have a very good heart and you have not done anything to fee ashamed about. You can’t help emotions and this is a fact. Just so long as you don’t act upon the feelings you have, you are fine."
*Moving himself to lay down the bleu eyed wolf rested himself within the shade, his paws lacing along one another as he rested. His tail slowly flipped to his side as he let a soft sigh pass him, before going silent.*
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 2:50 pm
Taima listened intently to his words. Her ears perked forward so that she wouldn't miss a thing. He didn't seem to pleased to have her there, and she couldn't blame him. But she was just glad that he was willing to talk to her after all they had been through.
When he spoke of a female that made him smile, she wasn't jealous at all. She loved him, yes, but she knew that she could not be with him. She had already chosen a mate and had started a family with him. She couldn't turn away now. She had to continue on the path that she had chosen. She knew that now, and she was ready to make things right with Tristan.
Her tail wagged slowly as she thought about him and another female. If she made him happy, then Tai felt that he should go with her and be happy, to stop thinking about what happened in the past.
"You should go with her, Tristan," she said softly, a small smile over her face to show that she wasn't hurt that he had met someone else who made him happy. If anything, she was delighted that he had found this Jenna wolf. He really deserved to have someone close to him that made him happy.
But when he went on to talk about her family, she frowned slightly. He was jealous of her mate, or at least he had been. It was understandable, she supposed.
Nodding slowly, she let a smile overcome her features again. "Yes, you are right. I won't lie, I love you. But I think that I should go back to Damu and my children. I think that you should go to.. to this Jenna wolf. She sounds really lovely and I think you might have something with her." Her tail slowly began to wag as she took a step towards him. "But, even if we go different ways, I think we should still be good friends and keep in touch."
She paused for a moment to simply look him in the eyes. "Don't you think?"
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 7:34 pm
"I’m not ever going to be too far you know. I will always be here for you."
*Tristan spoke softly, his ears perking slightly. Really he didn’t know what would happen to himself after this, if he had a chance at love or if he would be happy- but he had to do this. Tai needed to go back to her family and he needed to let go. Moving himself to the side he eyed her.*
"You know, you’ll always be my best friend Tai. No matter what happens."
*He smiled at her and nodded, his head rubbing against the grass as he did so. He was tired and felt it was time for a nap. With a wagging tail he wined for Tai to join him. Way back when they use to nap together just fine, it felt like olds time again having her with him, talking to one another. She didn’t run away this time and he didn’t overreact.
Maybe things would be better someday. He would always be there for her, no matter what- and he would always love her but that love had to be put away and tossed aside for now, so that they could both live happy lives. With a soft yawn his eyes slowly closed, he felt better now.*
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