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 Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 4:56 pm
SOMEONE supposedly left after I said a few harsh words, and then came back unannounced. Not only did he cost my my job, but I had to lie to the entire body of people at Ria, claiming I was going on a small 'break' because of school. Of COURSE I wouldn't go on a break. Not at all. Ria is like my second home. So I had to lie, and deal with the guilt that I caused someone to leave. Not only did he come back, but he supposedly 'FORGOT' everything that happened. Not to mention that a certain crew member knew about all of this, and did nothing. I admit I made a few mistakes the first time around, and I was to blame. However, the boy came back without warning, and not only did he cost me my 'guild helper' job, but caused me to lose all interest in this guild whatsoever, and trust in the main leader of this guild. Um... that's pretty much it. xD
Wow, that really worked. O_O; AMAZING! And yeah, I don't want my job back. =__= Don't even think about asking me about it.
-prances out-
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 7:22 am
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 8:58 am
One, I haven't seen my boyfriend in almost three months now. He missed two of our anniversaries already! His family doesn't like me but they don't have the nerve to say it.The only one in his family who does like me, I can't stand!His birthday is coming up and I'm afraid I'm going to miss it too.It is also our 6th month anniversary. His mom is the one who grounded him from me beacause she doesn't like me cuz I supposedly 'hang' all over her son and cuz he went off on her for not liking me!
Two, since I can't see him I have taken up my old habit of cutting myself again.I've been doing this for two years now.I have gone to a mental hospital twice cuz of it.I use to make small cuts but now they go deeper and deeper.I have to wear two pairs of knee high socks cuz we dont have band-aids to stop the bleeding.I always tell my boyfriend when I cut though because I could never lie to him.He says that everytime I cut, he'll cut himself aswell.I dont want that! If he hurts himself cuz I hurt myself then I feel bad and hurt myself again as punishment.It's a vicous cycle.
Three, I also have been taking diet pills. Sometimes I take five at time when I should only take two a day.I don't eat much or sleep much.My boyfriend doesn't know about this.He's worried that I'll waste away but I have control.I mean its my body, I can do what I want to it, right?I hate the way I look.I could have been a model you know but that dream died along with all my others.My only way to seek comfort is by seeing my boyfriend and now I can't.
Four, my mom is abusive and bipolar.I hate her and her boyfriend.I hate my whole family.I want to get away from them all but I'm trapped.I've thought about suicide but I dont want to leave my boyfriend.WE are suppose to get married.No one can help me......
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 9:11 am
Ok first of all Miko I'm going to say that I do know how you feel. My fiance and I were separated (completely, totally and utterly) for about three years. It hurts. Its the most shitty feeling in the world, and all you want to do is close your eyes and never wake up.
But it is not worth it. You've been to mental hospitals. You know what it is like. I know you care about him, but dying over it is not worth it and you know that. You need to find some comfort that will take your mind off him 24/7. Do you have any hobbies? Try to get involved? What about school are you still going?
Seriously, I know what its like not being able to see your loved ones. I didn't see my fiance for three years, and now he lives on the other side of the country. So, if you need anyone to talk to PM me ok? We're here for you.
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 9:17 am
First of, like Amei said, I know how you feel, I've was in a pretty shity relationship for almost a year and his family hated me, but, cutting yourself is not worth it. If his family isn't nice too you and your boyfriend constantly 'forgets' important things in your relationship, it's best to let him go. NO guy is worth hurting yourself over, I've also been to a mental hospital for suicide attempts and you and I both know what a scary place it can be.
The moral? Dump your boyfriend and concentrate on other things like school, friends and hobbies. Try joinning a an after-school club or a summer sport that you can unleash your energy on instead of cutting yourself.
Best wishes, and remember, Ria luvs you! -hugz-
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 9:17 am
Thank Ame. I do have a few hobbies.I'm a very good drawer. (I posted a picture of my wall of art before.) I also write poems.Heck one of my poems has been published.I don't get involved in anything because I don't care.Well not the right way to put it.I don't really have the will to go out and do something. I'm starting in my new school the same day as my boyfriend's birthday and out anniversary.I use to do so well in school but ever since I moved, my grades have dropped terribly.My entire life seems to have dropped down into the mud.I've been arrested, expelled, sent to hospitals, forced to take medication, and now I have to go to a special Ed school.I can't handle so many stressful things, I just can't.I never could.
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 9:40 am
Okay.
So I was talking to a certain person about stars. And we started talking about how I planned out a Off-Campus Thread. And we started talking about how Is till did have two stars. She said I should have someone give me a star. I laughed, and jokignly said I already did. I continued to joke and say 'She was thinking about giving me one"
So then, I guess she didn't I realise I was joking. Cause suddenly the othe rperson and I are tlaking and she's says: 'So-And-So wants to know if I'm giving you a star". So then I caught her talking about me behind my back and she got caught. Now she is ignoring me and th eothe rperosns messages.
So let me say this.
I would not ask someone to gimmie a star. You get stars when you deserve them. I'm mighty happy with where I am right now, thank you. I gave the one persona star because she deserved it. That's the same reason i gave you one too. So please, before you jump to accusations, get the real deal first.
That's all ^^
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 10:02 am
Myahn, what a problem, Soda-Pop. Well first of all, you probably shouldn't joke around like that, because some people really do take things seriously. When you joke around like that, you should tell the person your talking to that you're only joking. And also, do you know why she is ignoring you? Is She angry for no good reason? Even if she is angry, you should apologize for lying in a joking manner. If she doesn't accept your apology, then that's her problem, and you just should leave her alone. Wait untill she approaches you about the problem, and don't push on her.
I hope my advice is helpfull enough, Soda-Pop, and I also hope everything turns out okay. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 10:03 am
Ok first of all, no one I know has ever asked for a star seriously. No one in their right mind would do that. The only thing I have ever done is mention that I didn't have any stars. Which was true, I didn't. Truthfully, I don't care about stars that much. Sure, it was nice to make a dorm room. But in all honesty lately I've been doing a lot more guild-helping than RPing. I love RPing but I love helping out the guild too. I would never, ever ask someone for a star. And if anyone has any doubts about it, I'll give up that star and the dorm room just to prove it.
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 11:42 am
 Stars are given to those who you think are responsible enough to make a good RP room. Its a reward for good RPing. Its BETTER to give them out to somone you have seen or know will do good. HOWEVER giving stars ONLY to that person is probably a crime :/ Especially after the 2nd star. That is why i keep a huge list of people on the one star list instead of continuing them on. Usually the next few stars can only be event earned, or from other crew members who think they well deserve it.
thats how i view the Star system when i created it :/
Hopefully i can tweek that system to make the ones who deserve stars actually get them.
Its a very difficult thinking process >_<
-----------------------------------------------------
I honestly don't see what some people do in their lives.
Do they honestly just want to be attention whores the entire time? Do they wish to just throw themselves around in Gaia as whores in general too? Do they find that appealing? do they honestly think doing such sickining things make themselves look good? And what the hell is up with an RPing guild attracting other kids with such intentions?
I guess its my fault.
Offering a different life from the one they have to somone else. Thats what Ria high screams.
What the hell was i thinking optimisticaly that I will get myself a lovely fun time with other people around the world as we playfully play out a role of somone.
'bullshark.'
07.09.06 heart
[ K ][ u ][ r ][ a ][ i ][ & ][ P ][ i ][ ~ ][ * ]
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 2:58 pm
My best friend decided to go offline for a while, and the internet was the only contact I had with her, because I'm not allowed to call her because her phone is messed and she... can't really come over. So I started crying. And then I realized my other best friend hardly talks to me and is going away for a while to another province [Yes, I AM Canadian] and my other OTHER friend picked somebody I DESPISE over me. [Yeah. Ouch.] And then I realized all of my other failed friendships.
And now I feel crappy.
EDIT* The friend who I thought chose my enemy over me says she's actually been trying to avoid the person, and that I still have her, even though she's not sahara... So I'm good. <33
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 3:08 pm
Regarding the Star Trauma we had a bit earlier, I have talked to said person on MSN and she has told me that this was all a big misunderstanding. She was not ignoring Fallen, and she knew that he wasn't serious about giving out stars to people who asked.
So to anyone involved, hug and kiss and make up and everything shall be happy again.
And you get pie.
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:24 pm
Yay, me again.
Ok, my dad is here right now.Well I don't call him my dad.I call him by his name.The reason for this is because I hate hom.Not dislike, hate.I hate both my parents.Their fighting and such is one of the main reasons I'm the way I am.My mom knows I hate her, I tell her everyday.I have never told my father how I really feel about him.Truth is, I'm scared of him.Now he's saying that if I tell him the truth he'll leave and never come back. As much as I want this to happen, he hasn't paid my mom child-support in years.We need the money really bad since my mom doesn't work and we're always short on money.She can't even afford to buy us new school clothes.So what am I to do?Tell him the truth, that I hate him and blame him for so much chaos in my life?Or lock myself in the house til he leaves and then all my troubles will continue to stay bottled up and I'll be forced to take them out on everyone else around me?
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Posted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 3:19 pm
I should be all 'perfect' and say that you should tell your dad, but I don't think you should. I have a bio-logical father like that, I haven't talked to him in like 10+ years, If you say things to him, it might turn bad like to the abusive state. I don't know everyone's life is so screwed up now days, and people call kids 'emo' and there are cutters but its the Parents fault not the childs, their not craving attention.
Wow well to add to the 'happiness' as well, I am going to loose touch with all my friends. I don't want to accept this, but seriously how many people do you know that have kept in touch from middle school? Yep going to a brand new highschool, first year, and now I feel really lonely. This whole day I have been oozing depression, so.....I think I need some more sunlight...maybe that will help?
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