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 Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2006 9:32 am
Chapter 0 :: Moving In Natalie had decided early that morning that she didn't like moving.
It wasn't so much the packing, or the need to beg Stephen to lend her his truck. It wasn't the back-breaking labor, or the not-so-sad parting with Mictlan.
It was driving up back behind the trees.
The letter she'd gotten - and she seemed to be getting a lot of odd letters like this over the past few months - had explained what was needed of her, and where her apartment would be if she chose to live on the compound. She had to admit, it was a very pretty place. And there was no rent, which was even better.
But did her apartment have to be at the a**-end of the sprawl? Geez. And behind all the trees!
Stephen's truck wasn't meant for all the leaves and sticks. It may have looked imposing, but as she'd been driving, she'd realized one thing - Stephen's truck was as wimpy as he was. The drive had not been fun.
But that leg of the journey was over, and she'd successfully moved most of her boxes upstairs. The last one contained mostly knicknacks - masquerade masks, harlequin dolls, and the like. You know, the fragile stuff mixed in with the not-so-fragile. Luckily, the not-so-fragile had cushioned the delicate breakables, even when Natalie dropped the box to catch the door from swinging closed again.
The apartment was nice, clean, and... well... it looked a lot nicer - and bigger - than her old apartment. In fact, if she wasn't mistaken, it took up most of the floor! The thought that she'd have so much room was a little disturbing, until she remembered that she'd be taking care of a child. The room would... probably come in handy.
Time to get unpacking... and then off to meet whoever else might be around! She didn't have rehearsal that night, so...
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Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2006 11:23 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 9:24 am
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Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 2:58 pm
Chapter 3 :: The Glowing, Happy Faces of... Souls?
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Posted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 10:37 pm
Chapter 4 :: Opening Night Natalie wondered if it was okay that, ten minutes before the show officially started, Michael had led her to a darker, more secluded spot backstage. They were fully in costume, and all she had to worry about immediately was the intro, which she sung from behind the chorus screen. It wasn't like she was going to miss it, just because...
Well, she might. Locking lips with her costar was a bit distracting.
Michael pushed her up against the wall, quickly kissing her again before she could hope to say anything. He seemed... desperate, somehow. There had been the few times where he'd pulled her off into a nook somewhere and kissed her, but this was different. He was flush against her and his tongue was in her mouth and... well, it was nice, but almost too much. Her face flushed, and her hands came up to press against his chest.
He pulled back, eyes half-lidded. "... Yes?"
"Michael..."
"..."
"I... I... I have to be on stage, soon."
"No, you don't. They're having some sort of seating issues. Opening's delayed for about fifteen minutes. We have time."
"... Well..."
"If you want me to stop." He arched a brow. Natalie looked down at the ground, body trembling, then shook her head.
"Don't stop."
Michael pressed her up against the wall again, and they easily resumed where they had left off. Maybe it was the reassurance that they had time. Maybe it was the short break. Whatever it was, Natalie's inhibition's dropped, her eyes slid shut, and she joined in the dance as best she could with as little experience as she had.
Eventually, Michael's arms slid around her waist, pulled in tightly by the costume's corset, and she arched her back to allow him. He began kissing down her neck, hungrily.
That was when Natalie pushed him away again.
"What now?" he grumbled, thoroughly annoyed at the interruption.
"That's going to leave marks. And we do have to be on stage soon. Or I do, anyway. Later. Later, I promise." Natalie stole a kiss, then squirmed out of his arms.
"Later," he murmured to himself, before disappearing into the dark.
Natalie sunk back against the wall, touching her lips with trembling fingers. It was all happening so fast, and it was so... unorthodox? Wrong? No, Thorn had told her that it was fine. ... his age was fine. But was his manner?
The hardest thing about all of this, she decided, was that she wanted Michael to love her. Badly. Or at least... want her. Which he clearly did. Did she want him? Of course. Did she love him?
...
Maybe.
It was so hard to tell, when all the time she had with him was during rehearsals and quick, hot encounters backstage. They'd gone out for coffee and pastries once. Once. It had been the day after he'd kissed her, truly, for the first time. But he hadn't brought that up, not once, and she's kept her thoughts to herself and instead focused on discussing character relationships in Jane Eyre.
But this was nothing like that brief encounter with Thorn. There was more beneath it than a man's lust and a girl's innocence... right? ...
Natalie wondered, quietly, if there was even a hope of a future.
It wasn't until after the performance was well and good and over that she got a chance to seek out Michael again. The night had gone wonderfully. Miraculously, nothing had gone wrong, nothing had broken, nothing had caught fire, and they had all remembered their lines. Granted, it had taken tremendous amounts of restraint on Natalie's part (not so much Michael's) to keep from snogging him senseless during the kiss scenes. She wasn't quite sure how Michael did it - staying so isolated, in character. But he did, and she somehow managed it, and they got through to the applause at the end.
Now, after being showered with flowers and complimented, still in costume, she hurried around, looking for Michael.
When she found him, he was kissing another woman.
An older woman, closer to Michael's age, blonde, in a slinky, tiny black dress. With a shining diamond ring on one finger.
Michael pulled back slightly, looking down at the blonde woman. His eyes weren't glimmering with fondness, but the way they looked at each other... Before he opened his mouth to speak to her, to call her 'dear' or 'love'...
Natalie's heart broke in two.
She left without a word, taking a few steps back, then turning and leaving, too shocked for tears. Michael and the woman looked up, just in time to see her leave. She wasn't running, she wasn't crying - she was just leaving. Michael watched her go.
"... was that... that girl who was with you on stage?"
"Yes."
"Did she need you for something?"
"... No. I wouldn't think so. Now, my dear... I believe we were going out to dinner?"
Natalie crumpled to the floor in her dressing room, the door mostly shut behind her. She wasn't crying, not yet. That would come soon. For now, the scene kept replaying in her mind. Two words kept going through her mind. Two.
No future.
But then Natalie did something odd. She reverted to the performance. To the heartbreak she'd been unable to fully realize for that one scene. That one...
"What a fool I have been to wonder.... if he might have a care for me..." she whispered, feeling the words of the song as never before, body shuddering as the tears began to come. "How insane the thought... that you could be to him dear in any way... that a more absurd young girl has lived, I doubt that you could say."
The dam broke and she collapsed fully, shaking and sobbing.
Poor, blind puppy.
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Posted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 10:39 pm
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 6:22 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 12:07 pm
Chapter 7 :: Surrender? Natalie sat at her dressing room table, staring at her reflection in amazement. She'd done it - she'd made it through the night. That wasn't to say she was a wreck on the inside, knees weak and shoulders shivering. That was all still true. But she'd proven a very important thing to herself - she could put on a brave face and channel her misfortunes into her performance.
Too bad she wasn't going to pursue acting as a profession.
Michael hadn't approached her outside of his role as Rochester, and Natalie thought, hoped, that this would be the way things went. He'd leave her be, and she'd slog her way through the next few weeks. Perhaps she'd see Thorn every so often, even.
The world is rarely so kind, though, and there was no difference in this instance. She heard the quick rap of Michael's knuckles on the door, followed by a quiet squeak as he pushed it open. Her first reaction was to jump up, covering her half-clad body. It wasn't that anything was showing - she was wearing a corset and her underskirts still. It was just... she didn't want him seeing her off guard. Not anymore.
Well, too late for that.
"Natalie, we need to talk," he said, closing the door - and locking it - behind him.
"I don't want to," she whispered, glancing nervously at the lock. "Michael..."
He approached her, quickly, practically pinning her against her vanity table with an arm on either side. "We need to talk," he repeated, voice a little huskier. "About last night. Now."
Natalie swallowed hard, gripping the edges of the table with white knuckles. "There's nothing to talk about. You're engaged. You were using me!" Her voice broke and barely-restrained tears began brimming in her eyes. "You manipulative, smug b*****d!"
He shook his head, growling a little. "You don't understand. You can't. You... you..."
"What?"
"You're such a child, sometimes."
Natalie stared at him, scratched heart fracturing deeper. "But..."
"You don't understand anything. You don't understand what I did and why I did it, and you refuse to listen."
She looked down at the ground, a few tears running down her painted cheeks. "I..."
"Look at me. Listen to me. You need to know what happened - all of it. Not just what you saw."
When Natalie didn't look up, he grabbed her chin with one hand, jerking her face up to his. "Natalie," he began, voice hoarse from singing all night, "Candice and I have been engaged for years. Since we were teenagers. This is not an engagement of love - it's an engagement of business. We don't care for each other. That is why we... have... an open relationship, of sorts. Though she takes advantage of it more, by far."
Natalie looked away, lips trembling.
"What that means, Natalie, is that I was not 'using' you. It was legitimate."
"I don't care."
".. what?"
"I don't care if you don't love each other. You're asking me to be the girl on the side. I refuse."
"Natalie! This isn't a story. She's not going to die in some terrible accident so that you can come back and have me all to yourself. She's not leaving. But we're also not going to be married for a long, long time - possibly never. No, don't look at me like that! Stop thinking of it as an engagement. Think of it as a cold business arrangement. It doesn't matter."
"Then why were you kissing her!?" Natalie all but shrieked, tears coming fast and hot. "Why!?"
"Formality," he grumbled. "Natalie, don't you see? I could care less about Candice. I do care about you." Did he? Possibly. He wasn't sure, and he didn't want to dwell on it. But he did want her back.
"Go away," she muttered, squirming. "Go. I don't... I..."
"You can't tell me that you don't care," he whispered, bringing his face close to hers. He peered into her eyes. "Because I know that you do. I know you want me to sweep you off your feet right now and carry you away and promise to love you always. I know you want me." He pushed up against her. When he next spoke, their lips were millimeters apart. "I know you do. Give in."
The kiss was violent and passionate, and Natalie felt herself drifting away even as she pushed at him. Her cheeks heated and she reached up to grab at his shirt, keeping him close even though she wanted to force him away.
Michael's arms went around her, tugging at the laces fastening her skirts. Natalie whimpered and he drew her closer, nipping at her lips. The tension that had built since the previous night - that was what pushed the two of them forward.
Until Natalie remembered herself and remembered Thorn and remembered her values. Then she pushed him away. Hard.
Michael stumbled back, staring at her. "Natalie." He was breathing heavily, leaning against a costume trunk. "Natalie."
"Get out," Natalie whispered, turning her back to him. "Now. Or I call security. I don't want to see you off stage. Ever." When he didn't move, she spun around, face flushed and tears streaming down her face. "GET OUT!"
He left.
Natalie sunk to the ground, much like the previous night. She didn't know how she'd get through the rest of the performances. She really didn't.
All she wanted was to be back home.
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Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 9:12 pm
Chapter 8 :: Tears and Ice Cream
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 8:50 am
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Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2006 9:50 am
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Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2006 3:15 pm
Intermission 1 :: Inconsistencies?
It's come to my (the Author's) attention that there have been... well... major inconsistencies with Natalie's character. While I'll be trying to fix that in subsequent RPs, the questions the earlier RPs raise need to be addressed. At least, I think so.
So, I present to you, the readers, a rationalization of Natalie's actions. While this wasn't my original intent, it fits and explains things rather well.
Natalie is, at the most basic, completely trusting and impressionable. Unless she doesn't like somebody to begin with, they have to do something drastic to lose her good regard.
Of course, when she'd gotten to be 19 and never had a relationship with a boy (and all of her guy friends thought she was an awesome friend, but not a girl they're like to sleep with, really), it was really easy to let the magic of theatre sweep her up. So, when Michael made advances on her, that and her little school girl crush made her think she was in "love" and everything would work out. Which was why she let Michael do what he did.
Thorn's an innocent mistake. Basically, if he hadn't been there and held her the night Michael's little secret was revealed, if he hadn't acted like he wanted to protect her (Hadrian was too distant for her to feel this about him), then it would've taken more work for Natalie to fall for him. As it stands, he was there at the right time.
She latched onto him because he seemed stable and protective. And now she can't stand to see him in any other light, because it means she was wrong and he's just going to lie to her and hurt her, just like Michael. It's sort of... really forceful wishful thinking. That's why she won't believe Hadrian fully. And why it'll be hard for her to open her eyes.
The sleep over... was mostly because she wanted to be happy again, desperately. And Dacian and Hadrian wanted her to be. And there was alcohol.
It was one of those things where you get caught up in the moment and go all out... but when you come back down to earth, you go, "WTF! WHY DID I DO THAT?" because you know it's totally not you.
But she did need that night, because it loosened some of the tension in her life. And since Michael's stopped making advances and Thorn is only there intermittently, she's settling in and going back to what she used to be, before the move and the Michael issue.
In the Carver RP, I think Natalie is getting closer to her original character. She's back to being cutely trusting and easily flustered, though her comments about 'older men' are still a little out of line.
I blame rosemilk and AIM.
Now that that's all cleared up, have a good day and continue on with your reading!
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 5:44 am
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 7:56 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 11:34 pm
Chapter 13 :: On the Mend She wanted to call and apologize again. Tell him she needed to see him again. Beg, if she had to.
At the same time, though, she could barely hold his business card with trembling. The thought of dialing his number, hearing his voice answer, terrified her. She'd screwed up, big time.
And why would he want to see a silly little girl again?
That night still haunted her. She'd gone in all high and mighty, planning to keep her knowledge to herself, turn him away without much regret. But no. No, he'd taught her a thing or two. One, that she shouldn't make assumptions. Two, that she knew nothing about him. Nothing at all.
Besides. He was interested in Hadrian, not her. It had never been her. The kiss in the maze? Probably a joke. The rest? Concern. He had been humouring her this entire while.
For a day or two, she was hesitant to leave her room except for the nightly performances. The dress and shoes from that night were thrown haphazardly in a corner, reminders of her silly plans and childish machinations.
But then she realized she needed to go out. That she had to get over this, just as she had gotten over Michael. This would pass. It would. And eventually, she'd forgive herself and move on.
Perhaps, though, it hadn't been the best idea to go to the gardens.
She eyed the rose in front of her quizzically. She'd thrown out the ones Thorn had brought. And why?
Because of those stupid, sharp natural defenses. It was silly, but by name alone they made her think of him.
"God, I'm far gone," she murmured, almost laughing at herself. She sat down on the grass, relaxing in the afternoon sun. "A month ago, and I'd have never imagined myself like this. I'm a mess." This time, she did laugh, and it was as full as it was bitter. "A complete and total mess. Go, Natalie!"
Something changed, though. It was a small change, a small piece of her that felt release in that laugh.
It was over.
All the uncertainty, the fear that she was being used - no matter if Thorn had or hadn't - was gone. Wiped away. She had emerged... clean. A little worse for wear, a little jaded about love and life, but not irreparably so.
And with all that behind her... she could turn to what was most important. Friends, sewing... and her child. She had to prepare the apartment. Decorate what would be the child's room. Learn new recipes, read up on child care.
"Go Natalie!" she repeated, smiling with genuine hope and happiness for the first time in days.
Maybe life wasn't so bad, after all.
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