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 Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 2:09 pm
It's probably a bigger issue for me because of my weight. I was told all my life by my family that I'd be so pretty if I just lost weight, and I was asked more than once "Don't you ever want a boyfriend?"
I wanted somebody who loved me for me, not my appearance. I was taught that the world was shallow, and I didn't want a boyfriend who wanted me for my appearance. I love my boyfriend for his personality first, I actually didn't find him all that attractive at first, but he grew on me. When we first went on a date my mom asked me if I thought he was cute, I told her I didn't think so, but that he was sweet. When asked, he said he thought I was cute, which was fine...but he likes me for my personality first and foremost.
Everybody is shallow to some extent, I know I'm shallow, but I don't feel guilty for the extent I am because it's natural for everyone. Unless you feel that you're more shallow than is necessary, you really shouldn't worry about it. I do respect people more who like a variety of types, and who don't let their preferences rule who they find attractive or who they date. I wanted a tall chubby guy with beautiful hair and blue eyes, but I ended up with a short, medium to skinny guy who has nice hair if he gets it in a decent cut and brownish-hazel eyes. I love him very much, and there are times when I see his personality shine through that makes him seem even more attractive to me, like when he's pouting on my bed after I snap at him to leave me alone.
I'm sure some could even argue that wanting a fantastic personality and a decent body is shallow, but finding a variety of people beautiful is just something I admire and respect. Just like I don't believe people can control what they find attractive, I can't control the fact that I feel it's more respectible to find the beauty in everyone. I haven't felt that all FAs are like that, I remember my self-esteem being destroyed again when a few FAs told me not only that I wasn't fat enough, but that I wasn't fat. Why were all those skinny people telling me I was, then? I wasn't good enough for anybody, and it hurt. They didn't say it in a positive "Oh, you're healthy" way, it was that I wasn't attractive enough for them because I don't have as much fat as they like. I'm not saying everyone who likes skinny girls is overly shallow, just like I'm not saying all FAs are overly shallow.... but it's a very real fear to worry about somebody only being in a relationship for the body. Maybe it's shallow of me to find as many different body types as beautiful as I do, but if that's the case than I don't think I'm being overly shallow... and being overly shallow is the real problem.
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 4:02 pm
Fuzzy Necromancer I get a bit miffed when people equate having preferences in appearance with shallowness. =/ A component in most boyfriend/girlfriend relationships is physical attraction. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to certain body types because that's just what piques your interest. Wouldn't you be more attracted a beautiful woman? Everybody has some degree of taste based on appearance, and you can't control how something makes you feel. If girls with big potbellies, smooth skin, and a cute face make me feel attracted, I can't choose to change or control that any more than I could influence a lack of food making me hungry. I'm not saying that appearance is the only thing that matters, but it does matter. If you don't have any physical attraction, then why be in anything other than a platonic relationship? Shallow is seeking physical attractiveness to the exclusion of all else, not the mere presence of physical attraction and weighing that in your choice of a significant other. Oh, I understand completely.... My statement is specifically regarding people who are excessively vocal making me nervous, not meaning I think they are shallow. Of course, I know I appear shallow whenever I say a girl is hot. It's just a fact we all should face, you know? We all act certain ways, and we all have certain feelings about others. This is why we have to do our best and ignore misgivings and try not to judge until we know somebody.
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Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 1:03 pm
Arrr. I see everybody's point.
Reminder; September be the month wherein come International talk like a pirate day.
Preemtive yaarrrr. >_o
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 3:34 am
I dunno. FA's are really no different from people who like the accepted image of beauty in society. It's a preference, that's all. As a fat woman I'd rather be with someone who likes both my character and my body than with someone who likes me just for my character and can live with my body. But I've heard a lot of other fat women say they'd prefer the second option.
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 10:39 am
I don't think FAs are really any different from others, other than that what they find attractive is outside of the norm--and when something is out of the norm then I find it's often awkward admitting it to others for fear of rejection or being mocked. I had trouble admitting to my friend that I had a crush on my ex (before he and I were dating), I guess she figured it out but she kept asking me "Why would anybody like him?!" and then one day I come up and tell her we're dating, but I was terrified she'd make fun of me or ask me what I was thinking.
I would like it if my boyfriend found me attractive, and even though I have trouble accepting it he tells me he does. I ask him what he likes on most women and try to do whatever it is myself because I want to make him happy. I've wanted to have long hair for some time, but after awhile I'm ready to chop it off so it normally stays at my shoulders or a little past. I've only gotten my hair as long as it is (past my shoulder blades) because he said he prefers longer hair on girls. And I do try to lose weight because I know he would find me more attractive if I were skinnier, I would feel more confident if I were, too. When he admitted to preferring asian girls before dating me I pouted for a few days because I obviously can't make myself asian, and I don't look asian at all being a 5'7", blue eyed blonde. When asked if he thought my breasts were big he told me they were "pretty decent" all hell broke loose because tto me that meant he could live with them, but to him it meant they were fantastic and the right size. I was especially sensitive to it because my boyfriend is a boob man through and through.
All that to say, I would love for guys to love my personality, and my body. I seem to have a tendency to be a walking contradiction to myself, though. I want two things at once and end up not being happy because of it. It's only if I had to choose between a person liking me for looks or personality I would choose personality any day, because looks don't last.
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 11:57 am
Well, I'm a guy who loves asian girls... I call my friend Mew the reason white guys love asian girls..... But just because people have preferences doesn't mean you should change yourself. Because you can't be anything but what you are.
Judging from your picture, your pretty attractive. Judging from your posts, your pretty intelligent. Believe me, even though your Boyfriend might have his ideals, he loves you for your personality as well as your beauty.
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