Welcome to Gaia! ::

I can't imagine the pain you msut be going through... my husband had been very down too at times and I'm lucky not to have lost him. Please don't blame yourself, just try to do the best you can to cope. Try look after yourself and babies, take as much break a syou need, we will all be here for you when you return. *hugs*

I'm so sorry, hun.

We'll be here for you when you come back. Take care of yourself.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Well im back. We burried tim yesterday and as far as funerals can go the flowers were pretty and he was burried in the suit we got married in his black cowboy boots and his wedding ring along with his firemans jacket. The firemen were our paulbearers (one of which was tims best friend whom he stole the gun from). It was hard because i was meeting alot of his family and even some friends for the first time. His father wasnt all that nice he blames me & let everyone know of course and not himself for the things he put tim through i guess its just easier to blame others(especially since they had a huge fight and his dad was always saying things like "your good for nothing..you dont exist to me ect". Tim's mom was suprisingly nice. We obviously had no money set aside for this sort of thing so she used her insurance to pay for it but still included me in all the decisions. I picked up his things from the car (what could be salvaged) and even some of it is well we'll just say "dirty". My mom cleaned his wallet for me because after i stupidly opened the bag of his keys and almost puked we both knew id never be able to handle the leather wallet. Im still trying to figure out what to do with all his things and how to pay for his loans and such i guess ill just take it one step at a time.

That's too bad his father is choosing to be that way. And acting in such a tacky manner at the funeral. Times of high stress can really show people's true nature and how classy they are.

I was about to ask if he had insurance, but it just occured to me that suicide almost always negates it. So I guess that wouldn't be a help. My husband is also a firemen and when they lose one of their own, they often try to pitch in and help. So while you shouldn't expect it, don't be surprised if they offer it in some way.

Things will work out; it might be a bit tricky, but they will. You have a lot of people that care for you.

You vent all you want. 3nodding

Oh sweetie, you vent all you want. I guarantee every single one of us here will support you all we can.

Its absolutely awful that they're treating you that way; you have handled it better than a majority of people would. Ah, hell, you probably handled better than I would've.

I can only imagine how much you just want him to come home and make it all better. Just remember to keep him in your heart.

Sorry, I am a bit late posting.
My post goes similarly to the others, I offer you my sincerest condolences.
I admire how calm you seem, where you could have fallen apart you remain collected despite your grief.
Just remember everyone needs someone, and you have lots of someones here, even if we cannot express everything we want to over the internet.
It is a shame his family are like this, some people just always need to look to place blame even when there is none to be placed. His Dad will come around eventually.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.