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 Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:39 am
“I didn’t want to give you another reason to miss Cambria. I know you’re still not okay. You never talk about it. I just. I thought things were going okay. I thought if I could be strong maybe you could. I don’t know. I’m sorry…” She couldn’t look at him now. Didn’t want to meet his gaze. Didn’t want to see disappointment. See anything negative really.
“I thought I was hiding it all right. I really did. I had no idea you could tell. I’m sorry…”
It was the only thing that felt right to say. To apologize. To fix yet another thing she had broken. Maybe it wasn’t her fault, maybe it was but. “I’m so sorry.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:39 am
His eyes snapped to her face when she said Cambira’s name, and though he inhaled sharply, he did not move. His jaw was set firmly and he didn’t speak for a long moment. Tension clung to him, spreading across him like a second skin that was too small, too taut.
Talia radiated her own energy–anxious, uncertain. What she scared? Was he scaring her?
Zac forced his hands to stay still, and whatever tremor might have passed through him died upon willpower alone. He continued to tenderly stroke her hands.
“I’m not mad at you,” he said, voice low and gravely. “I just don’t want you hurting yourself.”
Not just her hands but her heart, too.
“Don’t apologize.” Especially not if she was only saying that because she’d gotten caught keeping secrets. He didn’t want her to be sorry for not hiding it well.
“I don’t want you to be upset. I just want to figure out what we can do, Talia. I want you taken care of. And it sounds like you’re carrying…”
He exhaled. “...A lot. I didn’t realize this conversation was going to hit you like this. I’m sorry.” He spoke carefully, mindful of his tone and words, even as his body stayed tense.
“You said a lot of other things. Is now a bad time to talk about them, too?”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:40 am
“How am I supposed…” Talia seemed to wilt then, tired, unhappy. Lost?
“How am I supposed to be open and share when things are wrong when you don’t either? Zac? You and I just. Keep it all in. You keep it all in. I know that. I’ve learned from you, I’ve tried to just. Emulate you. Things have been good with us…I love us. I love you. I…” She drew in a breath and drew her hands out from his, drawing them into her own and beginning to trace her own circles with her thumbs.
“...I want you to be able to talk to me too…I want to be helpful, useful. To fix things…but I know you’re still not okay. We can talk about whatever…but one day you…need to talk about this. If I have to open up…you should too…”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:40 am
The tension Zac carried only worsened but he did everything he could to carry it invisibly.
Why was she turning this on him? This wasn't about him. How did they even get to this point?
Oh, the papers.
He drew in another slow breath but once again it did nothing to suffocate his heart slamming against his rib cage.
“Don’t emulate me,” he said bluntly. “I’ve told you and everyone else here a thousand times, I’m not a good person. Don’t be like me, be better. You have the resources to be amazing, why would you weigh yourself down by pretending to be like me?”
His hands remained still, a canvas of flesh for her to trace whatever design she pleased.
“You are useful. You’re so useful. But I don’t measure you by utility, no one does? How are you supposed to help fix things when you’re falling apart? –What was that earlier, you don’t deserve to be a mother because…Faustite corrupted a page?” he asked, finally drawing back to what she’d said earlier.
“You think there’s some cosmic curse on you denying you motherhood, or–what? You’re jealous that I was thinking about signing a paper to take care of my friend’s kid in case my friend dies?” He looked at her finally, brows knit and eyes squinted like he just wanted to look right through her face, into her brains, and see the answer written out plainly. “I don’t get it. What does a piece of paper have to do with this–you think that makes what you and Julian have any less important? I don’t get it, explain it to me. Help me figure out the rest of this. Help me figure out what I said that upset you so much tonight.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:41 am
Talia didn’t want to fight. She didn’t want to make things worse. Didn’t want to keep riling him up, and so she shoved it all down again. Hard. With gusto. “All right. I’m sorry, I’ll try to be more open. No, that. Sounds stupid when you put it like that. You’re right. I think you’re a good choice for it. I’m glad you’re helping Evan. I’m glad that Evan can trust you with this. You didn’t upset me, it just surprised me, that’s all!”
Her thumbs continued to stroke up and down the back of his hands, tracing the tendons, pressing lightly on the bones.
It was nice. It was. Fine.
Everything was okay. “Thank you for worrying about me.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:41 am
A silence again fell between them, and this time Zac didn’t have the means to bury the tension below his skin. For a moment, he watched the way her hands brushed along his. He stayed still, offering himself to her and hoping that she’d find comfort enough in the ministrations that she’d answer honestly.
She didn’t. It was too fake. Too cheery. Too agreeable.
Did she think he couldn’t stand to hear it? Did nothing he’d just said mean anything?
No, there was more to it than that. Zac was not known for his patience and the threads were already frayed. He was doing his best but he wasn’t supposed to be the emotionally intelligent one.
He’d just ******** up enough times before that now he saw the signs.
If he said ‘Okay, nice’–if the conversation ended right here–then what?
She just buried this s**t deeper, again? And the next time the foundation trembled, more unresolved problems scattered around them? And what, she’d pick those up and shove them down, too?
And then, one day, she’d snap. At him? At someone who couldn’t take it?
At Evan? Julian?
The silence had enough of a weight that it might as well have been a third party witness to this conversation.
So, this time slower, Zac asked again:
“...Why don’t you tell me what you really think instead?”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:44 am
“I don’t want to fight, or argue. It was ******** up me being jealous of that. You were right. I’m sorry.” Talia shouldn’t have brought her up. Shouldn’t have asked for Zac to confide in her. It would be nice. If they could both just get things out in the open. Maybe scream. Maybe cry. Something cathartic. It would be…nice. Really nice. Especially the screaming. Maybe they could go up to Lysithea. Scream for a few days. Eat overcooked hotdogs. Make chicken.
She looked up suddenly, working hard to meet his gaze. “Can we go somewhere? Just us. For a little while? Zac. I want to scream. Like. Loudly. And without anyone to judge me. We could go up to Lysithea? Or up to your Wonder? We could just. Get away? Just us? Screaming could be really good…”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:44 am
Emotions broiled deep within Zac, in a way that was making him feel somewhere between too hot and too cold, but never comfortable.
Zack had no answers. Talia still gave him nothing.
He didn’t want to fight.
He wasn’t trying to argue.
He was trying to understand.
And he still knew nothing.
“Sure,” he said, but his eyes were still on their hands until he realized she was looking at him. He met her gaze with an unreadable expression, but Zac was nothing if not a lock box of thoughts and emotions anyway.
“Your place is a little more friendly than mine. Unless you’re scared of chasing away some of those unicorns of yours. If we go to my place, you might find something ready to scream back.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:45 am
“At this point I don’t think I’d mind but. We can do mine. What are you wanting me to say, Zac? What do you want to hear? It was ******** up. I’m glad you’re helping Evan. I don’t understand why Julian doesn’t want us to adopt him. I’m jealous that Evan gets what I wanted and gets it so seemingly easily. I don’t know what else I can do to be there for Julian. I don’t understand where I keep going wrong but clearly I’m not doing something right. I don’t know what I have to do in order to get you to open up to me. I don’t know what I have to do in order to be better. I’m trying. I’m trying. I’ve never stopped trying but I don’t know what I have to do. And it sucks.”
Talia wanted to pull away. Wanted to just leave this whole situation. Leave the house. Go. Somewhere. Anywhere at this point. Screaming or crying. It was next on the list and she hated it. The loss of control. She hated all of it.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:46 am
Zac wasn’t much good when it came to being gentle, but he tried. Compassion and empathy really were not skills he’d ever mastered.
He cared about Talia so of course he didn’t want her suffering. He didn’t want her to have all these pent up emotions, all these ideas that she was trapped with–bouncing around in her mind until they chiseled away at all other thoughts.
“I don’t know what I want you to say. I just know that I don’t want you to say something just because you think it’s what I want to hear. I just want you to be real about what’s bothering you.”
And–she was. Or, she was trying. It was still a little all over the place but he was getting a better idea.
“Talia,” he said slowly, “How are you figuring that you’re doing something wrong? I just want to follow. I want to look at it the same way you are. You think you’re not doing enough, but–what do you think you need to be doing ‘better’ for?”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:47 am
“I don’t know how else to say it, Zac. There’s a lot, and I feel like I’ve already mentioned just about everything. I. You keep asking for more and I don’t have more so I just keep trying to agree with you, but that’s not right either? I don’t know what it is that you want to hear? If I was doing something right Julian would be happy! He’d like being here and we’d be a family, but he just won’t open up to me either so clearly I’m doing something wrong. So…that’s all. I don’t know what else to say. Sorry.”
Frustration was bubbling up and she wasn’t sure what else she could say. Or do. Or. Ask for. At this point.
Everything would have been so much better if she would have just kept her big mouth shut.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:48 am
Okay. Fair. Yeah, he was just digging for more information and if she’d said all there was to it, if that was all she wanted to say about it, okay. He wasn’t going to do anything for either of them.
He asked because he thought there must have been something there, some missing puzzle piece that would suddenly slot into place and solve the mystery that had built itself up into his mind, but maybe this was it and that was all there was to it.
“Sorry,” he said gruffly, because he was trying to push for information but not push her. He didn’t want her to just say whatever she thought he wanted to hear, like it would solve anything more than getting him to shut up.
“I’m not trying to make this difficult for you.”
He wasn’t. He didn’t want this to be difficult for himself, either. Big emotions were well out of his comfort zone and it was only because he cared so much about her that he was trying to understand where hers were coming from.
It would have been easier to not give a s**t, to just shut everyone out and let them make their own mistakes and let the world burn. Sometimes, Zac wanted to be like that, more than just as much as he pretended.
But here he was, always meddling.
“Did Julian say he wasn’t happy here?” he asked slowly, watching her face for any indication that there was more to this than just what she was saying.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:49 am
“You read his file, didn’t you? The one Sol found? No, he’s never said that he wasn’t happy here. It. Does he need to? When he’d rather go back to parents who did those things to him? I’ve done everything I can think of to help him be happy, safe, loved, here…and he’d still rather go back to those monsters. He wants them to take him back to be a family with them? Zac…it’s killing me. It’s been killing me. Then Evan gets a broken kid who wants a home. And Evan gets to step in and help. And you! You get to help too, to be a backup dad in case the worst happens and Julian. I love Julian with everything I am...and he doesn’t want me. I’m just a comfortable place to wait for his monster parents to come and take him back. And there’s nothing I can do about it, Zac. Not a damn thing. And I’ve tried and tried and I don’t know what else to do.”
Talia’s eyes were swimming now, thick with unshed tears and she didn’t want to let them fall but.
Damnit.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:49 am
Zac exhaled through his teeth. Talia had so much going on, locked in that fortress of a mind. She was hellbent on keeping so much of it to herself. He was hypocritical to demand she talk about her problems when he wouldn’t share his own but their motivations were different.
She didn’t want to worry people. Her motivations were pure. Misguided, but born from compassion.
He just didn’t deserve it. What comfort could they give? What comfort should they give? Who cared for the confessions of a monster? If he opened up, they’d just see how ******** up things were. Maybe that wasn’t compassion, that was selfishness.
Talia eyes were already wet and ready to spill over. He didn’t want to make her cry. His stomach always churned when he saw tears. He wasn’t scared of them, he just didn’t want to kick someone while they were down. He didn’t want to be responsible for making things worse.
When he spoke, it was slow. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing in the wrong way.
“I didn’t read his file, no.”
Julian had been–what, was he fifteen? Sixteen? Zac didn’t even know when the kid’s birthday was. He didn’t want to get into his business. Julian was there because Talia wanted to make sure he was safe and looked after.
Zac was just support.
Honestly, he didn’t get Julian. What Talia said now didn’t make sense, but maybe it would have if it was coming from Julian’s mouth. It hadn’t ever occurred to Zac to ask him about his parents. Julian never offered information, why would Zac ask? Julian was skittish and shy and didn’t seem to know how he fit into things.
Riker was easy. Riker could mow the lawn. Riker wanted to learn how to use a weedwhacker, how to rescreen a window, how to patch a tire.
Julian always looked anxious. Not unfriendly. Sometimes he’d hover nearby when Zac was explaining something to Riker, like he was listening but trying not to intrude. Like he was afraid to get too close, or take up too much space, or too much attention. Zac had to call him over for anything. He’d noticed how Julian’s hands trembled, how he always held his breath, how his shoulders folded in. Even easy tasks took twice as long as they should.
Patience wasn’t Zac’s forte, but he tried. Really hard. If he messed up with Riker, they’d b***h at each other. If he messed up with Julian–
What, he’d cry? Like Talia was now?
Zac felt sick at the thought, in a way he couldn’t quite place.
So he sucked it up. He taught Julian how to set up the television and let him fumble with the HDMI cables, let him take three minutes to get a fifteen second task right. And he’d told him good job even if it wasn’t.
And when Julian used to sneak out in the middle of the night for a glass of water, and then stopped because the cabinets squeaked, Zac taught him how to tighten the screws and how to use WD-40, and even though it had taken fifteen minutes for Julian to start getting it right, Zac had noticed how none of the cabinets squeaked anymore. None of the doors, either.
When the shower had stopped draining and Zac had to teach Julian how to use a snake to get all his hair out? Julian had looked so worried that he’d broken the whole plumbing, like it wasn’t a two minute task. Like it wasn’t something easy to fix. Like it wasn’t something that just happened. It wasn’t bad but Julian treated it like it was. So when he tried himself, he spent ten minutes making sure he scraped out everything he could reach. And then Zac showed him which chemicals to use, and stressed how important it was to wash it out afterwards to make sure Maxim didn’t do stupid dog things, and now the bathtub was completely spotless, like Julian scrubbed it every time he used it.
Zac knew he did but he didn’t tell Julian to stop because it was something he could do.
There were a shitton of things Julian didn’t know how to do, and Julian hadn’t asked to learn. You had to drag him over. You had to invite him.
Talia had never shunned him, never pushed him out. How much had he learned from her? When he first moved in, he followed her around like a puppy, absorbing every little thing she shared with him. He tried not to crowd her but it was like he needed permission to exist in the same space as her. He’d learned so much from her in that time.
His walls had started to come down with her. Not all of them–not even many of them–but enough of them that Zac had noticed. It was a slow process.
Too slow for Talia. But she knew more than he did. She was better qualified to make that judgment.
“He was in a group home for what–was it years?–before he came to live with us. The kid’s hopeless. Do you really think he’d go back to his parents if they showed up on our doorstep? This is his home. Even if he doesn’t always say the right things. Even if he doesn’t understand that saying them is hurting you. He’s not saying it to hurt you. He’s just a kid who’s trying to figure s**t out. They both are. Everyone wants a home, whether they say it or not. Riker’s louder than Julian. And I’m not–”
He faltered, and looked at her with something that could have passed for alarm. “I told you that I’m not ‘dad’ material, I’ve said that the whole time. That’s not who I am. I’m just here. I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a kid. You and Evan are the ones carrying the weight, I’m just playing support. But I couldn’t do this s**t–the emotional baggage that comes with having a kid? I–I’d ******** it up, Talia. You wanted to give him a safe home–haven’t you? You are a comfortable place for him, but he’s not just ‘waiting it out’, he’s growing up here. He’s getting better here.” Whatever that meant.
“None of that would be possible if it wasn’t for you sticking your neck out for him. Raising a kid–a teenager–is hard, isn’t that what they say? I was hell on my parents, always getting into trouble. I’m saying the wrong things here. I’m not trying to. I’m not good at it. So cut me a little slack, I’m trying, I swear. I want to make you feel better. I want to figure this s**t out. What can I do to help? What do we need to do about Julian?”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:50 am
“You don’t see yourself like I do, Zac. You’re an amazing person. You keep saying that you’re not dad material, but you keep stepping up like you are one. How you were as a teenager? As a child? What does that even matter. You.” This wasn’t what he was trying to say. This wasn’t a competition for who was better as a parent material. IT. Wasn’t but.
“You’re wrong about yourself, just like you think I”m wrong about myself. And he’s not hopeless…he’s. Lost. I don’t know how to help him get…un-lost…I’ve been trying to give him a safe place…I don’t know. I just don’t know. But I feel like I’m utterly useless and I don’t know how to get better at it.”
She scrubbed the back of her hand over her eyes and drew in a long breath before letting it out in a huff. “You don’t need to be cut any slack, Zac. You’re perfect. And you’re perfect without any effort. It’s kind of infuriating…but I know you’re hiding things and you just. Do it so well. But I can’t hide that well.”
If she could? If she had the control of emotions that he did?
Well. Destiny City would have to watch out then.
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