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 Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:35 pm
Riker watched Evan skeptically. Morosely. He looked from the box to Evan again and sighed.
“It’s just trash now,” he corrected, because that was stupid to just keep a box of broken glass, or even piece the broken pieces back together as if it was something valuable. “I just wanted you to see it before--”
He swallowed thickly. Getting defensive and pushing his frustration and sadness into words he didn’t truly mean was easier than accepting that Evan meant what he said.
“It’s fine if we throw it out,” he tried again, his voice a bit calmer, but his eyes felt hot and blurry. “I wanted you to have something you could use. That-- it’ll just collect dust on a shelf.”
He knew Evan was trying to make him feel better, but even if it meant a lot to him, he didn’t have to keep pieces of broken glass.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:37 pm
Evan drew the box closer now, protectively. “It isn’t trash to me. I won’t let it just collect dust. I bet Soleiyu has good glue. Or Zac. I’m sorry that it got broken,” he said honestly, because he could tell how much thought and effort Riker had put into this gift.
“But let’s at least try. You already worked so hard to save the pieces. That means as much to me as the gift itself.” Maybe more. “I don’t want to throw away all the thought and effort you put into this.”
Evan looked determined, but the truth was that he could have burst into tears at any point in time–which was totally unbecoming because he really needed to be an adult now. He was quick to emotions, and he was especially weak where Riker was concerned because he knew how many walls Riker put up to protect himself.
It meant a lot that Riker had thought of him enough to get him a gift. That it had meant enough to Riker to collect the pieces. To bring it here.
“I love it, Riker. Really. Is it the only thing that got broken?”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:37 pm
Riker frowned again, still not convinced that keeping broken pieces of a glass teacup was the best use of space or energy to try and fix it. Even if there was glue somewhere. It had broken and that was that.
He glanced down at the bag and reached to pick up some pieces of paper. Or… halves of paper. A set of stationary had been torn up. At the bottom of the bag were a handful of loose dark red beads, although most seemed to be still on the strand they came from. A couple other boxes seemed intact at least. One labeled for Dawn was okay, and one for Julian. He’d already dropped the matching sweaters off for Elliot and Atticus. Maisie’s box of chocolates had been torn open, so that probably had to be tossed.
A small box he had labeled for Zac, and another for Soleiyu.
He shrugged awkwardly. “I haven’t really had a chance to get presents for others before. I tried not to go overboard.”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:41 pm
When Riker reached into the bag, Evan took stock of what he could see. It wasn’t fair. Riker had worked so hard. He was so thoughtful and he was doing his best–why did he keep getting these setbacks?
Oh, because the universe wasn’t fair. And his mother wasn’t doing her job.
“I think it’s sweet, Riker. I’m sorry that things happened like this. Do you want to go out tomorrow? Maybe we can replace what we can’t fix.”
There wasn’t much to be done with the stationary. The beads could be collected again, maybe. The chocolate would have to be replaced.
Evan’s chest hurt, like fire and needles. His face felt hot but he was holding himself together well enough. He hadn’t said anything nasty and he hadn’t started crying. He had a lot of anger, a lot of rage, and a lot of sadness.
Riker deserved so much better than this. It wasn’t fair.
He should be at home, thinking about what a great holiday he had, celebrating all his new gifts.
Had he gotten any? Had she at least pretended to care?
No, probably not. Motherhood was wasted on her.
“I think most places should be open. And I have to run a few errands so it wouldn’t be any trouble if you wanted to tag along with me. I’ve got wrapping paper you can use. I know it doesn’t fix everything, but…”
His voice trailed off a little helplessly.
“...I’m sorry, Riker.” He knew he hadn’t been responsible for this. He just knew that Riker wouldn’t get an apology from the person who owed him one. “This wasn’t fair. You did everything right. I don’t know how you turned out so good when you had to grow up dealing with so much.”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:41 pm
Once again, Riker gave Evan a skeptical look, but it was more weary than anything else.
“I’m definitely not good like Julian…” Or Elliot. Or Atticus. Or any of their friends. He’d done some pretty mean things, and Evan knew about them. Or at least the most recent. He was doing better now, or at least trying to. He was trying to make up for the wrongs, but it was hard.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to spend more money on stuff people might not even like,” he sighed, probably looking as defeated as he felt.
Maybe it was better if people just thought he didn’t get them anything. Then they wouldn’t be disappointed about stupid or broken gifts.
“Sorry… it’s fine. I’ll figure it out.” He knew he should at least tell Evan he’d think about his offer, but right now all he wanted to do was curl up and hide.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:43 pm
Evan drew in a breath and held it, but by the time he was releasing it he’d already made up his mind. He uncrossed his legs and stood carefully, mindful not to jostle the teacup. Whether or not Riker could understand, Evan treasured it. He wanted to protect this teacup and he wanted to fix it, and he wanted Riker to see that it was still beautiful and useful.
He didn’t want to put it down but Riker was even more important. Carefully, Evan sat it down on the counter. He’d be back for it soon.
“You don’t have to figure it out alone, Riker.”
He held out a hand but didn’t take Riker’s; instead, he carefully helped him stand and wrapped his arms around him again.
“I know this is hard, Riker. But you’re doing such a good job. I’m so proud of you. Don’t tell yourself you’re not good like Julian just because you two are different. Your friends will like that you thought of them. And if you’re worried about money, I have a lot of chores I need done so if you help me I’ll pay you.”
He’d have given Riker the money but he knew Riker’s pride would have prevented him from accepting it.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:43 pm
Riker took Evan’s hand and stood when prompted. He might have been defiant, but not with Evan. Evan was one of the few people he trusted, after all.
Gently, Riker wrapped his arms around Evan in return, and ducked his head to rest against his shoulder. He felt like crying, but he wouldn’t let himself. He’d already done enough, and if he started crying he would just get a headache and then Julian would worry if he woke up because he could just tell those kinds of things like it was a weird super power.
He was quiet for a while longer, because if he opened his mouth, he might not be able to stop the emotions from cascading into the physical.
“Thanks, mom,” he sniffled instead, voice barely over a whisper but with Evan so close he knew he heard it. He knew it wasn’t very helpful to not have much else to say, but Evan seemed to understand that he would get answers eventually. And Riker appreciated that.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:44 pm
It didn’t matter how many times Riker said it, in jest or in earnest, it always made his stomach flop.
Evan didn’t take it for granted when Riker bestowed that title to him.
Once more, he gently stroked Riker’s back. He didn’t need Riker to say mch, or anything. It didn’t change how he felt or what he was willing to do for him.
How could his own family put him through this, on Christmas? It was heartless. Riker was trying so hard to make the best of a horrible situation. The bathroom might not have been the most scenic or relaxing place but it didn’t matter.
“Anytime, Riker. You’re such a good kid. I couldn’t imagine a better son.”
His poor hair would need some work, so he once again began gently teasing his fingers through Riker’s hair to straighten it up a bit.
“That’s part of why it’s so easy to want you around. You’re wonderful, Riker. And you’re going to be even more amazing when you grow up.” He was still young, still figuring out who he was going to be. He had a few years before he was an adult. He was limited by the restrictions his mother imposed, and he was trapped trying to make her happy.
She didn’t seem like she was capable of genuine happiness.
He wanted to make sure Riker could achieve happiness. He wanted that to be his default. Evan would have protected him from everything if he could have but the world was cruel and he could only do so much.
“I want to heat you up some dinner so you can take a little medicine before bed. I know you must be hurting. Do you want me to put on a movie, we can sleep in the living room tonight? Or do you want to sleep in Julian’s room?”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:44 pm
Riker wasn’t convinced that everything Evan said was true. Maybe Evan believed it to be true, but there were things Riker knew he really needed to work on, and while he definitely didn’t think he was wonderful, he appreciated Evan saying so.
He didn’t think there was anything for Evan to be proud of, but Riker wanted to do his best anyway.
Maybe he was just tired and would think differently in the morning. And after some food and medicine.
“I don’t really want anyone else to see me so--” he sighed, because he would like to stay with Evan, but the possibility of one of the many people who lived in the house wandering into the living room at any given time was stressful to even think about.
“If Julian is okay with it, I would like to stay up there.” He was sure Julian would be. Even if he ended up sleeping on the floor so he wouldn’t bother him. There were plenty of blankets. But Julian was also a light sleeper when he was alone, so Riker doubted he could sneak up without waking him.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:45 pm
“It’s okay,” Evan reassured, hoping Riker wouldn’t find a way to think he’d disappointed Evan by choosing to stay with Julian. He’d expected that, anyway. “I’m sure Julian will be fine with it.”
But because he wasn’t going to be able to check in on Riker as much while he was up there, he held him for a moment longer. He had to stand on his tiptoes to kiss the top of Riker’s head effectively, but he was proud that he’d been able to tame his hair, for the most part.
“I’ll keep my phone on me so if you need anything, just call or text. I’ll bring breakfast up to Julian’s room tomorrow so you don’t have to come down until you’re ready. I’ve got some Christmas presents for you, I can bring them up, too.”
Finally, with a bit of reluctance, he released Riker from the hug. He kept one arm around him so they could still walk to the kitchen together.
Maxim had woken up and was blinking at them from the hallway with sleepy eyes; his tail was wagging already and he was waiting for them to come out so he could nuzzle against Riker’s leg.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:45 pm
Riker gave Evan a little squeeze as he pulled away, already knowing he wouldn’t want to bother him, but appreciating that Evan would offer the option anyway.
He knew Evan would have got him a present, although he hoped it wasn’t anything too big. Especially after the teacup he bought him broke. Not that he wouldn’t be grateful! He just felt awkward about being given things. It would take some time to get used to, he knew. He figured Julian probably felt similar.
“Merry Christmas to you, too,” he smiled softly when Maxim trotted up to him. Naturally he had to lean down to scratch behind his ears.
The light from the Christmas tree made the room glow in an almost magical way. He’d seen Christmas trees before. There was one in his own house. But there was something different about this one. Maybe because he knew the effort that went into it, and how much the people who lived here cared.
“Maybe next year I can spend Christmas with you?” he quietly suggested, feeling a bit shy about making the request for himself, but he knew it would be much more enjoyable than any other Christmas.
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:52 pm
Maxim’s eyes completely closed while Riker scratched behind his ears, and he looked so tired that he could have been mistaken as falling asleep standing up if not for the slow wag of his tail.
“Please,” Evan said, a bit louder than the whisper he’d been going for. He made a face and looked around like he expected someone to jump out and chastise him but when no one spontaneously appeared, he continued in a softer tone. “You’ll have to help decorate, too. And bake cookies with us. Next year is so far away, maybe we should have re-do Christmas tomorrow? Think about it, I’m not ready for Christmas to be over, anyway. And come over for New Years, if you can. We’re going to go see the city fireworks and then come back to watch the ball drop.”
He rubbed Riker’s back the whole time he walked to the kitchen, and Maxim followed along after them quietly. Evan didn’t ask if Riker was hungry; he was going to set him up with food no matter what. He doubted his mother would have taken the time to make sure he was well fed, and even if she had it wasn’t like she could cook like Evan. He had a prepacked glass container ready to go and put it in the microwave.
“They don’t light up fireworks in the neighborhood or Zac drives out to yell at them so it’s very peaceful here. We do get sparklers, though. I’m making crab dip, it’s very bougie.”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2025 8:52 pm
Riker listened quietly as Evan enthusiastically agreed. It was sweet and it made Riker’s stomach flop a little with-- anxiety? No… this was probably how he was supposed to feel when he was happy. Excited, even.
He straightened up after giving Maxim a few more pets and nodded with a small smile. His face didn’t look so horrible in the dim light. Or so he hoped. And he hoped he wouldn’t scare Julian, both when he snuck up to his room, or in the morning when he could see him in the light.
But for now, he felt safe and cared for. And that was really more than he could even think to ask for.
“A re-do sounds nice,” he agreed, because why not? And if he could manage it, he would go over to hang out for New Years as well. Maybe he could check in with their other friends to see how they were doing. Especially once he had his presents figured out.
“I would like that. Thank you,” he said as he made his way into the kitchen to help Evan. It felt more like a home than his own had ever.
Fin!
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