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 Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2024 8:27 am
Julian was breathing a little harder. It wasn’t audible but his chest moved more than usual, faster despite how shallow it was. He was pulling at his sleeve again, this time rigorously knotting up a loose thread and tugging at it.
“I’m not drowning,” he mumbled, but for some reason the sound of the fountain was so much louder than he’d remembered. “It’s–you said it was just magic, on Fang,” he protested. It was a weak excuse, but he was clinging to it. It was magic, why couldn’t it be responsible for everything?
He didn’t look at Riker. It was easier to keep his emotions subdued and his expression fixed if he was focusing on all the faraway people.
“I was just thinking–it’s for summer,” he offered, but his tone fluctuated and his confidence wavered. He couldn’t seem to make it through half a sentence before he was trying to redirect the conversation somewhere else. He just couldn’t hold onto the same thought for long.
“I was asking–I didn’t want to stay at Hillworth. I thought maybe–my family is a little spread out. And I wasn’t very good on Fang and I didn’t–well, I just thought maybe if I could go stay with my mom for a while–but she’s just been busy, and I messed up with–well, she wouldn’t have lost her job if it wasn’t for me. But I thought if I could write a good letter, if I could say sorry–just for maybe a week or so, you know? But I can’t–the words are really hard and I don’t–you get it, right?” he insisted, and only now turned to Riker with a determined, pleading look.
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Posted: Sat Jun 15, 2024 4:22 pm
When Julian turned to look at him with that determined, pleading, desperate gaze, Riker felt heart skip and his stomach flip flop. He could just agree with Julian. He could end the conversation right there. He could see the way it was eating Julian up -- the way he was twisting his sleeve into threads, the way he seemed to struggle to figure out what to say.
Riker knew he could put an end to it. To apologize and drop the subject. That would keep Julian as his friend, right? To just leave him be?
“How did you make your mom lose her job?” he asked instead, perplexed that a teenager could cause that. He was aware of the parallels, more than he would like to admit.
How did you make your mom get a divorce and ruin her life?
By being born… from her own mistakes…
The excuse sounded so similar to his own that he couldn’t help but latch onto it.
“I said it was magic,” he agreed, reaching down to carefully take the box of candied bacon and moving it on his other side, so that when he reached out to gently try and pry Julian’s fingers away from ruining his clothes further he wouldn’t accidentally knock it into the fountain.
“I said it was magic, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real, Julian. Everything you felt -- everything I felt was a manifestation of everything I was feeling already. Just not as sudden as it was on Fang. Those emotions, those thoughts --”
He paused so he could take a breath. He didn’t want to think about himself. He wanted to make sure his friends were okay and then if that meant he had to reflect on his own thoughts, he would rather do it on Ganymede. Where he knew he would be safe.
But now? He would protect his friends so they wouldn’t have to worry about being safe or not. Even if he was pretty sure he was making Julian hate him for getting him even more upset.
“If you don’t want to stay at Hillworth -- we’ll figure that out. I --” he paused again and chewed on his cheek. He knew he couldn’t offer Julian a place to stay. He barely had one, himself. “I have a friend. The one who made the bacon. Maybe he’ll know what to do. He lives with other people who know about the whole magic thing, and he’s a Senshi, and really kind and smart and has a bunch of connections, so it’s not like you’d be stuck sneaking around if you powered up.”
Another pause, this time with a grimace. “I don’t want you at Hillworth any longer than you have to be. That place is garbage, even I know that.”
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Posted: Sat Jun 15, 2024 6:49 pm
Something was scrambling in Julian’s mind but his expression remained unchanged for the most part. Briefly, his eyes darted down to Riker’s hands as his stiff fingers were pulled away. Julian’s hands felt stone like; once touched, they stopped moving entirely.
He was silent for a few seconds but then he seemed desperate to move the conversation forward again. “It’s not for long,” he insisted. His voice was almost steady. “I might only just have to finish out this year. That’s not so bad.”
And he’d already gone to Hillworth for long enough, he knew his way around. He knew how to keep his head down, knew how to stay out of trouble. For the most part. Sometimes you couldn’t help when people wanted to start something, but that was okay. It was stressful at Hillworth. They were probably just frustrated and wanted to go home, too.
Julian was fairly secret with his identity–maybe now so more than ever because he was seriously doubting he even deserved to wear the mantle of ‘Squire’ but he that was a thought he quickly filed away for later because now was not the time to get distracted. He was already stumbling over his words.
Meeting new people was hard, asking anyone for help was hard. And he was supposed to go home, this was all supposed to just be a hiccup and then things would go back to normal. He didn’t even care if it wasn’t better, just normal was okay. He learned. He could do better. He wouldn’t make the same mistakes.
He didn’t want to decline Riker’s offer–that would have been so rude!–but he couldn’t exactly explain things without going into specifics, and with everything else going on–those things weren’t even important! It would work out. He didn’t want to bother anyone, and–
“How did you do it?” he blurted suddenly, like he’d finally found the right words and they were just exploding to get out. His fingers twitched with a sudden jolt of energy but he remained mostly frozen. “On Fang. With the magic. How did you stop it from–how were you able?–How did you push through it? I couldn’t. I tried but I couldn't. And it wouldn’t stop. How do I get strong like you?”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 6:18 pm
Riker stared at Julian, a little startled by the questions. Especially since he didn’t think he was very strong at all. He noticed that Julian skipped around with what he responded to. He could tell Julian was upset and he couldn’t blame him.
He hadn’t done much more than gently pull Julian’s fingers away from the fabric. His touch was light, barely there. His hand was relaxed under Julian’s fingers, but when he felt the twitch, he brushed his thumb over Julian’s fingers as if a silent reminder that he was there, and that it wasn’t a dream that someone was sitting with him. Sometimes the far off gaze in Julian’s eyes made him wonder what worlds he’d had to hide himself in to survive.
“I pushed through it because I could see you suffering. I knew everyone else was suffering too, in their own ways,” he said softly, his voice barely heard over the falling of water in the fountain.
“On my own, I’m not very strong at all,” he admitted, making a face as he thought back to how many times he went along with what he was told, how many times his brother got away with making him do things he didn’t want to. Eating dirt. Breaking things. Stealing. It was never something that made him feel good, but to get that momentary approval, he would have done anything.
“And I don’t think what happened on Fang is a good measurement of strength, Julian. You’ve been strong for so long. I know you’ve endured so much, because of how much you were affected by that magic. But that’s what you’ve got us for, right? Me, Mary, Effie, Evie. I guess Cynthus,” he said with a roll of his eyes. There were others, but he listed out those who he was as close to as Julian was.
“I think your strength is your kindness and consideration of others. You’re always so polite and quiet, like you don’t think you deserve to have a voice. But I know you do, and I think it’s beautiful. Whether it’s your words or music.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 6:25 pm
The imitation of a laugh fell from Julian’s lips when Riker mentioned Cynthus, silent if not but for the breath it took from his lungs. The stiffness in his hands faded somewhat, though it was no easy effort to relax his hands. He rested his hand over Riker’s, and though it was clear that Julian was not entirely comfortable, he wasn’t trying to slip away either.
He swallowed again, but this time it felt like a rock on the way down and his eyes suddenly felt hot and wet again. It was because he swallowed wrong, nothing else. He slipped one hand away and wiped the side of his hand over both eyes quickly.
It didn’t do much but it bought him some time. The people far away wouldn’t see the wetness in his eyes so he looked at them and dipped his head again to put a thin curtain between himself and Riker.
He wanted to say that Riker was silly, or that he was looking into things too much. No words came. Julian just felt so worn down. He’d cried a lot yesterday, and today, too. He didn’t think he had anything left to cry but it frustrated him that tears still found a way to leak out. He couldn’t even blame it on the spray of the fountain.
So far as he knew, no one had gotten seriously hurt on Fang. But maybe that was just because there were so many people there, looking out for each other and making sure no one was left to fend for themselves. Julian liked to think that if Riker had been in trouble that he could have snapped out of his own problems to help but the reality was that he didn’t know. He couldn’t trust himself.
“I just don’t want you guys to have to worry about me all the time.” His voice wavered again, like he couldn’t figure out what tone or what volume to use. “I don’t know why I can’t figure things out. I still don’t have my magic. I was just dead weight up there and any one of you could have gotten hurt.” And if they’d gotten hurt because they were looking after him? He’d have had to quit being a Knight immediately, he couldn’t be responsible for that. His friends were too important–and too important to him–to be getting hurt on his account.
His heart skipped a beat, or doubled down, or got confused at some point because his chest hurt and felt like it was trying to push something back up his throat. Riker had kind words that resonated with him but Julian didn’t know what to do with them.
Being kind or considerate or polite wasn’t going to help anyone if a giant wolf was trying to tear out their throat.
Riker was right about some things, though. It was hard for Julian to have a voice. He didn’t think he had anything important to say. He’d rather listen than talk, and nod agreeably. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing, didn’t want to upset someone or hurt their feelings or make them hate him.
But he’d also said his voice was beautiful and Julian didn’t know why that meant so much to him. His words or music. He wasn’t even good at playing! He sounded horrible! He was so much better before he hurt his wrist, before it hurt to play, but–
His breathing shuddered, lost under the bubbling water behind them, but he had to wipe at his eyes again quickly.
It was still nice to hear.
Even if he didn’t think he deserved to.
“...Are you okay after all of that?” he asked quietly. Because, even now, Riker was still seeking him out to check on him, and to bring him treats.
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 6:26 pm
“I’m okay,” Riker promised, brushing his thumb over Julian’s fingers again in reassurance. Even if he wasn’t, he didn’t want to focus on that right now. Julian looked like he needed a moment to collect himself, so Riker let him have that much. He glanced back over to where the party was taking place. He didn’t know what to do with tears, and felt suddenly anxious about them. But that was okay. He understood.
“But what are you talking about? We don’t worry about you all the time. I’m sorry, I know I stepped out of line by carrying you off like I did. I wasn’t sure what that magic was doing to you. That wasn’t because I didn’t think you were incapable or anything like that. I guess I just didn’t want us separated again. It was easier to regroup and figure things out after catching our breath. And you worry about us, don’t you? You’re always wanting us to be happy and you’re always so agreeable with things, even though I don’t think you always feel that way. You look out for us, so… if my muscles can be of use somehow, let me keep you safe, and then you can listen to me -- to us… after everything is over. We won’t always need someone to fight, but we’ll definitely always need someone to listen and to talk to. I think you’re perfect for that role. That doesn’t mean we don’t want to listen to you, too, though.”
He knew he was talking a lot. There was a lot he wanted to say. A lot he wanted to ask Julian about, but worried it was too much.
“I didn’t know you haven’t figured out your magic yet. I just thought you really liked hitting things with your lute. Kinda cathartic, yeah? Oh, but… no, don’t do that to an instrument. Hey, want me to help you figure it out? Mine -- I wasn’t expecting it to work. I’m not even too sure what I did, but I thought really hard about how I needed extra power, and… I get my sword answered. Or something. I’m sure someone more experienced than us will be able to explain it better but. Uh… yeah, we can figure out a time. Unless you’d rather with someone else, or by yourself! I don’t mind, but I’d like to see what you can do.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 6:29 pm
Once more, Julian almost laughed when Riker corrected himself about hitting things with his instrument. He shook his head because, no, you weren’t supposed to do that. He was just lucky that his lute always seemed to fix itself back up afterwards.
“Luke was trying to help me but we couldn’t figure anything out. I think the problem’s me. I was thinking I should go up to my Wonder and see if I could find some answers there, but I just haven’t made it up yet. The last time, the Code was having some problems and that was more important.”
He was trying really hard not to sniffle but when the alternative was snot dripping from his nose, he decided the lesser of two evils was making a little noise. He sniffled, as quick as possible. It would buy him a minute, at least. His eyelashes felt heavy but it wasn’t like he was bawling. He might have even been able to blame it on allergies, even if he was pretty sure that Riker wasn’t going to buy it.
“I hate hitting things with my lute,” he confessed. “Or in general. I don’t like fighting. I’m worried my magic is going to hurt someone. I keep trying to tell myself that you have to fight to keep people safe but it’s just gotten really hard recently. I feel like throwing up all the time.”
Maybe it was too much information. It wasn’t even what Riker was talking about.
He wiped at his eyes, this time with the frayed hem of his sweater and hated that he felt like he needed to sniffle again.
“I don’t mind that you picked me up. It just surprised me. Sometimes I get overwhelmed when people are too close, and that makes me want to throw up, too. I don’t want to accidentally–you know. On you. Some of my friends are just huggers, though. I’m trying to get better about it.”
He wasn’t making progress as quickly as he wanted, though.
Riker made more sense than he wanted to admit. He did worry about his friends about all sorts of things, so realistically it was fair that they would worry about him. That’s what happened when you cared about someone. It was just easy to compare himself to them when they brought so much more to the table.
“You’re good for a lot more than your muscles, you know.” He hoped Riker did, but if not he wanted to at least take a moment to tell him. “...You’re really clever. And kind.” And observant, but Julian wasn’t sure if that was really working in his favor right now, so he didn’t want to bring attention to it.
“I feel safe when you’re around. And like I can talk.” Even if he was still struggling with actually doing it, and if his heart was fluttering anxiously in his chest and his stomach was flipping upside down. “...I just don’t really have a lot to say,” he admitted. “And I’m really worried about saying the wrong thing. But I like talking with you. I like listening to everyone. I think Elliot is probably better at talking to than I am, though. And Atticus.”
Elliot always seemed to know what to say and he wasn’t afraid about being outspoken. And Atticus was so kind and supportive. If someone needed to talk to anyone, they seemed like better options–especially because they came as a set. But they were good at other things, too–like solving problems, or fighting, or healing. He didn’t think he had that. Riker was versatile, too. He was good to talk to–once he let you see that side of himself–and he was good at fighting, and protecting people, and planning, and solving problems.
He felt replaceable, even if he thought his friends were too good to try. It felt stupid to say out loud so he kept it to himself and chewed on the inside of his cheek hard enough that he tasted blood but he couldn’t stop himself.
“I want to be able to do more.” He was speaking softer, and once more digging his heel against the stone wall they were sitting on. “...I just don’t feel like I do enough. I can’t keep up with how much everyone else can do.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 7:10 pm
Riker paused for a few moments, and then nodded.
“I think you’re right. The problem is you,” he agreed, but in the hopes of stopping Julian from becoming immediately upset, he caught his hand and gave it a tighter squeeze.
“I think you focus so much on everyone else, that you don’t take any time for yourself,” he clarified. “You said so yourself. Last time, it was the Code. You’re always putting yourself last. Why is that? Who made you think that you’re not worth the time and energy other people want to give you?”
The time and energy Riker wanted to give him. Once again, there were very few people he could very easily do whatever was necessary to protect them and make them happy. Enough that he’d been about to do something incredibly stupid.
“You can throw up on me, I don’t mind,” he promised, but reached out with his free hand to gently brush back some of Julian’s bangs. “But you’ll have to let me hold back your hair, okay? I can be good at that too. I’ve got plenty of muscle to keep your hair out of your face if you’re sick,” he insisted with a small grin.
He was still interested in everything Julian was saying, but he didn’t want them to delve too deep into the dark if they could help it. Unless they needed to, then he would make sure to keep them from getting lost.
About Elliot, he clicked his tongue. “I mean I guess. If you like to be preached to,” he huffed. Not that he disliked Elliot, but he said a lot of bogus, idealistic nonsense sometimes. He didn’t know much about Atticus, other than he was Elliot’s boyfriend and glued to his hip.
It was easier to focus on their friends than how his ears burned with the comments about him making Julian feel safe and that he could talk. Or how he was clever and kind. He cleared his throat in an attempt to not sound flustered when he spoke again.
“Neither of them can teach me how to play the violin, though. So that’s a huge problem. But… I don’t think your magic would make you hurt anyone,” he hummed thoughtfully. “I mean… I guess I could be wrong. I don’t know much about this stuff, but I would imagine magic is meant to manifest as an extension of yourself, you know? If you don’t want to fight -- and you don’t have to! What would you want to do? If you could do anything…? Would you like to have healing magic like Effie? That could be useful.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 7:11 pm
Julian almost turned away. Riker had moved his bangs, he’d taken his curtain away. There wasn’t anywhere to hide. Even in the dim light and the shadows of the night he knew his face was puffy, he knew his eyelashes were wet. His lip trembled from the effort he was putting in to keep it steady.
Riker was right, again. Julian would have to be more careful with his words but he was too tired to try and work his way out of the damage he’d already done. He’d been surprised when Riker agreed that it was his fault, but before it could hurt, Riker had turned it around. He saw it from a totally different perspective, and when he put it like that…
Yeah, he was right. Julian did focus a lot on everyone else. He didn’t like himself like he liked his friends. He didn’t think he deserved time for himself, he hadn’t earned it. He was always putting himself last. He just didn’t want to answer Riker’s question. Instead, he nodded and squeezed his hand back and hoped that was good enough.
Of course, Riker was joking, too. It was enough to summon at least one half-hearted laugh. “I don’t want to throw up on you. You don’t need muscles to hold up my hair.” He didn’t tell him to stop being silly, though. A laugh was better than crying, even if he did sniffle and wipe at his eyes again.
He saw Riker smiling, even if he couldn’t look up at him.
“Elliot doesn’t preach. I like listening to him. He’s very passionate.” And he knew a lot of weird facts so he always had something interesting to say. For as much as Elliot talked, Julian never felt like he talked over him. It was more like he just knew how to entertain while chasing away the silence. Riker was probably just teasing, anyway; he knew his words weren’t coming from anywhere bad.
Was magic really an extension of themself? He liked to think knew his friends pretty well, and while not all of them had magic, the ones that did had magic that did seem to suit him.
Still…
“If I could have any magic? I would want magic that could stop people from getting hurt at all. Healing magic is nice. But I’d like it more if everybody was so safe they didn’t need to be healed.”
He wished he could see Riker’s expression without giving away his own.
“...Are you happy with your magic? Is it everything you wanted it to be?”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 7:11 pm
Riker hummed thoughtfully for a moment.
“Did you know that Ganymede is the Senshi of lust? So… I don’t know. I was hoping my magic would make me irresistible or incredibly attractive. All rizz.”
It was difficult for him to try and keep a straight face. His lips twitched like he wanted to laugh. He was joking, of course. Julian seemed to liven up when he joked around a bit, and not like the world was crushing him completely.
“I knew to look for my magic. Evie knows Ganymede who knows a bunch of others, so once we somehow magically got more power -- and I’ll point out that you unlocked that in yourself before me -- we tried practicing with our weapons until we figured it out. I’m not really sure what my magic does other than shoot pretty lights around, but it makes me feel stronger. Maybe it’s all in my head. I’m good with a baseball bat, and I knew I wanted to be able to do more to protect everyone, so. Yeah, I think I’m happy with it. Oh, but you’re not hiding from me, are you?”
He wasn’t so much teasing as just being gentle. He saw the way Julian looked like he wanted to coil in on himself when he’d moved his hair.
“Am I scary? No, I know you’re not scared of me. Do you think I’ll judge you? I’ve been judged my whole life on my appearance. That’s the last thing I’d do, I promise.”
He was going to keep to himself that he thought Julian was pretty cute with his cheeks flushed and his lip wibbling -- not that he wanted Julian to be upset! But he could understand why his friends would want to hug him. For a boy.
“Oh, s**t… hold on I’ve got something,” he suddenly remembered and quickly reached over to the basket of the bike to grab a few napkins to hand to Julian. “Sorry, I completely forgot. I’m used to just wiping my hands on my pants like a barbarian, but my friend gave me those to take with me.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 7:12 pm
Julian couldn’t remember if he knew that Ganymede was the Senshi of Lust but that probably wasn’t the point when Riker was making a joke about it. Riker hardly seemed like he could hold himself together and it was hard for Julian to do the same. He laughed softly, something soft and hardly strong enough to even make it past his lips. It was enough, though.
There was a brief moment where concern flooded him when Riker asked if he was scary, but he spoke enough words of reassurance that Julian didn’t feel like he had to come up with a quick excuse and apology. The concern returned briefly when he looked like he was going to get up but thankfully he only had to stretch to get what he was reaching for.
Julian hadn’t wanted him to get up, he liked him sitting there next to him.
“Thank you,” he said, and though he laid a few napkins in his lap he sheepishly held one up to his nose and blew it. He folded it up quickly, as if by doing so he could put the whole thing behind him and maybe Riker would forget.
He knew it wasn’t realistic, but Riker was already playing along fairly well.
Julian suspected he’d still need a few more so he kept them close but it was nice not to have to worry about sniffling for right now.
“You’re a good friend, Riker.” Julian knew he sounded nasally, and quiet, and like he was still trying not to choke up. He also sounded honest, and grateful.
“I’m not scared of you. I know you won’t judge me. It’s all in my head.” He sighed heavily, almost defeated, and slouched some like he just didn’t have the energy to keep himself up. He wasn’t curling into himself because he was trying to hide now, just because the weight of the world was winning its war against his shoulders. “Sometimes I just start thinking and then I can’t shut it off. I want to, but it doesn’t work like that. I know it’s not you. You’re my friend, I think really highly of you. I hope I didn’t upset you. I’m just…”
He was back to struggling to figure out what he wanted to say again, and he opened his mouth and almost started half a dozen different sentences before he just deflated and confessed, “I’m just having a hard time right now. It’ll work out. It’s just complicated. But I’m really glad I got to see you tonight. I feel a little better already.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 7:12 pm
There were a lot of questions still unanswered. Whether because the opportunity had passed, or because they were purposefully avoided. Riker knew he could probably push Julian more, but he was happy they got to talk at least a little. Especially while he was feeling so down.
“I’m not as good at talking as Elliot -- ah, he doesn’t even know I’m Reims… Only you and Rose know.” And Evan, but that was different.
“What I mean… I might not be as good at talking, but if you need a distraction, I can come up with some stuff, probably. It’s okay to be having a hard time, Jules. If things don’t seem like they’re working out, let me know. No matter how complicated things are, we can figure things out,” he promised.
He glanced down at the notebook again with a frown.
“Your mom doesn’t know what she’s missing. Whatever happened that makes you think you caused her to lose her job? It’s not your fault. Just like… I’m trying to accept that it’s not my fault for my own family,” he admitted with a sigh.
“You gonna be okay once we leave here? Wanna go crash that party and see what food they’ve got?” he suggested with a small, mischievous grin that made it difficult to tell if he was joking or not.
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 7:28 pm
“I think we might stick out like a sore thumb if we tried,” Julian laughed. Not much, every ounce of joy seemed half hearted, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. He was just tired. He had a lot of emotions to sort through. He was on the right track at least; he had good friends looking after him.
“I’ll be okay,” he promised. “I got lucky having Luke as a roommate, he’s pretty easy going and he never gives me a hard time. I just needed some fresh air. Hillworth is a little stuffy.”
He didn’t think he needed to explain more than that.
Riker was looking at the notebook–not reading the letter, he wasn’t inspecting it that closely–but Julian picked it up with a sigh. What should have fit a single line of text fit two, sometimes three. Julian had crossed a lot of what he had out and made edits but the whole thing looked far from done.
He wasn’t going to work on it any more tonight. He closed it and knelt over to grab his bag so he could pack it up.
“I think you’re as good at talking as Elliot. You two just have different things to say. I’m really glad you wanted to talk tonight. I don’t think I knew how much I needed it. I have a lot to think about but I feel better about it.”
It didn’t feel so crushing. He’d gotten too invested in writing the letter and he’d been focusing too much on the wrong things.
“If you ever want to talk–I’m not as good at talking as Elliot, either–but I could be a distraction, too. I could come up with something. Or we could just sit somewhere together.” Sometimes he didn’t feel like talking but he didn’t want to be alone. He thought he could be comfortable with silence if he was with Riker.
“I’ll try to let you know if things aren’t working out. I’m not really good at asking for help.” Or getting into complicated things. It seemed like more work to explain things than it was to just deal with them alone.
But…
He could try.
He wanted to, for Riker. For all of his friends that cared about him. It was just hard to get over the mental hurdles to actually get there.
“Your mom doesn’t know what she’s missing, either. I think you’re really great. And I know that whatever you’ve got going on with your family isn’t your fault.” If Riker was still trying to accept it, Julian would be happy to remind him. He still had doubts that his own problems were caused specifically by him, and there were a few events he could point to where he was definitely the guilty party. Actions had consequences and he was still dealing with the repercussions of his choices.
Riker sounded like he’d just been the unlucky scapegoat in his family’s drama. He didn’t deserve whatever they put him through.
“...Just so you know that. And if you ever need a reminder, I hope we can meet up so I can tell you that. And all the other good things I’ve seen in you. I know I said it before but I’m really glad I got to see you tonight.” He had a bit of a pause between his words, like maybe he had more to say but he just had to pick what was the most important. “You’re a really good friend. And I hope I can be as good a friend to you as you are to me, because this was really nice. And the bacon was, too.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 7:49 pm
Riker was quiet for a few moments. There were a lot of things he didn’t try to think about, especially when it was easier to focus on someone else who needed the attention more. There were plenty of things he knew Julian wasn’t telling him. There were plenty of things Riker didn’t know how to say to Julian, or any of his friends. He feared they would think he was being dramatic.
It was nice to hear that Julian was willing to remind him, even if he wished he could say he didn’t have to be reminded. It would be hypocritical for him to not ask for help from his friends when he was offering it to them.
“You’re a really good friend, too,” he said softly, just in case Julian needed to hear it. “I like talking with you. I just hope whatever troubles you’re going through, that they’ll be resolved to your benefit. Ah, but the bacon is yours,” he insisted, pushing the box towards Julian. “I brought it especially for you. Share it with Luke if you want.”
He really hoped Luke was as good of a person as Julian made him seem to be.
“I would like to just sit somewhere with you. And if you want to talk, we can. And I’ll let you know if there’s anything I want to talk about,” he promised and then hopped off the side of the fountain before holding his hand out to help Julian down as well. “Unless you’re planning on staying longer?”
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Posted: Tue Jun 18, 2024 7:50 pm
Julian was obviously surprised that the bacon was his. All of it? He accepted the box and held it in his hands for a few seconds before looking up at Riker with an expression that asked the question even when he did not voice it.
He brought it especially for him?
Julian probably could have cried again but he knew that was a silly thought. Maybe he should try to eat more, if all of his friends were always offering him food. He smiled instead, and though it wasn’t very strong or stable at least it meant that it had won out over the tears.
He accepted Riker’s hand and pulled himself up. “Um, no, it’s getting late. I guess I should head back. There’s a curfew at Hillworth and I’ve really pushed my luck. I’m not proud of how good I’ve gotten at sneaking around. I really do try to follow all the rules.” It was just hard when you were supposed to be using your magic to stop evil late at night.
Hastily, Julian gathered his bag and pulled it over his shoulders but he carried the box of candied bacon close to his chest. If he tried to eat all this alone he’d definitely make himself sick but he was excited to eat what he could and share with Luke.
“Do you think we can hang out more soon?” He felt like he was being greedy by asking already but he had a moment of confidence and he didn’t want to waste it. Of course, he also felt the need to explain, “We don’t have to do anything. Maybe I could take you to Dering sometime. Or I could show you my favorite place to play music in the park.” It didn’t have to be anything big, he wasn’t even sure he could commit to any grand plans. Especially over the summer.
He just wanted to spend time with his friend.
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