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 Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:25 pm
“I wish you’d let me worry about you,” Percy whispered, taking a moment to rub at his wet eyes and face. “I want to worry about you. It helps me focus.”
Maybe he didn’t realize that was the case until he put it into words just then, but it was true. He worked better when he had a goal in mind. Figuring out a way to help Devyn, staying on guard until a situation was resolved, making sure everything was ready to go in case he needed to help. He needed that.
“You don’t want me to worry, but that’s who I am, Dev. Then once everything is settled and we’re safe, I’ll cry in your arms. Or I’ll hold you and comfort you, just as you do for me.”
He knew Devyn had a hard time with things, but he didn’t know how hard, because they’d never talked about it. Devyn always insisted he was okay, and Percy always did his best to nod and accept that because he thought that in doing so, Devyn would be better off. If Devyn didn’t have to worry about worrying him, then that was better, right?
But since Villefort, especially, the more Percy tried to prove that he wasn’t worried, and the more Devyn did his best not to worry him, the more miserable Percy felt. Of course he blamed himself when no one would talk to him about what happened. Devyn said he was grateful that he was there with him, but how was Percy supposed to know if that was just one more way to get him not to worry or if it was sincere? He couldn’t always tell with the necklace any more. Devyn had gotten too good at hiding how he felt.
“I love you,” he whimpered quietly between choked back sobs. “I just want to help. Please just let me worry-- I won’t be a burden, I promise--”
Historically, he always handled things better when he worried. He was able to find Devyn in that cave when others thought he might have been lost. He didn’t cry at all until he was by Devyn’s side again. Same with Villefort. Only in Devyn’s arms did he really let himself break down, even if it wasn’t really him in control. Even that day, he hadn’t cried except from pain, until Devyn was with him. In worrying, he was able to formulate solutions, not cower in fear. He just needed Devyn to understand that and really trust him.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:26 pm
Maybe it was because Devyn was back by Percy’s side and he wasn’t crying that made him feel so off about this. He was so used to the tears, and then the catharsis, and then the healing. But Percy wasn’t allowing himself the first step of the process, and Devyn was distressed not just because Percy was holding back but because he also played a role in that.
“You’re not a burden, Percy. You’ve never been. You’re the best thing in my life. You know that.” Didn’t he? “I like you worrying about me.” Except when he really needed worrying about. He liked the fussing over little things, over all his ‘papercuts’.
“I just don’t want you to worry too much. Ah, Perce.” He sighed, and even if it hurt to do it, he kissed atop his head. “I’m sorry. Maybe I got too into my own head.”
It was easy these days. He didn’t feel any better admitting it, but he didn’t feel any worse either.
“You really want to worry about me at a time like this? With everything else going on? How do you have the energy, love of my lives? I’ll let you, of course. If it would make you feel better. But I don’t even know where to start.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:30 pm
“Yes,” he quickly confirmed. “I want to worry.”
Well, no. He didn’t want to worry, but he would rather know than not.
“I want to know what I can prepare for. Maybe I can come up with another solution for your troubles-- something that you haven’t thought of,” he suggested, making sure he had enough air in his lungs to breathe before trying to speak.
“It’s okay. I love you, you’ve just been trying to protect me. I know that. I don’t fault you for that. If you don’t know where to start then… How bad is the situation and political climate on Alastor? Really?”
He needed to know. He needed to make sure that his research wasn’t too shallow, or maybe not headed in the right direction.
And… as he chewed anxiously on his lip, but stopped soon after, he sighed and explained.
“I’ve been doing research. Trying to find similar situations and solutions. I’d… just agreed to let Marius help me. I asked him not to tell you I was crying.”
Maybe this wasn’t the best time for this conversation, but this was the first opening that Percy could believe was Devyn really trying to bridge the gap between Percy’s concerns and Devyn’s desire to not worry him. Percy hoped it was good enough for a peace offering of sorts. Proof that he was serious, too.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:33 pm
Oh, Percy. Devyn stroked his hair
“You and Marius both are looking after me? That’s sweet.” He didn’t know what they could do or what they could find in research, but he loved Percy for working so hard and he supposed it was decent of Marius for trying to help clean up his mess.
He didn’t immediately answer, not because he was trying to avoid the question but because he needed time to think about it. Finally, he said, “It’s…complicated.”
Devyn found comfort in stroking Percy’s hair while he considered it.
“It’s not good. People trust me less. It’s hard to have an honest conversation. I’ve been getting more challenges. Making more enemies. Dealing with more accusations. That I’m going mad with power, that I’ve overstepped boundaries.” It wasn’t the first time, but he was hearing it louder, in more corners.
“The rumors are getting worse. And any time there’s a tragedy, my name’s the first one they’re throwing out to blame. A village out west–far out west–was found totally slaughtered. So they suggested that was me. I had an alibi, of course. But there were plenty of people hoping I didn’t. It’s like that everywhere. I’m the monster under the bed again.”
He sighed heavily. He was trying to relax, to lower his own walls. The necklace Percy wore was evidence enough that he was making an effort. It beat tiredly, it dimmed a bit. It was mostly steady. Devyn didn’t really want to have to put the energy into maintaining the stability anyway. “But I’ve been making some strides. Did I tell you how I got these?” He moved one hand to rest over his stomach but he didn’t move away from Percy as he did so.
“I stopped a group of bandits. They were terrorizing the villages higher up on the mountains, trying to extort them. When I stopped them, I got in good with a few villages in the area. They’re going to put in a good word for me, since I helped them out. And they were kind to me, for the most part. So, I hope that’s a good sign. Even though I didn’t make it as far as I wanted. But I’m worried that it’s going to come back and bite me. The places I was supposed to visit, the ones I’m not going to? I guess I’m worried about them thinking I’m blowing them off. So I have to figure out how I’m going to make it up to them. It’s not like they wanted to see me anyway, but still. I have to try to make things right.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:35 pm
Percy was quiet as he listened to Devyn, and as Devyn spoke, even though he was upset about hearing all of the things Devyn was dealing with, he relaxed a little. He didn’t feel like he had to be as guarded when Devyn was being so open with him.
“Oh, my love,” he sighed and pressed a kiss against Devyn’s shoulder, and very carefully wiggled his way up so he could press his face and still cold nose against Devyn’s neck.
“I’m so proud of you. You’ve been doing so much. I just wish everyone understood how much you cared, how compassionate you are.”
With his energy depleted, he knew that resting a hand over Devyn’s wound on his stomach would do nothing, but he wished he could do something.
“Thank you for stopping them. The bandits. I’m sure people will feel more at ease knowing they don’t have to deal with that. Okay… give me a little time to rest and I’ll review your maps with you and Atrius. Maybe we can figure out the fastest way to get you back on track once you’re well enough. Maybe Lucien has some ideas he can share,” he suggested tiredly.
Was he worried? Of course he was worried. He didn’t want all of Devyn’s hard work to go out of the window because of him-- no… because Sessrumnir had been attacked. Someone took advantage of their non-combative nature and he did his best to counter them while waiting for help. He had no idea Princess would have been stopped, but now he would be more careful.
“Okay… thank you,” he mumbled softly as he let himself relax a little more, even if in doing so a new wave of tears spilled over his cheeks. Pain and frustration and sadness and relief all mixed together.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:37 pm
Percy’s cold little nose was always a welcome surprise, and though it briefly startled Devyn, he found himself smiling and tilting his neck to expose more warmth to offer.
“Oh, Perce. Is that all it takes? I’m sorry,” he said tenderly. Mindful still of Percy’s bruises, he couldn’t help but brush the tears from his cheek once more. With his arm still around Percy it was easy to feel the way his muscles eased. Good, it meant he wasn’t bottling up all that tension.
“You say such kind things to me and I always forget how much I need to hear them.” Percy saw him, knew him, for who he was. Not whatever persona he donned in public, not whatever rumors or horror stories they painted about him in his absence.
Percy knew him. The real him. Even when Devyn was concealing–selectively hiding, or delaying–some information, Percy knew him.
Devyn loved him in ways he couldn’t even describe. He was too tired to really think about everything that had happened today beyond just getting a chance to see Percy. Maybe later he’d figure out how to broach on those topics. When he wasn’t still imagining his hands painted with blood. He believed Percy when he said he was proud of him, and maybe it eased some of the guilt in his heart. Percy didn’t really know what he’d done. If someone else didn’t tell him first, Devyn would. It wasn’t a secret he had to keep, especially when even little truths seemed to placate Percy.
“Please take all the time you need. I’m not rushing to get up any time soon.”
He released a long, tired sigh. A bit dramatic. It felt good.
“I’ll tell you more about it after you rest, too.” His eyes were half closed but opened quickly. “Oh! Perce, it’s supposed to storm. I didn’t tell you that. But they were warning me about it when I was planning on leaving. A lot of the paths are waterlogged and muddy already. If it rains, it would just slow me down, too. But I could save a lot of time just going to Arista and taking a boat around the river. I’d still need to backtrack a little, there were a few villages I didn’t get to see. But I think the ones that I did might put in a good word for me. When we look at the maps, you’ll have to tell me if that looks faster. But it might buy me a day, maybe two. More, if the rain doesn’t let up.”
He wasn’t worried about flooding necessarily, but there were a good few areas along the way that enough water would have badly disrupted his path.
With a heavy sigh he muttered, “I hope it rains for a week.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:46 pm
Percy knew that Devyn needed to prove that he was capable and strong, but he didn’t have to always be invulnerable around him. He could just be a normal man without expecting the weight of everything to come crashing down on him. Because Percy wanted to be there to help him hold everything up.
He reached his arm up to rest over Devyn’s other shoulder, his fingers tangling in Devyn’s long black hair, scratching gently at the back of his scalp and wherever he could reach to try and ease some of the tension his husband must be feeling.
There wasn’t much he could do at the moment. He was too tired and sore to really express how much he loved Devyn, but he hoped the little touches would be enough for now.
He paused for a few moments when Devyn mentioned there being a storm. It was easy to focus on anything but himself when it was presented to him, but even as he did so there was no attentional tension in his body building.
“I hope it rains for a week, too,” he admitted quietly, and tilted his head enough to press a kiss to Devyn’s neck.
“Okay, I can work with that. I’ve already studied the flooding in the area, so I should be able to figure out a way to mark the best route for you. And some additional routes, just in case. I want to go with you,” he admitted, tears still in his eyes because of course that was something he would always be upset about. “But… could you see if Lucien could go in my place? Please? I don’t want to slow you down or give you more reasons to worry. I don’t want to be a target for people who want to hurt you. I don’t want you to be alone, either.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:52 pm
Percy’s touches summoned a purr from Devyn, who would always profess how much better Percy’s fingers felt in his hair than his own. There was something intimate, something vulnerable. There were few people that he could trust enough to expose himself in such a way.
His eyes fluttered shut and he let himself feel the pleasant sensation of Percy’s fingers in his hair instead of the constant, throbbing ache radiating through the rest of his body. His arm still stung. His stomach was worse. The medicine had helped.
“Let’s see how the next few days go,” he suggested. “If you can’t come with me, I’ll go with Lucien. But I like that little thing he sent. Like a bird that flew to me, and I could speak to it and he could hear me, and I could hear him through it. I thought I was hallucinating at first. I didn’t think I lost that much blood, and I patched myself up pretty good. There used to be stitches,” he insisted. “I’m sad you didn’t get to see what a good job I did, I took my time. They were nice and even, too.” He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and sighed, not quite dejectedly but close enough that even with his dramatics it still sounded honest.
He pulled the blanket up a bit so he could gently mop at Percy’s tears.
“If you could come with me, I wouldn’t even mind if we went slower. I could carry you on my back if we needed to hurry. Maybe we’ll just put you in armor and wing it. But I’d understand if you wanted to stay on Sessrumnir for a while. I’ll be here for a few days at least,” he’d already decided–rain or shine–that he was going to take some time off from his traveling. “So if there’s anything I can do to help you, we’ll have to prioritize that, too. We’ll have to fix the springs quickly, I miss them already. We should ask Princess if she has any ideas. Tomorrow. She could probably use the rest as much as we could.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:53 pm
Percy was pretty sure this was the first time he’d heard about any bird that Lucien and Devyn could speak through to each other, so he made sure he was quiet so he could hear everything about it.
“I want to be with you,” he said quietly, even when he knew Sessrumnir was still recovering from whatever it just went through. “I don’t want to stay at Sessrumnir right now, even though I know I should. I don’t want to prove Serge right, but I’m afraid of what nightmares I’ll have without you with me.”
This time had been different from the last time Sessrumnir had been attacked while he was there. They seemed more interested in him than the treasures they could have gotten their hands on. He didn’t always have nightmares, but when he did, they were usually images from that incident. Devyn had saved him then, too.
“Maybe Lucien will show me later. It sounds really interesting. And I know, Dev. You’ve gotten really good at patching yourself up. I’m not worried about that,” he promised, continuing to play with Devyn’s hair and scratch at his scalp since it seemed to bring him a certain sense of calm.
“I know you take good care of yourself, especially for my sake. I also know you’re reckless and push past your limits frequently, but I don’t believe that’s because you don’t care. Thank you. You did a good job helping Madison with me, so I know you did a good job on yourself.”
Devyn could probably be kinder to himself, but Percy wasn’t going to nitpick over that when he was at least doing his best and sounded genuine.
“I’ll try to figure out how to fix Sessrumnir tomorrow,” he sighed, grateful that Devyn helped to mop up his tears already. “I love you. Just let me hold you for a bit.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:54 pm
“You never have to ask. My favorite place to be is in your arms. Coincidentally, my favorite place for you is my arms. So this will work out nicely for both of us, I think.”
Percy sounded more like himself. Devyn didn’t want to rush him into normalcy or push him into doing anything he wasn’t ready for, but it felt like a step in the right direction for both of them. “Serge knows you’re not a soldier. He can’t possibly imagine you to know how to manage after an attack like that. I hope he’ll have some time to think about how he wants to conduct himself before you see him again. I didn’t like what he said to you, I didn’t agree with any of it. I don’t know what he hoped to accomplish.”
It was hard to know when Serge was obviously keeping secrets. If there was something more going on, something pressing that Percy should have been aware of, Devyn could only blame Serge for not telling him.
Being naturally biased in Percy’s favor had no influence on the matter.
“Whatever’s going on, we’ll figure it out. Tomorrow.” Unless Percy changed his mind and wanted sooner, in which case Devyn would find some way to oblige. “But I’m here with you tonight. And it’ll be for longer than that. I’ll do my best to chase away any nightmares. And if any sneak through…”
He wanted to shrug so badly but between being sore and being as comfortable as he was going to get, he didn’t. “...We’ll just tell Marius his little dream snare’s broken.”
Devyn wasn’t sure if he was supposed to know about the one hidden between his wall and the headboard of his bed, but he knew Marius passed through here to get to his classes on Sessrumnir. Usually Percy was with him, but he knew Percy was far more lenient with Marius than even the Council was.
He didn’t know if Marius’ superstitious trinkets worked, but if they did, he hoped it had been helping Percy.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:58 pm
Percy tensed for just a moment when Devyn mentioned the webbed trinket Marius made. It was to help with chasing away bad dreams, yes. After a moment Percy relaxed again and laughed softly.
“I’m sorry. You miss nothing, do you?” he hummed, pressing another kiss against Devyn’s neck in apology. “He’s trying, Dev… He knows what his actions did. I don’t think he’ll stop until he’s satisfied that he’s made things up to us.”
It didn’t change the fact that he did those horrible things, or that Devyn’s confidence had been shattered. How could he trust anything if he could so easily be controlled? Percy knew it hurt him, and he hated that all he could really do was be there for him.
“Serge… is Serge… I don’t know if he’s right about any of it, but… if you don’t agree with it, then he must be wrong,” Percy sighed. He trusted Devyn and his opinions most of all, so if Devyn didn’t agree with Serge, then that was the answer Percy would go with.
“Thank you, Devyn… I missed you. I always miss you.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 8:59 pm
Percy’s laugh was the sweetest sound Devyn had ever heard, now especially. He didn’t need the apology but he liked the kiss.
“There is a hole in my heart without you, but I feel complete when you’re by my side. I miss you endlessly.”
It was his turn to trade a kiss, and he planted it on Percy’s forehead so he didn’t have to stretch his stomach. It wasn’t where he wanted to kiss, but he sacrificed that in favor of health. He knew that, with a heavy heart, Percy would have wanted that for him, too.
“Serge is Serge,” he agreed. “We’ll figure out what we can from him later when we’re making our plan. But I have faith in you, and Sessrumnir. When I showed up, it still showed me the way to you. It wasn’t like normal, but I know things will be okay. You’re strong, and your world is strong. You do so much, you work so many miracles. You make men of monsters.”
Not just him. He’d seen Percy, heart on his sleeve, turn the tides in many conversations and win people over with his bright eyes and sweet face and compassionate words. It had worked with Marius, too. He was arguably not quite a man, and the definition of monster was certainly debatable.
Monsters didn’t leave superstitious charms around to try and keep you safe, anyway. Devyn had found it a while ago; his room was an eclectic assortment of all sorts of things, but he knew it very well. He’d first noticed the oddity when he was falling into bed one night and the headboard hit the wall with an unfamiliar sound. Things had fallen back there before but when he went to retrieve it he didn’t recognize it as something of his. He’d seen Marius making them before, he knew that their purpose was pure and the intention must be the same.
At least he was looking after Percy while Devyn was gone.
“Did you know it was there?” he asked, nodding to the headboard even if Percy couldn’t see him do it.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 9:00 pm
The kiss on his forehead was sweet, but it wasn’t enough. Percy whined a little in protest, but it meant one of them would have to move. Percy was comfortable, but he would be comfortable laying on Devyn in any position. His chest hurt, but whatever Madison had given him was enough to at least dull the pain.
Very carefully, and aware of the injuries he saw on Devyn’s body, Percy pushed himself up just enough to settle himself against Devyn, but more on his side so he could lean close to kiss him properly.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled against his lips now, the hand he had on Devyn’s neck now lifted so he could caress his fingers across Devyn’s cheek. “I thought it was sweet. He asked if he could. I didn’t think there was any harm in it, but I didn’t want to make you think about it if I told you. Should I have told you? I’m sorry, if something like that happens again I’ll tell you. I don’t want to keep secrets from you.”
It was just… complicated with Marius. He didn’t want Devyn laying in bed with resentment after being told Marius wanted to put something in their rooms to help with chasing away bad dreams.
“Thank you for having faith in me. It’s you I get my strength from. I need your strength to keep pushing myself. I kept thinking about what you would have done, or how you could have handled things,” he mumbled tiredly, now laying close enough that their foreheads could touch if they wanted. But more importantly, they could kiss easier this way.
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 9:05 pm
Percy wasn’t supposed to move but Devyn couldn’t find it in his heart to be upset. And, while he was there, he kissed him again–deeper, with less restraint. Still careful, just in case! But he couldn’t help it. He needed Percy, he missed him.
“You get your strength from more than me, Perce. You were strong when I met you. But I’ve always said that you bring out the best in me. My strength is your strength and it’s yours whenever you need it. It makes my heart flutter to hear you say things.”
He wasn’t lying; the necklace flickered warmly.
“You did a good job. The best I can imagine. But don’t…” he laughed softly and nearly shook his head. “Don’t apologize for Marius. I don’t mind that sort of secret. It’s sweet,” he admitted, with a long, drawn out sigh. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was thoughtful. He knew Marius was trying. He was trying, too.
It would have been easier if he wasn’t always being pulled from Percy’s side.
“Does it help you? Every now and then I hear about one of his superstitions. I don’t believe in those things myself.” He’d seen too much of his world, and others, to think that there was any true lore in any of it. “...But I can’t say I don’t sleep well in my own bed.”
Maybe it was the familiarity of his safe space. “But mostly I think that’s because I’m here with you.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 9:07 pm
He hadn’t been completely sure at first, used to the way Devyn did his best to hide his true emotions. But after the first few variations in pulse and brightness, and now as it seemed to flutter, Percy was able to further relax, knowing Devyn wasn’t trying so hard to keep the necklace from picking up on how he felt.
Okay… that was a relief… And hearing Devyn’s laughter made his own heart flutter. He wanted to hold onto that for as long as he could.
A shaky breath escaped when Devyn asked if the nightmare catcher helped him.
“I like to think that it does, but it’s nothing like the bad dreams you’re able to chase away,” he admitted. “I sleep best when I’m with you, too. Thank you, Devyn. Even if I can be strong on my own, you always inspire me to be better. One day the people of this world will see that, too.”
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