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 Posted: Sun May 05, 2024 8:58 am
Dering really couldn’t get over how pretty this place was. How real, like someone had actually been here. He only had the forest, which he loved but which also felt strangely untouched. He knew there must have been more to it–tonight proved that.
Here, now, he didn’t really know what he wanted. He’d spent most of the time she was resonating with her Code piece worrying about her. Worrying about how he could help, if she would let him, if he was being too pushy, if she’d be alone…
He couldn’t quite shake what she’d said earlier. He knew she was worried and stressed so he didn’t hold any of it against her, he was just worried about her. He wanted to help.
“It might have been Dering, I don’t know. It was hard to tell. I think so, I usually come from that direction? But it’s so weird to see it like this. No wonder it feels so big, it looks big! I couldn’t see anything I recognized.”
He smiled at her, hopefully encouragingly. “I can do whatever you want to do. I’ve got time.” He didn’t know if he really had time; he hoped they were doing checks at Hillworth right now. But, she was his friend. He wanted to be here for her. He knew how important all of this was. “Do you want to stay here and see if there’s anything we can start cleaning on, or…?”
He didn’t know if it was something she’d prefer to do herself, or if she wanted time to settle back into home now that she’d been away for so long. He didn’t want to intrude but he didn’t want her to think he was trying to get away.
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2024 1:58 pm
“I guess…we’ve been gone for a while…if you have to get back to school, I understand…I’ll…I’ll come with you, just to make sure you’re safe, and if I can get home…or, go back up…come back up here, then I will, but if not…I’ll…”
Stirling swallowed and gave a half hearted shrug. “I’ll just…bother Talia again…she said I could come back if I needed to…so…”
It wasn’t what she wanted to do but…if that was what had to happen, so be it. She would deal.
There was always the place Todd had told her about. If she really didn’t want to rely on anyone…
“Maybe we…or you can just come back again later? You should go and rest…I don’t want you to get into any trouble…”
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2024 3:44 pm
Dering waited for a moment, like he really needed to think about it, and then finally he nodded. “I’ll come back any time, Brooklyn. We can plan a day or something if you wanted. I don’t have class tomorrow, though. I could stay longer now if you wanted. But.”
He looked around the office once more and smiled.
“I’d understand if you wanted to take some time to yourself. I know you’ve had a really busy and stressful week. I’ll make it back to the dorm okay, I’ll be safe. You don’t have to come with me.” He knew that if she came back down with him now that she’d have to wait until she had enough energy to get back–and judging by the way she had been speaking earlier, he had the distinct impression that she really didn’t want to have to rely on anyone else.
He was afraid about her being on her own, though.
There might not have been a ‘right answer’ in all of this, but he was still afraid of making the wrong one.
“But, um. No matter what, I just want you to know that you aren’t a bother. Talia likes you, she cares about you. She wants you to be okay. Um. I want you to be okay, too. So if there’s anything I can do, ever, I really hope you’ll let me know. Even, um. If asking for help is…”
His voice softened and his eyes found the ground. He shrugged and mumbled, “Hard.”
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2024 4:17 pm
He wasn’t saying that he didn’t want her to come with him, but that was what she heard. Stirling wanted to be a protector. A hero. Taking care of those who couldn’t, or weren’t able to be as strong as she was, and she wasn’t needed. Again.
“Oh, yeah…yeah no that’s fine. Just…send me a message or something when you get there…”
She had to go back anyway. Had to restock and…this was fine. She was better off alone.
“I’m okay, don’t worry about me. Earlier was just…a really bad moment of weakness. But really. I’m fine. I’ll see you later!”
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2024 7:41 pm
Dering didn’t move. The air felt prickly. He felt confused, like he was being watched by some distant predator. He felt goosebumps but he wasn’t sure why. He felt safe with Stirling, and her Wonder seemed comfortable.
It was probably just something in his mind.
It had been playing tricks on him again recently. Or maybe he was tired, or just still shaken up about all of this.
For a moment, he didn’t say anything. He shifted on his feet. He wrestled with the feeling of anxiety, venomous and biting, in the pit of his stomach. He could feel the snake twisting up his throat. He could feel it slither across his tongue.
He nearly choked on the words.
“Brooklyn…are you really okay?”
She said she was. He trusted her. But he would trust a lie if she claimed it was truth. Even if it made him feel sick to accept.
“I don’t think you’re weak. I just wanted you to know that. I don’t want to leave if you…even if you just wanted to talk a little, I would stay. I’m sorry, I know I worry. I just…I know this has all been really hard. I just want you to know that, um. Well, I care about you. And I think you’re doing a really good job.”
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 6:33 pm
“I…will be, I’m sure. You really don’t have to worry about me, Dering. I…know. Don’t worry. Really, don’t worry. I’ll…be fine. I’m always fine eventually…but. I appreciate all of that…and thank you for coming with me.”
Stirling felt…so tired. Just. Done with everything. She wanted to disappear. Cease to exist and just…
Drawing in a deep breath, she flashed another smile, making sure to the best of her ability that her emotions didn’t really show on her face. Dering didn’t need to shoulder her burdens. “Just please…let me know when you’re back safe. I’m worried is all.”
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2024 7:48 pm
It didn’t feel right.
She told him not to worry but he couldn’t just turn it off.
She was always fine, eventually. But not now.
She looked tired. Her smile wasn’t real.
Once more, Dering didn’t move. He didn’t have words, but he knew that leaving felt…
Wrong.
She told him not to worry, but she worried about him?
It wasn’t in his nature to push outside of someone’s comfort level. Stirling wasn’t giving him anything. His mouth felt dry and he had a lump in his throat. His gaze suddenly felt too heavy and his eyes sank to the ground. He felt the panic flooding through him because he couldn’t tell if she wanted him to go or stay. She said she was fine but it didn’t feel like it.
He didn’t know what to do.
His heart beat uncomfortably in his chest, banging loudly and demandingly.
Dering didn’t know what the right thing to do was. Everything he thought of felt wrong.
Finally, he couldn’t put it off anymore. He didn’t know if he was helping, or making things worse.
He didn’t want to get this wrong.
Meekly, he asked, “What do you want me to do?”
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Posted: Tue May 07, 2024 6:18 pm
Stirling shook her head and reached out, gently taking hold of Dering’s hands and squeezing them gently. “I want you to get home safe...I just want you to be safe. I want to know that you’re okay.”
That was all that mattered to her right at this moment. It was the only thing that she felt she could control. Everything else? Everything else was just…
Too much. It was too much. And she couldn’t deal with it right now.
“I’m worried about you. You’re one of the most important people in my life and…I’m just worried.”
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Posted: Tue May 07, 2024 10:19 pm
For a long moment, Dering just watched her carefully. He let her hold his hands. He listened, but he wasn’t sure if there was something there that he wasn’t hearing.
She wanted him to get home. To go home? She wanted him to be safe, she wanted to know that he was home safe? She was worried about him, but he wasn’t sure why. Maybe she liked to worry more than letting others worry about her. He didn’t know how to dissect that thought but he held it in his heart anyway.
Dering nodded, even though he felt like there was still a lot that he didn’t understand right now.
“Okay,” he finally answered. “I’m worried about you too. You’re one of the most important people in my life, too. But I want you to be okay. I don’t want you to worry about me right now. I am okay, I promise. I can let you know when I get back to the dorms. I’ll be safe. Is there anything I can do before I leave, or…?”
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Posted: Wed May 08, 2024 1:07 pm
“Could…I have a hug? Would you mind that too much?” Stirling’s mask slipped for just a moment and she swallowed hard. Wanting. Needing just a moment of connection. Maybe it would hold her together just a bit.
“I think I’ll always worry about you, it’s so much easier than worrying about myself…I…feel like I know what to do if you’re in trouble…” She bit her lip with the admission and shrugged. “So that’s really all…”
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Posted: Wed May 08, 2024 6:22 pm
“I don’t mind!” Dering exclaimed, and opened his arms immediately to embrace her. He wasn’t the best at giving hugs, he was a little sloppy and uncoordinated but his heart was in the right place and he held her tight enough to share warmth but loosely enough that she could escape if she wanted.
He didn’t pull away at any point in time and he left that in her hands entirely.
“I think…I understand what you’re saying. But you’re good at taking care of people. I bet you’re good at taking care of yourself, too. As long as you remember that you’re important enough to deserve that, too.” His voice lost volume the more he spoke, but the words were spoken with honesty and care all the same.
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Posted: Wed May 08, 2024 6:40 pm
Stirling swallowed but returned the hug tightly, relaxing after a few moments and seeming to melt slightly. Droop, more like it. When she finally pulled away, she gave a small almost real smile. “...I appreciate that. I…really do, but…that’s hard to remember…I’ll…try though. For you…I’m so glad you were here to help me…and that I could help you with your Wonder too. It. Really does make me happy. I love you, Julian. You’re like…and please don’t like…think this is stupid. But if I had a brother…I would want him to be like you.”
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Posted: Thu May 09, 2024 11:38 pm
Dering didn’t know the first thing about brothers and he almost blurted as much but he didn’t want to ruin Stirling’s moment. She’d had a hard time speaking enough to even get to this point and he was going to do his best not to say anything foolish and disruptive.
He was glad he was here, and that she’d been there for him. He was glad she didn’t have to do this alone. Not that she couldn’t have! He knew she was tough. And brave. She could put herself against the world, and he supposed she had. Probably more times than he even knew about.
“I don’t think that’s stupid,” he said softly. As if Julian ever thought anything anyone said was stupid, much less something spoken from the heart.
He didn’t know a lot about family. He didn’t know a lot about friends either, except she was important to him no matter how they were connected. If she had a brother, he hoped it would be someone braver than him, who always knew the right thing to say.
He smiled softly, as reassuring and hopeful as ever. “I’m really glad you were there with me earlier. It’s nice to have someone watching your back. And I know I’m always in good hands when I’m with you. All of it means a lot to me.” Her words, her actions. “You promise you’ll be okay tonight? And if you aren’t, you’ll come back to Destiny City and stay with Talia?”
He’d have offered to let her stay with him, but she’d have been too hard to hide at Hilllworth.
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2024 4:04 pm
“I promise I’ll be okay. And I promise if I’m…not. I’ll go and stay with Talia. Thank you, Dering. I’ll see you soon, I hope?” Maybe they could hang out again soon, or maybe…things would just. Be better for them both with no effort at all.
It was a pipe dream but, she still had the smallest bit of hope left, no matter how much it wanted to go out. Shaking her head slightly, she gave another small smile. “See you soon. Not a question. Now, go home and be safe.”
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Posted: Mon May 13, 2024 5:04 pm
Dering looked at her for just a moment more and then nodded firmly. “It’s a promise. I’ll send you a message as soon as I get home. And, um. If you go stay with Talia, please let me know. I’ll come visit soon if you do. But if not, as soon as I can get up here again, I will!”
And if things went well, maybe he could bring her something nice, too. Or anything she might need!
“Just keep me updated, Brooklyn. If you need anything, I’ll do my best to help.”
He raised his hand in one final wave and waited, just in case she changed her mind, but when she didn’t, he took himself back to Destiny City.
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