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 Posted: Mon May 01, 2023 7:54 pm
Kaelan held him close, smoothing his fingers through Orien’s hair, and then leaning over so he could try to hug him a little better.
“Well, you’re worth everything to me, Orien. If you ever doubt your worth, just know that you mean so much to me. You’re not going to have to worry about not having me, I’m going to be here forever. Those guys that wouldn’t help you are garbage, they can’t even do their job. If they didn’t give you a chance, how were you supposed to do anything for yourself? Well–”
He squeezed him closer. “You showed them wrong, Orien. You’re doing so well. And I love you. And dinner tastes just fine, nothing’s messed up. Your hand is honestly the only thing I’m worried about. I’ll eat chicken nuggets off the floor, I’ll eat macaroni and cheese without milk. The only thing that matters is that I’m here with you, okay? I promise. I’m really excited to have dinner with you. We could eat down here and I’d be happy. Honest. You can rest against me and I’ll feed you, I just want to be close to you.”
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2023 8:01 pm
It wasn’t the semi-romantic dinner Orien had hoped for, but Kaelan made a good argument, and he really didn’t want to move too much after being so upset. So he just nodded and leaned his head back onto Kaelan’s lap so he could pout up at him.
“I knew I had to get that first letter to you. I did everything I needed to, because I missed you so much,” he said quietly as he sniffled and rubbed at his face with his uninjured hand so he could wipe the tears away.
“Your letters helped me stay on track, you know. Without them… everything would have just bled together into a pile of meaningless… nothingness… that’s what it was like before I met you, too,” he confessed, but he did manage to reach over and pull the now cooled baking sheet of chicken nuggets closer to them.
“You’re worth everything to me, too. My hand is okay. It feels better with the towel on it.” He could still feel the heat of the burn, but the towel was enough to help it for the time being. He was lucky he hadn’t burnt it worse than he had.
“Yeah, we can eat on the floor. Let’s not even bother with dishes. I won’t want to get up. Well… unless you can’t reach the pot… we can just use the spoon I used to stir it.” It was less dishes to worry about at least.
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2023 8:18 pm
Though he knew that Orien was upset, Kaelan couldn’t help but smile at the pout. He was always worried about Orien hurting himself, he hated how hard he was on himself–how needlessly rough. He offered his sleeve again, to dab at his face and try to mop up what he could. “Well, keep the washcloth on it. Burns are really deceptive, so try to keep that on for at least ten minutes. I don’t know if we have any bandages, we might have to wrap a shirt around it or something. We’ll figure it out.”
He didn’t care how salty Orien’s cheek was, he kissed him gently to try and remind him how much he was loved.
Carefully, he reached behind him to get the pot of macaroni, and he managed to bring it off the stove without spilling it. “I’ll get the dishes tomorrow.” He set the pot on the ground and stirred it with one hand; he kept his other arm firm around Orien to try and squeeze some extra love into him. “We both had long days. Can you grab my bag from where you are? We won’t have to get up for drinks, either. Oh, or the cookies. They’re really soft, Orien. Really sweet. I took one bite and knew I had to sneak one back to you. I know it’s not much, but I want to find good things to share with you. Because. I know it’s been hard on you. All of this. And I know you’ve been on your own for so long that you’re not used to anyone wanting to look out for you, too. I don’t even know how to explain how important you are to me.”
He ate another floor nugget, and finally scooped a spoonful of macaroni up. He blew on it carefully so he could taste it, but he was so hungry that it didn’t look even unappealing.
“I was so afraid that I wouldn’t hear from you again,” he confessed quietly. “I don’t know. I was just afraid you’d get busy, or find someone else, or just–you know, life. Something would come up. But I definitely–don’t laugh–but I cried when I got your first letter. It didn’t even feel real. I slept with it under my pillow. I was so happy, I can’t even tell you. But, I was so proud of you. I’m still so proud of you! It’s not going to be like before, Orien. Not ever again. We’re only moving forward, now. Towards better things.”
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2023 8:26 pm
Except Orien did laugh. Not at him!! And he quickly had to cover his mouth as more tears threatened to fill his eyes.
“Kay… I cried too. Just, completely broke down and sobbed and I didn’t care who was around to see me,” he shared, although he was still smiling softly up at him through the tears. “I was worried that I would mess up sending it somehow. That I wouldn’t… I don’t know. Put on enough stamps or something. I’d never needed to send a letter before. That was my first one. I had to ask for help and it was so embarrassing. But I knew I had to because I wanted you to know I was, well… I don’t know if I was okay, but I was alive.”
With Kaelan there, he was getting better. A little at a time. He’d already made one huge change in his life, and was determined to see it through, no matter how painful it was to wait for his body to start cooperating again.
He reached across the floor, but when his arm wasn’t long enough, he used his foot to carefully catch the loop of Kaelan’s backpack and pulled it closer. He was feeling exceptionally lazy now that Kaelan was being so attentive and affectionate. How could he resist him?
“You’re the most important person-- most important anything in my life, Kay. So… as unbelievable that anyone would feel the same way about me… I know you. And it’s believable when it’s you, so… you don’t have to explain, because I know.”
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2023 8:35 pm
The laughter was a good sign; it brought a smile to Kaelan’s face. Even if he wasn’t happy to hear that Orien had cried, it was sweet. He was sweet. Well, to Kaelan. Who felt incredibly lucky to get to see this side of him, who got to know him. Orien was guarded against–well, everyone else.
So tenderness, intimacy, vulnerability–like this, was important. If anyone else had been around, he was sure Orien would have lashed out to try and defend himself. So, Kaelan just kissed his cheek again and nuzzled close.
Orien had moved the bag close enough that Kaelan could unzip the side and pull out a half finished bottle of water, and a half finished bottle of Gatorade. He placed them before the two of them, and put the chicken nuggets between the two of them.
“You make all of this so much easier, I just want you to know that. I’m glad you know what I’m trying to say. I’m proud of you for asking for help. And you did such a good job! And I–I really needed to know that you were okay. It’s like time stopped, and. All the days were so long, everything felt like a pit. I don’t know, I think I forgot how to be myself, or how to just. Live. Without you.” Maybe that was a lot of pressure. Maybe it was too much, maybe he was too dependent on Orien.
…Maybe he just wasn’t thinking clearly.
He opened the Gatorade first; he thought that might be better for Orien to start with. Another straw, so they could make it easier for Orien. “I’m just. I’m so happy to have you in my life, Orien. When we’re done with dinner, I just want to go to bed and hold you. If that’s okay.”
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2023 8:50 pm
“Of course it’s okay,” Orien insisted as he sat up enough to take a sip from the Gatorade with the straw, appreciative of how easy Kaelan tried making things for him. It felt good to drink something after crying and feeling miserable. It felt better to be there with Kaelan. And while Kaelan might say Orien made things easier, he was pretty sure it was the other way around.
“You don’t even have to ask. You can just tell me you want to cuddle in bed and I will drop everything and scoop you off your feet and-- okay, maybe not exactly that, at least not now. But once I’m feeling better all you have to do is say the word and you’ll be in bed before you know it,” he hummed and leaned close to Kaelan, because that was where he was most comfortable.
The macaroni and cheese didn’t look the greatest, but when Kaelan was done with his bite, he reached over to try a bit for himself.
And let out a quiet groan. “This is horrible,” he mumbled, even as he took another bite. He needed to eat something. If he could keep it all down, that would be a good start.
“I needed to know you were okay too, though. I’m pretty sure I checked for mail at least three times a day until they told me when the mail was usually dropped off. So I just hung around until it was.”
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2023 9:13 pm
Now, Kaelan couldn’t help but laugh when Orien said the macaroni was horrible. He took another bite. “It’s not that bad,” he insisted, but–it wasn’t very good. They both knew it. He was still enjoying it–not for the flavor, but because Orien had made it. With half a mouthful of macaroni, he took a bite of half a nugget to give it a little flavor, and made a contented noise of approval.
“Oh, just mix them. Makes it super gourmet.” The food was edible. He’d go to sleep with a full stomach and be happy for it–happier, because Orien was going to be there with him.
“I think it’s really cute that you were so excited for mail. The first time they told me I had a letter, I didn’t even believe it, and then I started to get greedy. I loved every letter you sent. I wrote as much as they would let me. Well. I did write one letter a month to my mother. I should have just written to you instead.” He shrugged; he was too tired to be upset about her right now.
“Sometimes I sit down to write something and I still try to write you a letter. Like. I don’t know. It hasn’t totally sunk in yet that you’re right here. Everything’s happening so fast, I’m waiting for it all to just settle in, like. This is my life now. I thought I’d be used to it all already. Mm.” He scooped up more noodles. “I think I’m just worried. I’ll feel better when there’s some like, concrete stability. But it’s okay, as long as I’ve got you. You keep me stable. And sane. And fed. Thank you for dinner, Oreo. In a couple weeks, I’m going to take you out for steak. I bet we’ll have something good to celebrate by then, too.”
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2023 6:27 am
“I can’t remember the last time I had steak. I think I might have swiped some off a table at an outdoor restaurant though. It’s hilarious watching old rich people get upset when a kid grabs your food that they were already finished with,” Orien sighed as he picked up a chicken nugget to try as Kaelan suggested. It was definitely better than it could have been.
“You’ve got me, Kay. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just sorry I wasn’t able to keep things together and make sure everything was already stable for you once you got out.”
He knew he’d failed Kaelan in many ways, and yet Kaelan was still there, taking care of him. Giving him as many chances as he needed, even though Orien didn’t think he deserved it.
“But I think you’re really cute. Just in general. You’re always cute. And I love you. And I want you to be happy, so I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll… try to not get hurt,” he added, glancing down at his hand. “Thank you for thinking of me and bringing home a cookie. And for donating your blood or whatever it is. Plasma? I’ll just take care of you every time you do until I can do it too,” he promised and leaned close to Kaelan to give him a kiss on his cheek.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2023 8:32 am
Kaelan smiled again, and no matter how many times they kissed, there was still something special about every little one. “I don’t even feel so bad after all of that. I think it’s the stairs that did me in. But we should add more protein to our diets, apparently that’s what you need to keep you feeling strong and whatever. I’ve got a list of things to get from the grocery store, and some recipes. I hope you’re not a picky eater. But I found some places that have, like, discounted produce and stuff. Or, we could always go steal rich people’s steak instead,” he snorted, but he wasn’t that desperate or that bold. Not right now, at least.
Another bite of macaroni and nugget; he chewed, swallowed, and then continued, “I am happy right now. Just so you know. I’m not going anywhere, either. And you don’t have to apologize for anything, I promise. There’s so much to try and figure out in all of this. You’ve done so good. And all on your own! You don’t give yourself enough credit. You deserve so much. I’m going to do everything I can to give you as much as I can. The happier you are, the happier I am. Like, it’s the two of us. I can’t be happy if you aren’t, so we’re in this together. And I’m going to keep saying it, forever, but we’re a team. Maybe you don’t see how important you are in it, but I do. And, I’ll run out of plasma to donate–well, no, I won’t, they’ll just pay me less until it might not be worth it–and the fountains will run out of coins, and…I’m just trying to do what I can right now, because I don’t know what opportunities I’ll have in the future.”
He felt tired, heavy. At peace, at least, being close to Orien.
Still hopeful for the future. Even if the uncertainty of it all scared him.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2023 9:21 am
Orien was quiet for a few moments, and then let out a soft laugh as he shook his head.
“I remember not too long ago when I was telling you to not apologize. Although you just said it a lot nicer than I did,” he cringed and leaned in to gently bump his temple against Kaelan’s as he reached for another nugget and some noodles.
“We’re a team,” he agreed. “We’ll be okay.”
As long as he had Kaelan, they would be okay. And, he was slowly starting to accept -- that Kaelan really did need him too. It was a lot of responsibility, but Orien didn’t want to let him down.
Soon he would be better. He would be able to work more, maybe pick up another job. At least until they were on their feet and could actually afford to eat more than boxed mac and cheese.
And they would do it together.
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