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She wasn't wrong. They all did, in a way.

He had been doing so for years. He had been doing so since a guardian cat had found him over ten years ago and told him he was a senshi, too, just like Sailor Leo had been. Spent an infinity of time trying to make sure the one who had taken him in didn't find out, just to find out that hadn't gotten him anywhere but on the floor of Tammer's room at an ungodly hour in the morning. Seemed to be a cycle for him, stressing himself out.

Sometimes it was other people, sometimes it was started by other people, sometimes it was a self-driven cycle and getting out of his own head felt like a circular argument he'd never win.

-- It was a relief to hear that direct empathy, somehow, and even just the understanding of the stress it put him under had him letting out a breath he didn't quite know he was holding. "You're right. There is always a risk in that. And it's... different when it's someone else." His heart still froze over in panic when he had been strapped to that table on Astraya, but he was positive that panic would have skyrocketed if it had been Basiluzzo, or Pendour, or Viatrix, or-- "I hope Felis never gets mixed up with him, either."

And he sincerely didn't. The fewer people who got mixed up with Faustite, or Jet, or any of the generals (and their general-sovereigns), the better. Better it be him, if anyone.

But her question was an important one, and it spoke to something that was true. He hadn't batted an eye. Still wouldn't.

Encke let out a deep breath, slowly and carefully, knowing what he was admitting to.

"Because you were there. And it was you. And I was more excited to see you alive and there and running to hug you than I was concerned about asking you who the ******** dared to ******** with you." Encke's smile was warm, albeit lop-sided. "You are Pendour, and everything about you is Pendour. I would never change the fact that you get into trouble. Your mission in this forced-upon war almost necessitates it. And I am glad it does. We need people like you. I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry, though, didn't take some time in that time we didn't see each other to think that maybe the worst had happened, and I hadn't had your back. Just pretty good at not projecting that."

Was it because he expected it from Pendour? Was it because with Basiluzzo he had gotten used to him being a place of security, and acting dangerously made him not? With Nectaris, was it because he wanted to protect her so deeply, that he wanted to make sure the Negaverse didn't try to take her back?

It was a jumble of questions he didn't even quite have the answer to.

He added, with a chuckle, "But I also know you. You wouldn't want me to focus on some empty vengeance. And part of showing that I still see you for you, no matter what happens to you, because I do, is focusing away from that, as hard as it may be."

Encke's gaze shifted back to the overeager otter in his lap.

"It does help a bit that you're transcendent now, too." He wouldn't lie about that. "I'll never have to worry about someone taking yourself away."

Encke caught the way her breath caught and waited for her to find her breath again before he dared to say anything.

It pained him that she had spent so much time away out of fear of hurting him, but comforted him too, in a way. Perhaps she hadn't been hurt as long as he worried she might have been as a result of him not being there. The mention of PTSD struck close to home, and he offered her a grim smile, with an added, "I fear that PTSD gets a lot of us in this war after a while, honestly," because when they were dealing with a seemingly endless fight for souls, how wouldn't it?

He had only been seventeen when exposed to it. So many of them had been that young. Some were a bit older. Some were a bit younger. It hurt and altered and morphed all the same.

His expression softened at her next words, though.

To think that he had given her that was heartwarming. To think that after seeing him and after his easy acceptance of her again she felt alive -- there had been signs of it, sure, but the verbal confirmation was uplifting. She meant a lot to him, and had long been one of his closest friends. To think he did that for her too, and to know he did that for her too, helped him feel a bit lighter, even in the midst of a heavy topic. He hugged her to his side just a bit tighter.

She probably wasn't wrong, unfortunately. It had been fairly clear Faustite would have rathered her dead, and that likely carried from the bottom to the top. "She did free a princess," he noted, with a humorless laugh. "To undo a capture that heavy has definitely earned her some enemies. Faustite acted like he wanted to burn her alive." Probably did want to burn her alive, honestly. Acted like was probably too light of a way to word it. He swore he could hear the sirens without them even existing.

Comparing that treason to the mark on her face wasn't incorrect. The treason was something like a marker. Would mark her in the face of the Negaverse forever, and there was likely nothing that would change that. She had stepped into a dangerous life the moment she, as Sylvite, decided to let Princess Ganymede free.

He did smile when she mentioned the cute stationery. He knew that part. Hadn't quite realized she'd use it to message Pendour, but that had been his own fault.

The smile increased a bit when the saving of everyone was mentioned. Maybe because he did admire it. Maybe because the fact that he was the model of that was heartwarming to almost the same degree as it was stressful.

He let out a breath, slowly.

"It would be nice if I could lock them away from even accessing her starseed, ya know? At least one method that they could murder her will disappear." Because if they were never willing to recorrupt her, that only left one option. "But I suppose I need to remind myself of what I said earlier. This s**t takes time." And she needed to pursue it, for one.

He breathed in, again, petting the otter once more. His fingers breezed over its tail. The scaled texture was interesting. Also, grounding, as much as his brain threatened him with the image of another neck under a familiar boot.

"I could try, how's that?" The next breath sounded a bit labored. "I'll always worry. She's putting herself in a dangerous situation, and there's only so much I can help her with from here. I might end up too late. There might be nothing I can do." He bit his lip.

"But I don't think mutually stressing her out is getting us anywhere. You're right, about your comparison. It is similar."

To Pendour, he attempted to offer what might have been the saddest fistbump, but ended up distracted by the baby otter attempting to literally crawl into Pendour's ear. He snickered quietly, dropping the sad fistbump and resuming petting his otter before they opted to attempt the same thing. He already had enough emotional trauma, he didn't need the physical trauma of an otter trying to merge into his skull.

Though it was cute. He'd forgive it.

He was trying. Moving away from that anxiety, though? That was hard. It was something he carried close to his heart for most everyone he knew.

Why did he feel responsible for her?

"Well, she's my sister, for one," his laugh was quiet and airy. "But I suppose beyond the obvious," that was a good question. What part of it was wrapped up in her being her sister, and what part of it went beyond that-- "She trusts me. The Bells are her family now, and with us, she's grown on her new side and established herself. I want her to thrive here. I want her to thrive without the risk of chaos taking that all away from her after she fought so hard to have it. After she risked everything to have it. And if she was willing to trust me, I don't want it to ultimately have been badly placed."

He fidgeted a bit with the otter's fur. "I have helped other people through purification, too, and one of them vanished without a trace. Still worried about her, too. Don't want it to happen again."

His gaze shifted from his otter back to Pendour as he noticed a movement.

Oh.

His smile was a bit goofy as he resumed the fistbump, tapping his fist against hers and then pulling his hand back, wiggling his fingers through the air as if dropping the magical fairy dust that was PTSD.

Encke easily let himself be pulled closer, leaning toward her as he looked out in the cove. It was always so nice out here, and he sighed in relief at the closeness and her understanding. It was nice not to be discouraged away from it, even as it twisted his heart and stressed him out when Nectaris had made herself harder to protect. He didn't necessarily want to be pulled from that.

"Aww," Encke's face felt a little warm, even if he didn't flush terribly much. "Same to you. Love you too, you know."

Music sounded nice.

"I'll take some music. Like your ocarina."

Maybe he could breathe here for a little bit.

Seeing her copy the actions brought a smile to his face. There was something nice about that commonality, something nice that he wished wasn't there but couldn't help to be a bit grateful for anyway. It was a mutual understanding of what the war had taken from them and continued to take from them, the terror they both had to fight off in their waking life and in their dreams, the mutual thoughts and the way that worries were never just that.

She hadn't quite mucked up the moment. Talking to someone like Pendour, even considering the topic he was calmer than he could be.

But even through that, her magic was settling in the way that not much else was.

It helped that he let himself believe it and fall into it. He hummed quietly in a note that matched the song, closing his eyes and letting him feel it. He felt the music, he felt the otter in his lap, he smelled the water, he heard the sounds of the water, he felt the ground under them, he felt the fur and the tail underneath his fingers...

He recited it all to himself.

And he took in a deep breath.