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 Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 5:57 pm
“You knew that long ago?” Alastor asked, a bit bewildered. He felt a bit left behind, lost in the darkness. Looking back now, of course he’d had feelings for Michael. He hadn’t been oblivious to them, but it was complicated. He’d had so much else to do, and with Percy–
Maybe things just needed to fall into place first.
Maybe he needed some time to come to terms with everything before he could let himself try anything new.
And, there were still things he hadn’t touched on. Still things he needed to work through.
But…it didn’t feel like he had to do it alone.
Not that Michael had ever sent him into anything alone.
“I’m so slow with these things. Better than four years though, can you imagine? And Percy only confessed because he thought I was getting married. This is a little less stressful. Well, for me. I got to sleep through the hard part.”
He squeezed Sessrumnir’s hand in an effort to reassure him while they kept moving. Maybe it was easier that they had to navigate the forested terrain; he didn’t want Michael to worry too much or feel silly about any of this. Alastor seemed comfortable, even if his ears were bright red. He felt young! He felt hopeful! He felt a bit giddy. He felt tired too. And hungry.
He needed this distraction to get him from here back to the Hall, otherwise all he’d focus on was the pain and how worried he was for everyone else. His phone hadn’t gone off though, so he hoped that meant that things hadn’t gone badly.
“If you could change something, though,” he turned his head just slightly, not enough to look at him head on but enough to see a bit more than just out of his peripheral, “What would it be?”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 7:03 pm
“Less than a year ago,” Sessrumnir amended weakly. It wasn’t that long ago, and certainly not that long compared to how long Alastor had been alive.
“Maybe not that I was in love with you, but… I definitely admired you and felt comfortable with you. Even though I was trying to be cautious. I knew what it was like to lose someone, so I felt like I was pushing my luck every time we started getting close.”
He wasn’t Percy. He could never be Percy. Especially not if the Chaos had been anywhere close to accurate in portraying him. Percy had a gentle kindness about him -- emotionally honest and intuitive. Like he knew more than he was supposed to, or expected, but was still patiently helping those around him figure things out and grow without too much influence -- although he was always willing to lend a helping hand.
Things with Devyn could continue as they were… but if they could change something…
“I’m pretty sure we’re doing this a little backwards. People usually date or… would you call it courting? They get to know each other with the hope of finding out if they could fall in love. But… In the months I’ve gotten to know you, it wasn’t over fancy dinners or going to festivals--” Why did he say festivals? “--but just… normal things. Like sitting in the living room together, or in the kitchen. I don’t know. I still want to show you everything Earth has to offer so. Maybe we could spend more time doing that. With the intention of getting to know each other without the boy-- s**t,” he cursed suddenly and froze.
“We should let them know we’re okay, we--” Oh… Right, he didn’t have his signet ring. Devyn did.
Suddenly there was a much heavier weight to exchanging rings as promises to each other than Sessrumnir had even thought about before.
And his face was red again.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 7:11 pm
“Ah, right,” Alastor said, and he paused when both feet were on the ground so he could wiggle the ring off carefully. “That’s too bad, this one’s really grown on me. But I have missed mine, too. I keep reaching for it. Here you are.”
The ring had slid off of his finger easily enough, although he had to be careful not to hurt his bruised hand. With the rain and distractions he was reluctant to risk dropping it and losing it in the underbrush, so he held Sessrumnir’s hand firmly in place so he could slide the ring back on.
He was used to seeing Sessrmnir wear it; he knew which finger it went on.
“I suppose I’ve never done a relationship in the proper order. Perce and I were practically married before we started dating. But that was after knowing each other for years.” He paused for a moment and then asked, “Is it alright if I talk about him? I don’t know how not to. But I don’t want to make you feel weird about any of this. I want to go on dates with you. I like all the times we’ve spent together so far, but I want to see all that Earth has to offer. And get lost in Sessrumnir a bit too, maybe. I want to show you around Alastor. I want to make a lifetime of happy memories with you. In whatever order we want.”
He held his hand after he slid the ring on, and looked up at him.
“I could court you properly, too, if you’d like.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 7:20 pm
As Alastor worked on getting his signet ring off, Sessrumnir carefully removed the wedding ring that belonged to Devyn.
He held his hand still as Alastor slid it back into place, and it wasn’t until he commented on courting him properly, that Sessrumnir realized he’d been holding his breath, because it came out in a sudden, awkward laugh.
“What does that entail?” he couldn’t help but ask, hoping Alastor wouldn’t make fun of him for being a little anxious about it. It wasn’t as though anyone had courted him before.
“I would never ask you to stop talking about him,” he promised, giving Alastor’s hand a squeeze in reassurance. “I see how happy you are when you talk about Percy. I… I don’t want to replace him, Dev,” he frowned, unsure of himself.
From his subspace he pulled the chain that Devyn wore his ring on, and held them both out in his hand.
“I can clasp the chain around your neck,” he was only partially teasing.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 7:22 pm
“Oh, yes, please. I don’t think my hand’s going to be agreeable, it would save me a lot of hassle if you might.” He gathered his hair with his good hand and brushed it out of the way to make it easier for Sessrumnir. Even if Michael was teasing, he was absolutely going to take him up on the offer.
“I appreciate that, you know.” Not just the necklace, obviously. But, Percy. There was always going to be a place in Devyn’s heart for Percy; he’d spent too many years loving him, and then too many years missing him, not to have something permanent for him there. “Do you know, it never occurred to me to move on from Percy? I mean, I don’t think I can. Moving on…sounds like leaving him behind, doesn’t it? But you don’t make me feel like I have to bury my past.” Or him. Again.
“You make me feel like I can preserve it. But like I don’t have to be bound to it. Does that make sense? My past isn’t a prison. I don’t regret spending so long in it. But I do acknowledge that…things aren’t ever going to be like that again. I know Perce isn’t coming back. I know everyone’s gone. For a long time I felt like I had to live with that. It wasn’t just that I didn’t feel like I could let anyone else in, I suppose I felt like I wasn’t allowed to. Maybe I wanted to punish myself, I don’t know. But it’s not what Percy would have wanted. He’d have chastised me for being so hard on myself, I know it. He’d have called me silly and told me to find someone who–”
Alastor choked on his words, mostly because he hadn’t realized that he’d started crying at some point, and the burn had crept up his throat so quickly that it surprised him. He blinked, wiped his hand across one cheek before moving to the next one, but the warmth just gathered in his eyes and pooled again. He had to keep wiping at them.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know where that’s come from.” He laughed at himself and shook his head. “Percy would have told me to find someone who made me happy and took care of me. Because he’d have known I wasn’t going to do it myself. It’s not replacing him though, is it? I don’t want you to be him, I don’t want you to feel like you have to change or do what he did. I like you, just the way you are. I just want to keep my memories of him. And make new ones with you. I’ll have you know I can be very romantic when I’m in the mood. Although, I suppose a lot of what I’d do to court you isn’t so different from what we’ve already been doing. It’s the intention, though. I think courting’s supposed to have a bit more kissing. I’ll write you poetry, make you tokens of admiration, take you on adventures. Go on vacations. You need one, badly. Especially after all this.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 7:31 pm
Sessrumnir carefully threaded the ring onto the chain, and as Alastor pulled his hair out of the way, he stepped behind him to delicately hook the necklace in place.
He listened to Alastor as he spoke. Felt the way his heart clenched in his chest when the tears started falling. They were both tired, both needing to get back so they could rest. After checking in on everyone, of course.
Even though he took a moment to pull out some paper and a pen he had in his subspace, and wrote a quick note to Amarynthos that they were okay and heading back, he made sure he kept as much eye contact with Alastor as possible.
He just didn’t want to waste time writing notes to the others when he wanted to spend the time with Alastor, making sure he was okay.
One hand was placed on Alastor’s upper arm, and he used the back of his other hand to gently wipe some more of the tears away, before pulling Alastor close to him, holding him tightly.
“You can cry,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to Alastor’s temple as he rubbed his back. “I want to help you preserve every memory you want to keep, Dev. We can make new memories. And you can tell me all about Percy. But I will take care of you. And I hope I can make you happy. You make me happy.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 7:40 pm
Alastor laughed again, because even if there were still tears gathering in his eyes, he wasn’t in a bad mood about it. It was hard to be when Sessrumnir was taking such good care of him already.
He leaned into the hug, and maybe enjoyed it a bit too much because he very quickly realized he didn’t want to pull away. He was tired, and Sessrumnr’s strength was a welcome assistance. Alastor didn’t like to show weakness, but it was easy to let down his guard enough for Sessrumnir to see him like this. Tired, worn thin. Hurting. Vulnerable. Half-drowned.
It could have been worse.
The clouds were thinning, but not enough to let a proper stream of light pass through. But, he could see it, more now than he’d seen in years.
The Chaos was gone. The air felt clear. The world had a lot of healing to do, but it had the chance to.
“You make me happy, Michael. In a way I haven’t been in a very long time. I wasn’t living before I met you. Surviving, sure. I had one goal and nothing else mattered, and you’ve given me the chance to have a life again. I don’t want to cry, not right now. Don’t think me silly for it. Must just be all this stress. And relief. Oh, and I’m tired, I feel like a child about to throw a tantrum because he’s missed naptime. But, I’m happy.”
He squeezed him and then drew back, wiping at his eyes once more as if he expected that to be the last of it. “And, if you’re planning on taking care of me, you’ve got your work cut out for you. But I’ll do my best to make it worth your while. I want to take care of you, too. And, if we’re being honest, I think we’re both better off that way. I’d trust you to look after me better than I would myself, and I know I’ll be kinder to you than you could say for yourself, too.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 7:51 pm
“I don’t think you’re silly,” Sessrumnir promised as he let Alastor draw back. He continued watching him, not necessarily with concern, but with a quiet patience that he thought Alastor deserved after everything he’d been through.
“As long as you don’t think I’m silly for crying,” he hummed softly, lifting a hand to smooth through Devyn’s hair. Maybe checking for any injuries that went unnoticed because of its darkness.
“I could carry you, you know,” he offered, and he wasn’t teasing about it at all, but he also seemed to know Devyn would put up as much of a fight about being carried as he usually did.
“I know you’ve run out of energy. I can feel it,” he admitted, reaching up to touch the orb at his chest. “And you just told me I’ve got my work cut out for me. Lucky for you, I’ve always liked a good challenge. But just so you know, I don’t think you’re that bad.”
Sessrumnir held his hand against Devyn’s cheek, brushing the tears away with his thumb. Not because he was trying to make him stop, but he knew how uncomfortable dried tears could be.
He didn’t comment on how Devyn would probably be kinder to him than he would be to himself, because it was true. There were a lot of times Sessrumnir didn’t think he deserved kindness, but got it anyway. He could say the same for Devyn, doing so much and expecting so little or nothing in return.
“I love you,” he said, as if trying it out, as if convincing himself that it really was okay to say.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 8:08 pm
Alastor had his fair share of scrapes and bruises, and though his wet clothes clung to him, it was difficult to see how many of them he might have been hiding. He leaned into the touch when Sessrumnir smoothed his hair, because it was always going to be his weakness and he liked the tenderness of it all. Even if he did have a bump or two well hidden beneath his wet hair.
He smiled, obviously amused despite the tears on his face. It seemed like he intended to laugh at himself, because if Michael didn’t think he was silly, he’d just think it enough for the both of them. He didn’t think Michael was silly, though; he couldn’t even imagine laughing at him for being so vulnerable.
Realistically, he should have known that meant he should hold himself to the same standard, but he just laughed again and leaned into the touch.
“No, you can’t carry me, Michael. You don’t have good boots on. It’s slippery out here, and we might fall. And you’ve already told the boys we’re on the way back, if we take too long they’ll worry we’ve gotten lost, and I don’t have the best reputation there. I am however, soaking wet, and stiff, and–I look a mess, don’t I?”
He could feel it, the way the water clung to him. His hair was tousled, his clothes were dreadful. Pride demanded he power down and then back up again, looking completely refreshed, if not just a bit damp. He wanted to look good when he placed his hand over Michael’s and met his eyes. Despite everything, there was mirth hidden beneath a layer of wetness.
“I love you, Michael. In a romantic way, just so we’re clear on that.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 8:19 pm
“In a romantic way, huh?” Michael hummed as he brushed his thumb along Alastor’s cheek, leaning in a little closer as he did so. His other hand ventured to settle along Alastor’s waist.
“I’m not sure I know what you mean. You don’t let me carry you. I haven’t heard a single poem from you, yet. I don’t know if this counts as an adventure but… sure, we’ll go with that.”
Amusement sparkled in his eyes, even as he purposefully didn’t move any closer. Maybe enough for his forehead to gently touch Alastor’s but that was all.
“The people from Sessrumnir weren’t really known for their rugged adventures, I don’t think,” he said, and it was his turn to laugh softly at the thoughts.
“I think too many of them got used to being in those Springs more than studying. Alright, how about when we get in sight of the Hall, we can ride the rest of the way in on Princess? If she’ll let us. There’s not too much magic I have left, I don’t think. Ah, we should fix your hair and makeup a little too. I know you like to look your best.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 8:23 pm
Alastor laughed a bit, and despite the need to get back to the Hall, the brief reprieve was welcome. He knew he was pushing himself too hard right now, and he hadn’t thought about it but he did need a moment to prepare to resume their journey. “My makeup’s fine, I’m sure it’s just fixed itself. I’m already dry. You should swap back to Michael and back to Sessrumnir, too. I don’t want you wearing wet clothes and getting sick, and your Wonder won’t either. It’ll be easier to walk if your clothes don’t weigh twice as much, too.”
He’d powered down and then back up quickly enough, himself, he was sure his hair couldn’t be that bad. Although, Sessrumnir was right, he did like to look his best. But, he’d settle for ‘better-than-half-dead’ right now and be happy for it.
He wasn’t afraid of the water still stuck to Sessrumnir though; he’d have leaned a little closer if their foreheads weren’t already touching. He didn’t know how accurate the necklace was right now, but the stress in his heart had eased. He was tired, and he was going to be very sore in the morning, but right now the relief of it all was so euphoric it drew his attention away from anything else.
“If you get Princess out, I’m likely to just hold her until your magic runs dry, fair warning. I’d walk the rest of the way back with you in my arms for a few seconds with her. You’ve recited poetry for me, you know. And technically I’ve carried you. And every day with you is a new adventure for me. So we’re already on the right track, I think. No need to split hairs. I can’t help but notice you’re close enough to kiss now,” he mused, torn between closing his eyes and enjoying it or trying to read Michael’s expression from this distance. “We could save the rest for later and try that, instead. Unless you’d rather wait until I fixed my makeup.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 8:27 pm
As suggested, Sessrumnir powered down and then back up. His clothes were a bit drier at least. Any rips and gashes from the falling rocks had been repaired. He was tired, and powering down took the wind out of him for a moment. Without the extra strength that came from being a Knight, he likely would have easily run out of energy faster.
“Am I close enough to kiss?” he wondered, although maybe it was too obvious how amused he was. His heart was fluttering, but he didn’t move closer. He did brush his fingers along Devyn’s face, and down along his chin, though. It was probably meant to be teasing. Or maybe Sessrumnir was just enjoying the closeness.
“Oh… I guess I should be clear that I’m in love with you in a romantic way, too. Just in case you thought otherwise. Because surely there has to be a reason why you’re not kissing me yet.”
Sure, he could have kissed Devyn, but Devyn was also the one still grieving the loss of his husband, no matter how long ago it was. Michael was still an outsider in all of this, although he had some hope that Devyn really would try to make space in his heart for him, too.
“We can go to Sessrumnir some time soon. I know she misses you. You can hug her all you want, there.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 8:32 pm
“Don’t tease me,” Alastor fussed, but he seemed content with the tender affections and told himself, just a moment longer wouldn’t hurt. They could still make good time back to the Hall. The water seemed to be rushing less, and the sky had lightened significantly. It was still gray but the clouds seemed to be breaking apart a bit, and in the parts where they’d thinned, he could make out a gold lining.
If he could be bothered to look up; he was rather smitten by Michael, now.
And, if he were being honest with himself, there was a great deal of worry in his heart. Not because he doubted himself, not because he questioned the emotions that had been building for the past year.
He knew what love was. He’d loved Percy for so long, it was just strange to think he could admit to loving Michael, too. And, he had–for a while now. Despite his obliviousness. When he had more time and a clearer head, he might trace the memories and try to figure out when he’d first realized he had feelings for him.
It was well before tonight.
Tonight was just the first night he’d let himself know that he loved him. That he let himself accept it.
That he let himself act on it.
He thought still of Percy’s smile, of all of his kisses.
It wasn’t a competition. It wasn’t a replacement. The life he had before was not separate from this life, and he wasn’t trying to overwrite or replace it.
He was simply in a new chapter. Telling more stories.
He would still tell the old ones.
He wasn’t going to forget Percy. He wasn’t going to let anyone else forget Percy, either.
Alastor cupped Sessrumnir’s cheek in his hand and held it there for a moment before he brushed his thumb across his cheek. He was going to need a manicure or something, or at the very least to soak both hands in some warm water after this, but he found no discomfort in the gesture.
“I’d like that visit to Sessrumnir very much. We can make an adventure out of it. And you can carry me around. We’ll take turns carrying Princess.”
His heart was pounding, not unpleasantly. He felt a little giddy. A little anxious, but in that excited, hopeful way.
“I’ve only ever kissed one other person, you know. And it was so long ago that you know I’m rusty. So you might have to teach me some new tricks. But I’m a fast learner.
He could have talked himself out of it, could have kept teasing, could have worried about all the ways this could have been better.
But, instead, Alastor decided there was too much distance between them and he leaned forward so he could press his lips to Sessrumnir’s.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 8:39 pm
When Alastor finally moved closer to kiss him, Sessrumnir didn’t resist. Didn’t tease him any more, either. Even if he was still grinning a little at Alastor’s fussing about it.
It was important, at least to Sessrumnir, that Alastor make the first move, and he felt a wave of relief rush over him when they kissed. Just because Devyn said he loved him -- just because he did love him -- it didn’t mean he was ready for more than just gentle touches and words of encouragement and each other’s presence. Michael wasn’t going to pressure him.
But now that they were kissing, Michael wasn’t shy about wrapping his arm more fully around Devyn to pull him close. He sunk his hand into Devyn’s hair, although he mostly just massaged his scalp with his fingers and kept his hair off his shoulder.
The kiss didn’t last too long, but it didn’t have to for Michael to express all of his feelings in a single gesture. His insecurities and hope and adoration and fears. And with that came a silent request for Devyn to please give him a chance. That he would do everything he could to make Devyn happy.
“I thought you said you were rusty,” he gently teased when he pulled back a little, not wanting to overwhelm Devyn too quickly. He rubbed his back, but didn’t let him go just yet.
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 8:46 pm
Alastor remembered the way kissing Percy felt, and it didn’t seem fair to compare the two beyond how electric they were. He didn’t really have anyone else to compare to, anyway, so either all kisses could make him feel so alight, or it was just a trait Jupiter Knights shared.
He wasn’t planning on kissing anyone else to find out.
This was enough for him–more than enough, even, because he’d expected it to feel like kissing Michael’s cheek, or his forehead.
But, it wasn’t.
Even without being something particularly grandiose or fanciful, it had something behind it that he couldn’t put his finger behind. More life. More love, maybe.
“Am I not? I think you’re teasing me again,” Alastor answered. His cheeks were just faintly flushed but his ears again gave him away. He was honest at least, “I liked that very much.”
It wasn’t just that he was touch starved, or affection starved, Sessrumnir pulled him close, and he quite liked that. He liked the hand in his hair, he liked the scalp massage. He’d have liked to return the kiss with more fervor, but with a busted hand, he thought he’d get fussed at if he tried.
He’d make it up to Michael with the next one.
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