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 Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 10:47 pm
Percy visibly relaxed in Alastor’s arms. He wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. He pressed kisses against his shoulder and leaned as close to him as possible.
Alastor would know that Percy had never been happier than when he was with him. No matter what they went through, no matter what political turmoil they faced -- and always together, because Percy refused to leave his side.
“But what…?” he gently prodded. He wasn’t trying to pressure Alastor into anything, but he also seemed to want to make sure he knew what he was feeling was okay.
“You think that loving someone else means you somehow love me less?” Percy asked, tilting his head back so he could look up at Alastor. He reached up with one hand to smooth it over his husband’s face, and tucked some of the hair behind his ear.
“It’s okay, Devyn. Besides… like you said, you found me. Found Michael. Found who I was reborn as. And even if you didn’t fall in love again, I’m happy just to know that you’re okay. I want you to be loved and cared for, Dev. Just like you love and cared for me.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 10:55 pm
Alastor’s lips were pressed tightly together, and he found a spot in the distance to lock his gaze onto. It wasn’t that he couldn't meet Percy’s eyes, it was just…
He felt odd.
It was a thought he hadn’t had before, and his mind felt like a thousand different layers, just shifting around. Collapsing. Rearranging.
“I don’t know,” he said, but–in a way he did know. He just had to come to terms with himself. Percy was still just telling him what he wanted to hear.
But it felt real. He wanted it to be real. The sky was washing away into the treeline, though. It felt like it was getting closer.
They still had time. Just a little more. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, heavy and forceful.
“I was worried that it might. I don’t feel like I could ever love you any less than I always have, I just–”
The words felt strange, like he didn’t really understand them himself. And yet, they made sense. He was just good at ignoring some things.
He was good at lying to himself. Or, at least, not letting himself see the truth.
“He’s wonderful. And he does take care of me. He makes me happy. He’s different than you. I like him, a lot. And it’s not just because you have the same starseed, it’s not that simple. I mean, you do have a lot in common. But he’s–” His heart fluttered and he shrugged, and he knew.
Michael was himself. Devyn had never compared him to Percy. Never held him to that standard, never looked at him and wanted anything or anyone else from him.
“Is that fair? To both of you?”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 11:04 pm
Percy lovingly brushed his fingers along Devyn’s face, hoping to comfort him and ease his restless thoughts.
“I’m always with you, and I’ll always love you,” he said, with both happiness and resigned sadness in his voice. “But I can never be there for you. I can’t hold you when you’re lonely. I can’t heal you when you’re injured… You-- suffering or being miserable because I’m not there… I don’t want that, Devyn.”
He looked up at Devyn with understanding in his eyes. He knew how strange it must have been to think that he could ever feel anything for someone else after what they had.
“Does Michael get upset when you talk about me?” he wondered, although it was mostly rhetorical since he knew. “Is it fair to ignore how he might feel about you, because you think you can only love me…?”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 11:40 pm
“No, he lets me talk about you. He’s such a good sport about it, with all my stories. He asks about you sometimes, too. It’s sweet.” His heart hurt again, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Just powerful.
“I suppose it isn’t fair. He’s very lovable, you know. I mean. You know,” he said, because he didn’t need to tell himself what he already knew. Or, maybe he did.
“He means a lot to me, Perce. A lot. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I don’t want to lose him. I want to stay with you, I don’t want to say goodbye again. But he might be in trouble. I need to go make sure he’s okay.”
He drew in a rattly breath and smiled again, tucking his fingers under Percy’s chin so he could tilt his head up. He wanted to look at him again, he wanted to remember this face.
Not the mockery the Chaos had worn. Not his screaming, crying face as the Core burned him up.
“I’ll see you again soon, though, won’t I? You have to come visit me again, it’s been too long. I never get to dream about you. Maybe we can take that vacation next time.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:29 am
Percy hummed softly to himself and smiled up at Alastor. His eyes were still a little wet, but that was pretty normal. He’d always had a lot of emotions, and Devyn never made him feel bad for it. He’d only ever supported him and comforted him when he needed it.
“You’ve had Alastor and the Chaos that plagued it on your mind for so long. Now that you’ve managed to save it from that, I think it’s safe to guess that your dreams will be more pleasant.”
Even with the tears still in his eyes, Percy looked like he was at peace. He’d been pleased to hear Devyn talking about how much Michael meant to him.
“This isn’t goodbye, my love. I’m always with you. Just think of me when the sun is on your face, or the wind in your hair. Or you smile for no reason. Or you hear the roll of thunder -- Oh… but not the kind that makes your scar hurt,” he said with a sheepish grimace. “But… it’s okay if you think of others, too. If you think of Michael, or Atticus. They need you.”
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2022 9:37 am
The colors were bleeding together rapidly, but Alastor didn’t close his eyes. He hadn’t dreamed in so long, and he wanted to hold onto this one. He wanted to hold onto Percy.
“I don’t need an excuse to think about you, Perce. I’ve had you in my heart since the day we met. I’ll keep you there.” Forever, undoubtedly.
But, Percy was right. Maybe his heart was big enough to fit a little more in. And it had already, hadn’t it? He loved Atticus. He loved Michael.
They were his family. Of course he loved them. He didn’t love Marius any less. Didn’t love Percy any less.
Making new memories didn’t mean replacing the old ones.
His heart hurt again, sore, stinging. He felt wetness on his face, but he didn't know if he was crying. It felt cold. The sky had blurred together and all the colors were mixing. Percy was there still.
They were out of time again.
“I love you,” he said, before Percy could fade away, too. “Thank you, Percy. I owe you everything.”
He held him close for a moment longer before he shifted so he could press their lips together. It wasn’t goodbye, but he wanted that one last kiss, anyway.
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