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 Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2022 5:47 pm
“Of course!” he said, and hurried over to embrace him; he quickly adjusted his voice when he entered the room. “I missed you, too.”
He sat down in the chair with him and leaned in to give him a hug, more mindful now of his volume and incredibly careful to move slowly.
“We’ll have so much fun, we can watch movies and tell stories. It’ll be great. I’ve got pajamas you can borrow. Unless you want some more time to relax. Dad left out his music and his game, you can play if you want. Oh, but you have to turn on the light,” he said, nodding to the floor lamp behind him. “It’s an old handheld game so it doesn’t even have a light. It’s older than I am. He likes Tetris. But we could watch cat videos or something on my phone if you wanted to do something less intense.”
Oh, but he was talking so much in the quiet relaxation room, he was just so excited. He had to suck in a breath to calm himself down.
“Or you can lay down in my lap and wear that eye mask until your face feels better. I can play with your hair.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2022 7:03 pm
How was Chad ever supposed to convince himself to leave when Elliot and his dads were so wonderfully good to him? He hugged Elliot back, pleased that there was plenty of room for them to sit together. He didn’t mind how much Elliot was talking -- he liked his voice. A lot. But he noticed that Elliot seemed more delicate with how he spoke. It was really very sweet.
Chad glanced over at the lamp and the game, trying to ignore how his heart skipped a little at the thought of Elliot playing with his hair. Which he reached up to fuss with a little, wanting to make sure it still looked as nice as Devyn made it.
“I, um… I think I would like that,” he said as he pulled away from Elliot a little to give him some room. He didn’t want to smother him, after all. “If that’s okay. Oh, but could we still talk? I don’t need to sleep or anything. I just want to be with you.”
Oh, was that weird? Maybe too clingy? He just felt comfortable around Elliot, so of course he wanted to be with him however he could.
“I’ve never played Tetris before. Is it that hard?”
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2022 7:35 pm
“Yeah, we can still talk.”
He stretched to grab a pillow and laid it in his lap before he patted it so Chad knew he could flop over and lay down. He scooted over in preparation of making more room for Chad, but he seemed like he only wanted to make sure he was comfortable. He didn’t want to go too far from him.
“Tetris is a game about stacking things. It’s a puzzle game, when you make a solid row it deletes and makes more space. There’s different shapes and you have to make them fit together. It only gets harder the better you do, but you can play on easy mode if you want.”
He was trying, very hard not to just blurt out “Are you okay?”
Except, he was thinking about it too hard so it came out like that, anyway.
He pursed his lips–apologetically, obviously, and just opened his arms so he could help Chad lay down. “I mean–I can’t help but worry. I’m really glad you’re here, though. I was just talking to dad earlier and I said I wished you could come over for dinner.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2022 8:16 pm
Chad worked on getting ready to lay down on Elliot’s lap, nodding as he listened to the explanation of Tetris.
But froze for a moment when Elliot blurted out his concern. Chad felt his cheeks flush, but a small smile still pulled at his lips as he gently laid down on Elliot’s lap, and curled his legs up so he could pull the blanket up easier.
“I’m okay,” he said quietly. He was sore, but that wasn’t new. He couldn’t tell Elliot about the person they ran into, not without potentially giving away the secrets that Devyn needed him to keep, but it was difficult to try and just… not tell Elliot everything.
“I’m sorry I make you worry,” he sighed as he looked up at Elliot-- Oh right, the mask…
He lifted it up to his face because, well, that was the point of being there. But he was content just being there with Elliot.
“I always feel better when I’m near you.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2022 8:26 pm
Elliot smiled back at him and it took absolutely minimal wiggling to get comfortable with Chad laying on him. He reached to help pull the blanket up and make sure he was tucked underneath it. The room was naturally cool and Elliot was glad to have that little extra warmth that came from Chad being so close.
As soon as he was settled, he gently teased his fingers into Chad’s hair.
“You don’t have to apologize for making me worry. It’s not like you’re doing bad things. It just means I care enough about you to think about you and hope you’re doing well even when you aren’t around. I like having you around, so I can’t help it. When you’re gone, I miss you. I haven’t had a friend that I just clicked with like you. And the more I get to know you, the more I like you. So no matter what you do, I’ll worry! That’s what you do when you care about someone.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2022 8:35 pm
Oh no, even with the cool mask on his face, Chad wasn’t sure his cheeks were ever going to change back to normal. Not when Elliot was saying so many nice things.
And sure, Elliot might have one hand in his hair, but that meant Chad could reach for his other hand to hold onto as he chewed anxiously on his lip.
Not because Elliot made him anxious! He just made himself anxious. He didn’t want to mess up their friendship, because he was pretty sure he would be completely lost without Elliot. Even if Devyn was there to help him, there would be a void in his heart without his friend.
“I think about you all the time and hope you’re doing well, too,” Chad said softly, trying to keep his emotions from getting out of control. “I’m happy we can spend time together. I’ve really liked getting to know you and your dads and, um, the more I get to know you, the more I like you, too.”
He felt a little silly repeating what Elliot said, but it was true! And he didn’t want Elliot to think that he didn’t feel that way! He was just going to hide under the mask and hope it cooled his overheated face some more. He cared about Elliot a lot, so knowing that Elliot cared about him too -- well, he knew he cared about him, but… he was trying to understand why his heart kept racing.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2022 8:45 pm
It was impossible not to smile around Chad, and as he reached out his hand, Elliot gladly took it.
“Well, good. I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be. That means we’ll be good friends.”
He couldn’t imagine not being good friends with Chad. How many people had so much gentleness in their heart? And he made Elliot want to calm down and relax. He didn’t feel like he had to work hard to keep up with everyone, didn’t have to work hard to act cool or stay on top of things.
He didn’t think Chad would judge him or tease him in any hurtful way so he wasn’t even embarrassed to share his silly little secrets, or his stuffed animals, or his parents.
“I can’t believe you get to spend the night. I didn’t plan for anything so I want to do everything. But you look like you had a rough day already.” He didn’t speak with any criticism; he was more concerned about how he felt than anything else. “Have you ever had a sleepover before?”
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2022 8:53 pm
Chad smiled a little brighter as he thought about being good friends with Elliot. Just getting to know him was more than Chad thought he deserved, but being his good friend was probably a dream come true.
A dream that was momentarily shattered a bit when spending the night was brought up again.
His smile faltered a little, and he squeezed Elliot’s hand as though he needed the extra support of him being there.
“No, I haven’t,” he admitted, wondering if that made him even weirder than he felt. Oh, but Elliot wouldn’t think poorly of him. He was probably just asking to make sure he knew what to explain about it, and what to expect.
“My, um… my dad doesn’t know I’m here. I don’t want to go home yet,” he also confessed, his voice almost a whisper as if saying it too loudly would mean his dad overheard him. “I wish I could just stay here with you.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2022 10:19 pm
Elliot must have understood as soon as the smile faltered. As soon as Chad squeezed his hand. He frowned, just slightly, and moved his fingers gently through Chad’s hair, working across his scalp. “I wish you could just stay here forever, too.”
He didn’t like Chad’s father. Didn’t like anything about him. Didn’t want Chad to be around him at all.
He didn’t like that Chad was hungry, or scared, or unhappy at home. Something nagged at him from the back of his mind but he couldn’t quite place it–he just knew that he was happy to have Chad there with him, now.
“Did you guys get into a fight?” he asked, and squeezed Chad’s hand reassuringly.
He’d gotten into–well, he couldn’t even call them fights with his parents. Any time Elliot seemed to get heated, one of them–or both of them–would sit him down and they’d talk about it. Elliot wasn’t shy to talk about why he was upset, and usually his parents made an effort to explain what was going on with their end of things, too.
He trusted them. He understood them.
They didn’t usually tell him no, but Elliot didn’t usually get into trouble, either.
He couldn’t imagine not getting along with either of them, and the thought alone made his stomach churn. So, he felt even worse for Chad, who didn’t want to be around his father–or home, at all.
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2022 7:28 am
It was both easy and difficult to relax around Elliot. Easy because Chad was comfortable and knew he was safe. He knew Elliot wouldn’t do anything to make him feel bad or hurt him. He trusted Elliot more than anyone else.
But it was difficult because his heart kept pounding away in his chest, his cheeks kept burning with every kind word and gentle gesture.
Chad squeezed Elliot’s hand again and pulled it closer to him, not really thinking about how Elliot would probably feel how quickly his heart was beating when he held it against his chest. Just that he wanted to hug Elliot and this was the next best thing at the moment. Especially when Elliot was so gently playing with his hair, which felt nice after it had been pulled earlier.
“Not really,” he mumbled, not entirely sure what to say. He looked like he wanted to tell Elliot everything, but didn’t quite know how to say it. “Dad has… a stressful job. So sometimes he just… he’s just angry about things. Says I disappoint him and how he wished I…”
He paused, not entirely sure how he should continue. He knew there were several ways he could end the sentence, and they would all be true. But he knew Elliot worried about him already. Because he cared.
Chad didn’t want him to worry more.
“He wished I would be more like other boys.”
With the mask it was easy to just keep his eyes closed. But he didn’t have to look at Elliot’s face to see the way his fluffy hair framed his face, and how his kind, bright blue eyes were deep like the ocean.
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2022 7:50 am
Elliot never slowed in his gentle ministrations; he looked down at Chad as if he could see through the mask and into his eyes. He couldn’t feel Chad’s heartbeat so he watched his breathing and tried to listen to every little clue in his words.
He was mindful not to push Chad into answering anything he didn’t want to, and he was comfortable giving him as much time as he needed to think things through.
So, when Chad started to answer, his attention clung to every word.
“More like other boys?” he repeated uncertainly.
Elliot drew an absolute blank and couldn’t think of a single thing he’d have wanted to change about Chad.
His parents had stressful jobs but they didn’t just get angry at things. They’d never told him he was disappointing. They never wished he was anything more than what he was.
It was foreign to Elliot. It made him feel all the more protective of Chad.
“What does that even mean? What does he want from you?”
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2022 9:26 am
Chad chewed on his lip, embarrassed that he wasn’t even sure what it meant, but knew it was something he’d heard his dad say before. It was probably the tamest thing he could have said, at least. He already felt horrified imagining Elliot knowing more.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, his lip trembling a little even as he tried to keep it still beneath his teeth. With his hands he clutched tightly to Elliot’s, if only to stop himself from fidgeting too much. He felt restless and anxious, but it had nothing to do with Elliot.
“Be better at sports and be stronger, I guess,” he mumbled. He knew Elliot told him before that he could do art if he wanted to, and he believed that! There were a lot of things he was questioning now that he’d gotten to know Elliot and his parents better.
“He thinks it would be easier if…”
Chad told Elliot he wouldn’t keep secrets from him. But it was so embarrassing, because what if there was just a tiny bit of truth in what he’d been told for so long.
“Easier if I hadn’t been born or… if I was with mom…”
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2022 10:08 am
The concern Elliot felt was rapidly replaced with anger. Not at Chad, never at Chad, but he couldn’t imagine what could make someone say something so horrible. To anyone, first of all, but then to their son, or to Chad in general.
“Well, that’s just selfish. But I already knew that about him, he seems like he only cares about himself. If he’s having a hard time he should just let you come stay over here. We like when you’re over. You’re a lot of fun. And you’re creative and nice and you have good manners.”
He knew things couldn’t possibly be that easy but he didn’t understand why not. If Chad’s father wanted easy he could just let Chad stay over here where he was wanted!
“I think you’re strong. And sports aren’t for everyone. But if you ever want to play anything, we can go practice at the park. I think it’s fun, but not everyone does. And you’re not any less like other boys because you don’t play. Lots of people don’t play. And if you’re not getting proper nutrition it’s hard to play, anyway. Your dad’s kind of a jerk, sorry, Chad. We can share my dads.”
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2022 5:07 pm
He could hear the frustration in Elliot’s voice, and Chad curiously reached blindly up to Elliot’s face. Fingers found his jaw, and then his cheek, which Chad stroked gently, obviously in an attempt to help Elliot calm. Not that he thought Elliot was so angry and out of control that he needed the help to focus, but Chad wanted to make sure he knew he was there to try and make things easier for him.
Oh, well, it would probably help if he wasn’t the one making things difficult in the first place.
“You’re so kind and good,” he sighed softly, but there was a small smile that had formed, in spite of Elliot’s frustration. “You say such nice things. I think this mask won’t be cool much longer with how often you make me blush,” he admitted sheepishly.
“I want to stay with you. You and your dads make me feel safe. Like I’m wanted. I wouldn’t ever want to be a burden on you or your dads, though. You’ve already done so much for me. And I know my dad won’t want me to. I’m afraid to ask, I don’t want him to know and then to make sure I can’t.”
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2022 5:19 pm
Elliot didn’t know why he did it, but as soon as Chad’s hand was close to his face he just pressed into it. “Well, if the mask doesn’t stay cool for long, Dad has another one in the freezer, so I can just go grab that for you.”
He relaxed easily around Chad and just sighed, letting all his frustration melt away. How could he not, Chad was just so nice and gentle and cute about everything.
“I don’t blame you for being nervous about talking to your dad. Especially if he’s a cop and likes to bully you already. We can keep it a secret. It just means that we have time to plan. You can get emancipated when you’re like, what, sixteen? I don’t know, but I’ll be here with you until we figure it all out. But you’re never going to be a burden on any of us. Maybe we can trick him. I’m really compelling and good at arguing. We can see if there are any sports you’re good at, maybe we can join a team together. Maybe we could try soccer or tennis or something. I’m just making excuses, if he says anything you can just tell him that we’re practicing to see if you can get on a high school team. I don’t know. I just want you to be able to come over whenever you want. I wish you could just stay with us forever. I don’t know how to make that work. But we’ll figure it out.”
Maybe it was selfish to wish that Chad’s dad would just give him over to them. Maybe he should have wished that he’d get over himself and actually appreciate his son.
He didn’t know, he just wanted Chad to be happy.
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