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 Posted: Sat Dec 04, 2021 10:28 am
With each pointed statement, each matter-of-fact, she visibly flinched.
He had accused her of not listening but here he stood, a contradiction to his own musings. She told him what she wanted and he blatantly threw it back at her like some dog's old chew toy.
She may not need his respect, but she wanted it. He might have convinced himself that her ire would be something he could tolerate, for a time at least. But she didn't want to feel that way; anger, resentment, loneliness.
On the verge of confessing what had happened before they met, the real reason he had been assigned to check in on her, but he had shunted a wall between them; one without doors or windows. A perfect barrier to keep her at a distance. She’d been chained to a wall once before and did not care much for the feeling.
If that was how he wished to live, then she had no choice but to accept it. Better to learn these lessons now to save herself from disappointment later.
"Please leave," her request was barely audible.
Head swimming, chest aching. Each shallow breath felt like pouring acid on an open wound. "Either wait at home or wait outside. I don't care. But this- this is my sanctuary. You're not welcome here." The studio was to her as his study was to him. Her place of escape, her place to simply be as she was without worry nor care. A place to get lost in the whistling sound of sweeping blades.
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Posted: Sat Dec 04, 2021 10:33 am
“Fine” - gone - blinked and he was gone, popped and flickered from existence in a teleport so swift it seemed to suck out the air and there were no more words to have. Not one iota of space for it between them. He’d poisoned the well with his failings, left it stale and stagnant.
Wouldn’t force any more of his own acrid bile on her. None of it, and she hadn’t deserved it, and he could respect her right to her own spaces just as well as she’d respected his own requests in regards to his office.
It was fine, it was how it should’ve been, better that way, he’d tell it to himself. Convince himself of what he’d already known to be true. Shouldn’t ever have tried to begin with - especially not the way he had - all wrong in his own doings.
And when she returned … and if it was easier to avoid her entirely - give the run of his house over to his forced companion. Be gone as much as he could’ve been. That seemed good too. Seemed far better than the bitter shame of ruining things, undeserving of being a captain. Should’ve given her to someone else, would’ve except he very much wanted her alive.
He would help move her out - pack her things - pack her family. Would do the unthinkable, far easier to be a traitor than to deal with her - than to deal with himself through her - a destructive unhealthy way to handle things if ever he could’ve acknowledged one. Wouldn’t though. Would simply be gone and get her gone so they could both stop stabbing each other indefinitely - he wasn’t ready for people…
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