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All that ‘******** you kindly’ audacity tossed out in tone, at least, that was how Waru heard it as he saw red for the briefest of seconds. Felt it ring around the sorrow that sat in his chest, and just -- stared -- ******** owlish look that he knew must’ve sat on his face while he tried to figure out what sort of s**t he’d stepped in. Should’ve shut up, but he knew that, always knew that, talked better without ever talking at all. Thought that maybe he wouldn’t bother with words this time - incendiary devices and how they weren’t getting him anywhere with how he sucked at explaining the meanings behind them in layman's terms.

“Oh-kay--” hissed because it hurt, because he *loved* him, and maybe he needed to just-- “So, ******** you. For even thinking that, but also? ******** you, in general.” tilted his head like he’d keyed in on *something*, left the counter behind him and -- If Eion thought he was leaving, now? Without a fight, without having it all out, without spilling the ********, perfectly made tea all over the far too neat for Waru’s liking floors?

“I’m asking about *back then*, because I don’t want to hurt you *now*, you a**.” let the whine that threatened to be a snarl, just, be what it would be as he moved to crowd Eion back closer to the oven, because he wanted him bracketed in and kept right where he was. All the parts of Waru that rose with the desire to shake him like a rag doll in his maw - that warred with the others for how badly he wanted to hold him like a lover.

“Because you’re asking me - I'm pretty damned sure? For the thing you put over my head as a carrot. Brazenly outta the blue. Don’t ******** - wound me with what I’d give you for free, on the daily, when I’ve already offered up my soul Eion. That’s not ******** fair.” would’ve taken the survival ******** as it was, were it anyone else.

At any other time.

Except Eion deserved better than that - ******** - Faustite deserved better than being just a *carrot* to be had and won - to be handed out paltry hurrah for having lived through hell.

“In fact -- leme spell it like this for *you*. Say it in a way you can understand, since I can’t ever seem to say it right at all.” was careful with how he reached for Eion. For all that he wanted to be the opposite of that, for all that he wanted to tear into him enough to have him whole. Splay him open and eat him out the way he seemed to be offering himself up for. Needed to - to touch those sharp features that held shadowed eyes. Twine himself in silken black curls as he loomed just a bit - stared the stunning boy down and wanted so badly to steal every last one of Eions kisses until he was a breathless mess on the shitty floor..

Wondered if he should’ve told Eion that he knew. Wasn’t fair to him though, to cause him so much anguish over all that. For all that he’d meant the gesture earnestly, as far more than a simple ‘<******** you’ tandemly taunted with ease.

“Didn’t say I loved you, did I? Didn’t say I’d die for you - not clearly enough - thought I had, yanno? Throwing it out body and ******** soul, but Eion - Ei, I’m kinda s**t at talking? For all that it’s the thing I do the most.” hated that Eion thought he needed to say it - ‘couldn’t hurt him’. The sting for that, a fractious thing flung in his face for the fact that he felt Waru was someone it needed to be said for. The very idea that hurting him was something that could’ve ever been considered? Swore to himself that he’d gnaw his own hands off first - would throw himself through those shadowed doors that led into the rift - wouldn’t come back to offer future hurts..

Wanted to explain to Eion that hurt didn’t have to be a part of things between them, whatever they were.

Thought of all the other ways he would’ve enjoyed the conversation that could’ve been under different circumstances, that weren’t this, that lived in the ways he fought, bled, and loved. That existed between people who’d had lengthy discourse over do’s and don’ts. Who’d had out their wants, and wondered why this was the only thing Eion ever wanted? Why--

“Please stay?” had said enough, but couldn’t ever stop himself from saying more. Useless deadweight words fell from his lips as he stood and sought to hold. “Please...just...Dee’s stopped answering me, and Thorite turned on me, and if you leave too? If I ******** this up because I’m me..Eion?” felt the fight in that wireframe form where he had his boy pressed between a rock and a hard space. Wanted to smooth it down, to smother it and ease it out into something else. Knew he was being selfish for it, wanting everything else when maybe Faustite had just wanted to--

Maybe that was all he’d wanted to do, to have? Something simple, and uncomplicated, and….

How all that rage turned cold and every soft part of him fell like a stack of wet cards at the thought of ******** up; all because he couldn’t shut up enough to listen well enough - to say what he meant well enough.

“Please..” was half past wanting to wail for how he’d just gotten him back. Pressed the begged syllable into the tops of soft dark curls instead, and if Faustite sprung up and burnt his house down? Waru thought maybe that would’ve been *fine*, would’ve undone all the parts that he’d run over roughshod - would’ve let him rewind to taking the hug and enjoying how overwhelmed he was at having his Firebrand alive.

Wet sigh of relief for the soft words, hope for how he’d said ‘okay’, despite that Waru knew he wasn’t giving him much choice. That begging like the worlds most confusing manchild was the least becoming thing — stil,l he took the hug in stride and returned it tenfold. Shuddered and sniffled, how his arms fell heavy around his friend — pressed the softest of kisses to the top of Eions head — pressed *thanks* there — gentle gratitude as he let them back enough to not be one with the appliances.

Thought how Eion must’ve just come there for the prize of it — for the comfort? How he owed him that because Ei didn’t know he’d seen — couldn’t blame him for everything he didn’t know. For not being able to predict him with mind reader accuracy.

Wasn’t Eion that had ******** up the simple and muddied the wanting with waterworks.

With how he was always so all over the place and moving in every different direction - wild with it. Outrunning life at pace because he loved living so much.

Not if he was alone, though.

Chased worse things when he was and better things when he wasn’t, because he knew himself. Knew that without people to reign him in and anchor him down, he’d just be everything he had been and none of that felt good enough anymore. None of it felt nearly as good as having Eion in his arms for one more second.

“It’s not your fault—“ didn’t matter so much as “<******** Schörl.” felt flat to speak it without having said Schorl there ******** - preferably into unlife - better yet to do it with the business end of the thing he kept behind the back of his couch. He was going to get a new carpet anyhow.

“I’m tired—-of all the s**t that lives between us. I’m sorry so much of it is mine, sometimes.” traced with palm and pad what he could reach, soothing circles over thin shoulder blades. Heated palms over the nape as he stole more of Eions weight for himself. Was half tempted to steal him away. Kidnap him into a cocoon of bedroom blankets — hide out the encroaching winter from the world.

Cause he was exhausted, cause he wanted, and there was always more to feel guilty for — that he’d flung the knight off Kama instead of helping Faustite cause he’d looked like he’d had it handled. That he’d gone down at all — that he’d seen and how that had poured all sorts of molasses into the carefully intricate workings — gotten it messy —

“Mmmph” would’ve been easier if it was him. Him? He could fix, could puzzle out. Could step back away and stare at himself from outside himself. Thought he could do that for others sometimes. Thought far too much when thinking had never been his strongest trait. When speaking was only to fill the void until he could think of something to do with his body.

Holding Eion was nice at least, settling. Letting himself listen long enough to breathe through the thought that he was losing more people and it was all his fault. That he was losing the one person worth staying for -- all over again -- wasn’t though. Wouldn’t have to relocate the team under Sylvites ranks, or get side eyed sad looks for asking what to do with the memory of someone who was still very much alive.

How he should’ve let that be enough from the beginning--

Couldn’t have born the idea of taking advantage -- not right then -- not for some died and come back again revelation that led right up to ‘******** the rules and ******** me’. Not with all the Schorls of the world waiting in the shadows to stab him in the hindbrain the second things got good. No, and Waru would praise Eion later for having it out. For explaining--for bleeding for him one more time-- just long enough that it could’ve been explained.

The smile that graced his features was softer for it. For someone who understood the concept of ‘doing’ - visceral - bone deep - he knew how words never meant nearly as much as the actions that followed saying them. How doing was the better way - showing - With blood on the ground and dirt under his nails. With arms wrapped tightly and begging in body. With a body. How that was better sometimes by far.

“So show me what we’re doing then.” didn’t want to be allowed to talk anymore, not when he knew he’d clog it all up with nonsense words. Could’ve been shown instead. Like learning to dance, like being walked through the steps that lead up to stepping through voids ons city rooftops.

Wouldn’t waste any more of Eions words then he already had.