|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2022 5:43 am
Eion didn't answer his question, which just made Yuuri feel more awkward when he brushed off the topic. No matter what, he knew he didn't want to hurt Eion. He was important to him. He'd cried countless nights thinking he might have been dead. Even now, it was never a guarantee that they would make it out of a mission alive.
As was evident in the battle on the hilltop. He'd thought, for -- he wasn't sure how long -- that Faustite had been killed. He could still remember the taste of the inky black on his lips as it showered his face. He could still smell the soot and brimstone of the blast. The image would likely not leave his nightmares for many, many years, if ever.
But for Eion… Yuuri wasn't the only one he asked out, right? Maybe he was understanding the context incorrectly. As long as he wasn't expected to be the replacement for the other boys that Faustite chased after, then…
Yuuri's fingers twitched around the cup he held, but carefully set it on the counter. Cautiously, he reached out to brush his fingertips against the back of Eion's hand, before gently taking it in his own. And he leaned close to press a hopefully not unwanted kiss against Eion's temple as he stared at the floor.
"If it's rare, then I feel honored," Yuuri said softly. "I feel honored, even if it wasn't. I'm…"
He was what…? He barely understood himself, much less Eion. Neither of them were open about their feelings, and that was probably part of the problem.
"I'm not good at feeling worthy of attention. The last person I dated… even before meeting you… He was nice. Very charming and enthusiastic. I… thought I might have loved him… but my General was incredibly possessive and I thought he might try to hurt him so… I told him I wanted to break up and he let me," Yuuri said, staring at the floor as well because it was easier to ignore the way his heart pounded.
"There was no argument about it. Not a question as to why. Just let me get my things and I left." It had been more than that. He'd had a panic attack soon after, but he didn't need to share that, he didn't think. Eion knew him well enough to probably assume that had been the case. Maybe.
"I told myself that was it. No more dating for romance. I didn't want to hurt like that again. So... that's why I asked."
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2022 12:12 pm
Yuuri's hand was warmer than it usually was, drawing his attention. He glanced at it briefly, watched his own fingers splay out before intertwining with Yuuri's. Didn't turn away from the kiss to his temple, or the closeness — these were all things that he knew, if he had the privilege of another life, he would enjoy. Sometimes, he could enjoy them in this life.
He squeezed Yuuri's hand as he related his story. There was always so much left unsaid —
He often thought Yuuri deserved someone smarted than him. Someone with better emotional literacy, who could read the mood and know when to ask questions, when to share, when to keep quiet. But Eion wasn't that, couldn't be that, not as long as he was a messy, violent thing.
Eion nodded as Yuuri wrapped up his brief share. "He just let you go." Like Yuuri was a wayward breeze — something refreshing, but impermanent. Like maybe the boy wasn't attached, even though it sounded like they'd lived together.
He was aware that he knew little about romance beyond the books he'd read as a human kid. In each of those books, however, a fight invariably ensued when one of a pair tried to break it off — justified or not. To hear that there wasn't one, Eion was unsure if that was a difference of fiction and reality, or if Yuuri's old boy was being astoundingly callous. From Yuuri's reaction to it, he assumed the latter.
"Familiar with a lot of betrayal, with callousness." He kept his voice low, watched his thumb as it meandered over Yuuri's knuckles. "Don't blame you for wanting to shut it all out. But, you've been my friend for years, and I thought —" and he took a breath, smiled at his own hesitance, "thought we could do something more romantic."
He knew she'd be laughing at him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2022 11:43 am
Yuuri wasn’t sure how to feel. He didn’t know if he said enough to explain himself, or if it even mattered. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe, like he had always been told growing up, he was just making things up in his head. He was exaggerating. Making a bigger deal about things than he needed to.
That was why Faustite slapped him before, wasn’t it? Even though he’d apologized, Yuuri still knew that the burden that he put on others because of his inability to control his emotions must be incredibly stressful.
His throat felt tight as he looked down at Eion’s hand in his own.
“You know I would do anything for you,” he said quietly. If that meant something romantic. If that meant something physical. If that meant… anything. It wasn’t as though Yuuri had many others. Misha had been a beacon of light and comfort when Yuuri had been wasting away, alone. He could never replace him, just like he couldn’t replace Eion, whom he had known for years.
“We can try, if you’d like. I want you to be happy, Eion.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2022 5:51 pm
Eion remained silent, pensive, for a time. There was much less complexity to navigating encounters in the Rift — any youma who could speak either felt compelled by his rank to follow orders, or they felt no sway and used their wits to try to eat his starseed. But even if that was an oversimplification, youma remained far more straightforward than people.
Because people could be as altruistic as they could be selfish, vain or self-effacing, hostile or friendly, warm or cold. They could be a mix of all, or paradoxically, both ends of a spectrum at different times. Perhaps at the same time, but in different ways.
He'd seen Yuuri put himself in danger, risk getting killed, for the sake of orders or others. He had trained, but Eion wondered if he did so for self-preservation, or for the benefit of the team. Even in the Rift, Kamacite agreed to go with him and search, though neither one of them had much business going out alone.
"Want you to be happy too. If you told yourself no more romance and you meant it, I won't press it. Don't want you to suffer for my sake." He supposed, though, that the dull chorus in his head had a point.
So he smiled something defeatist, drew in a tremulous breath, and forced it back out slowly.
"You're always trying for everyone else."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2022 1:21 pm
“Not everyone,” Yuuri countered softly. Sometimes he liked to count the people he cared most about. The people he would have tried to do anything for. Not many gave him the opportunity to be himself, so he didn’t try. It had taken a while with Eion as well.
“I’m afraid of being hurt,” he admitted, but maybe that was obvious. Maybe it was also obvious that, “I don’t know what I want.”
Yuuri could lie to himself, but in his heart he’d always been a romantic. He’d just shut himself away when he was rejected or set aside or those he might have wanted to get closer to didn’t seem to have an interest. So why try?
But for Eion, he was willing. Just as he was always willing to do what he could for his friend. If that meant trying romance, then he could try.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 4:14 pm
Not everyone, Yuuri said. Afraid of being hurt, he said.
But the hurt Yuuri feared was a very specific kind, for Eion had seen his friend sustain injury after injury, put himself in life-threatening situations, and face bleak odds without so much as a complaint. Perhaps it looked like throwing his life away. Maybe Yuuri seemed that miserable to others. But his friend never hurt himself intentionally, never tried to walk through the Hall of Shadows by himself like Monoceros had. That meant much, hadn't it?
"Hurt's normal, I think." Eion nodded as he stared through the bay windows at the far end of the apartment. "People always make messes of each other, good or bad." Not that he'd mind making a mess of Yuuri —
"Could start with something easy, no commitment. Mmm… Hotel by the river has a good view. Can teleport there. Doesn't have roof access; no one will bother us."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 02, 2022 1:05 pm
Yuuri’s heart skipped, but he wasn’t willing to let his anxiety get the better of him. Or at least he didn’t want it to get the better of him. He knew it was likely to overwhelm him, likely to annoy Eion, likely to cause problems.
But he nodded in agreement. Something easy. No commitment, he suggested.
He didn’t know what to expect. His cheeks felt hot, but he was going to trust Eion. He’d made the decision to trust him a long time ago, and that was not likely to change.
“Okay,” he said out loud, just to make sure Eion knew he was willing to try.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
