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 Posted: Mon May 24, 2021 7:18 pm
“We can ask Callan to do that.” He said with a nod. “If you’re alright with me asking Callan to do that.” He wanted to be sure, absolutely sure that it was alright. He did… rather like the idea of Jace’s mother coming face to, well… chest with Callan. If she thought that Holden was an example of the height and build of their family, she’d be in for a drastic surprise, as Holden had taken most after his grandmother in stature and build, right down to the touch of baby fat that never quite left his face. “I think that’s a really good idea actually, and I really don’t want you jumping out… another window. Frankly I’d be even more alarmed if I didn’t know what floor your room was on.” He admitted.
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Posted: Mon May 24, 2021 7:23 pm
Dryly, Jace had said, “Maybe the roof,” before he’d even had time to consider it, and then just sighed and reached to gently rub at the bridge of his nose. “...I feel so stupid, Holden,” he said, and was gradually leaning more and more against him, until he was practically laying on Holden.
He liked it, and Holden hadn’t said that he didn’t like him, or that he was being too clingy, so he was taking all he could for now.
“Like I ruined my whole life. Like I messed up everything. What would you do if you disappointed Callan?” he asked, trying to fabricate a scenario where Callan was mad and disappointed in Holden.
He couldn’t imagine Callan leaving text messages like his mother had, or a voicemail like that, but for the sake of hypotheticals, he had to know.
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Posted: Mon May 24, 2021 7:40 pm
“No… ROOF.” He said with a vehemence that he couldn’t hold back. It was tempting to swat Jace, but restrained himself. “I like you too much to see you stuck in a Hospital with… a broken LEG, because that’s what you’d break… your gosh darn leg. How on earth would you wear those costume boots with a broken leg hmm?” He leaned back at the question about disappointing Callan though, the look on his face, he couldn’t quite imagine what it must be for all that he tried to make it as neutral as he physically could. “Jace… I… nearly burned down the kitchen once trying to make ‘surprise pancakes’, he didn’t even raise his voice. He sat me in a chair so he could make sure I still had eyebrows and then, as soon as we had a stove that wasn’t going to finish the job of incinerating the house, he …taught me how to make pancakes.” He just… needed Jace to understand how different it was. He reached up and brushed Jace’s cheek, cupping his cheek in his palm. “You have your whole life… AHEAD of you.” He said firmly. Tests can be taken again, I’d know… lord knows I get distracted if I think something is… boring.” He made a face briefly, thinking of the tests he himself had had to retake because there hadn’t been an option to test out of some things. “You could tell Callan you didn’t pass, and he’d… probably sit you down and check if you’d gotten enough sleep, see if he could find a book of test questions for advance study - even if he didn’t understand all of it, he’d… try.”
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Posted: Mon May 24, 2021 7:57 pm
Jace nearly retorted that there was no way he could run around in any sort of costume; he needed to dedicate the rest of his life to studying, but he couldn’t even huff about that after Holden answered his question.
The hand at his cheek nearly startled him, but it was such a comfort that even the surprise of it couldn’t chase him away.
It helped that it was another thing to hide behind, to distract himself with so he wasn’t so easy to read.
“My mother knows what she’s doing, she understands the material. She just.” He sighed, “She knows I can do better. She wants me to do better.”
...And yet, he couldn’t remember the last time she sat down to praise him, or the last time she didn’t get mad when he wasn’t learning quickly enough. Like he was burdening her by taking too long to learn things.
It made his stomach flop, and he briefly imagined Callan actually sitting down to quiz him on practice study, or checking to make sure that he wasn’t working too hard--like that was even a thing. The fact that Holden was so convinced Callan wouldn’t resort to reprimand and would instead spend his own time trying to help made him feel oddly anxious, like it hurt to compare that to his mother.
“...What if she doesn’t want me back?” he asked, because even if he wouldn’t acknowledge it, he was so afraid that she’d kick him out that he ran away before she had the chance to do so. But she kept demanding him back, so…
He still didn’t know what to think or how to recover from this. How to repair what he’d damaged.
...He would have rather stayed with Holden and Callan; even if they knew less about what he was studying, at least he didn’t feel stupid about the efforts he was making--and they were so nice.
But then, Holden was always nice, and Jace couldn’t help but close his eyes as he rested against his hand.
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Posted: Mon May 24, 2021 8:06 pm
Holden took the question seriously… What if she decided she didn’t want Jace…back. What if… what if she called him home just to cast him out again. “Then you stay here.” He said firmly. “You’re old enough to choose, I’ll go over tests with you, we’ll figure out what happened, you’ll be a lawyer if that’s what you wish. You’re smart enough any firm would be happy to take you on.” He knew he sounded convinced at least, because he knew it was true. Callan wouldn’t turn Jace away. “I’d make space for you… if you wanted your own room we could… we have rooms.” He said firmly. “Heck, if you asked for it, I think your head would spin at how fast we redesigned like…the sewing room.” He had to laugh just a little, most people lost their room in movies to become a sewing room, if they ever made a space for Jace, it was the easiest to do just the opposite. “You… matter.” He said firmly, because he had to…because he needed to say ‘I love you’ without… scaring Jace.
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2021 12:26 am
Jace was quiet for a moment, because what Holden had said warranted him to actually think. It hadn’t ever occurred to him that there was any possibility that there was any other option but doing exactly what his mother wanted, and now that he was certain she was ready to disown him anyway, his mind was wandering.
Holden had said it so simply, so easily--that he could just stay here. He’d give up his sewing room for him.
He wouldn’t ask, he couldn’t, but the offer was so kind that he didn’t really know what to make of it. Briefly, he wished they were having marshmallows for breakfast, because he found himself very desperately wanting to put his lips near Holden’s, but now was not the time to ruin everything, so he refrained.
Barely.
“You say ‘if I wish’ like I didn’t blow so much time on it not to do it,” he said, because really--he’d spent so long studying and thinking this was going to be his life that he couldn’t imagine anything else for himself. He couldn’t see him as anything but a lawyer, whether he wanted it or not.
Assuming he could pass, anyway. But Holden’s words were reassuring because even if he was a failure, Holden still seemed to think he could do it. Still supported him. Was still willing to go out of his way to help him, though Jace hated that he needed anything from anyone.
“But." Finally, a soft and earnest, “Thank you, Holden. For everything. I’ll make all of this up to you. Whatever happens, you’re…”
A pause, but only because he needed to find the words.
He couldn’t, yet, not really. But, he tried, anyway.
“Important to me. Really important. Like Q, but.” He didn’t quite know how to say it, so he had to settle for an inferior, “Different. Special. She’s going to chew my ear off too. I don’t suppose Callan can text her, too?” he asked, maybe not seriously.
...Or maybe very seriously.
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2021 9:13 am
“I say ‘if you wish’ because it’s still your right to choose.” He rubbed his thumb over cheek again, so close… so close to Jace’s mouth but if he’d touched that he’d… Well… better not to consider that. Jace had so much going on without him adding a bundle of feelings carried for some years to the stress he already had. “And besides… it then leads to me saying ‘as you wish’, which is very princess bride, and you’re not allowed to be married off to some Farquad … or, no, drat that’s mixing movies.” He huffed. “But… Well, ANYHOW.” He shook his head as though he could shed the embarrassment of mixing movies up by a physical action. “You don’t need to make -anything- up. It’s not like you owe anything, I… You’re really important to me too, and we can have Callan call Q even, so there isn’t a text trail to make anyone suspect. I have no idea how good your mother is at numbers.” He murmured. A breath drawn in because he needed to center himself for Jace. “Whatever happens, you are at a very minimum welcome here, wanted here, cared for here.”
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2021 3:40 pm
Holden’s words were so nice. Jace just wanted to melt into them, just wanted to slip into some fairy tale. Even if it was Shrek, anything seemed better than this.
“...I hope you’re not calling me an ogre lady,” he muttered. His eyes were hot again, so he closed them, because everything Holden said was so nice. So perfect.
He’d carried the burden of obligation for so long that it felt like an absolute fantasy, an absolute dream to live in a house where someone fussed over you and tried to do things to make you feel better, to reassure you after a failure, to help you back up.
They shared their clothes, their food, Holden shared his bed. They’d give him a room.
The idea that he might not have to be absolutely on his own if he messed this up with his mother felt strangely liberating, like in all of this there was another path he’d never seen.
Jace hadn’t ever really felt like he had a choice, but Holden was giving him one.
“...Even if you are, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t know what I thought I was going to do before you found me. It’s like my brain shut off. And now I’m here with you, and it’s working again. A little bit. Not very well,” he admitted. “...But. I guess I could wait it out a few days, until the packet gets mailed home. I like being here. With you,” he clarified; the house was nice, but Holden was nicer. “...Are you busy the next few days?”
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2021 5:50 pm
“GOD know.” Holden shuddered. “Then I’d be calling myself Shrek!” He listened then, listened to Jace’s heartbeat, to his words, to the tension that ran through him and that he thought might, just might have eased a little as he realized that the offer was sincere. “Mmm… I mean, we might be re-doing the sewing room so this SUPER cool dude I know has a room? But… maybe you could help with that? I mean I think you’d really dig him, he’s super serious, also a super hero, and crazy smart. Like you would not believe how smart. And, he has no problem with my bird obsession. I’m gonna ask him later if he wants to curl up with some hot chocolate.” He tipped his chin up to offer Jace a smile. "And...I would totaly be Puss in Boots, I am at least that adorable."
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2021 6:36 pm
Jace felt like smiling. It wasn’t much, but it worked its way onto his face, in a tired, unguarded way. He didn’t make eye contact with Holden, if only because he wanted to live in this peaceful, easy going moment forever. He had to let his comments settle; even now, he wasn’t used to compliments, or the way his heart fluttered and his stomach twisted when Holden gave them.
He’d help with whatever Holden asked him to. If they needed him to go outside and climb a ladder so he could clean all the windows, fine, he’d do it. He’d mow the yard, he’d clean the car, he’d powerwash the house, he’d have done anything. Helping move things around in a room would have been nothing, especially if they were doing it for him.
He didn’t think there was any way he could ‘dig’ someone like him; if there was another Jace, he’d probably hate him. He’d probably always be competing with him, probably hate how rude he could be, probably hate how uptight he was, how he always ditched the friend group to study, would probably resent him for being a super hero--if that’s what Holden was calling it, now.
It was enough to keep a smile on his face though, and he even let out a soft laugh.
“Curl up with you and the birds and watch a good movie or something?” he suggested, and bit the inside of his cheek before asking, “Will there be marshmallows?”
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2021 7:08 pm
“ Lots of Marshmallows.” Holden confirmed with an exceptionally serious nod. “So…what do you think. Should we go get ourselves a healthy breakfast so we’re allowed to indulge in marshmallows? We have this -amazing- hot chocolate, its super thick and creamy, and I’ll make fresh whipped cream too… no one ever said we can’t do both!” “Then… shower, annnnndd I’ll brush and braid your hair?” He offered sounding hopeful as well, because he really did like doing Jace’s hair.
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2021 3:59 am
It didn’t take Jace long to finally relent and nod; he was hungry. He’d have eaten a slice of bread if Holden had given it to him, so a real breakfast sounded just phenomenal. “That sounds good,” he admitted, even if it meant he had to get up for a little while. He liked being here in Holden’s arms.
...He liked the excuse of marshmallows, too.
The timing seemed to work out well for their decision though; Holden’s phone chimed--and Jace tensed, because now that seemed to be his go-to when a phone went off.
Callan had sent up a message along with a picture of the inhuman amount of food he’d prepared. ‘Breakfast in bed or are you two coming down?’
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2021 5:12 pm
Holden laughed and shook his head when he saw the picture, he turned it then to show it to Jace, to demonstrate the enormous breakfast buffet that had been prepared. “We’re going to be a lot safer to make our own plates I think.” He laughed. But we do apparently have the option to have it brought up.” “I think you get more coffee downstairs though.” He teased quietly, his expression soft.
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Posted: Thu May 27, 2021 9:03 am
Jace blinked at the size of it all, and it seemed like it was taking a few seconds for him to process not only how much had been made, but how much variety Callan had prepared.
And then, Jace smiled.
It was tired, and worn down, and maybe uncertain and odd on his face, but he laughed and shook his head before he reached up a hand to rub at his face.
“Your brother really does ‘go big’ for everything, doesn’t he?”
He sighed, not exasperated, but there was a fondness in it. He wanted to stay here with Holden, but...there was more coffee downstairs, and he didn’t want to give Callan more work by bringing it up.
“Maybe I can at least help him clean up. If I’m going to drink so much coffee and eat so much food. And. Get his car soaking wet, and...make puddles all around the house, and..”
He chewed on the inside of his cheek.
“...I should probably apologize. And thank him. You’re just easier to talk to.”
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Posted: Thu May 27, 2021 8:54 pm
Holden huffed. “You can thank him, but if you plan to apologize you’d best prepare a detailed explanation of why you think you need to.” He said firmly. “But I will also help clean up, we can make it a group activity!” He almost said ‘family affair’, because it just felt right. He softened again then, offering a hand. “Come on… let’s go downstairs and say hi. We can plot out the sewing room over… over so much food.” He laughed again.
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