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 Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 1:50 pm
"I'm already okay," he murmured, close to Yu's ear. His shoulders had slumped just a little bit more, like the weight of the world was visibly crushing him. And yet, he found strength with Yu. "...All of this has me a little jittery. I'm not in my right mind. I'm sorry."
Another little sigh, like he could push out all the bad feelings just by breathing them out.
"...I don't blame you on the sleeping pills. I had to take some the first few days I was here, just to get some sleep. But if we're being honest, they make me feel all mucky. Some people are fine by them. But I've come to be very nervous of everything that could incapacitate me these days. If I'd been sleeping at home, with those pills? Mm. I don't know that any amount of barking might have woken me up."
He was glad to be resting on his shoulder, with his face far away. He hadn't much talked about the impact of losing the house; they all knew that it was apparently unsalvageable. He hadn't been allowed in, but it's not like there was much that could have made it in the flames--or the water.
There was too much to be troubled by.
The investigation. Insurance. Too many police officers prodding around and checking in. Waiting for calls, waiting for accusations, waiting for trouble.
"Would it be a terrible imposition to ask if I could borrow you for a bit? ...When I'm on my own I just hyperfixate on all of it. I'm sorry to be clingy," he said, with an odd vulnerability to it; he was always apologetic when it came to being an imposition, but there was something particularly insecure about this request. "...The truth is, I don't want to be alone. And you make me feel better. And I don't have a tactful way to say that I'm worried about you and want to make sure you're okay. I know...this has been hard on you. If there's anything I can do..."
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 2:24 pm
“Yeah, I don’t mind. You… you’ve had a lot recently. I’m ok… I promise.” He squeezed gently. “I can get the grater and make you good hot chocolate after.” He murmured. “I’ll add… cinnamon.” he tried not to flinch at the word, at the thought of the smell. “I think you’ll like the taste.” “I…” He hesitated to try to think of something soothing, something that might help with ‘hyper fixation’ “I could brush your hair... I know it’s shorter, I can’t…braid it or anything.” He was trying though. He should explain the nightmares, he should - he just didn’t want to add to Priam’s worry. Those things were behind them, just ghosts lingering in the dark with reaching fingers. It didn’t make them real till he did something stupid…and made it real for others. He didn’t want to take the place of the scary one in the dreams…
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 3:09 pm
"I trust you," Priam said, relaxing into the squeeze. Yu could keep whatever secrets he needed, but if he said he was okay, Priam trusted him to mean it. He trusted that Yu wasn't any sort of threat to him, trusted him.
In many ways, both Yu and Sterling seemed a bit more open with their affections, and Priam still seemed to be struggling to find out how best to express himself, and what he felt. It had taken a while to feel less like an intrusion on their relationship and a part of it; it never escaped him how they were happy before him, and there was a part of him that was terrified there would be a time after him as well.
So much had already happened in such a short time period that he wasn't even sure why they'd decided to pursue this. It was like some divine force trying to keep them apart anyway, and yet instead of just sending him off on his own, they embraced him, loved him, wanted him.
"...You don't like cinnamon, though," he mused. "...Your nose always wrinkle when you catch a whiff. I've stopped putting it in my tea."
And Yu liked chocolate, and was in here now, with some already started. "Let's make some hot chocolate now. If you've got free time, we could go lay down in bed. I could put on some silly holiday movie, you know. The ones with the happy endings. Just something in the background. We could hold hands, talk." His face was burning now, because he supposed it must have sounded so sappy, so pathetic, so cliché.
But, it was what he liked. It was what he wanted.
His hand had stilled on Yu's back as he just held him and, softer, he said, "Maybe I could work up the courage to say I love you."
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 3:44 pm
“I don’t…hate cinnamon, I just, don’t like getting a mouthful of it, or a nose full. I’ll stop making faces… I’ll… try to stop making faces.” “I could do peppermint.” He offered. “… red pepper is good too but, I think that’s more an acquired taste.” He gave a small soft laugh. “I… I could go for some hot chocolate and movies, some, hand-holding… Mm…. Maybe I could say I love you too if it’s not too much.” He offered and his heart felt like glass, beautiful and shining and splintered all at once. “Would you… help me make the chocolate?” He asked quietly. “I’ll warm the milk if you think you can curl the chocolate for me.” He worried his lip. “It’s some of my stash…but I can mix in like… a bar of lighter chocolate or anything you want. I think we still have some of the marshmallows Sterling made.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 4:42 pm
"Oh, all of that sounds lovely to me. But, please don't stop making faces, I think they're very cute," Priam confessed, leaning over to plant a little kiss on his cheek. His face had relaxed and color had returned to it--a bit too much, he was still a bit pink.
"I'll try to curl the chocolate. If I do a horrible job, I hope you'll help me. I don't want to take any of your stash. I can use lighter chocolate so we don't take too much of yours?" he offered, finally releasing Yu. He felt like the whole thing had grounded him, had brought him back to reality. It was sobering--and horrifying, for a split second, but it had drawn him out of thoughts of his house, at least.
And the promise of the future--of taking a nice break from the world to just curl up with Yu--felt as good as any back massage, easing out the tension and knots in his back. He felt like all his stress had melted away--at least for now.
He looked at Yu--and smiled, with only affection left on his face. There was no fear in his expression anymore--tiredness, still, but even that seemed to have softened when he looked at him. "I'm not afraid of you, or your knives," he said, like it was a thought he had to voice. "It would be cruel to try to deprive a chef from his greatest tool." He reached over a hand to squeeze Yu's hand reassuringly before turning to the chocolate. "I'm sorry for all of that. Please don't worry about it? I'm sure it won't happen again. Maybe I'll get some bracelet with bells on it, so you can hear where I am? That way there's no more sneaking up, even accidentally."
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:19 pm
“I’m not cute.” He protested half heartedly, his ears warming. “You’re cute.” He added. “I was going to make you hot chocolate from my stash anyhow, I don’t mind sharing, I jus fluke knowing it’s there. And if it won’t curl it’s ok, it just melts better that way I think. Like cutting up your butter.” “I am absolutely getting you bells though, I thought we only had one cat in this house. Don’t tell Oreo but I like you better, you haven’t stepped on my kidneys.” “Want to pick a mug to use? I’ll know how much milk to warm.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:15 pm
"There's still time," Priam smiled. "I've been told that sometimes I flop in my sleep. The dogs never seem to mind, though, so. I might not step on you but there's always elbows to worry about. May I use the mug with the snowflake on it? I think it's Sterling's, but he always brings me tea in it."
He took note of the brand, of the flavor, of everything that he could, just for future reference. He'd already ordered some gourmet chocolate and candies for 'the house'--for Yu, specifically, but there was no reason to say such a thing. He'd ordered it before the fire but it hadn't arrived yet; he might have forgotten about it completely if Yu hadn't mentioned his stash.
Priam did not reach for the knife but it didn't seem like it had anything to do with what had happened earlier; he pulled the potato peeler from the drawer it was in and began shaving the chocolate bar into little curls using that. They were crisp and round, and despite his suggestion that he might do it wrong he certainly seemed like he'd done this before.
"--and I'll shuffle extra loud in the meantime. I've stopped running into things so much, so maybe that's why I'm not making as much noise as usual. I'd carry my car keys on me, those jingle, but the dogs always think that means we're going for a ride..."
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 12:13 pm
“I’d probably still forgive you.” He gave a small smile and wiggled to try and free his belt loop from the drawer so that he could get the mug. He freed himself after half opening the drawer and marveled that he hadn’t just ripped the old stitches. At least it put him near the cupboard where they stashed the mugs. He pulled out the one with snowflakes and the plain black one he favored because it didn’t stain. he glanced over and watched the chocolate being curled, curious for a way he hadn’t been taught, but then again he was hardly ever on desert related tasks… for reasons. “That's… a lot better of a way to do it.” He admitted though he’d either have threatened poor Priam with Potato peeler, still dangerous or pulled out a different knife entirely which… probably, he thought, would have gone worse than it already had. “Clearly… we just need to get you some of those wooden shoes, the ones they always show with like, windmills and tulips. I’m pretty sure if you can be quiet in those you sold some part of your soul.” He flinched as soon as he said that, mostly due to previous conversations while in his vigilante clothes, and hoped that Priam would never have such an experience, where someone said such a thing and seemed to be serious about it.
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 1:09 pm
Priam didn't seem to pick up on anything bad from the thought and just laughed. "You want to put me in clogs?" He looked over his shoulder and smiled, so amused that even the corners of his eyes wrinkled. "Oh, Yu. No, that would be horrible! Probably no arch support at all. I'd do it for you, though."
He collected the curled chocolate--probably more than he needed, but it had been a simple, easy task that relaxed him probably more than it should have.
"...Sterling's told me a dozen times that it's fine if I stay," he said after a few seconds, wondering if he shouldn't peel some more chocolate just to give him something to do while he talked. "...Is it? ...I know this is extra trouble. And the dogs keep going off. I was wondering if it was all right if I stayed. And then, I wondered if it was all right if I asked for some home security system? I'd pay. I've just."
His heart was beating a little faster and he deliberately avoided looking at Yu while he asked. "I know this is a little out of the blue, it's just that I've just started to worry about things, a bit. It feels like I've lost control of my life, and I'm afraid that there's something else going on. Which must sound paranoid, I know, but...I'm worried that if I'm here...Well, I just don't want anyone to be in any sort of danger. Maybe I'm just overreacting. But. If we're all on edge...I was thinking, maybe it wouldn't be such a crazy thing to propose? ...Even if you ever want me out, well. Even if it's just for a bit, so you can sleep without the dogs going crazy, I--I'd still pay. I'd feel so much better--I might even sleep better--if I knew you were safer."
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 1:23 pm
“I…no, no why would I want you out? You… you FIT here, I mean I hope you feel that way too if you don’t that’s another thing all together but…” He shook his head holding the milk he’d gotten and the pan to give his hands something to do, but too afraid to combine them lest he just burn the milk. “I… If you want to talk to Sterling about Home security, I…I know Ilya next door mentioned getting it. After his herbs got…trashed. So, I mean… I think someone’s just being shitty… like all-around shitty.” He put the milk in the pan and turned on a burner, stirring idly even before it could hope to warm. “I… I don’t think it’s paranoid. I mean if it is I’ve felt that way, so I can’t blame you. But no one wants you to leave, you fit here, you’re… you’re one of the good people. You don’t deserve what’s been happening. If I could fix it, I would.” His thoughts chased around and around, he wasn’t even sure he’d said things in a way that made sense, but the idea that Priam, PRIAM was feeling like… that. He wished he dared say how far from the truth it was, how much more he clearly deserved to be here. How much he deserved to be happy.
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 1:34 pm
Yu's words seemed to bring Priam enough comfort that he let out a relieved little sigh; he nodded. "...Thank you. I just worry. I'm used to people saying one thing and meaning another, but you and Sterling just consistently reinforce that my expectations from before are wrong. I know I was in a bad place before. But it's funny, you know. How hard it is to get out of that frame of mind. How hard it is just to trust that things are what they are at face value. To believe that you could be worth all the kind things people are saying."
He was stretching his fingers, opening and closing his hand into a fist, eyes on the scar for a brief second before he looked back towards Yu, watching him work.
"The last time anyone was this shitty, I was engaged to him," he said, and his voice was oddly flighty, like he was trying hard to keep himself together, to make everything sound even and normal. His brows were knit but he was struggling to keep from looking too suspicious; he had a smile planted on his face, strained but a good enough mask that he probably managed to fool most people with it.
"It's stupid, you know. I called to make sure he was still there." The prison, not that Priam really mentioned it; it's not like that was something you could just drop into conversation and go along like things had ever been normal. "They say they've got cameras all over the place and no one gets in or out without them knowing, so. They say he's not involved. But you know, I just don't know. That's the crazy part about it. Like someone can just teleport from one place to another, cause mischief, and be back home before anyone suspects anything."
He forced a laugh, because he hated that he knew it was possible, and he knew how bad the Negaverse could be. Why wouldn't they take advantage of someone willing to do anything to benefit himself?
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 1:43 pm
“…Oh…” he said stunned. “…I… wow, he… must have been an idiot, no offense,” he murmured. He forced his own smile on, the teleportation, s**t… ********… what if. “If you give me his name I’ll send him hate mail… or…like… A glitter bomb.” He offered. That wasn’t remotely what he’d do to the b*****d if there was even a slim chance he’d been the one to throw Priam off the roof. “But…” He sucked in a breath and turned off the stove for a moment, walking over to wrap his arms around Priam. “Even… if he could do some … Star Trek bullshit magical poof… I’d find a way to protect you.” He said and hoped the hug was alright. He’d taken the second one without asking. He could feel the tension in Priam and wished he could brush it away. He should offer something in return, some shred of his own darker past, but he needed to make sure that Priam was okay first, that he knew it was alright to share that. It totally wasn’t an excuse to stall… really. "If he was that much of a d**k, he was stupid, because he was awful to someone really....really good, and kind. There aren't enough people like you in the world. At least I don't think so..."
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 1:59 pm
There was something about Yu's arms that was just perfect, and even if Priam hadn't wanted more physical contact, he still would have melted into it. He let out a soft sigh, once more letting himself press close to him, and he snuggled back into the crook of his neck.
"You're so good to me, Yu. So good for me."
Yu hadn't asked for the hug, so Priam didn't ask for the kiss; it was a chaste little thing, just a quick kiss onto the only thing he could reach--first, Yu's shoulder, and then one on his jaw.
"Thank you. For everything. I know I've needed so much in these past few weeks, and you've just been there. I don't know how Yu and Sterling manage to have such unending patience and love in your hearts, but it's given me such strength. I haven't picked up a bottle once since you first let me stay here with you, and on a bad night, before? I was still able to go through a bottle or two. If I'd been alone when my house went down, I probably could have done something very stupid with all of that alcohol. And I'm not painting a pretty picture of myself right now, I know. I just need you to know how good you are for me. You make me a better person."
He squeezed, a little tighter, just to make sure he wasn't going to fall apart, and then he relaxed--because Yu was still holding him together.
"And I'm going to make all of this up to you. I know you aren't asking me to repay you, but I want to. I want you to feel as loved as I do, and I hope I can bring you any ounce of support that you ever need. And if you don't, I'll find other ways. I'll buy you chocolate, I'll read you bed time stories, I'll keep the house clean and spotless, and I'll never eat another lobster again. Any little thing, any big thing. I want to be for you what you are for me."
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 2:18 pm
“I’m not, it’s just, the difference between awful and….realizing it’s not awful and you didn’t deserve that,” he whispered. “But…thank you for believing in me too, it means a lot. Thank you for being you. You don’t need to do anything, you already do so much just by…being. With you, with Sterling, I don’t feel forgotten… “ He squeezed. “I… the…you don’t have to shuffle the whole house, I don’t think. It… the kitchen. When I was…” He hesitated and took a breath. “When I was young, one of the foster homes… They thought if I was in the kitchen I was going to steal food, said boys eat you out of house and home. I was just… so hungry one night, and he got so mad. He was so quiet and he just started yelling and…” He squeezed back. Let them hold themselves together, let for a moment, them be pieces of a puzzle, let Sterling be the glue that fixed it all in the end. “I had a dream about it, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I… guess I was waiting for yelling or something. I should probably warn Sterling too... the Overtime and everything - it just means I'm probably just extra jumpy."
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 2:33 pm
He listened quietly, patiently, and then just hummed in quiet acknowledgement, nodding. "Your kitchen is your domain, Yu. If anything, I automatically assume you are the keeper of all food. I know it doesn't get rid of bad memories, but I hope with time they'll fade."
Yu was still young, he couldn't have been out of the system for more than a few years, and he had already told Priam that there were so many firsts living here with Sterling even before Priam had gotten involved.
"Replaced with better ones."
That's all he could hope for, at least.
"I'm sorry you had to live like that." No wonder he was always working in the kitchen, always making sure they were fed and provided for. Food probably meant more to Yu than just a good meal and Priam found himself rubbing his back again. "...I never understood how people like that were trusted to raise children."
He'd never understood why he wasn't good enough, but then--he was the one calling prisons to find out if his ex was still there.
"...Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked, with nothing but a genuine desire to do so. "Anything that would make you feel better about any of it?"
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