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 Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2020 8:48 pm
Small steps. Small steps so that Arias could keep up.
For a moment, that made more sense than anything else in the world seemed to, and he nodded, relaxing slightly. The male scooted over just a bit, hissing softly and grimacing, wanting Arias to have more room. He only managed an inch or two, but that effort nearly brought tears to his eyes.
“…I can…I can try for small steps. I…I forget that we’re…I mean. We’re obviously not the same…we have different needs…and…I’ll try to slow down…I…I thought I was doing okay at it…I had been…I had been doing so well…”
He had been happy. And now he was stabbed through the stomach and more than half afraid that he was going to end up losing his fiancé because of his stupidity and impetuous nature.
“I can work on smaller steps…I…” He yawned suddenly, exhausted by the effort of talking, the effort of moving and the effort of dealing with the emotions that seemed to be attacking him. “…I love you…I want to take small steps…but only if you’re there with me…I want you there with me…I…” He hesitated and swallowed. “…I can’t think of a future with anyone but you…when I…do stupid things…I’m only ever…only ever thinking in the moment…”
He never thought past the moment. Past the instant gratification. And it showed. Badly.
“You…with you I can think of the future…”
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Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2020 8:59 pm
"Nick," Arias chastised, alarmed at the noise of pain, but he scooted over to lay closer almost immediately. "I had room. Seriously, please. Stop moving." He put a hand on his chest, as if that were going to be enough to hold him in place. "Just lay there. That is all I want right now. Lay still, and heal."
His touch was light, and he was consistently mindful of the machines and wires and tubes monitoring Nick's health.
"When you slow down and think, you think of me," Arias concluded, rubbing Nick's chest softly. He was curled on his side to fit on the bed, and it wasn't a very easy position to maintain and give Nick much physical contact beyond this. "But the problem is, you're always going so fast. You live so fast. You make decisions too fast."
He sighed and pressed his forehead near the crook of Nick's neck.
"I don't move at the same speed you do. I take time, and think. I think of now, of the future, of my past experiences. I make the best choice I can. So maybe...the next time you have to make a choice--an important choice--you should...text me. Or call me. Ask me if the guy in front of you is really as hot as you think he is. Ask if you really want to let some Negaverse Agent into your heart. Ask if you want to buy a new piece of furniture, or start a new job or--or something. Let me help teach you how to think before you act. And we'll go from there. Just...try to be a little less impulsive. You might wind up with a few less holes and a few less tears. Okay, love?"
He couldn't help the nickname. It was hard to be mad. He was too drained.
...And he still loved Nick, despite everything he put him through.
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Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2020 9:06 pm
Nick gave a weak smile and nodded, finally seeming to truly relax. “…Then, I’ll lay still. I’ll…try to be less impulsive. I’ll talk to you more. Ask your advice more…I…”
He closed his eyes and drew in a breath, wincing as again he took one that was too deep.
“…I’ll slow down and think more. I’ll be someone worthy of you…beloved.” The heart monitor went just a little faster as he said the word, and Nick’s cheeks went pink. “Maybe we…maybe I can…be a little impulsive? Just…just when it comes to doing things for you? If I’m impulsive in…buying you gifts or…or something like that? Maybe…” He yawned again, his pulse settling once again.
“…Maybe that would get it out of my system…keep that part of my mind on you.” His voice was growing softer, his body curling just a little closer to Arias, craving the warmth of the other male’s body.
“I’m tired, Ar…”
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Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2020 9:15 pm
Maybe there were more things that Arias could say. Maybe his upset had faded, maybe he was just too tired. Maybe he had buried it all away.
"Not all impulsiveness is bad. Trying a new thing on the menu, picking up a small gift, walking a different way home. Those are healthy."
He shifted just slightly to offer more of his body for warmth for Nick. "We can talk about good impulsive and bad impulsive when you have enough energy to remember the conversation. Sleep," he insisted, again.
"I'll be here when you wake up. The more you rest, the faster you'll heal. The better you'll feel."
His eyes were already closed; he was so tired. He nuzzled against Nick's head gently, knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep until Nick was resting again.
"Being tired is your body's way of saying 'Please let me sleep'. So," he kissed his temple. "...Please. Sleep. It's okay. Wake me up if you need anything, okay? ...I'll wake you up if I have to go somewhere, or if anything happens. But I'm here."
For better, or worse, he couldn't imagine leaving Nick's side.
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Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2020 9:20 pm
Nick managed a small smile and sighed softly. “Yeah…and I”ll be here too…I’m…not going anywhere…” Except to sleep. And he hoped that his dreams were quiet. He wasn’t sure he could stand anything bad. Anything else bad.
“Maybe…I’ll pick up an instrument…that’s impulsive…I could serenade you…”
He was wearing a small smile and felt his mind drift, lulled away by the warmth of his fiancé, and the knowledge that at least for the moment, he would have the male by his side.
If he could stretch that moment until forever…he would try.
He would be better now. He had to.
And perhaps Arias was right. Perhaps it did simply start with sleep.
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