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 Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2019 6:44 pm
He wanted to be upset, he did, and he shouldn’t want to comfort the other - right? He was admitting to some rather appalling things...but Toren had said it - like they did to him. He never knew everything which happened to the other but he was getting bits of it now.
“Toren...what did they do to you? And no...you don’t deserve what happened but returning the favor won’t make what happened to you go away - or feel better. Only you can make that feel better...can handle that need, and want, for revenge. Because seeking it out...seeking to bring the person pain - it won’t help. It doesn’t undo what happened and it doesn’t fix what was done...it doesn’t take away the memories or the scars from that time. It just makes more pain for everyone - including you.” And Toren didn’t deserve it, even if he’d just admitted to hurting someone, really bad.
Wiping at the others eyes, he didn’t stop, he did gentle his touches and his words, his tone of voice, as he kept the other close to himself. “You have to move past it. It happened, this happened, we move on and find the light and go for it. We don’t look back and dwell. If you do, if you dwell on things, you live more in the past than the currant...and you lose yourself, lose who you can be, to the past. It lets it win...lets it continue to hurt you.”
Petting the others cheek he gave a shrug. “I don’t think magic can undo everything - never. Only we can...on our own. Magic can do a lot, we all know that first hand, but no. I don’t think it can purify everything. We can though - on our own.” He hoped he spoke words which would help the other, even if only in some small way, because the other needed help and Seung wanted to provide it so very much. He wanted to help and comfort the other who seemed so lost and hurt.
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2019 6:45 pm
The tears slowed, the one sore and he wiped at it with the back of his hand, some of the foundation lifting to expose the bruising about his eye and cheek. He hadn't told Seung the whole story. Too often he just hoped it would be figured out without him having to say it. It also felt strange to confess it inside the cafe but he didn't want to struggle with going anywhere else. At least he couldn't tell if anyone was staring at them.
“When I was just a lieutenant, a group of officer lead by General Tanzanite went to a meeting point. It was a trap. We were all jumped and knocked out. They had been invisible and used chloroform. When we woke up, we were in an old abandoned building. Some kind of factory maybe. We were chained to chairs. Body. Arms. Legs. Our communication was taken so we couldn't call for help and our signatures we're disguised so no one could sense us. They kept us all in separate rooms but you could still hear what was going on.”
He kept the one hand over Seung's as he squeezed more tightly. “They wanted information. Anything to fight the Negaverse. Like real names. The names of those in the Negaverse. Each senshi took their turns. Watching us. Making sure we didn't sleep. Didn't eat. Didn't drink. Beat and stabbed and burned. You could hear it. Went in for days. Then they brought us all together and started killing one by one. Then Tanzanite managed to change. She was already a half you a at that point. Once the signal came out, the officers arrived. Ares and her group ran. They later became the Dark Mirrors. Some of them.”
It was pushed the way he spoke, barely above the clatter of the cafe.
“I imagined tearing her skin off strip by strip. Filling their stomach with rats. Cutting their tongue out like they did with her. Chopping their limbs off and feeding them to the cockroaches. I spent years thinking of it and then the Negaverse made a truce with them as if none of it ever happened. That it was all forgiven.”
His grip loosened before his hands moved to his lap. “But I didn't. I couldn't. I gathered an army. Negas. Knights. Senshi. Whoever. I didn't care. We ambushed them. I had Let's starseed right in my hand and I was stopped. Punished. Made a dog for her.”
“And I didn't forget. I didn't forgive.”
He continued to stare into Seung. “I still wanted blood. But now - I don't feel anything. I don't forgive her but I know that the tunnel has no end. It has no light. It just goes and goes darker and darker until there is nothing of you left.”
He went quiet. Then he set his hands upon Seung's knees and leaned into his ear.
“I’m good at it.” He whispered. “Being a monster.”
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