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 Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 8:48 am
Zinkenite listened, really listened, it was clear in his face. “… Linarite. I remember what purification did to her…. Before she, before she returned she was so....” He didn’t finish the thought, just closed his eyes and let his shoulders sag. “I suppose, I was hoping you were one of the lucky ones who was happier, and stayed that way.” He sighed again and found his own seat on the ledge. “God, at least sit. You know I was never so into formalities if I didn’t need to be, when I didn’t need to be.” “Just … sit, at least sit, you make me want something stronger than tea kneeling like that.” “So many people I knew, have made the choice you did it, at least it feels that way.”
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:02 am
He moved as instructed and took a seat to the right of Zinkenite, close enough to talk normally without having trouble hearing each other but not close enough for an attack.
"I don't remember Ladon. Who I was as a civilian. A person. The only memories I have are of the Negaverse. A place I am no longer with. That I betrayed. It - might have been good if I forgot about Wolframite. Forgot about Leto but then I'd forget everyone I held dear and I would never wish that. I'm glad I remember them." He glanced at Zinkenite. "That remember you even if our last memories were not pleasant ones."
"It feels like no one remembers them. They don't remember the old names. That hurts."
He set his hands in his lap and looked down. "I haven't met any other purified agents."
Despite the casual atmosphere Zinkenite was trying to establish, Gev had questions he was sure wouldn't make the mood lighter. "I'm sorry. The last time we spoke. How things went. You tried so often to keep me going and to get me to let things go. I still am angry about what happened when he spoke...about the punishments but...I get why they happened. It must have been hard for you to be in that position."
"Even now like this. You could kill me. It would be expected. I'm a traitor."
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:00 am
He winced, the memory of the punishments. He knew they had been necessary, knew that so much worse could have been done but that wasn’t something he was prepared to lay out right now. There were some things you couldn’t share with someone, whom wasn’t on your side any longer, never mind, that to share them even with your allies might be seen as a sign of weakness. “There are so many new faces, they have no idea whom I am, just that they feel power.” He said with a small laugh, bitter, and brittle edged. “Kill you? No, even then…. I understood you know, wanting vengeance, but… now that you’ve purified. Do you know… better, why I didn’t want you chasing Leto? What it…does to you to change this way? It cuts out a part of people.” He sighed. “No, I’d rather….” He hesitated, knowing too well what it could do to change sides again. “I’d rather offer a way back, should you ever choose it. But at least this time you’d understand the risks of what you chose… the forgetting. “
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:16 am
He stared out. "I am still after her. I know you don't want to hear that. I run into her court. They are new. Afraid. They don't even have an idea of their orgins or Ares. They barely know Leto. She seems to be the only one left. Maybe she is just as screwed up to be one of the last around as we are." Not that he wanted to give her a shred of empathy.
"I can't stop it. I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go. I always feel it. The echoes of what happened. Then I think, what then? I paid so much to do this. I dragged Bismuthite over with me. He forgot half of his life because of it. Because of me. I gave up my trust...rank...memories...marriage. Just to be here. If I didn't see it through.......why did I pay that much? What do I have to show for it?"
He looked back at the General King. "If I came back you'd just be making more excuses for me. Working to give me third and fourth chances where I fail you cause I can't let it go."
"The only way I could stop is if I didn't remember and then what would I be? A husk? Not Ladon or Wolframite? Just a....mindless thing with no history. No memory. How useful would I be to anyone then?"
He linked his fingers together in his lap and leaned in. "I know it's going to kill me. I don't know how to explain it but it's got it's teeth in me. Even if I could shake it off......I'd miss it."
He looked sideways at the officer. "You wouldn't happen to have any magic to make that disappear, would you?"
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:26 am
“No…” He said and shook his head sadly. “Not… in any way that you mean, all I can offer I have, You’d run the risk of being, scraps of who you were, patchwork, maybe even a little mad.” “I’ll leave the offer open, because you are still…. You, under it all.” He offered. “I’d say congratulations on the marriage but, I may have missed the parts that you might want to hear that for.” He offered. “If you can promise me one thing, and perhaps you can’t… but if you can. Try not to sink to their level. She joined the side of Chaos, shouldn’t that mean something?”
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:34 am
He stared at his clasped hands.
No. A out wouldn't be that easy.
"I can only try but....don't be disappointed if I loose myself more. I sometimes can't tell what will happen until it happens. Sometimes I just...find myself bloody and wonder how I got there. Before everything fills it and I remember."
"Maybe I'm already mad."
He looked over st Zink. "Can you...try not to trust her too much. She may be on the side of Chaos, but she isn't one of you. What she did. It's still in there. Don't let her get too close to you. Her or Remarque." His brow creased with concern as he looked st Zink.
"I don't want something happening to you."
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:40 am
Zink lifted his metal hand and held it out, letting it reflect the city lights. He gave a small laugh. “A bit late for that, but thank you.” He murmured “Someone, beat them to it.” He offered a wan smile, humorless still. “Well, I suppose, deep down, we all have whatever we have done, whatever things spiraled out of our control… in us. Even me.” He admitted, closing the hand with a soft click of curling fingers. “I lost myself once as well, I try hard not to do it again, for whatever it’s worth to know that.”
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:48 am
Gev didn't like hearing that. "I should have been there to help stop whatever happened." Because something clearly happened.
"I know I dont have the right to ask or know or...whatever. But how did it happen?" He looked at the metal hand. The last of Wolframite's memories, Zink was still fully human. Now he had lines on his face and a slight discoloration to one of his once vivid eyes. What fight happened to cause what looked like scars and a missing hand?
"Who beat Leto to it?" And who would do that to a General King? Or more specifically, who had that power?"
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:58 am
Zinkenite shook his head. “No… “ He said but, he looked perhaps a little more relaxed after hearing that. “No, they would likely have killed you, I’d rather not know I caused someone else’s death. And… I will not add to your list of concerns.” He said sternly. “Besides, you know how much I enjoy secrets.” He said half teasing.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 12:09 pm
He narrowed his eyes before sighing loudly in surrender. "Yes. Annoyingly so. You always were the type and always in your own head." .
Since he wasn't offering, he didn't push the issue. He knew well enough that sometimes talking about it made the trauma come anew and when you spent enough time thinking about it, you didn't want it to give it even more of your time that it already didn't consume.
"Then...how have you been? It's been a while. Are you doing okay? When I said you looked tired, what I wanted to say is that it looks like you were run over by a truck." He stared st Zink before adding. "Several times." He teased with a small, tentative smile.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 12:17 pm
He ducked his head, a laugh, genuine and unguarded. “I feel rather like it, but we have this…. Tendency to get back up again and keep going. Lets… just say I’m getting my feet under me having been so, busy, for so long.” “Neither of us is quite looking the better for wear are we.” He shook his head and then added. “Though you just about managed ‘give Zinkenite a heart attack, with that glow stick comment.” He added. “I’m not sure what I thought that might be leading to, but finding out it was you, it was not on that list.”
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 12:33 pm
It was infectious andnl the bundled tension in his stomach finally released and he laughed in return. "Yeah you'd think we'd get smart enough to stay down. I blame all the head trauma."
He moved closer as he laughed, closing the space between them. "What are you talking about? I think the completely destroyed mess is a really "in" look right now and it really works for me. And what did you think I meant? That some knight was inviting you to a hip Order rave? Can you even dance?"
"And you're not that old to be having heart attacks. You'll make me feel ancient." He nudged the officer with his elbow.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 12:50 pm
“Mmmm, Deconstructed officer, or … knight” He said affecting a light French accent, and dropping it almost as quickly. “Sounds a bit like one of those baking shows, just, with more buttons.” He chuckled and shook his head and then added. “I don’t know…. Scheelite gone, semi gothic perhaps?” He waved a hand at Gev’s dark hair. “I haven’t seen him in some time, I haven’t seen Ilmenite since I got back.”
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 1:05 pm
He smiled as he set his hands back and leaned. "I do admit. I do miss a black uniform. I grew found of black and green. I'm just glad I didn't get pink, shorts, and some ridiculous wings somewhere. At least knights stick a bit close to the negaverse sometimes in looks but they don't any motivations or a lick of common sense about war."
He nodded with a hum at those that were gone. "Some moved. I think some transferred out or are away at college. Got jobs. Got kids. Others...." He shrugged, not wanting to say what was implied. Sometimes when someone vansihed and you didn't know their civilian name, they might have wound up in the obituaries among gang victims and starseed pulls.
"I haven't seem them. Not even before I left. Haven't even crossed them on patrols. I'm surprised I even saw you again. I thought I was hallucinating."
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 1:13 pm
He nodded, considering and perhaps a little sad. “I see.” He said softly. “I don’t blame you, it’s, it’s been some time.” He tipped his head. “I’d say come around to my place for tea but, well, not a good idea.” He said waving his hand at the white uniform. “Well, it’s at least not as though I am hard to find. You, unfortunately just…. Read as one more power signature now.”
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