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 Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:20 pm
He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, just how much of a mistake this was. How very, very much he needed to back off, how much he did want at least something like this, how much he wanted to be wanted the same way that -
Merric's fingers had slid along Lysander's jaw, his own head tilting a little as the kiss deepened, and Lysander's hands were moving, and everything was completely muddled, because it felt - good and simultaneously wrong all at once. Everything was rising, the tension building until Merric's nerves seemed to be exploding.
And then the heady, dizzying sensations were gone, because Lysander had moved away and was sitting beside him again, looking as calm and collected as if he had just spent the last several moments talking about the weather.
Merric tried to catch his breath. He sucked in one that hurt, one that jangled in his chest like cymbals, and Rinzler was making some sort of racket in his thoughts.
"Y...yes," said Merric, after a moment. It came out hoarse and a little uneven. He swallowed hard, a hand rising instinctively to brush over his lips, which still felt warm, the tension singing through him. Calming down seemed essential himself, and yet he couldn't manage the cool snap withdrawl the same way that Lysander had, cheeks scarlet. "Yes, it - it c-can be."
Roswell, said his head, the name repeating itself.
Roswell is going to hate you and now you've ruined it all.
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Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:35 pm
Lysander crossed one leg over the other, propping his foot up on a knee. He was a bit flustered but it didn't bother him, seeming more at ease than he had when he first arrived, even the headache didn't bother him any longer.
He leaned back in his chair thoughtfully, looking Merric over before mutely looking out of the observation window, he sighed, trying to relax himself properly. "I like guard duty." he said. "Probably some of my favourite tasks to do here. Just peaceful and calm."
"And solitary." He took a slow breath and exhaled. "Have you had sex before?"
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Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:48 pm
He was not looking at Lysander; instead, Merric was staring somewhere in the vicinity of the wide, open window that showed the ocean, blues mixing with black and white and the faintest tinges of green, water sifting gently against the thick pane of glass.
He wasn't even really seeing it. Merric cleared his throat, wondering what it was that he'd done wrong, what it was that had made Lysander pull away just when it seemed that everything was coming to a head.
And then he wondered, again, what was wrong with him, and just how much Roswell was going to despise him for this when he found out. Merric was under no illusions that Roswell would find out, because what Lysander knew, Roswell knew, and vice versa.
"Guard duty is relaxing," Merric managed, with a small nod. "It...it's very quiet down here."
Easy to think. Easy to overthink. Merric had dropped his hands to fiddle with his ring again, and at Lysander's unexpected, startling question, he fumbled it. The small, silver thing bounced onto the floor and rolled under his seat before he could make a grab for it.
"I - what?" Merric said, turning wide eyes onto Lysander. "No, I - "
And then he realized what he'd said and what he'd given away and that made it infinitely worse as he slid from the chair to scramble around for his ring.
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 6:35 am
There was a definite flicker of dissapointment in Lysander's gaze at Merric's response. He was fine with taking whatever he wanted and doing whatever he wanted within the bounds of willing partners but he did draw the line at having someone's first experience be with someone like him. He had that much graciousness in him.
"Nothing wrong with that." Lysander said easily. "And careful with that thing."
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:35 am
The disappointment was like a physical blow. Merric felt it as much as he saw it, and didn't know how to take it, his lips parting in silent surprise that turned his flush deeper, except for a different reason this time.
Melvin was wrong. He doesn't want you after all.
There was no reason for him to feel the way he did about this, not with the memory of Roswell's dizzying look of sheer longing after his and Lysander's dared kiss from Merric still in Merric's mind. He was under no illusions; he had let himself get carried away in thinking too much, as he always did, about nothing.
Melvin had been wrong, and Merric should have known better, and now he'd ruined two things instead of one.
His fingers closed around the ring. Merric straightened, sliding back into his chair and pushing it back onto his finger with slightly trembling hands.
"Yes, I," he said, voice just barely a little hoarse. "I'm sure there isn't. Anything wrong with it, I mean."
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:46 am
Lysander caught the trembling quality in the other man, shaken by what had happened no doubt and with a lot of questions. He liked Merric and didn't like to see him left conflicted by what he'd done on a whim.
He reached over to rest his hand amicably on the other man's back, giving him a hearty pat like he was a good horse.
"Look." he said. "It's a good thing honestly." And he went on matter of factly. "If you were experienced, I was probably going to invite myself to your room after this to well, maybe sleep with you, if you would let me away with it."
He shrugged. "But no experience? Eh, I'd rather you had a nice experience before you learned how to obey properly. Not a big deal at all honestly. I just got the feeling from dares you'd be game."
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 8:00 am
The pat on his back made him inwardly flinch. Very carefully, and with a great deal of effort, Merric made himself do nothing outwardly, though if it was possible for his face to go redder, it would have. As it was, it sort of felt like his cheeks were on fire.
You are not wanted. You made a fool of yourself.
Rinzler made a noise of agreement, something about stupidity echoing in his ears. Merric's hands closed together in his lap, Lysander's words reverberating, pounding like his pulse, sinking into him with the realization of them - and with, it seemed at last, rising to the surface like a drowning wave, the answer to Melvin's question that he had been so afraid of understanding.
Do you want that?
Is that what you want?
"I would have," said Merric, before he could stop the words, before his mind could catch up to what he was saying, before he could go back on them. He wasn't looking at Lysander. "I...would have been game."
I still am, he wanted to say.
And then Roswell would have despised you even more.
And now both of them will.
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 8:25 am
He was expecting a denial, the assertion that he hadn't been interested at all in any of that, that this was all just a huge mistake. It didn't show up, and that was something he wasn't expecting. Instead Merric reiterated that he would have been interested in. It spoke of something in the other man that some darker part of him just couldn't help but find facinating.
He took a slow deep breath.
"Well." he said.
"What's say we...give it a week." A week was plenty of time to talk himself out of it, a week would be fine. "And if in a week you are still interested even in spite of my better advice to get something else on your table, you can come back to me about this, put something on the timetable, and we will give you a seeing to." and he shrugged.
"If you are not interested then say no more about any of this and we will go about things as normal, nice and pleasant, the way it has always been. Outside of this room, I won't acknowledge anything, so don't bother bringing it up."
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 9:55 am
We give it a week.
His head rose slowly, though Merric still didn't look at Lysander. He could feel the heat on the back of his neck, the flush on his cheeks, the rising awareness that he was stepping into something that he had absolutely no knowledge of.
The reminder that he was so far out of his league in everything, and the steadily growing realization of that answer to Melvin's question that made everything so much worse than he had wanted it to. Everything seemed to be centered around it, around Merric's own inability to do anything right or favorable or good at all.
He was not a good person, and never would be.
"A week," Merric repeated, and gave a small nod. "I...yes. That sounds agreeable."
A week to get his head on straight and to suppress everything that he was feeling, or else he was going to ruin this and Roswell too.
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 10:06 am
Lysander grinned. "Good. Sounds like a plan."
And put his feet up as if everything was just fine and not a problem at all. "This duty's certainly gone by quick." he said.
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