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| Who are you? |
| A lost prince. |
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13% |
[ 13 ] |
| A loving princess in white. |
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20% |
[ 19 ] |
| A desperate princess in black. |
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16% |
[ 15 ] |
| A fearless knight. |
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15% |
[ 14 ] |
| An evil demon. |
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13% |
[ 13 ] |
| The one orchestrating it all. |
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20% |
[ 19 ] |
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| Total Votes : 93 |
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 Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 12:22 pm
 ReservedBilious Oh, Billy's just an underling candyman XDD But he has dreams of grandure! XD But alas, I don't think he's got the loins for it. XD He'll still try though! That wily octopus!
Sorry, in my Animation prod/theory class, (basically animation history) we were just watching the old betty boop/popeye/koko the clown/etcetera stuff in class, so I'm imagining the island in black in white with rubber-hose arms and pie-sliced eyes all bouncing about with smiles and smoking bamboo bongs. XD
snap... i need to draw this. Antigra I liked him in the movie. He's hilarious. Like in the beginning of movie 4, he hits Harry with his cane and he's all "enjoy the game... while you CAN!" heart heart DecayingThorn Jaar Omg, I totally forgot about Antony's Medusa Boobies, XDDD One look into the rack of awesomeness can turn a man into stone!...Or a certain body-part into stone, whatever comes first. xD Kiniro Oniba I wanna help write the lyrics! xd If only Jaar were here, he could add it to his IoDM documentary. "Once the soundtrack was released, there was no going back. When they went quintuple platinum, the cast members admit to being shocked. They had no idea that so many people would jam to the tune of A Dude's Gotta Have His Fish, or how many young couples would forever remember dancing to Can You Smell The Deer Pheromones Tonight?" Risth Lycaea You know, Moreau was constantly bullied by a tiny Asian girl with a violin when he was in high school. It was very embarrassing. HAHA xd heart LOL! David Wolfenbrother And this thread is the one that took my questing virginity! I'm going to get david on the island god dammit! *shakes fist* You Took My Virginity! Give me something in return! Marshall_Green Risth Desna Maybe the islanders need a kareoke night. xd That is brilliance. xd heart ...Terrifying evil brilliance. The s**t Ball! Emerwyn We're all individually making things shittier, until it's one HUGE ball of s**t. That smells bad. Ian Campbell And once we have that great ball of s**t we shall dig a s**t-pit for it! Risth Great, a s**t ball. That's so going to distract me from studying. Emerwyn Muahahahahaha! And, like Risth so well stated, this ball of s**t is somehow ssooooo attracting, despite its stench, that people are incurably drawn to it. Lady Vincira xd Well, this is an interesting analogy. xd Desna Sosiqui I... never thought about what Anjali was, really. I guess we'll have to see. ... quick, someone put the moves on her before all she can do is pollinate! *has her imaginary character put the moves on Anjali* ImaCha: Hey, baby. Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you've got nice eyes. wink Sabin Duvert Risth Yay, it's evil Dr. Sabin! xd heart *tips his hat with a manic grin* Pretend You Never Saw This Jamal_Reedy I like big butts and I cannot li-....CAT n**! O_O! heart *chases the bomb and disappears in a cloud of dust when it explodes* Jaar Rex: OOPS I DID IT AGAIN! I played with your heeaaart. Got lost in the gaaame. OOH BABY, BABY!~ *in a sexy red pleather outfit* Zachary Bloodstone *ears run with blood* T__T Jamal_Reedy Jamal: *lays on the floor with catnip dust all over him, eyes glazed over with a stupid grin on face* 8D Zachary Bloodstone Return of the Psycho Em Chibi! 
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 12:25 pm
*Scrambles over Risth's work* 4laugh
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:46 pm
Princess Iona Ellington *Scrambles over Risth's work* 4laugh Nyan 4laugh heart *xD It's not allll that much, is it? lol!*
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:46 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:59 pm
IoDM Character Critique #1 - Risth's Points of NoteKikue being born in London but of Japanese descent is interesting.
The dreaded "perfect" syndrome reveals major flaws in the character concept, as it seems to contradict itself by claiming to try to steer clear of stereotypes :
Island of Moreau So...she's beautiful, in perfect control of her emotions, extremely intelligent, a musical prodigy, and she's abused, but she manages to not hold it against her father or let it break her? Mixed with her Japanese decent, I can't help but think "anime character" every time I read about her.You mention: "I also knew I was getting into something with the Asian/musical stereotype but I wanted to be able to go "outside the box" by making Kikue atypical and have her have a lot of depth." But to me its coming across as the opposite. She doesn't have depth of character, at least from the surface of she's described. She's analytical and cold, and seems to have little or no emotions of her own. I wouldn't suggest you would have to really change much of what you already have - but give the girl more personality.
Island of Moreau . . . Though I would like to see a more grounded/believable character. She might act as stoic and controlled as you describe her, but is that what's really going on inside her head?
How Kikue gets to the Island currently is too risky for Moreau. He would go for something that made her much less likely to return, ever, even including a faked death. Consider :
Island of Moreau Also, we would need to tweak HOW she got the island and why. You mention several times over that she would be pretty famous for her musical talent. Well, to honest Moreau generally stays away from people who will be missed. Vasile DiRossi had to be "disappeared" as part of a underhanded revenge scheme - why would someone have the need to fake Kikue's death? How would they do it? Would they stage her suicide? Would her father be responsible? . . . Once something could be worked out about how she got the island, Kikue comes rather 'ready made' from a completely rules standpoint.
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:57 pm
Risth's Reply to Critique [#1]In reply to my first critique, I am writing this response. Feel free to move it wherever it needs to be, if it's in the wrong place. I will also post a copy of this response in both of my quest threads. ^_^ Please also see my write-up of various important points from the crit, as it helped me to organize my thoughts and will be a reference for this post. Point #1 - The "Perfect" SyndromeI was worried this would happen, and it seems in fact that it has. I'm going to look at the biggest aspects of this problem, as outlined in the crit. "So...she's beautiful,"
This one actually surprised me. I think my flowery prose may be at fault. I hadn't actually meant for her to be overly beautiful, more to resemble her mother, as that was an important part of her concept in regards to interactions with her father. Since she sports black hair and bangs, she resmbles many Japanese. I think I really need to edit my physical description and tone it down somewhere, because I wasn't trying to hype her up as beautiful at all. I wanted her to be average in that area, but the way I explained it as I did was to stress how her father inevitably saw his wife in Kikue, etc. At any rate I'll try to rework my physical info, because I wasn't wanting this part of her character to be very important.
"...in perfect control of her emotions..."
In fact...I hadn't wanted that thought to be there either. I tried to make a big deal of the fact that she's "childish" in certain areas, but I know I never really specified what those areas are/were. What I really wanted to go for, was the "emotionally confused" idea. Where she recognizes emotion, feels emotion, but doesn't really get it ( that is, understand it ). On the outside though, she is definitely more quiet, more reserved, much more an observant than a participaNT...all of this is true. When faced with abuse, she says nothing, just takes it, then when it's over, she tries to justify, say, her father's verbal abuse, by saying when mother died it screwed him up. "That's why he's like this." A lot of instances where I've pictued such a thing happening, she would most likely lock herself in her room and play the violin as her outlet, to stop herself from crying, etc. Does this make any sense or am I just rambling? sweatdrop
"...extremely intelligent..."
I can't deny this one...this is true. HOWEVER, again I tried to stress that childish part of her, which may sometimes rule over what her head tells her to do or think.
"...a musical prodigy..."
Yes.
"...and she's abused..."
Yes, mostly verbally by her father. That may change in the face of revision, but I'll have to see.
"...but she manages to not hold it against her father or let it break her?"
Ah ha! A very big obstacle for me when I was formulating her, yes... I think it's more that she struggles to NOT hold it against him, as I mentioned above in reference to control of her emotions. I had honestly considered more breakdown in her character from the abuse, but I didn't want her story turning into a cliche abuse case... I may see to add more but I'll have to look at the other things in the crit first, to tie it together better...
"Mixed with her Japanese decent, I can't help but think "anime character" every time I read about her."
Ugh! UGH! gonk I hadn't intended this at all! Something must be done, and FAST, I definitely don't want this to be the first impression of her.
"But to me its coming across as the opposite. She doesn't have depth of character, at least from the surface of she's described. She's analytical and cold, and seems to have little or no emotions of her own."
I cringe hearing it, but if so, then something, or more than one thing, has to be changed immediately. I didn't want her to be like a giant hunk of ice, with no emotion at all. My intent was more "emotionally conflicted," if there's even such a term. The struggle to overule emotion with rational thought, although it can and will break down with emotion as the winner.
"I wouldn't suggest you would have to really change much of what you already have - but give the girl more personality."
Clearly I have to, or at least flesh out what I may think in a different way, because I know that by reading the crit and thinking of a character as Kikue has been described, I'd simply hate them. And obviously I don't want that, so we may been in for a serious remodeling here.
"She might act as stoic and controlled as you describe her, but is that what's really going on inside her head?"
Often it's not, as the real action is taking place inside, while she watches on the outside. I need to make this more apparent somehow...
Point #2 - Getting to the IslandIsland of Moreau Also, we would need to tweak HOW she got the island and why. You mention several times over that she would be pretty famous for her musical talent. Well, to honest Moreau generally stays away from people who will be missed. Vasile DiRossi had to be "disappeared" as part of a underhanded revenge scheme - why would someone have the need to fake Kikue's death? How would they do it? Would they stage her suicide? Would her father be responsible? . . . Once something could be worked out about how she got the island, Kikue comes rather 'ready made' from a completely rules standpoint. I was VERY happy that you came onto this problem without hesitation. How Kikue gets to the Island is one of the weakest parts of her concept, because I just had no idea how to do it. I very much knew that Moreau would have to do something big, because if Kikue was in the limelight, he wouldn't be able to risk anything that may expose himself. Yes, I definitely saw that when I started writing my ideas out, but I didn't know how to get around it. You offer some REALLY excellent options for me here. The staging of a suicide seems so excellent that I don't think I could resist it. Also, there's the addition of her abuse, which also helps to fit into it. It would be so believable, too, what with a dead mother and an abuse, alcoholic father. *resists the urge to throw up her arms and declare "It's brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT I tell you! Genius! /cackles/," because that would just be WAY too much what Moreau would think...maybe. ;D I plan to work off of this and then apply for a second critique once I do some major rehaul of her concept. Thank you sooo much for the critique! I'm a bit awkward on how to straighten out everything regarding her seemingly non-existant personality, but I'll see what I can do...thanks again.
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:11 pm
* Editted parts of Kikue's character information to note the revisions I'll be working on.
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Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 6:44 pm
*shakes pom-poms for Kikue* ;D
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Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 8:17 pm
Alec Derring *shakes pom-poms for Kikue* ;D Kikue :: *waves an Irish flag for Alec* 8D <3
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Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:23 pm
Risth First revision DONE.*quite proud of it, really*
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 10:28 am
Official IoDM Character Critique - #2
Post-Revision #1 Island of Moreau I like the added note on her appearance in the striking similarities to her mother, a point of frustration for her father and another explanation of the man's verbal abuse after her death in seeing Kikue as a constant reminder. It is also interesting to see the music in her life as the common thread of her different 'lives' - from child in London, to Japan, after her mother's death - it is the one common activity and I could see it very much being a catharsis and a "safe place" more than any location for her. which would explain why even though she was coached into the skill as such a young child why she did not resent it. The injury, then, is such a blow to her - and makes sense why she would rebel against her father with this last straw to try to repair it. It is a loss of her identity as much as anything else. It also makes sense that since her father wouldn't pay for the medical research that she went to smaller clinics - Feral Labs sponsors some of the low-cost urban clinics that she could have visited and got onto their radar. I like the feigned death, though do be wary it is VERY difficult to falsify an identity of a deceased person, especially shy of complete immolation of the body and forging dental patterns convincingly. Especially when murder is an issue, as coroners would do pretty thorough examinations of the body. But yes, falsifying a death, framing the father who would be known to have been abusive and drunk, and quite possibly unaware of his own actions works well into the story. You could just have her go missing, and the tabloids picking up the story (think Jean Benet Ramsey) and most people would blame the father. It also makes sense Moreau would want to test regenerative propertis of damaged limbs- beyond just lost ones. The only question that comes to mind with this reasoning is the selection of a snow leopard - felines have very different frontpaws/hands than humans - the claw digit giving an awkwardness when it woudl come to manipulation. - as opposed to something like a monkey, lemur or raccoon-relative that have comparitively dexterous hands. If you want to go with the snow leopard, then SHE Might think that she went for reconstructive surgery, but in essence she was just easy to disappear.
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:06 pm
IoDM Character Critique #2 - Risth's Points of NoteA lot of the new additions work well, including Kikue's injury, the physical therapy ( which could have alerted Feral Labs to Kikue as a potential candidate ), and notes regarding Kikue's appearance and the similarities between her and her mother. Explaination about Kikue's draw to her music even though she started it so young are good.
The feigned death could be a little too over the top, as it's always hard to falsify the identity of a body. Especially in a case such as murder. Having her just disappear would be less risky.
The regenerative properities of the serums being tested on her injury makes sense. The only question that might remain would be the choosing of the snow leopard serum in particular, since it isn't noted for any distinctive abilities in its paws.
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:11 pm
my fav big cat is a serval >3> heart
*steals your idea for revision stuff* XD
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:13 pm
Risth's Reply to Critique [#2]Risth Oh!! My crit is up in the guild! Looks like I can still do some more revising... ninja *has totally expected this, with the writing of Kikue's death into all of it* I actually had NO idea how they'd have a fake body that wasn't her there... xD!! Looks like I should go with my gut on that... I had juggled her disappearance as just that but...heh heh...alright, I think I'll edit and go with that instead then... Alright guys today is for revision #2! xD *is a loser* Pandara You're not a loser Risth, I like your character and with the extra work she will be uber awesome now XD Risth Yar yar, I keep tellin' myself this. xD! The constant revisions really let her come through more and more. I was really happy with my first revision because re-reading everything, I could really see her emerge from it like I wanted her to. I need some more work on WHY snow leopard, and also need to tweak her disapperance now. *nods* Chibi Hige It's a neat concept, as far as WHY the snow leopard I really wouldn't worry about it. Not every person gets a specific animal for a reason. Most of them just get whatever random serum Moreau feels like using at the time. Only when it's blatently obvious, like Bobby, or Chert, or Cass do you need a reason. Risth I didn't think it would be too big a problem, especially since with violin, very little is actually needed beyond using the bow ( for example, Tim and his guitar, one needs to be able to move their fingers correctly to still play ). Most of the reasons I chose snow leopard were in fact personal ironies. I associate the animal with my mama, who isn't quite with me right now...and Kikue, too, losing her mother and becoming this animal. Etc. But it would be hard for Moreau to know these things, so I tend to chalk it up to the similarities they posess ( as far as like, being solitary, etc. ) but also that the leopard doesn't take crap from people. Kikue will take crap from people, aka her father. This leopard will not. She kind of evolves into something tougher, something that has the real ability to be fierce when it wants to. Also, since its an Asian animal... Blah blah blah. xD! Like I said though, hard for Moreau to know my more peronal reasons in choosing it, only the more obvious ones. And since it wouldn't REALLY impede playing ability because of the instrument...yeah. ^___^ And her hair wouldn't be black anymore...it takes away from the "looking just like her mother" that could cripple her father.
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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 2:15 pm
[ astra ] my fav big cat is a serval >3> heart *steals your idea for revision stuff* XD Ooh! My friend'scat used to be part serval...he passed, but he was huge, and completely psychotic when he was little. I miss the poor guy. ;_; Thief! xD *yells it in Japanese* Dorobo! I must keep applying for crit until I get the seal of approval.
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