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 Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:22 pm
"Hmm. You put yer work inta somethin', y'get proud've it. I get that."
He wiggled the tool at Melvin with a frown.
"But ya gotta ask yerself: why's what someone else thinks matter when it comes t'yer happiness? Why's lookin' fer a new place fer yerself somethin' negative? Yer focusin' on the outside, right, the past stuff. The s**t done t'you that you wanna reciprocate. But, here's the thing, Melvin: you puttin' that out there's only gonna drain you. Already is, ain' it?"
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:33 pm
He gritted his teeth, not wanting to fall into the hole of reason Dawson was laying out for him.
"Not as much as he drained me. He said he could never let me go now. I earned that spot." But it was draining, and he looked at the water that rushed over the sand a moment and the reality of how draining it all was and had been.
"I don't want to do that alone. A house. It's a different future."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:47 pm
Dawson had to take a deep breath himself to stay calm and not get angry on Melvin's behalf. Real counselors didn't have to worry about that, getting too personal with the people they saw.
"S'okay," he said bracingly, smiling a little. "All I meant was think about it, not do it right now. Baby steps, remember? You could go back to the dorms fer a bit too. Jus', y'know, start thinkin' about the stuff you can do movin' forward. 'Cuz I think gettin' out've that space would help ya out a lot. What you think?"
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 6:05 pm
He shook his head. "I left once. I left to try and collect my head and they kicked me out. They forbid me to come to my own house like I was some criminal. Like I was the one that did something wrong. Like that was fine. The house I helped build. The house I welcomed that b*****d into so he wouldn't live in the s**t dorms. Then they turned around and locked me out....."
"If I leave......I can't come back. They'll change the locks and I'll have to break a window to get in. I'll have to break the door down, and then Rodney will just feel justified in keeping me out and Lawr will agree." Leaving for even a little while would mean everything would be gone.
"He'll just convince him to keep me out."
Sitting on the shore, the sand felt cold but still retained some of the heat of the sun. "That was the worst feeling. Doing everything that was right and having it taken. He'd just take that too."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 6:34 pm
The smile left him. Deep breaths, remember, Dawson, deep breaths. He closed his eyes briefly and then got his hands back to the stone before they balled into fists.
"Gawd, I thought the s**t licker couldn' stoop much lower," he couldn't help but grumble. Then he cleared his throat. "Tha' didn' really answer my question, though. Lemme phrase it another way. What would you rather do: Stay in that house? Or move to the dorms? 'Cuz this," Dawson motioned the tool between them, "this is for you, dude. This ain' Dawson's Tellin' You What To Do Hour. I'ma work with what you decide on, butcha gotta make that choice."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 6:56 pm
He stared at Dawson and really just noticed - he was offering him a choice on where to help. Unlike what he had been thinking, it wasn't telling him he HAD to leave, just that there were consequences to staying.
Staring, he looked down, then let his gaze travel the shoreline and back.
"I..."
He paused and looked down. "...wait a minute. I.. need to think...about this."
He turned to sit and stare out. What did he even want out of staying in Lawrence's home exactly? It had been his home, but it was a house that was built for a future that was clearly no longer his. Even if he stayed, even if he somehow wedged himself or Rodney eventually left, would that future even be there anymore? They might be together, but that didn't mean anything. It would never mean anything. Lawrence had already picked someone to marry once, and while he said he would keep him, it wouldn't be the way he wanted to be kept. It would always be downgraded in some way to how he hinged himself on Rodney.
It was his house, but the home was already dead to him. It was a house that left Rodney come in. It was the house Rodney and Lawr made a home out of on the corpse of his relationship. It was a place he was kicked out of like an animal. While he didn't want them to be happy, did he even have to stay for the relationship to end? Time would make work of that. Even he knew that when answering Mik during his time wearing the Truth Ring. He knew that time would chip away all optimism at Rodney just like it had done for him time and time again. He built it, but the memories seeped into the house weren't good ones. They weren't ones you associated with home.
If he left.......then would that prove that despite Lawr saying he could never leave, that he could let him go? And then, if Rodney did leave Lawr, then it wouldn't even be on him. It would just be the natural order of dating Lawr in the first place. A wandering path to a sharp cliff drop. If Rodney fell down to the bottom and wanted to limb back to the same path, then it would be on him. It wasn't a fun trip to do over and over, and the bruises were still tender.
Why was he concerned about making them miserable when it would just happen on it's own accord? Why did he care about a room that was already cold and quiet just because he built it during a past lie?
So did he want to be living with Lawr or did he want the dorms?
He stared out to sea a moment.
".......a house. "
He had a dorm with Rin. Built a greenhouse with her as part of their future.
He had a dorm with Lawr. They had build a house as part of that future.
His future..............needed a home.
"I ....want a home."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 9:08 pm
He honestly hadn't expected Melvin to give him an answer right then and there, and Dawson would have said as much if the guy hadn't looked so lost in thought. He left Melvin to his musings and focused on sharpening the carving for a few moments, letting his focus stay as steady as the ebb and flow of the tide. He was almost startled when Melvin spoke up and blinked out of his reverie.
"So, a house in town?" Dawson needed that clarification now that it was post-Caly and post-America. He broke into a smile, surprised at the big step forward but relieved all the same. "I know a few guys who can help with that. Whenever yer ready, lemme know."
He paused.
"I think tha's a good enough talk fer now, yeah? But I'd like t'keep this up once we get back, if you're innerested."
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Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 4:53 am
"Yeah, in town." It was the only place for a house unless he tried to build one next to the greenhouse. He wasn't sure. It was just enough to come up to this point in thought that even going this far made him a bit nervous.
"Okay. And yeah...I'd like to talk again." It was getting late and it seemed the talking further on with the main group had died down a lot.
"Probably should get back."
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Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 1:33 pm
Beaming, Dawson said, "Awright then."
Putting his tools away, he grabbed the torch, got to his feet, and offered to help Melvin up. "Naturally I won' say a word to no-one 'bout what we discuss," he assured. "Gotta be hippo compliant, y'know?"
< HIPAA, I believe it was. >
"'N I won' act like yer seein' me when we out on duty n' stuff," Dawson added. "All I'll ask ya t'do between now n' then is, uh, be mindful've yerself. Like be aware've the thoughts goin' through yer head, yer emotions, things like that. Be present."
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Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 6:21 pm
You had to wonder about a counselor who brought up hippos but considering how the talk went, he let it slide. Rising up, he dusted the sand off.
"I'll try to keep my head. Maybe stay away from any rings." Rising, he looked Dawson over.
"And thanks for this. I kinda....was pushing it for a really long time. Kinda feel silly being so defensive about it before."
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Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2017 9:20 pm
He chuckled. "Prob'ly a good idea, yeah." Dawson's arm stretched out to pat Melvin's back, though it turned into a totally casual stretch and yawn if he didn't seem amenable to it.
"S'cool, my dude. Like I said, it gets real easy t'get stuck in the Deus meat grinder. What you got in there, though," Dawson poked his own chest above the heart, "ain' ever silly, okay? That's a lotta stuff you got hangin' around in there. Some've it was glass, n' that hurts."
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2017 4:50 am
Melvin tensed a moment on the sensation of a clear palm on skin and forgot he wasn't wearing a hunter coat anymore. It was a bit jarring considering, but not unwanted once it happened.
It was a good way to phrase things, and he nodded in agreement. "Yeah." Piecs of glass - from something shattered.
With that, he went with Dawson back to the company of the fire and the others.
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