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 Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 6:37 pm
The laughter from the stag was a surprise, but so welcome. Zul looked at him bemused at first, but with a slow creeping smile of understanding. "I can bring her," he said after a moment of consideration, a slight tightness in his eyes expressing the difficulty he didn't give voice to. He'd bring her. It meant contact after nothing, it meant trying to build where he'd forcefully cut her off. He'd do it for them. He'd do it for her.
Yet. The demon's eyes narrowed slightly but he didn't draw attention to the choice of words. Remaining in a semi-reclined position, his wings resting over the back of the chair, he resumed his slow twist of the glass beneath one hand, thumb whispering over the lip of it. "It can be hard, and sometimes it's more righting an injustice." Zul had taken a special interest in Anita's paperwork when it was turned in, and that soul being lost hadn't exactly been quiet - but it had been right. Anya's soul had damn well been murder - by Alex, no less - and then there were the ones that were necessary for survival, like Cordelia (or so he assumed - he couldn't imagine Ebony willingly hunting that one).
"I don't know what happened with you, my friend, but Vivi is one of the most amazing people anyone could ask for. I'm sure her choice was as full of the love she has for you as possible." Zul paused, glancing at the glass, memories of dancing in the bakery upon a first meeting still fresh in his mind. Then again, so was the aftermath of a jealous heart. "She is -- doing well, then?" he was slow to ask, almost feeling like he didn't deserve an answer he didn't get himself. "It wouldn't be a problem if Lex returned?"
If he returned, after they'd know what he'd done?
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 6:59 pm
Rhedefre took another long drink, watching Zul as he spoke. He could see the difficulty, the challenge that taking Alex to the bakery presented him. He wanted to tell him, no, no-- he could tell Vivi and Shepard, they could reach out. But then, he considered: was it a way for Zul to reach out to her, to see her again? Would it give the pain of seeing her again some purpose?
"There's no rush," he said, softly. "You do what you think is best, alright?"
Cesc smiled when Zul mentioned Vivi, his gaze dropping. "She's the best. I have nothing else to say about her. She's amazing. She's doing great. And for what it's worth, I think every soul that got captured is better off now--or, at least, I like to think so. There're not a lot of Raevans I don't care for."
He scratched behind his jaw, then, considering. "She tells me the stag, me--I made the decision back then. Took the soul bottle from her and ran. It makes me wonder why, I guess. What I was escaping from to become me." He shrugged, and his expression became lighter. "Well. Questions you don't get answers to."
Cesc adjusted himself on the chair, his wings shifting slightly. "And you, you come whenever you want to the bakery. Alone or not. You're always welcome. Vivi loves you probably more than any other Raevan but me. You're always going to be her pharaoh, you know. No matter what."
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 7:17 pm
A soft scoff returned the words. "We know what happens when I do what I think is best." Zul was already on to making jabs at himself for what happened, so he wouldn't forget, so maybe he could try to take the next step. If that started with taking Alex to her old haunts, letting her relearn the near decade he'd taken from her, he'd have to learn it with her. Even if it was like dragging his body over shards of glass.
Blue eyes brightened when Cesc smiled and started to talk about Vivi, about himself. Zul was far more invested in the stag and his family than his own woes - he had to live his own s**t, like it or not - and hearing him talk about what happened was a balm to his troubled thoughts. Slowly, his brows relaxed, his expression still a ghost of his usual smirk and flirt, but a ghost was better than the absence. "I've had my disagreements but I wouldn't deny any of us our existence. Even if the end was hard, I'd like to think we're all doing the best we can with the hand we've been dealt." He thought of Melisande, who had taken years to earn the attention of - he thought of Lulu, the first kin born after him. "Even those I had to end, intentional or otherwise...we all have our story."
He nodded slightly, hesitation still in his gaze. "And she is magic," Zul replied softly, simply, not about to start waxing poetic about his friend's Guardian. "I miss her. I've missed you." The corner of his mouth pulled upwards again, tentative but without the hurt. "Do you think we ever figure out how to exist peacefully, find the answers to happiness?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 7:30 pm
Rhedefre said nothing to the self-depreciating comment from Zul. It was too much to hope that he would let go of a hurt and bitterness so strong in such a short time. He'd unburdened himself a little, but not enough... And anyway, Cesc didn't know how much of it was yet unresolved. He didn't want to press into demonic 'pissing contests': no matter how good his intentions, saddling Zul with an uneducated liability was not going to be help.
"Isn't that what everyone is trying to do? We are, dark elves, humans, vampires, whatever else you can think of. Figure out how to exist peacefully and find a way to be happy," said Cesc with a shrug. He cocked a half-smile. "We were given a lot of magic, and I think that makes it hard. We're unlike a lot of other creatures, and that makes it harder. But I've spent a lot of my time here happy, even if I've kind of been acting like a d**k lately."
He paused, realizing that last sentence had no context. "Er--I've been partying a little hard lately," Cesc explained with a laugh, rubbing one of his shoulders with the opposite hand. "Realized acting like an Eagle Scout was making people jerk me around a little and thought, hey, acting like a jerk for a while might not be that bad."
He held up both hands. "Not too much of a jerk. Not interested in that much."
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 7:51 pm
His bare shoulders rolled in a shrug to answer the question before his voice did. "I don't know. Riv isn't exactly the peaceful type, and then some you'd think are - like Lu - I saw her fight with Sevilin before. I can't speak for everyone but I, for one, would like some damn downtime." Zul snorted softly and spun the glass beneath his fingers, the icy veins creeping down to the table to hold it on its edge, just barely -
- before it came back down, held by Zul's palm, the demon's blue eyes wide and dominated with shock. "You? A d**k?" He stared in unblinking surprise as Cesc explained. The expression began to crack with glimmers of mirth, before crumbling into laughter. Throwing his head back, he let the laugh rise from his chest, one hand over half his face as if he could hold it back. "Sweet Rhedefre, telling others off? Oh I'd pay to see this!"
His laughter dwindled down, the hand falling to his chest, drinking in air to lungs deprived of such emotions. "I don't mean out of spite, but, to see you brandish your horns is a proud thing to me." Zul grinned, and the ghost of it was a bit more real. "Good for you, my friend. There is no harm in sticking up for one's self. The partying I'm not so thrilled about, but, you are not a human and I trust you more than they." Not that he expected Cesc to understand the sudden memory of Jazz the discussion brought up, but he still was prone to showing his concern, even if in convoluted ways. "Just take care of yourself. That's all I could ever ask."
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 8:03 pm
Cesc laughed as Zul did, and it was a welcome respite from the heaviness of their earlier conversation. His shoulders shook and he felt good about what he was doing for the first time since--well, since he started doing it.
"I'm being fine," he said, still in a half-laugh, wiping one eye with the back of his thumb. "Nothing too crazy with the partying, either. Staying out, getting drinks, meeting women, that kind of thing. It's actually kind of nice, if I'm honest, actually talking to women and not freaking out over whether I'm being… Mr. Responsible about everyone, everywhere, all the time. I got made into the a*****e with Raevan women a time too many and I'm just--not looking for anything serious."
He grinned then, and took a sip of his beer. "Hey, and what you said--that actually reminds me." He swiveled slightly toward Zul, leaning forward with interest, although his smile went a little sheepish.
"I-- don't take this the wrong way. But I know you and I know Meli and I love the both of you guys like crazy. But I've never known Riv, and he seems-- well, I don't know. I don't know him. I don't want to judge. It's just hard for me to imagine anyone else on you guys' level. I guess what I'm asking is, what's he like? How did he lock down two of the best Raevans I know?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 8:28 pm
Grin still intact, Zul nodded at the words, believing Cesc as he had no reason to do otherwise. "You have never really been other way, have you? Responsible, I mean. You never got to make all the dumb mistakes the rest of us did as Frei's. So in a way, you're doing better than most, because you're self-aware and know what you want." He clapped Cesc's shoulder briefly, friendly. "Good for you. We should go out sometime, have more fun than this serious garbage I've dumped on you."
When Cesc turned towards him, the demon lifted his brows, open to inquiry. Listening, a vague sense of surprise lift his eyes, and then amusement. "Forgive me, but you sound like me talking about them." Zul had to take a moment, expression between bewildered and touched. Melisande had told Cesc about them? "Rivener, I've known since we were both Frei's. He was very flirty and actually taught me a lot about expression, fed my desire for physical touch." He was unabashed in his story - it was probably little surprise to anybody who knew him that he enjoyed affections, platonic and otherwise. "He was the first one who put what 'love' felt like into words that I could understand. He was very good to me, even when I was not so good to him."
He smiled, the expression fond in thinking of the Scorpion. "But to answer your question, he is unbridled enthusiasm, he is darkness, he is uninhibited by anything life has thrown at us. He speaks like honey and sharp edges but when he opens his heart, there is tenderness unmeasurable. Rivener is very open about his feelings in a way most others will never experience." Zul tilted his head, eyes turning over Cesc's face. "You've met?" And he paused, curiosity creeping over him. "How do you put Melisande and I on the same level? I am still struggling, every day, to be worthy. She...she is..."
The demon trailed off, experiencing a rare moment of being at a loss for words.
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 9:13 pm
Cesc listened to Zul with rapt attention, still leaning forward, his eyes becoming warm, his smile softening. He was willing to believe that he had misjudged Rivener from their single meeting--it was his temper that had unsettled him, and not even Zul's unbridled power could calm the stag about that possibility.
"We have met, when I was quite young," said Cesc with a nod. "Just the once. I think it just wasn't a good fit--he thought I was, ah, more feminine. And he really lost his temper at these teenage girls that were fawning over him." He laughed, shaking his head. "It's a bad experience to judge someone in. I just want to make sure you're happy and being treated right."
As Zul spoke about Melisande, Cesc's smile faded slightly, and he reached out again, squeezing his friend's shoulder again. "I have confidence that you're great for each other." He started to laugh. "I'm sorry if it surprises you I know. She kind of had to tell me. I lost my damn mind and kissed her and she had to let me down easy, you know?" He kept laughing, honestly amused by the memory. "Poor Meli!"
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 9:22 pm
"Rivener enjoys attention, but on his own grounds. If he was with you and you were quite young, it may have been a protective gesture." Zul quirked his lips. "He could have just been in a mood. I can't really say, but I am sorry you had that experience at all, let alone with my Scorpion." The demon could only imagine -- sweet, good to-do Cesc trying to understand brash Rivener. No, he didn't imagine that's a meeting that would go over well at all.
He listened to what Cesc had to say about the Muse, though his brows shot up with amusement at the end. "Really? You'd make an adorable couple." Zul smiled, but it took on another edge, another memory coloring his thoughts. "Rhedefre, I don't know that I am good for her. She was there when I grew, did she tell you?" His smile thinned. "She witnessed me kill one of our brethren."
The ice beneath the glass grew, spiraling up like a vine beneath Zul's hand before he pushed it back down, watching the frost on his glove. "She was afraid of me - rightly so - for a long time. But I was..." Zul sighed softly. "Smitten? I was drawn to her light. You, my friend, you would be good for her." The demon shrugged, stretching the hand he'd been toying with ice with all night. "I do what I can, but if she ever told either of us that she sought you out, I'd be happy for her. Proud, even. Jealous, a little, that you chose her, but completely understandable." And he cast Cesc a grin, mostly teasing. Mostly.
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 10:29 pm
"Well, I'd say it sounds like I need to meet him again sometime," allowed Cesc with a smile. He had been young, and it was wholly possible that Rivener felt some kind of protective streak for him--who knew. It wouldn't do to judge based on a single experience.
As Zul continued, Cesc laughed again, coloring slightly although the sound of his laughter was bright and amiable. He lifted his hands up in resignation, his voice shaking with mirth: "Oh, no. No, I'm not here to steal your girl. I wouldn't dream of it. And anyway, I--"
The sentence broke as Zul continued. He had had some notion of what happened--he'd heard through the grapevine about the Raevan Roux and the price Zul had had to pay, but he hadn't known Melisande's part in it. His smile fell, but not completely.
"Horrible things have happened. And to both of you. But I felt Melisande's grief when I was with her. Her grief did not include you, Zul. So, whatever was there for her has passed." Half his smile lifted again. "And, anyway, I'm never going to be something you have to worry about. Smitten is a good word. She's easy to lose your head over. But she put mine back on straight for me. What she wants, and what she chose is you."
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 12:29 pm
Zul cracked another smile, tipping his tri-horned head to the side. "And if you don't get along, it's nothing on any of you. Some of us -- we just aren't meant to exist in the same room. That's life."
The Sigel arched a brow over his amused blue gaze, shaking his head slowly and leaning forward against the table again. "First and foremost, Rhedefre, if Melisande chose you, it's not stealing. She is not an object to be owned and I would support her decision - she deserves to be where she's happiest." The demon's morals weren't exactly in line with most sentient creatures, but he had no problem speaking his preference when it came to the happiness of the ones he held dearest. "Second, I will count it as a blessing that she chooses Riv and I for that peace. We've had a long road, and we've longer yet to go. I don't know where our paths will lead, but I will be at her side as long as she will let me."
He wouldn't touch the subject of her grief. He knew how personal that was to her - hell, he'd helped her seal the necklace around her neck - and it was her right to bear. His grief, though -- his was alive.
"And you choose to be a d**k, but that too will pass." Zul chuckled under his breath, a hint of the smoky amusement audible. "But that answers my question then, doesn't it? We can't find our peace and happiness, we have to make it." There was no comfort in that realization.
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 1:07 pm
The bartender came by while Zul was speaking, and Cesc pointed to his now-empty beer and held up a finger. He was smiling and his shoulders were easy, and he set his bottle over to the side of the table, as though it was obstructing his view.
"It constantly amazes me how magnanimous you are," laughed Cesc. "For all the goodness you ascribe to me, I can't see that I would be as generous. But love is hard, and I'm grateful for your insight on it. I can't say I've really excelled at it so far."
The bartender came back with his drink, and Cesc took a sip and passed his tongue over his bottom lip, nodding. "I think, really, that's what I mean by you guys being good together. You've gone through a lot of the same stuff; you understand each other and the nature of how to love each other. It seems like you two--well, three--you're cut from some of the same cloth, even if it doesn't really seem that way at first look. You're made of more magic than I am, both you and Melisande. You're ethereal. I can respect the hell out of it, and out of you, but I can't get there."
His smile turned a touch self-depreciating, but there was a real and good humor in his expression. "And anyway, me being a d**k isn't on Melisande. Zurine and Ethiriel made me look like a prize a** a few times before I decided on jumping off that cliff. And it's on me, anyway. Like I said, I'm not great at love."
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 1:28 pm
"I think you are too kind, because truly - is it really any different than your Vivi and Shep, that summer?" A time before Jamie. A time where happiness was still easy. "Don't take my words for insight, my friend. I was lucky to be raised by an unconventional family - I know that now - and I was never shoe-horned into an idea of how things should be." His shoulders rolled in a shrug, and absently, he rubbed over the crescent moon on his right arm. "My take on it is more base, in that I react, I don't think, I don't plan, I simply do what I can in the moment.
After the jungle, Riv and I found Melisande - she was injured. I had to Google how to set a broken wing." The smile he cast was small. "She allowed me to do it. We made a decision and we didn't think about it, we just did what needed to be done. Like with you, I couldn't ask questions, I couldn't take care of you when I saw the sun spill from your eyes and touch your blood." Zul shook his head slowly. He wasn't sure that image would ever really leave him. "But we also made a decision. We trusted, and we were of one heart."
Zul couldn't say he understood the thought process of being 'good' at an emotion, or 'excelling' at making one's feelings known. In the same vein as their discussion on what it meant to be a 'man,' he just wanted to help his friend, maybe pull him out of his head a little. "That is how love is, to me. It's the story of our life, our decisions, made for one another."
Extending his hand again, he squeezed Cesc's shoulder with warmth. "Do what makes your heart happy. If the feeling is worth it, you'll find being a prize a** can be a reward in and of itself. It's proof that you try, that you care."
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 1:50 pm
When Zul brought up Alex and Shepard and Vivi--the romance they'd shared that one summer, the one that had should have probably been stranger than it had been, Cesc tilted his head and smiled and nodded. It had been uncomplicated, easy, natural. There had been no jealousy, no sniping, no hurt. Just fun and togetherness. And when it ended, that had been without consternation or fighting or fury. A natural beginning, a natural end.
That was what Cesc had craved: simplicity in emotion. No guilt, no drama. He had wanted to love someone, to be treated kindly and with consideration, and to do the same to them. To feel wanted.
Now, the only thing that really remained was the last bit. He'd settle for feeling wanted in a baser way. At least, until the confusion and frustration and the expectation of simplicity passed.
Of one heart. He'd try not to think too hard about that phrase. Try not to understand it until it revealed itself to him. Whenever that would be.
"That's a good way to look at it," said Rhedefre at last, smiling gently. "And a better way to be than to overthink it all. I am genuinely happy that you've found that in your life. I'm sorry that so much other s**t has happened. I really am. With... with your growth, with the jungle--that place was bullshit for everyone and I'm glad it's over. And especially with Alex, Zul. I'm sorry you've had to see, or act in, or hurt for any of that. I hope that you'll be able to get to a place soon where you can just enjoy that bit of joy you've found. You're lucky there, at least."
He paused, holding up his drink to Zul. "Well, here's to being prize asses, then," Cesc said with a faint, honest smile. "May we embrace trying and failing. We're pretty young despite our souls."
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 2:07 pm
Zul shrugged again, his fingers curling around the glass. "Life is what happens while we try to make sense of ourselves," his reply was simple, trying to encompass his experiences in a way that was palatable. "We make friends and fall in love on the way. It'll come to you, Rhedefre. Of this, I have no doubts."
Lifting the glass, the ice abruptly melted as he clinked it with Cesc's drink. "To being prize asses. May we learn we are still a prize, even if as an a**."
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