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 Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:50 pm
He knew he shouldn’t say the things that he did, but he was so scared and felt like he was completely out of options. Knights and Senshi were still pretty new to everyone, so there were only a few who had to deal with taking care of starseeds, and even fewer who had any idea of what to do with them.
Chris squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will himself to get his act together, but all he could do was continue to sob, although quietly now, against Paris. It was a nice thought, at least. That they would grow old together and do all of those things she said. He wanted it. He wanted that future with her so much that it hurt. Even with the forgotten memories, he’d still fallen in love with her again. Ganymede or not, he couldn’t imagine being able to get through anything without Paris beside him.
If something were to happen to her… he could only imagine it would be similar should he end up dying.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, several minutes later once he’d finally calmed down enough to speak again. He still rested heavily against her, and he knew it must not be very comfortable for her, but she hadn’t complained. “I’m sorry… I’m not giving up… I swear…”
It just seemed hopeless some days.
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Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:51 pm
Paris could understand that, and she didn’t blame him for breaking down. In some ways she was surprised it had taken him so long to do so. She knew she wouldn’t have been able to hold back had she been in his position, but then they handled their emotions differently. She tended to express hers at the drop of a hat, whereas Chris bottled his up inside.
She continued to hold him, pressing kisses to his hair while his head rested against her chest, running her hands up and down his back as she kneeled in front of him. In spite of the situation they found themselves in, he felt warm and whole. She could only hope things remained that way long enough for them to find some sort of solution.
Even if the solution was only temporary, finding something in this instance was better than nothing at all.
They just had to believe the answer was out there somewhere.
“You don’t have to apologize,” she told him. She spoke quietly, resting her cheek against the top of his head. “I know this is hard on you. Just breathe, okay? Isn’t that what you always tell me? Just breathe. It’ll be okay. I’m not going to give up on you. We’ll find a way through this.”
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Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:51 pm
How he was lucky enough to find someone like Paris, and for her to actually want to be with him in return, he would never know. In many ways, he thought she was too good for him. She had the patience and kindness that he needed, and while he supposed there were things he gave her in return, he had trouble believing that he wasn’t taking advantage of her love for him.
Chris nodded and drew in a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. He knew nothing was going to come from crying on the bathroom floor, but it was just so difficult to keep going sometimes. He knew she wouldn’t give up on him, as evident of their conversation at the cabin just a week ago. She wasn’t going to give up on him without a fight, and he knew he should do the same, for her sake, and their growing family.
“This is a… pretty sucky way to spend our first night with the twins,” he pointed out, finally getting control of himself enough to be able to lift his hand up to scrub the tears from his face. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, maybe she was right in him needing to speak to someone about how he felt. About mortality and all of that. Maybe there would be something they could do to help him while he continued to look for ways to fix his starseed.
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Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:52 pm
Paris tried to smile when Chris seemed to be calming down. Gently, she nudged his head off of her chest enough to be able to look into his eyes. She pulled one of her long sleeves over her hands and wiped his tears away with it, then leaned in to press kisses along his face. His face was scratchy from going unshaven all weekend. She nuzzled his cheek affectionately, kissing away what remained of his tears.
“At least they’re still sleeping,” she said, in the tone of voice she used when she was trying to look on the bright side. Her smile wobbled somewhat and tears glistened in her eyes, but she was proud of herself for not letting them fall.
“Can you get up?” she asked, sniffing lightly as she attempted to control her own emotions. She rubbed at Chris’s shoulders when she started to stand, encouraging him back to his feet. “You left the sink on this whole time,” she said with some amusement and tried to laugh, reaching over to turn the faucet off.
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Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:52 pm
”Sorry,” he said sheepishly when he realized that the water had been running the whole time. At least he hadn’t been in the shower when he had his breakdown, then that would have been even more water.
Chris let her help wipe away his tears and closed his eyes when she kissed his face. When she finally moved to stand he nodded, carefully pushing himself to his feet on shaky legs from sitting awkwardly on the ground. He hated that she was forcing herself to be cheerful in order to keep him happy. In a way he could understand since that was more or less what he was doing, but Paris expressed herself differently, and he knew it must be just as difficult for her.
He stepped behind her as she turned off the faucet and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close with her back against his chest, his face pressed into the loose curls of her hair.
“I love you…”
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Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:53 pm
It was very difficult to remain upbeat when all she wanted to do was cry, but she knew crying wasn’t going to help Chris at all at the moment. In any event, it would probably make him feel even worse. Paris continued to stubbornly hold her tears back, blinking through them and lifting a hand to wipe at her eyes until she managed to force them away.
She leaned back against Chris, soaking in his warmth, and after a few moments she turned in his arms to be able to place her head against his shoulder, raising her arms to wrap them loosely around his neck. She held him as they stood there, hoping with all her heart that what she’d said to him was true.
“I love you, too,” she said.
She had to believe there was an answer out there. There had to be. She couldn’t lose Chris like this. She refused to. There had to be some way for them to fix things. They just had to keep looking.
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Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:53 pm
Chris held her for what felt like a long time, before he finally pulled back enough to press a kiss on her forehead. “Let’s go to bed…” he suggested, taking hold of her hand as he lead the way out of the bathroom and shut off the lights. The babies were still sleeping, blessedly. It amazed him how they could just sleep through everything that happened around him, but then he realized it must be because they knew they were safe with their parents.
He helped Paris into bed first, before joining her. It wasn’t going to be easy, and they still had to figure out a way to help mend his starseed, even if it was only for a short time. He would probably do anything at this point. If it meant never powering up again, he’d do it in a heartbeat. There would always be other ways he could help Ganymede and the others without the guise and power of Valhalla.
It was strange how that now… now that he had his family within reach of him, it was so easy for him to think he knew what he’d decide, should he be presented with the opportunity. If it meant being with them a little longer…
Chris draped his arm over Paris’s side once they were both settled in, and while his sleep was far from restful, he was at least able to soak in the comfort and warmth and love that Paris offered.
Maybe she was right. Maybe they would get through this and look back on everything like it was just a bad dream.
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