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Baneful rolled 2 8-sided dice:
5, 1
Total: 6 (2-16)
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 Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 6:53 pm
"I wish." Rep said, and he ached, the pain running through his veins, throbbing in his head, dogging his every step and abating only when it was replaced by the more vivid sharp twinges of agony that the bruises and abrasions from his spars, drowned out for a moment before it returned.
"I wish you hadn't ******** died with her." and he wanted to fall to his knees, just let Melvin finish the ******** spar, give Marie all that she deserved. Fighting the other man was exhausting and he couldn't do it, he couldn't argue against that addicted blind-madness. He'd witnessed it in others, for some it was heroin, for others it was fighting, others it was drink, but the ends were always the same, you could scream and cry till there was ******** nothing left in you but they'd never listen.
Melvin would never listen to him.
The heal took him off guard, the first time he'd felt fear past Marie's hunger in months and months. For just a moment, a single ******** blissful moment all of the pain receded like water racing away from a shore. He inhaled, and in the time it took for that gasp the discomfort returned, adding despair to its compliment.
"You ******** forgot how to live. Its not what she would have wanted. This isnae what she would have wanted."
HP: 36/40
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 7:57 pm
"I wish I forgot to live………..then it wouldn't hurt this much."
He remembered an argument he and Rin had. A time when he had brought up Rep, when he was confused about their relationship as he had always seemed to be confused. When in the end he asked her – why was she with him? Why did she want him. Why wasn't she with someone else or happy elsewhere?
And she had told him that she just wanted him.
She hadn't wanted anything else.
And now he stood wishing the same thing in return.
He just wanted her here again and nothing else.
He wanted life to continue but better. He wanted to do right by her even moreso than had been trying to for all those months. He wanted to know time and time ago that he was making her happy. He wanted to even be a fraction of the person she thought he was, and he wanted to be there for when that attack came in order to protect her.
He wanted to be that man.
But that opportunity came and he hadn't been able to stand up. He had fallen and she had risen to keep him alive.
And now he had a new opportunity. To protect her. To help her. TO let her come back and see if she still wanted what she had said those many months ago.
And yet, that wasn't just all he wanted.
Staring at Rep, he wanted her back in his life too. He wanted them all together, happier, and for things to fit. He wanted their lives back, and the key to that was giving back Rin's.
"I take back what I said back there. That I never want to speak with you again." His gun hung limp in his hands by his side, his shoulders shaking as he regarded William.
"I hope you take good care of yourself. You and Tracy don't look well."
He pressed his lips tight, giving himself a moment. "I'm not strong enough to lose one of the people most dear to me. I won't be able to handle it if I lose two."
There was an aching behind his eyes and a twisting at the bottom of his throat, making it raw and small no matter how many times he swallowed. Something felt ready to push up to tear him down, and his head ached, too large and heavy while the rest of his body felt weak and brittle.
HP: 29/50
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:12 pm
Rep narrowed his eyes at Melvin, hating him for hte fact that he cared about him, even broken and mad.
"How do you think I ******** feel?" he said. "That dream was a trap to lure you in and you can't see it. I get to watch one of my best friends ******** used and abused because of it. You are a ******** skipping record just stuck skipping on the spot and I don't think you can hear me anymore."
He shook his head. "To you I'm already gone. If I go out there and die it won't matter. You won't ******** be there helping me, you won't be any use to the ******** living. You'll just be off chasing shadows in the dark, chasing a memory that doesn't want to be chased."
Sighing heavily he added. "You'll only be able to ******** speak with me again when you are able to listen."
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:25 pm
He was tired knew that just as Rep was trying to force him to accept his thoughts, Melvin was pushing back with his own. The only difference was that Melvin knew Rin was actually alive.
"There's more than just the dream. Things have changed since then." He said, but he knew he was going too far. Rep was convinced Rin was gone, and he didn't want the determination of his to make things his way to result in Jan getting hurt. If Rep felt certain his moment with Clarice was a dream and a trap, then he would feel that was one too.
"You don't need my help, Rep. You never did. You're doing fine without me. Everyone is." And that's what ate at him and tore at him when he saw Rep continuing on. Even when he got into trouble, it just felt like the same antics Rep always got into. He hadn't changed and that meant Melvin had made no difference in his life or out of it.
"You're a million times more useful and capable on and off this island in a billion different ways then I ever was and am. I never protected you enough to make any difference or gave back as much as Rin did. As much as you do. I just ******** things up."
He ruined people.
"It's why I always envied you."
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:26 pm
"If I look fine to you you are further ******** gone than I thought."
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:31 pm
He couldn't help but laugh though it hurt his throat to do so with as tight as it felt.
"Okay, not now. But....you've been through a lot worse, right?" Then again, he wasn't sure what Rep was going through now.
Considering that, he grew serious again. "Are you okay?"
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:35 pm
Melvin got a long tired look.
"If you want to just convince yourself I'm fine the way you've convinced yourself Rin is alive, that's ******** fine with me." he shook his head. "But if you are done sparring I've got other fear to get I guess."
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MoonKitsune rolled 2 10-sided dice:
5, 9
Total: 14 (2-20)
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:52 pm
"I that's how you want to tie it." He had no other choice. If Rep was stating that he'd close him off from his life until Rin was seen as not having her's, then Melvin couldn't give in.
For now, he had a few moments of Rep's precious time, and Melvin wanted that.
"Then we'll spar." He rose his weapon, pushing back everything.
He fired his weapon at the Sun. He wanted to ask about Tracey. He wanted to ask about the bruises. He wanted to ask about how his life was going on.
He wanted to ask how he felt and thought and did and was planning to do -
- but couldn't.
For now, he was just allowed this, and out of the conversations he had and friendships he was starting with other people, this just felt far more important than all of them.
HP: 29
Dmg: 8
Chrg: 1/3
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Baneful rolled 2 8-sided dice:
3, 6
Total: 9 (2-16)
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Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 8:01 am
"We cannae be friends as long as you are charging towards death, I wouldn't let my ******** friends die, I wouldn't just stand by and that's what you are asking me to do." He shook his head. "I wouldn't let Ace run off and ******** make some terrible mistake without trying to stop him and I tried to stop you too. Its just no help you want."
It made him feel sick, it didn't feel like Melvin, it was like something else had slithered under his skin and was wearing his body, it wasn't the man he'd known.
HP: 28/40
DMG: 3
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MoonKitsune rolled 2 10-sided dice:
8, 8
Total: 16 (2-20)
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Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 10:12 am
He was somber as Rep stated his dilemma and grounds for friendship. He had his ways, and that meant that if Melvin wanted Rep, he couldn't have Rin. Not now anyways.
"I understand. There isn't any point in you being friends with a dead person."
It was why Rep had signed him off. Maybe that was for the best. He couldn't hurt Rep this way.
"I wish it could be different."
He aimed again, the spar feeling easy and unimportant - a background to the setting. Like they were sipping coffee at a cafe.
HP: 26
Dmg: 10
Chrg: 2/3
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Baneful rolled 2 8-sided dice:
8, 3
Total: 11 (2-16)
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Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 7:52 pm
"It could be different, but you are too stubborn to ever let it be. When it comes ******** down to it you only want to listen to yourself and ******** everyone and everything else around you."
The spar itself was impartial but Melvin's attacks were severe, leaving him reeling with every shot, his newly repaired shield whittling away rapidly. "You made your statement about how important I am."
HP: 18/40
DMG: 5
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MoonKitsune rolled 2 10-sided dice:
3, 7
Total: 10 (2-20)
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Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 8:23 pm
Melvin lowered his weapon slowly before dropping it down to his side.
He was quiet for a moment as he regarded Rep, hurt filtering through his system. "You and Rin are the most important people in my life. It's why I can't choose between the both of you."And that was what Rep was asking of him. To turn his back on a friend in need, on someone who loved him, and to take a side against them.
"You killed me once during the Blue Kingdom. You said back then that you'd rather be the one to kill me instead of someone else. To save me from something horrible. That it would be on your terms. Well, I'd rather be the one that saves someone from some horrible, grim fate. Not when they can't rest easily. Not when they are asking for my help. I can't turn my back on her when she was always there for me. I can't live with myself knowing I didn't do everything in my power to answer her plea for help."
"I don't want to hurt you or anyone else." He raised his weapon once more and fired. even this close, he could barely look at Rep. It hurt him to see the other many regard him this way. To hate him and yet seemed so sad and disappointed. Rep still held the respect of a trusted friend, even if Rep had personally hurt him by turning away. Regardless, he still wanted to prove himself to the Sun that he had been and was worthy of his friendship.
HP: 21
Dmg: 4
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Baneful rolled 2 8-sided dice:
7, 5
Total: 12 (2-16)
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Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 8:29 pm
"Rin's gone. You don't need to try and ******** bring her back to prove you loved her. If you really ******** loved her you'd accept she died honourably, by our ******** side in battle and that was all she ever ******** asked. To ******** be with us, to be our ******** friend." Every time he tried to talk about it it twisted him up inside, flying in the face of all of the lies he just wanted to let himself believe. He wanted to just believe she'd be back someday - though not believing to the point of denial - he wanted to put her on a shelf so he could continue his life. But he couldn't and Melvin wouldn't stop till he too was dead.
"And you won't though, you won't save her. Even in the world we ******** live in where all sorts of s**t can happen, death is absolute. We've met him, and you were ******** there weren't you? You SAW what happened when someone tried to defy death, when Clarice managed to defy it and raise the ******** dead. The world unravelled."
His voice was raw and ragged with fury, half screaming.
"So you are trying to kill me. You ******** are. You aren't saving anyone, what you want to ******** do will be the end of everything!"
And he leapt, showing some of his old vigor as he launched himself several meters into the air, axe in tow, and brought it down on Melvin with a shattering crash of steel on shield.
HP: 18/40
DMG: 6
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Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 4:08 pm
He braced himself for the impact, letting it hit, but as soon as it did, he threw his arms away to look up at Rep. "NO I WON'T! I won't allow it! I wouldn't do anything like that to hurt you! To hurt anyone. I never want that. I just..."
He rose his hands up, pressing the side of the gun against his head with his hand clutching his hair on the other side, staring down and struggling to arrange his words, his thoughts, his feelings, and his concerns to the one person who used to be the best person for him to voice them all.
"I can't do this.....I can't........" He managed, shaking his head and stepping back. Every part of him was drained and his chest felt tight. He couldn't keep doing this. This roundabout with Rep with him pounding on him over and over with his words, dead set on saying Rin wasn't here, that Rin didn't want this, that he was making all the wrong decisions, and in the end would only hurt others.
That was the farthest thing he wanted.
"I already hurt people. The best people. I'm not going to do that now." He would try to make it clear that no one should rely on him. That he was a failure in both relationships and on missions. He was not a good hunter, and he had been an even worse boyfriend.
He would fix it and anything that happened would only be his own comeuppance.
But he wouldn't let that hurt others.
Saliva desummoned and he gripped the pen in his hands tightly as moved his hands around him and turned away, not able to look at Rep any longer when all it did was tear him apart.
"I'm sorry." He whispered and started to walk away.
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Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 7:30 pm
Rep just watched Melvin go, exhausted, injured and with nothing else to say, knowing that arguing with the man was futile and that the friend he'd known had already written himself off as dead.
And as always, there was nothing he could do to stop him.
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